Why Do I Have Trouble Ending Relationships?

Libra shirtI was talking to a gal about the fact she does not seem to have the ability to leave a relationship. The men have to leave her, typically on their own volition though it would be hard to say that she has no play in the situation.

I’m exactly opposite her. I’ve never had a problem ending a relationships (where there were no children were involved).

Either extreme is probably not optimal but I when I imagine wanting out of a relationship, but being dependent on the other person to end the thing, I cringe. I just can’t imagine that kind of powerlessness which is easy to understand, given I have action-oriented, Mars in Libra in the “leaving-ninth-house”!

I do think people tend to be one way or the other.

Who ends most of your relationships? You or the other? Can you tie this to your chart?

39 thoughts on “Why Do I Have Trouble Ending Relationships?”

  1. When I was younger I had no problem leaving a relationship. It still took me awhile, but once I got going I was a Juggernaut. Nowadays I find myself stuck in a holding pattern, I don’t know if there’s some planetary transit going on or if it’s just Saturn in Libra making me indecisive.


  2. Depends. I could see how I wouldn’t want to leave in the sense that I don’t want to give up. If I am still fighting, I will, probably get left. If it’s not something I’m passionate about, I’m out of there.

  3. no doubt in my mind, I’m the leaver. I’ve only been left..er..uh..well, I can only remember one time. And that was after dating for only 2.5 months or so.

  4. I’ll add I have Mars conj Uranus in Libra plus loads of cardinal. So if I smell a breakdown/rejection coming in a relationship..I’m gonna control it and be the one to bolt first.

  5. I’m the leaver too. I have never been dumped really once I’m in a relationship. Dating, sure, I have had guys who didn’t want to go further, but that was never really a big deal to me minus once.

  6. I have ended all my previous relationships. But it’s not an easy decision to make! Usually it involves extreme emotional stress and a lot of doubting myself. Exhausting! I’m not sure how my chart plays into it. mars virgo perhaps? Sun square saturn (doubting my self), venus square pluto? It would actually be refreshing if the other person ended it first lol. If someone doesn’t want to be with me–nooo problem! I will just move right along! But having to make the decision myself– mind numbingly difficult for me.

  7. I have Mars in Taurus in the 9th house. In the past I’ve always been the leaver.

    Elsa, can you expand on what you say about the ninth house being the leaving house?

    I read somewhere that if you have Mars in the 9th, it’s a good idea to live a good distance away from your in-laws as you will have trouble with them. Or maybe it was if you have Mars in Taurus, but I think it was if you have Mars in the ninth.

    I do have trouble with my in-laws and it would be one of the main reasons if I were to leave present relationship, although not the only one.

  8. Rachel, I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I also have Mars in Virgo, as well as Sun Square Mars and Sun Square Jupiter. I tend to do most of my mourning while still in a relationship.

  9. I’m the bolter. Can’t explain it. I’ve contradicted myself so much with relationships. Wanting to be in one, but freeing myself every. Time. It’s just liberating to break up with someone, even if I want to be with them. (?)

    Uranus in 7th house Libra. Damn, LOL. I want something serious, so I leave it’s not.

  10. I tend to get left and frankly I prefer it that way. They always come back and I always say no…that is very annoying. You better be damn sure you want to leave because the gate swings one way only. I dunno–Taurus?

  11. Hmmm… tough one to answer – Venus in Cap will do almost anything to keep a relationship going (after all that investment!)… and Taurus Moon is hard to shift.

    But looking back, it’s around half and half, and usually the relationship was terminally malfunctioning by then anyway, eg my marriage, which my ex decided to end. But I ended an early engagement – I just realised this lovely guy was wrong *for me*.

    Quite often, when I’ve ended something I’ve gone back and given the guy another chance – one in particular, several chances. When I end something because things aren’t working out between us – basic needs are not being met – it’s usually with the clear implication that if the guy changes his attitude and behaviour, we can try again.

    A few of my important affairs had a built-in self-destruct anyway – the guy or me was leaving the country, existing partner, etc.

