The other day I heard of someone I like feeling lowly so I right away sprung into action. I broke out the email, pics of my wedding, pics of happy people around here and sent them along with some blathering, a little story of my life at the moment. My husband likes the guy too so he also took action, he called and left the guy a message.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“I said hi and told him my wife was sending him some blathering.”
“You did not.”
“Yeah, I did. ”
I shrugged but a few hours later it hit me. WHY did I send that mail? WHY did I do it?
First thing, I haven’t talked to the guy in more than a year and before that, YEARS. What the hell was I thinking? How embarrassing am I, anyway? The guy is the soldier’s friend, see. I mean, I know him but only through my husband so you see the deal here – Elsa P over the line yet again.
I muttered some comment about how tiresome it is to continually realize you’re out of your mind after the fact. To realize you leaped without looking. To realize that your leaps of faith are not only foolish but can cause harm. To realize that it is no way apparent that your heart is good and/or well meaning and to just have to live with it.
But then today I heard back from the guy. He said it was the best email he’d had in a long time and I felt so glad and confused.
Saturn Neptune, see? It seems the “right thing” so I do it but I never know if I am deluding myself so one has to be afraid and I am.