Competing In Relationships

Hi Elsa,

I seem to always be closely linked to aquarian men. My brother, a man I was in a relationship with for close to a decade, and now, someone I work with. All three of these relationships have felt competitive in some way. My brother was the youngest child for many years until my arrival. My ex really wanted to “win” at the relationship and my co-worker seems to have decided that he and I are competing for something, but in the working environment we are in there really isn’t anything to fight over.

I am wondering is there an indicator in my chart that shows of relationships, conflicts, etc., with uranus energy? And is there a way I can break down the competitive walls that seem to be put up in these relationships?

Competing With Aquarius
Birmingham, AL

Dear Competing,

Your chart shows someone who competes in relationships, but you’ve got the wrong culprit!  Competition has nothing to do with Uranus. It’s Mars all the way!

Sure enough, you have Mars conjunct Mercury conjunct your ascendant.  You are most definitely going to fight with the “other” (aspect to your descendant). Siblings are Mercury-ruled so it’s the same thing going on with your brother.

I also notice that Mars squares your Moon in Virgo. Virgo tends to see themselves as innocent maidens. I’m not saying you do this, but I’d think about it.  Because the ruler of your Moon is Mercury, which again pulls in Mars.

Last, Neptune opposes your Mars, exactly. It’s not surprising your own anger and desire to compete eludes you. Check this out:

And is there a way I can break down the competitive walls that seem to be put up in these relationships?”

That sounds like you want to heal things but it you read it carefully, what you really want to do is prevail.

*Note – this is not meant to criticize you. I am super Marsy myself…

When you meet someone, do you try to win?


14 thoughts on “Competing In Relationships”

  1. Super Marsy myself… I think it’s common to attract those that want it too.

    Would you say Mars opposite Pluto tends toward this?

    Dated a guy with mars in Taurus opposing Pluto in Scorpio and man oh man it felt so

  2. I am super cardinal Uranian, so I know well and can vouch for the pain in the ass that the energy conflicted in Birmingham is dealing with.

    We’re assholes and we know it. We know the only way to better ourselves is to always put effort into competing against others. What’s difficult, I think, is when one for some reason (I would venture to say often times issues with trust) can’t see that it’s not about pushing others lower. It’s about raising ourselves up, and anyone else around we can that trusts and accepts.

    My best friend, a ’71 Aqua with Pluto on my Sun and Moon on my Pluto, helped me understand all of this.

    My daughters’ mother has Mars opposite Pluto, Pearl; I agree with your assessment whole-heartedly, because, you know… law of attraction. Different reasons, same energy expression of urge for competition.

  3. She wants to end the competitiveness? Simple – let the other person think they have “won”. If this is difficult for her to do, then the problem is her own unconscious need to compete.

    I also have Mercury-Mars conjunct in a stellium with Jupiter and Sun in Libra in House 4. I compete at being cooperative!

  4. Love the advice questions! They are extra intetesting. Reading how Elsa breaks down a person’s chart to some of its foundations is always fascinating and a real learning experience.

  5. I’ve known a lot of Aquarians, and I’ve never gotten the feeling that they were competitive. Actually, just the opposite; they were often so detached, too detached in fact, that they could care less about the contest.

    I consider myself competitive – sometimes. My husband is ultra competitive though, with his Mars conjunct his Ascendant.

    1. People always ask me if I’ve been in the military. I’m always thinking WTF I’m old and fat how could you possibly think that? haha.

  6. anonymoushermit

    I’m too sensitive to be Marsy, I’m your typical Pisces Sun. 🙂

    Love the blog, very mind-opening. Has made me less judgmental of people. Also has made me happy through hard times.

  7. Hi Elsa,
    This is true for me. I am with an Aquarius, and we are competitive in our relationship. Together 5 yrs. Me: Taurus Sun, Leo rising, Leo Moon, Gemini Mars and Venus. He: Aquarius Sun, Libra rising, Scorpio Moon, Leo mars, Cap. Venus, it is very affectionate, and also challenging. There is a feeling of natural growth with us.

  8. SuperMars here too! With Neptune rising there can be a bit of a blind spot and attraction for others to compete with you. I used to feel hurt about this and confused, a bit victim. Why do they do this? It’s because you are so damn awesome and they can’t deal with it! Ha! How Mars is that for me to say? I would never have said this before now – I may have thought it in passing, but not dared to say it, now it’s as plain as day.
    Thanks Elsa for highlighting my SuperMars for me, I was confused as to what my chart ruler is, Neptune is a smidgeon off 5 degrees away from my Ascendent but now I know it’s Mars who is the boss, or even if I choose to make him the boss its basically making everything a whole lot simpler. Simple is powerful : )

  9. It’s really great the way you analyse the dynamics of a chart.
    It helps to understand cause and effects of situations where a person doesn’t know “where it’s coming from”, or why. Especially interesting concerning people who can’t imagine it might come from them! (I know a few like this… always amazed at their blind spots. It often makes me wonder about me – am I like that too???)
    I’ve got Mars 2° before the ascendant (in 12th), in Libra. I don’t feel competitive, but I don’t like to lose!

  10. Recently, I’ve begun to take a look at how I come off to people and how I might modify my approach. I have Mars conjunct the ascendant. Mars is 1 degree behind and like Satsun said, I don’t feel competitive. However, I’m not blind to the fact that I can come off as quite authoritative. I guess that would be my mars and ascendant in Leo. So, I’m looking for a way to come off softer. I don’t know if it’s possible 🙁

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Scroll to Top