Astrological Red Flags When Dating Men

red flagA reader asks:

Regarding the opposite sex: what is the number one astrology aspect or configuration that you stay away from?

As in, what, if anything stands out as a ‘signal’ or red flag for you (for you personally), and is this due to personal experiences?

Thanks for the great question!

I don’t stay away from anyone for any astrological reason. People are too complex. Also, there are exceptions to every rule and there are people who are exceptional in general! This doesn’t mean there aren’t things that catch my eye and cause me concern.

As far as a lover goes, I have always avoided really airy men. You can’t get ’em down on the bed to save your life. They’re usually not interested in me either, because I bog them down.

Also personal to me, but also widely applicable, I have concern when I see both the Moon and Venus beat up in a man’s chart. My number one rule is to run with men who like women and when I see this stuff in a man’s chart, I’m careful.

I can’t tell you that I have a lot of personal experience with men with those aspects because I don’t. My learning has come primarily from working with the charts of clients and their partners. I suspect this is because I gravitate towards men who adore and appreciate women and these are not the kinds of aspects you see in charts of men who really like women.

As an example, my husband is known to be cruel. Cruel! However, Venus and the Moon in his chart take no hard aspects as well. He would never harm a woman. This is very telling.

It’s only cases where BOTH Venus and the Moon are besieged that I pay attention. And I don’t just convict, I ask. I might ask a woman who is with a man like this, “How does he treat you”? Because being inclined in a certain way is nothing more than that.

When looking to partner, are there placements or aspects that you avoid?

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96 thoughts on “Astrological Red Flags When Dating Men”

  1. Once I met a guy who had Moon opposite Pluto,Venus opposite both Saturn and Uranus in his chart.And his Venus was in Gemini.A very complicated man…

  2. I would agree on the “harsh” aspects to Venus or Moon – someone who lacks enough self-insight and awareness will, at some point, indulge in manifesting the downsides of these aspects. Personally I don’t want anyone’s Jupiter anywhere near my South Node.

  3. Why avoid any relationship in the first place, unless you know it’s something that can lead to physical or verbal abuse? Relationships, including contact (personal or otherwise) with negative aspects should be challenged because aren’t they the things that help us grow. The ‘bad things’ are the challenges and lessons. You can never avoid it. It will always find you.

    1. Once you’ve had your fair share of lessons and challenges, you know yourself better and can make choices accordingly – seriously they are loads of challenges and stuff to fight for; it’s just easier if your are united with your partner to fight external challenges rather and have challenges both in and outside of your relationships…

    2. I use to think the same thing untill my marriage blew up in my face. The hindus explained it in a mars aspect called manglick. It use to be considered a bad position, but really it’s accounts for half the population.

      1. I use to think the same thing untill my marriage blew up in my face. The hindus explained it in a mars aspect called manglick. It use to be considered a bad position, but really it’s accounts for half the population.

  4. There are some aspects I stay away from if the person is not or has no interest in therapy. With therapy, I’m fine. Without, we’ll, I feel like there’s too much issues.

    Badly aspected moon in the fourth house, especially if it has Pluto in there. I am done dealing with partners who haven’t dealt with mommy issues.

    Moon in Scorpio, there’s a lot of brooding and shifting moods there. They gotta have learned how to process all that. With therapy, they are amazingly intuitive people, without, we’ll, the mood runs the show.

    Moon or Pluto in the 12th, especially if badly aspected or in a water sign when it’s the moon. Again, therapy. That kind self undoing is gonna take me down too, and I want off that ride.

  5. I have mars in Scorpio squaring Venus in leo and moon in Aquarius thus forming a Tsquare. Believe me, I really have to work on being nice in my relationships, I’ve had a couple of very aggressive ones. People who don’t know me well, would never suspect I can get that crazy and possessive, (libra ascendant) plus the Aquarius moon wants to be detached, Venus in Leo shows off and mars in Scorpio tries to dominate :-/…..I’m working on it thoug! Thanks to astrology…

  6. And as far as avoiding certain signs or aspects…I’d say Venus/Neptune in hard aspect, also Venus/Pluto. I love Gemini women but I’ve had enough with two ex’s. They’re just too spaced out and can never find their keys hehehe. Mars in Pisces or in 12 house with weak aspects…I prefer fire!!!

    1. Oh me in 2015…bless your little idiot heart! It’s 2017 and I’m a bit wiser. Neptune has fogged up my clarity for four long decades. Was just talking to my mom. She was talking to the woman my dad left her for in 1979 when I was six. The woman apologized and they commiserated on what a bastard my dad was. Selfish alcoholic control freak. “My dad really is an alcoholic, huh?” “Misti! You KNOW that he is.” “Yeah, but he’s high functioning. He’s always had money.” I should go to AA meetings. Went to a few with my Capricorn ex. His Venus in Aquarius exactly squares his Taurus moon and opposes his Leo Uranus…all at fifteen degrees. He also has Mars Pluto square although his isn’t as tight as mine. Jupiter and Neptune on his ascendant. Ah. Clarity.

