Dear Elsa,
My marriage is ending, which is a very good thing. I am seeing someone else though (a Scorpio), who is adding to the confusion in my life.
He is foreign, ambitious, passionate, and exciting. When I am with him, everything seems so effortless and my problems seem manageable. Because we both are very busy people, we do not spend a ton of time together – but the time we do spend is very fulfilling. He is very demonstrative and affectionate physically and verbally, and tells me he loves me and such. However, this is all tempered with days when he is not exactly cold or ambivalent, but close to that.
He’ll be distant for days, and then jump back to being adoring and attentive. It will seesaw like this. Days that are so lovely… then days that are upsetting, because it seems like we are wasting what precious time we have together. This confuses me.
Is this all just a huge mistake? He has been patient and supportive for the most part, but there are those times when he gets almost fatalistic. There are a million other things going on in my life that make every day a trial, and he has been the one place where I feel calm and like I can be myself for better or worse. But then there are those days when his distance adds to the pressure.
I am so confused, I don’t even know what my question is. Is this worth it? I do absolutely adore him but are we just too different? Is this just crappy timing, or could this work?
Signed,
Overwhelmed
Dear Overwhelmed,
Let me read this back, simplified and from my perspective:
You have met someone new, and your life is in flux. This new person is supportive and has you energized; however he is a human being, with various patterns and quirks. The bastard doesn’t go left, left, left, left. He goes left, left, up, down, left, left…
Discovering this is part of the process of getting to know someone.
“Ah ha! My new friend is sometimes fatalistic! How interesting!”
As an Aquarian with a Gemini Moon you have the ability to detach and see this intellectually. What’s messing you up is your Venus (love) in Capricorn (serious). You think you’ve got to be building a partnership. You don’t want to make a bad investment! You don’t want to be doing anything frivolous!! If you rework your Capricorn, it can sound something like this:
“The reality (Capricorn) is that, I adore (Venus) this guy and I can see how much the relationship and his love (Venus) supports (Capricorn) me.
So rather than be frightened I am doing the wrong thing (Capricorn) by loving (Venus) this guy, I think I will take my time (Capricorn) and see if this relationship (Venus) can grow into a real partnership.
And if the relationship is not permanent, I will still value it (Venus) for what it taught me (Saturn).”
Good luck.
That’s so funny what you say about Capricorn because my Capricorn friend echoed what a Sagittarian high risk investor (very successful, who better for an insider trading job? :)) told me about how friendship is an investment in multiple ways.
Elsa,
Thank you for the perspective, reality check, kick in the pants, etc. I guess I just needed help simplifying things. I get way too involved sorting things out IN MY HEAD and thinking “what about this, what about that” instead of just being in that moment and enjoying it for what it is. Thank you, THANK YOU for helping me step out of my head!
Fellow Venus in Cap, and I think I’ll have those last 2 paragraphs tattooed on my forehead so I don’t forget them.
Brilliant and perfectly universal advice. 🙂
Gosh! I know what Overwhelmed is talking abt…I hv my Venus in Capricorn too…and i do the same ALL THE TIME. Good advice Elsa!
Hah. I love this!
Cap ASC with chart ruler Saturn in Cancer, conj Mars, also in Cancer, in my 6th house. Boy does this apply to me. Thanks Elsa. Am also getting divorced, but have not met anyone else, and not looking either. But just in case someone drops out of the sky…hoho… ;-)… I’ll be ready for ’em.
So genius.
Thank you so much for bringing back your advice column!
Thanks! I needed to hear this perspective, too, even though my chart is very different. Yes, people sure are human, and yes, it feels better to value the gifts/lessons etc. of what turns out to be an impermanent relationship rather than view it as mistake or wasted time. Ending a five year one, so… I need this reminder, thanks.
huh. just clarified a fundamental element of my venus saturn for me. thanks!
As a Venus in Cap myself… I could also use a permanent reminder. And it’s weird this was on top of the blog, as I was just looking into Venus in Cap and what it meant right before I logged in here. Cool. 🙂
So thats what he was feeling (more or less)! I’m talking about the aquarian/gemini moon with venus in cap person in my life 🙂
I am an aquarius/gemini moon/venus capricorn and I have been struggling with very similiar issues recently. There is a man in my life that I’m crazy for but who I know will not be able to satisfy me long term. At times, I can’t seem to enjoy the present that we do have for fretting over our lost future!
I find it very difficult at times to mesh the aquarius/gemini need for yeeehaw freedom/variety/individuality with the serious venus in capricorn. Its hard to enjoy the journey when you spend your time looking for the end of the path!
However….I must also say to be careful b/c once you overpower your capricorn tendencies, you may find it difficult to rally them back into action when the time comes to end the fun and get back to business. For me, its a struggle.
just searching for my life mate, enjoying the website.