Elsa,
This guy is driving me crazy and I don’t know what to think or feel anymore. We went out with each other for a short blissful time that was almost too perfect, and at it’s peak, I ran for it. I have a pattern of doing this and I don’t always know why.
Well that wasn’t the end of us. I characterize our relationship as that of fire. The flame never really died down, and even after we broke up, we saw each other on and off. I felt consumed by him and the attraction we had towards each other.
The flame seemed to die down a bit and we avoided each other. He went out with someone like me, but more stable. So he’s been with this girl for over a year now. We stayed away from each other until about five months into their relationship. But once again we couldn’t stay away, so we resulted to talking on the phone and imagining being around each other instead of really being with each other. The few times we see each other, I can sense the heat and that magnetic pull and it drives me crazy!
The thing is, that fire hasn’t died down, and I’m starting to feel for this person again, and stronger than I did when we were together almost three years ago. Should I let it go, and stop talking to him forever, or are we meant to see this affair through?
Aquarian Burning
United States
Dear Aquarian,
I have a policy: I refuse to burn and pine and writhe around over a man who is with another woman. You are 17 years old and you probably don’t have many policies yet… so feel free to adopt mine, it’s a good one. Because often – especially when you have a stellium in Scorpio like yours, or a packed 8th house like mine – when you take your energy off these guys they come running for you.
Not that I am suggesting you manipulate this guy. I am just trying to tell you, I don’t think you’re going anywhere good, dreaming and pining for another woman’s man regardless of the energy that constellates between you.
That said, I admit the two of you have an intense chemistry. Thing is, as you are well aware this does not always result in a relationship that functions.
For example, say you are a concert. And say you’re in the audience there and you have intense chemistry with one of the guitar players. And this happens you know. It happens and it’s real, however chances are you are not going to wind up with that guy. Why? Because he is going to a new city the next day. And there will be another girl in the audience and some more chemistry, because this is how the world works.
So if I were you, I would use my innate Aquarian ability to detach and just figure this guy a passing-by guitar player… unless and until he breaks with the other woman and shows up wanting to be devoted to you.
Good luck.
Thanks for the advice Elsa, but I’m afraid days ago that this guy broke up with his girlfriend, and he came over my house and all bets were off. O.o’ He regretted it though, being with me and I totally tried to shut him out of my life after that, phone number deleted and everything.
It’s over even though I don’t want it to be, and he’s going through with this breakup and I guess it didn’t help that he came over not long after it happened. He tried to call me, and I didn’t pick up and he left a very emotional message on my phone.
It sucked though Elsa, because I believed I could make it work with this guy, especially after their break up. I just got out of saturn transiting my 7th house, and he survived that.I still think about him, I’m trying not to a little more every day.
Now he doesn’t have me or the ex. And I consulted my tarot cards and I asked them if anything could work out between us. It gave me the death card. So point blank, everything’s at a dead end, and I’m moving on. Thanks for your advice, it just further convinces me to try and stay away from this guy and move on with my life. I should let the past be just that.
I adopted that policy a few years ago, and Elsa’s totally right: it’s a good one.
I really like your policy, Elsa. It’s just that whenever I’m in a situation like that, I feel completly powerless towards my emotions, I don’t feel any sense of control.
I have so much to learn…(you can add this to Saggitarian quotes) 😉
it’s easy to let go when you allow yourself to see that someone’s wrapped up in someone else. how in the world could they be wrapped in you, too?
i’ve also noticed the truth in this: “when you take your energy off these guys they come running for you.”
there’s something about pulling your focus back to yourself that seems to create an odd kind of magnetic effect.
and this works on lots of people, not just the specific attraction. they just tend to pay more attention because you’ve suddenly stopped feeding them.
I’m a bit confused Aquarian Burning. You left at the peak of your relationship with him, why? Then it was on and off for a while until he probably gave up on you and found someone new…then you started back up knowing he was with someone else? I bet he was rebounding after you – you described his new girl to be a stabler version of yourself 😉 I don’t think he really got over you, judging from the fact that he came to you when he broke up with your replacement, conveniently after you two started back up again. Of course the fire has not died down, not a bit 😉 So considering this, why would you want to stop talking to him forever if you care for him? it’s obvious to me he cares for you too. And as for detaching and trying again with someone new – consider that you just may repeat this same scenario with anyone who gets you worked up! you run away when your feelings get intense…maybe instead of running away this time you can build up your tolerance and keep the one you care about?
I say this because my bf did the very same thing to me last year. But I’ve learned to accept this about him and he has learned to tolerate the heat better too. Instead of getting all excited and running away, we give each other time…and now we have something beautiful.
If you really care about him don’t just let it go without trying. Gather your courage and stay – you might surprise yourself with how good you can feel letting someone get close 🙂