  7. Moon square or opposite uranus men. Harsh emotions. These men are seriously detached from their emotions and are great pretenders. I have a hard time understanding how someone can profess they love you and that you are very important to them and then suddenly just not feel it anymore. Clearly their emotions are shallow if they are quick to abandon them and you. Similar to aquarius moon men but much, much worse.
    Venus square or opposite pluto – these men have issues with women. If they are over 25 then they have already met the love of their lives and messed it up badly or are beyond emotionally scarred from being cheated on (Think Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears) In that case, you will spend your whole life trying to heal the hole in their heart. They also tend to like love triangles.
    Run. Unless you are into polyamory, or have no life and want drama.

    1. I was in an on & off starcrossed thing for 11 years w/ someone: Gemini Sun, Moon opp Venus square Uranus AND venus square Pluto. Holy crap! Looking back, this explains a LOT! The only reason we lasted is his Venus was exactly conj my South Node/Saturn and the YOD in my chart and his Moon directly opposite conj my North Node all squaring my Sun/ASC/Pluto. His Pluto exact on my ASC. Ugh. I didn’t know astrology then but he would go from so loving & warm (Moon conj Jupiter) to instafreeze emotionally out of the blue. He would deny it but it was so scary to me – I’d say “it’s like you’re a split personality!” He could never stay in one physical place more than 3 days (always bouncing between 2 or 3 locations.) I have a lot of Pluto/Uranus in my chart and come to realize why I attract this over and over in partner’s signature. (I’ve got Sun conj ASC & Pluto in Libra all squaring Saturn, Merc/Uranus conj on my Sun/Moon midpoint – similar to having sun & Moon conj Uranus, Moon conj Venus in Scorp & my Mars in 8th.) Ugh!
      I’ve been seeing a Libra guy with tons of earth Moon conj Venus & Pluto in Virgo all conj his South Node. Mercury also in there exact on my ASC. Weirdly, he has the exact same configuration of Merc/Uranus conj his Sun/Moon midpoint (all on top of my Sun/ASC/Pluto.) Phew! Who knows if it will last but I feel like I “get him.”) Looking back, I realize how many of my male friends have moon square pluto. (My one longtime boyfriend had the inconjunct. He was such a sweetheart to me but his Mom was a nightmare!) I’m thinking if I had to choose I’d like the Moon or Venus pluto conjunction rather than square or opposition. They are intense but if it’s otherwise not badly aspected, they can do ok w/ a mature partner they can work things out with. I would imagine attractions are pretty specific, they fall hard early and there tends to be the theme of “the one that got away” or a very early karmic relationship. Always very guarded and slow to trust no matter which configuration of Pluto is showing up. 🙁

  8. Another recent ex is Gemini with Libra moon. Stellium in Gemini in the eleventh. Elsa nailed it. He was too airy, always flitting around like a damn mosquito. Couldn’t keep him in bed. The other two exes from last year have Taurus moons but not a tight enough trine to my Virgo moon. I’ve decided I need and want a partner who tightly aspects my Virgo moon and Pisces Mercury. And there has to be complexity. A man with an apple pie easy chart would never be able to fathom me. I’m not being a snob, just realistic. I’m a veteran of love’s gruesome battlefield. My ideal partner has to have plenty of battle scars of his own.

  9. A young man with moon 25deg in Taurus conjunct Algol in the 12th house as a handle of bucket pattern. Moon is opp Pluto in Scorpio in 6th house. Sun, Mars, Mercury in 5th house all square NN, Uranus, and Neptune in 8th house. Gemini Asc squares Venus and Jupiter in 4th house. Saturn in Aquarius in 9th house-midheaven. We all thought this brilliant & talented full ride engineering student was super–destined for grad school in MIT or Stanford until the Sheriff picked him up for Pedophilia, Internet soliciting of young girls and porn distribution. We never thought to have his chart professionally analyzed prior to marrying my daughter. His secret of the 12th house Algol, the demon star has ruined his life/career plans. Victims have come forth. Families betrayed and an infant daughter now has to be protected. Help others identify problem charts prior to hurting innocent victims.

  10. I love airy guys! My first boyfriend was a Libra and he knew what he was doing (!) – lasted for 3 years (I found him quite boring once the novelty of sex wore off). My subsequent boyfriends – 3 were aquarians – I kept in bed for a long time (no I didn’t chain them – they stayed voluntarily). Astrology says aquarians are detached, but mine have been really into sex. Strange as I have no planets in air signs although my ascendant is Libra.

  11. My most recent ex:
    Aquarius moon, packed 11th, Mars and Venus in Aries opposing Pluto =
    ZERO affection, selfish and boring in bed.

  12. Dated a Gemini sun, Scorpio moon, cancer ascendant.

    Sun in 12th conjunction black moon both opposite Saturn and Uranus in the 6th.

    Moon conjunction Pluto in the 5th both square Venus in 2nd

    Grand trine in water (1st Mercury , 5th moon-Pluto , 9th Jupiter)

    Mars conjunct Neptune in the 7th…

    If you see that please run!!!!!
    I am not joking. It was terrible –

    Emotionally manipulative and emotionally abusive. Self serving.