  12. I hear a lot of you up there.I’m the leaver.I’ll take some shit,but when I’m done,I’m done.I’d rather leave than be left anyway and that’s just how it happens to happen.

  13. Elsa – snap! Mars in Libra in the 9th house here. You’ve just decsribed me to a T in personal relationships (so far – crossed fingers), but being quite inexperienced in astrology thats not what I would’ve expected mars in libra to be! I’ve been blaming mars in libra for my lack of assertion/inability to leave in the career sphere! Seems it’s a bit more complex than that! Also got venus in libra in the 9th house too. Have to say, every time I look at this blog I learn something valuable – I just wish I’d been looking at it a couple of years ago. It would’ve definitely helped so much in stressful times!!

  14. Hm, that’s interesting that you point out mars in libra in the (leaving) 9th as contributing to this characteristic of yours.

    Do you mean this in the sense that the 9th is all about freedom, traveling, and bigger ideas? I have mars in the 3rd, so I am not sure if this has a similar effect as having mars in the 9th?

    I do do all the leaving. It’s almost pathological. I’ve read that chiron in opposition to uranus might do that to you. And ceres conjunct uranus perhaps. And Uranus in general trining all my stuff (so even easy aspects, in heavy doses can shape you to be like this). What do you think? 🙂

  15. With the long term relationships, I am the leaver. With the short term ones, it seems about half and half. I realize I prefer to do the leaving!

    If the 9th house is about leaving, then that makes sense -I have Jupiter.

  16. Before this marriage (and my kids) it was an even split. I have moon conjunct jupiter amoung other jupiter aspects, so moving on is not hard for me. This time, however, I have kids and my moon/jupiter is in cappy, so there’s lots of responsiblity that I just can’t shun. I don’t know if I have the strength or could leave,

  17. It’s me who leaves, pretty much every time. I can analyse it all I want, but the bottom line is; being alone is better than wasting my time, building something with the wrong person.

    I have stuck around long enough to build a life with someone, to my profound detriment. I surrender.

  18. more on this (because I thought about it a lot today). I think I prefer to be left, because if I left on my own accord I might waffle. Try to get back or something, my Neptune would snag me like a fish in a net. But if they leave I can work a whole different angle to the thing…I can tap my pride, for example. I can make a hard fast rule (this is the point of no return).

    A lot of my girlfriends are go back and forth types…the common denominator was that they’d say “I’m leaving” and not stick to it. SO I decided: they can go. Go. Go away and fuck off! LOL

    I think I’m talking in circles now, just blathering…carrying on!

  19. Befor I got marries I was the one who always was let go and it id a number on me( Aries sun sag rising tariffs moon)
    So much so I still never got it!

  20. I have been left twice out of *coughmublecough* relationships, but they’ve definitely stuck out for me.

    I wouldn’t consider myself the leaver, though, even though that’s what happened in the majority of cases. I realize this is going to sound extremely cold of me, but even if I’ve been seeing someone for, say, six months to a year… if I’m not invested, I don’t feel like I’ve “left” when I break it off. I feel like it didn’t work out and oh, well, them’s the breaks.

    It’s hard to explain.

  21. When I get to the point when I know it’s not going anywhere (and i’m not in love), I’m out of there! (Sadge Sun + 3 other planets including first house mars). But if I’ve fallen in love, I try to make good of my ‘investment’ and have more cling than velcro (venus in cap re: investment / moon in pisces, moon square neptune, strong scorp asc, saturn in cancer re the cling!)

    Having many softer ‘mutable’ aspects makes me really work hard to work it out, but usually at the expense of compromising my own needs. it took me 5 years to get over an 11 year relationship, which makes me laugh now at the waste of energy! Though I had pluto transiting my sun at the time.

    Am finally now in a stable and loving relationship with another double water / fire type

    Hope this is helpful

  22. Depends really for me but honestly I can hardly get anything off the ground from the start. Guys will chase me forever for a date then moment I say yes…..GONE. Im lucky if I even get the date they have been chasing me for :/ breaks me sometimes, I think its my mars/neptune. For me though no matter who is first to make the break, emotionally I will shockwaves that can last for months/years and in that case they have left before I’ve began to process it- Pluto conjunct Venus .

