Sexual Abuse: Leo Sun, Taurus Moon, Scorpio Rising


Dear Elsa,

I was sexually abused by my stepfather, from the time I was eight until I was thirteen. I went to counseling for it and thought I was pretty much over it.

A couple of months ago, one of my children came to me feeling guilty and ashamed that he had been “playing doctor” with his sister. I explained to him it was normal for kids his age but that he was not to do it again. Suddenly all these strange and horrible feelings from my abuse came back. I’ve been having flashbacks when my husband and I are trying to have sex. There have been several times when we’ve had to stop because of these flashbacks. At night I won’t even let my husband cuddle with me, because I start having nightmares about what my stepfather did.

This is really starting to affect my marriage. My husband has been really patient with me, but things just keep getting worse in the bedroom instead of better. Am I ever going to get past this? I don’t expect to be 100% but I want to be intimate with my husband again. I want to feel normal again.


Dear Suffering,

First, please adjust your expectations. Of course you can be 100% again. Matter of fact, if you heal this, you will very likely enjoy sex like you never have before. So there is hope, okay? There is tons of hope. There is hope in spades!

Now you said you went to counseling and obviously you need to go back. You need to go deeper to excavate whatever piece(s) is still stuck in you. Think of it like a weed. You lop the top of a weed off what happens? Nothing. You still have a weed. Matter of fact it grows back even stronger. But if you dig that fucker up by the root, you win!! And it takes a lot less time to do this, than it took the thing to grow. So keep that in mind.

I do think you need a professional… someone to guide you but what will really help jumpstart your process is to arrive in their office ready to fight. See, you were supremely powerless back when this happened to you – but at this point, you are an adult woman and it will help greatly if you accept and understand that these days you can kick some ass! So this is what I would advise:

Action! Don’t wait passively for things to improve. Do weeds die on their own? They don’t. They proliferate!! So get in there, and you know, I like that slogan, “Take Back The Night“. Those are very strong words. And they might help you focus on what you’re doing. Fighting for your right to a healthy sex life, that is. Fighting to get your piece of shit stepfather out of your marriage bed, you know?

You can do this. You absolutely can. Go look in the mirror. Look yourself right in the eye and use these words:

“I will not forsake you.”

Then go call a therapist and tell them you want to get down to business, and you want to do it now.

Good luck.


8 thoughts on “Sexual Abuse: Leo Sun, Taurus Moon, Scorpio Rising”

  1. Elsa: Bless you, bless you, bless you; and the work you do, the powerful alchemy and amazing transformations you perform–even daily in this blog! i was very touched by this entry~thankyou.

    To Suffering:
    Please know many out there will send their thoughts out for your Suffering to morph into Success.
    my heart to you. i’m sure you’ll find a way, and i’m rooting for you! Dig ;^)

  2. I feel for this woman in a big, HUGE way. I’ve had virtually the same problem, but my memories were repressed until I became sexually active. It took YEARS to become fully functional sexually,

  3. oops. Wrong button. *lol*

    Anyway, it takes a whole lot of conscious effort and sometimes required forcing myself through and past my comfort zones, but the payoff is wonderful.

    Best of luck to her. It’s such a hard thing to do, and I hope she gets all the help and loving support she needs.

  4. Yes….take action to fully rid your mind of the bad memories. I am so sorry you have had to go through such an awful experience. Unfortunately, many people share this difficult life chapter with you-You are not alone.

    Now, do the hard work quickly and work through the deeper, dark areas and LET GO once and for all. Because you have been dealing with this dark issue for a while, I am willing to bet you have the strength to overcome this quicker than you realize! It is up to YOU to do the work and the faster you do it, the faster you will feel better and happier!! (Your sex life will be better than ever too!)

    YOU CAN DO IT!!!
    Get to it! 🙂

    Much Peace to you and your husband!!

  5. You are absolutely not alone in this. And this is the best piece of advice I’ve seen in a long time.

    Sending you good thoughts!

  6. a good therapist is a priceless blessing. don’t be afraid to shop around for someone you click with. lots of love to you…

  7. Thank you Elsa. That is the best and most profound piece of advice for such a horrible situation that I have read in a long time. In five paragraphs you’ve summed up what every shrink has tried to tell me from the time I was eight years old.

    To Suffering:

    You can do this. And you aren’t alone. Eventually you will learn to love what you see in the mirror. It’s a long road, and it’s not easy, but you CAN do it!

  8. I think everyone heals differently and that the body and psyche have a primal, instinctive drive towards health that can be tapped into anytime.

    I dislike it when people are made to believe they can never “fully” recover from abuse or any kind of trauma for that matter. I believe one is never the same person after experiencing trauma but one can always heal 100%.

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