    Dr Jekyll and mr hide syndrome ( perfect in public; horrible in private the moment he does not get what he wants)

    The 12th house secret was/is the occult – “energy” work gone bad – think sinister “healer”.
    The sad thing was he had a gift but uses it so negatively…

    I never understood why some people with positive aspects like grand trine use it negatively?!??

  13. I have learned, the hard way, to avoid partnering with anyone having predominant placements (sun/ ascendant/ stellium) conjunct my south node. Their journey is taking them to a place/ has them focused where I have already mastered. I tend to compulsively return there because it makes me feel safe in the familiarity of the old, even if it was riddled with dysfunctional enmeshment, which distracts me from staying whole in my own path. Maybe this would not be such a big deal if I didn’t have mercury, my sun, uranus and mars conjunct my north node! Charts are complex and must be considered on an individual basis. Functional mastery is possible for everyone.

  14. Moon in Cancer=not getting up off the couch or planting roots more than a mile from family.
    Moon square Pluto=issues around personal value and needs
    Venus in Scorpio=boil the bunny
    Venus conjunct Uranus = unpredictable, here one day gone the next, especially when placed in Scorpio
    Progressed moon in Scorpio=no respect for woman
    **these are my personal expierences**

  15. Pretty much everything has negative possible manifestations with the Sun, Leo, and the Fifth House. It can easily indicate a perversion, sexual abuse, and/or abuse of children. Some of these are not worth risking.
    So, I avoid…
    *Double Sun/Fifth House/Leo, because it could manifest as pedophilia. (A triple+ case IS likely a pedophile.)
    *Scorpio/Pluto/Eighth House Suns, because it can indicate a deadly STD (the Scorpio in my friendship circle growing up), fertility problems (my brother), miscarriages, abortions, infanticide, etc. It is the worst possible placement of the Sun, and clearly the most dangerous.
    *Nessus aspects to the Sun, because it can indicate rape, molestation, child theft, or thievery in childhood. Nessus is the planet of theft, and copying.

    I’m also weary of…
    *Cancer/Moon/Fourth House Sun could manifest as pedophilia, or a pedophile victim. It could also manifest in a man who wants other men’s wives.
    *Capricorn/Saturn/Tenth House Sun men, likewise, could manifest as pedophilia, or a pedophile victim. And, it could manifest as a woman who wants other women’s husbands.
    *Gemini/Mercury/Third House could indicate twin fetishes, two-timing, threeways, love triangles, sexual experimentation with 1+ siblings, or having twins (or beyond) when having children.

    There are healthy possible manifestations of all of the above. So, I’m not completely righting off Cancer, Capricorn, or Gemini.
    But, I’m sure as Hell not touching a Scorpio, or a Leo.

    1. For the record, my own Sun is in later Virgo, in my Twelfth House, Conjunct later Virgo Pallas in my Twelfth House, which is in turn Conjunct Libra Mercury in my Twelfth House.
      I consider Pallas to rule over Virgo, and Juno to rule over Libra.
      Going into the rulership of my Mercury gets complicated.

      Yes, I do have perverted possible manifestations of my Sun. But, they’re not truly perverted. It’s just things like liking to wear lingerie.

  16. He has Sun inconjunct Neptune and Saturn opposite Mars both square to Mercury and he’s a Gemini. I was oddly disturbed when he really didn’t get the point of a film I love (clique, I know). We have a very tight Sun square Venus. He tried to physically intimidate me but I don’t scare easy (enough). It was when he talked about excuses for not paying a regular amount (no matter how small) to support his son that I realised just how self centred he is.
    A previous very timely Elsa blog also woke me up a little. Thank you.

  17. My red flag is Jupiter retro in any sign. I’ve seen downright lazy, lacking ambition, and/or just being perfectly content to let others take care of them.

  18. I’ve been reading through the comments and I see some things I can relate to. Especially that Cancer personal planets as in my ex’s case, his Moon fell into my 12th house and I have no idea what are his emotional needs but the vibe I got, it was a mother figure (and then no sex life seemed to fit right in there).
    I’m not sure if he has afflicted Venus and Moon. He has Moon inconjunct Mercury and Venus, trine Jupiter, loosely conjunct Saturn and square Uranus and Chiron. And his Venus is sesquiquadrate Pluto and trine Uranus, opposing ASC and sextiling Chiron. I guess he falls under afflicted territory? Plus, he’s an Aquarius and it seems airy types are not relationship material. 😀

  19. My son’s moon is conjunct Uranus. Hopefully I can help him to form positive relationships with women! Everything I read on this aspect is negative 🙁

    1. It might suggest he has a mother who is interested in astrology 😉 As the moon often describes the mother maybe you can name the ‘good’ Uranus elements within you and since the energy will be expressed either positively or negatively, encourage positive balanced expression of positive Uranus unorthodoxy, if that’s even a word. Hopefully you have a free spirit there. 🙂

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