Am I An Idiot? Hard To Say…

Now speaking of confusion…

I met my editor, HQ, in 2002. He had been reading my original blog for about a year and he contacted me about putting a book together.

That first phone call, I really went off on him. I have that Mars Mercury conjunction and I just started swearing and yelling. HQ is a gracious man and he had called with this generous offer. I responded by telling him to piss off, except I used a lot more colorful language, just ask him.

But when destiny is involved none of this matters. The relationship progressed in spite of me, and this dialogue is from the second or third conversation, I don’t remember which:

“So what are you? Are you some kind of idiot savant?” he asked.

“Huh?” I said. “Idiot?”

“No. Not an idiot! I don’t mean that,” he said. “Idiot savant. It means…”

“I know what it is!” I snapped. “I know what an idiot savant is. You want to know if I am Rain man? Are you kidding? No I’m not Rain man! No, I’m not an idiot savant for Godsakes. Are you serious? You are seriously asking me if I am an idiot savant?” I shook my head on my end of the phone. “Well hell, HQ. I don’t know. Maybe I am. Maybe I am an idiot, and I don’t know it. No one has ever told me this before, I can tell you that. So you’re actually telling me you think I’m an idiot? This is what has occurred to you as an explanation for me?” I was completely discombobulated.

HQ mumbled, trying to backpedal some, “No. I don’t think you’re an idiot. I was just wondering… er, never mind. It’s just… just forget I even said that. I never said that…”

But I’d quit listening. I was too busy trying to think quickly and figure out if I was an idiot and if so, what type.

That was five years ago and HQ and I have become close friends since. And I don’t think about this conversation that often but as I was writing that last piece about visiting him in New York, I recalled it. Because while I was there, I collided with one of HQ’s peers. His business partner, specifically.

And I’d met this man before, briefly. We were introduced at HQ’s wedding so I had an opinion of him and it’s very favorable. His energy is very upbeat and he’s super friendly, big smile. Further, he’s smart ashell and in fact he put this blog together for me even though I don’t even know him, so what more do you want in a person?

But anyway, as I was writing yesterday I was thinking about seeing this guy and about people I have met via HQ, in general. And they all seem to look upon me a little strangely. They look at me as if I am a curiosity or something which is fine, because it’s valid. I am a curiosity, this much I know.

But yesterday it occurred to me that for all I know, HQ tells people something like this:

“Look. I’m bringing Elsa. You’ll like her. She’s very interesting. She’s an idiot savant but don’t mention because she has no idea and if you say anything, she’ll get really pissed…”

Ha ha ha

Now I think I imagined this but you never know! Most the world thinks I am volatile, and I don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

Swing one helmet at one dick when you’re a kid and that’s it! You’re tagged for life!

skip to Introducing Reality to the Deluded

How are you tagged? What does the whole world think of you?

5 thoughts on “Am I An Idiot? Hard To Say…”

  1. Elsa, I have spent the last year marveling the fact that what a person emits to the world is not necessarily what the world gets.
    What you think you are projecting and what is, in fact, projected!

    Seriously, I think about this a lot. As to how I am perceived, well you don’t know until you ask, I guess.

  2. I don’t know how I’m tagged, but I’m constantly amazed that what people take away isn’t what I think I’m offering. Does that make sense?
    I agree with Kashmiri. There! That makes sense! 😀

    One thing most people agree on is my intelligence. And aggression.

  3. Avatar
    Strawberry Fields

    How are you tagged? What does the whole world think of you?

    I dunno… right now I just want to tell you that Michael Lutin’s book (SunShines) just came in the mail and I am howling like a madwoman.

    I am not normally a fan of his but I have to admit that he’s got my number in ~this~ book! Holy friggin cow!

    I’ve only read the parts about my Nodes and my Sun, and man… other than a few cliched lines of standard fare regarding my Sun sign… has he nailed some fresh insights!!!

    Well, actually, I think I already ~knew~ all that he is saying — he just *DRUMMED IT HOME* very concisely and unequivocally!!

    It’s really gonna help me get, and keep, my head out of the sand. And I now have a handy checklist of what I need to finish working on (in myself). It actually coincides with all the inner work/therapy I’ve been doing.

    Anyway… you had recommended this book a while back, when it came out. So: thank you! I’ve barely touched it yet and it has already paid for itself.

  4. I have all sorts of tags depending on who you ask. The worst though is that I AM a bit volatile but I seem quite demure in person so when an eruption occurs people are completely shocked. Maybe it would help if I were more obviously tagged.

  5. Lupa, I have experienced the same thing. I can be volatile if pushed to be. The thing is, my buttons aren’t so easily ‘tagged’ that when I do the old F-U, some people are shocked.
    But they tend to be the people who are quick to pigeon-hole anyone.

    I think that the thing about me that shocks some people is that I actually stick up for myself and don’t back down when someone is treating me badly. I have no fear of saying: “Your behaviour hurts my feelings and the fact that someone I love hurts me pisses me off.”
    This trait has resulted in me being tagged (in turns, by different people): confrontational, volatile, admirable, a psycho, honest, honorable, not worth the effort, a dipshit, a priss, a goddamn superhero who’s got your back.

    Frankly, I don’t have the energy to even contemplate all those labels!
    All I know is that I am good at articulating my feelings verbally and communicating my pain to other people.

    And, um, if you touch me inappropriately, you’re likely to get a slap. I have no control over this…it’s the result of a personal history that includes violence. You grab, I slap. So don’t effen grab!

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