This is phenomena I don’t think I’ve seen discussed really anywhere, though I’ve referenced it via another astrologer’s comment, here or there. It’s the idea, a person can be supremely physically attractive, yet still not attractive!
There are probably a lot of ways this can happen. The first thing that comes to my mind, is the person does not feel attractive. I don’t see how a person can radiate attractiveness, with a dark scribble inside.
To see this, I imagine it. An extremely attractive person, does not feel good inside. Their body language tells this. Their head angles down and their energy folds in and maybe even perverts… distorts in some way. Worse, this person is physically attractive. They’re unlikely to attract compassion. Matter of fact, people look at them in their misery and still manage to be jealous. This adds up to a “miss”.
On the other hand, there are people who are downright homely; somehow everyone can see their beauty, stream out. They are so gorgeous in some ethereal way, no one cares what they look like. You just want to be around them.
How do you think this works? Venus’ exaltation in Pisces seems to give a clue. But how would you explain this phenomena?
Here’s the bit that came from the other astrologer…
When I was a teenager, an old man told me to develop my character, because good looks only gets you the first five minutes. I was surprised when he said that, but it had the ring of truth. I’ve learned since, physical beauty is fleeting. It’s another reason to develop your “aura”, assuming you want to be seen as attractive.
This is a start, but can you think of other things that ruin a physically attractive person’s vibe?
Also, can you think of ways to better let your internal beauty express itself?
It’s the connection to your body that guarantees presence and presence is attractive per se. An attractive woman who constantly fiddles her hair or stumbles across her feet is not attractive anymore. It’s the difference between a photo and being alive.
If someone can not inhabit their body with ease and grace, it doesn’t matter much if they are pretty.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s mostly not the person’s fault. We are trained out of feeling at home in our body in a myriad of ways and it’s highly damaging.
Children are constantly berated for their natural body language which normally doesn’t know how to ‘lie’. I was told not to ‘look at people like this’ having no clue what I was doing wrong and how to change it.
Presence means to be at home in the body, feeling safe within, being totally un-self conscious and thus letting the body express the reality inside. No mixed messages, no contradictions.
That attracts other people to a person on the level of our nervous systems connecting.
Very insightful and well described. Thank you!
Thank you. This is so wise.
I have met some very attractive people. They become ugly really quick. I am usually more attracted to character than looks. How they carry themselves, confidence not arrogance.
Got to make a remark at your mentioning of arrogance. I was perceived as arrogant and haughty for years. Accused as well, I nearly sometimes believed it, I tried to change it and couldn’t. Would that not mean I am indeed an arrogant ass?
What people saw was someone who stood in a corner, observing, with a body language of leave me alone and a glazed look that scanned the environment but never connected. If someone approached me, I’ll up my defensive posture, be unapproachable, quiet or bark at people.
It was all strategy, albeit unconscious, a habit, a way to stay in my bubble. I’d learned that it works, people will leave me alone. But inside there was nothing but high anxiety, a blank mind and tons of stress.
Keeping it up afforded a lot of energy while I felt alone, basically unseen.
The real me was concealed behind an arrogant facade.
This, if it’s a habitual strategy that started in childhood, can not be changed at will, not even with insight. A person needs to feel safe to drop defences and the decision about safe or unsafe is not made by the mind.
I’ve often berated and criticised myself for feeling unsafe in situations that others found easy and pleasant. I’ve made conscious decisions to push though. I took classes to learn small talk.
Until I understood that I’m up against a set of hardwired survival responses that originate in my body and not character flaws.
That changed my life, my perspective and my relationship to my body.
Seeing through and beyond other people’s defensive behaviour, they struggle to change just like I did. No more judging myself, no more judging others based on outward clues. What I’m seeing might be my interpretation alone and nothing to do with the reality of the other person.
Was I arrogant? Yes, I played it well. Did I really feel superior to the other? No, never. It was all irrational fear.
I appreciate so much how you tell us your inner journey. Safety is a felt knowing. And is perhaps why the process of “felting” is one of purposeful compressions to create such density.
You have given me a version of humanity to appreciate and felt. My shoulders drop with understanding. Thank You.
My mother criticised how I looked very early in my life, I was under 5 when it began. My face, my teeth, my ears, my legs, the colour and quality of my skin. Taking me to physicians to find a way to fix it but never being able to fix it. Nothing to fix, of course, so they couldn’t. And I was left feeling less than perfect in every way. I have hated, detested, loathed my physical self for as long as I can remember – deep shame. For nothing. My sisters the same.
I’m sorry you suffered this. Sounds like mental illness on her part… with you paying the price. 🙁
I think so too, Elsa. Thank you for acknowledging. I did, somehow, build strength from within.
This would be a good time to roll it up in a ball (metaphysically) and flush it down the toilet. That’s it. You’re free!
There is a chant, and ancient ritual that is exactly as you describe, Elsa. Yes!
great advice….!
🧡
@PlutoPussycat I’m sorry too you had to go through that. I had a bit of that too. Mom called me vain, then bragged to people “isn’t she beautiful ?” then said I should try to model, then she called me anorexic when she and the Agency asked me to lose weight and I got down to 110 at 5’7”. When I gave it up and just got back to a normal weight, she called me unattractive and would never meet a nice man being fat. Told me constantly to stand straight though my self esteem was in the dumps.
I hope you find peace and can heal. 🩷🦋
Bless you, thank you so much,AJ, for your kind message. 🧡 And I am so sorry you experienced this too.
Your history also rings a bell. Reminded me when I was ‘thinner’ I was Too Thin, (well of course) and she made a huge production of this 🫠
Sending best to you. I am preparing a list that before the end of this week I’m going to ball up and FLUSH.
That was good advice! I may try that.
Hang in there @PlutoPussycat.
A physically beautiful person with a mean spirit is one of the most unattractive things I can think of.