  23. Most times it’s mutual. Usually because I give until I have nothing left and fall in a heap. There’s nothing left. Was reading Spiller and McCoy this morning about neptune in libra. There’s one for you, indecision in the fog. They mention learning to maintain personal integrity in relationship for libra neptune. I think I am starting to learn that, but am in no way in shape for that one on one thing yet. A long long time ago I had one of those long computerized astro analyses done and it said I would marry late in life, so I am planning on a nursing home wedding. : )

  24. I leave. Always. But I give plenty of warning, so…
    Thing is, they have no reason to leave me. Probably the dynamic is, I give and give, they like that, I get resentful about overdoing it, I leave.
    I guess I am the one screwing it up with boundaries. That’s what I get from what I just wrote. (And I attract selfish ppl- sag & leos, historically)

  25. I have Saturn in Leo, in the 9th. FEAR of leaving! Powerlessness. It’s hard for me to be courageous enough to cut the cord on relationships, no matter how bad they are.

    Right now I’m having a hard time leaving Facebook, my bank, and my job, all because of fear of others’ disapproval. (Leo!)

    With guys, I have left a couple of them. One because he cheated on me (I still tried to be friends with him, but it made things worse.) The other one pretty much stopped hearing from me. That was me leaving.

  26. Usually the other person. I’m bad at it. I was arguing with the bartender about being friends with exes. He said, how could you hate someone you loved for so many years? And strike them off the record? It made me feel like a sociopath.. because I always thought it was healthy to leave a relationship that isn’t working. And that I judged a woman for hanging out with her alcoholic ex.. even though they broke up a while back.. and his current girlfriend enables his drinking. The bartender was uncomfortable when I chided her

  27. I’ve been the one to leave every one of my relationships, except one.

    Mars in Libra in 9th,like you, and, Uranus in 7th: once I’ve decided I’m going, I go!

  28. I’m a Taurus Sun, 8th house. Pluto, in Virgo aspecting my chart ruler and all the planets aspecting her, harmoniously.

    In romantic relationships, most often, either I cut ties, or, was happy that it was definitely done. In friendships, it’s been a mixed bag: I’ve been cut out more often than the rare times I did the breaking off. Hmmm.

  29. Maybe it’s my Libra Mars but sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. I’ve ended things pretty easily a bunch of times. And then there are the times I’ve hung on and on and on and on… (I’ll blame my Cancer stellium for that.)

    1. Yes, a cancer would. My south node here.
      And jupiter. But not conjoin.
      Just look at Angelina Jolie. She has both.
      Bad ass mars , jupiter and north node aries and a cancer venus. Rising too. She has both going on.
      I think that in itself cause indecision in relationships. She became absolute with it all. Strong.
      I think a mixture causes wavering at first.

      Mars in leo versus mars in pisces, different for sure.
      I had two cap mars daughters. Not a lot of wavering.

      Cap would not. Libra would go the logical route for fairness. So they would leave a bad relationship.
      Not real sure who would stay.

      I think the fixed would have hang ups leaving at first. Scorpio and Taurus like a steady Pace. Not a lot of drastic changes.
      Aqua and Leo like their turf. For different reasons.
      Their space is all the fixed. Hard to change.

  30. Not sure. I have mars in taurus square venus in aqua. Mostly a water chart. I have no idea , maybe cap rising, strong saturn. I leave. Even with my children.

    I dread pluto in aqua. I have 2 t crosses. I will have nothing but harsh aspects the whole transit. Except wonder does pluto chase progressions??. Sun in gemini. My progressed sun.
    Like saturn chasing square the progressed moon.

    Anyone see this?? Or would it work. I see pluto entering aqua, yikes.

  31. I hang on until I’ve had enough – long past time. Wanting to leave but don’t want to due to emotional attachment. (Moon in 9th)

    Things get dragged out when they shouldn’t be dragged out.

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