I was discussing the What’s a Married Man To Do When A Woman Flirts With Him? post that inspired such passionate reaction with a pal. I explained I wouldn’t spend 5 minutes with a man who would flirt in a bar like that and I realize that many will read this and believe I am delusional.
That’s because they project their experience but I’ll tell you something, I am not a stupid woman.
I have pretty good idea who I am running with. I have never in my life had to cry, look what he did to me. Ao I just want to tell you about these other kind of men and how this works. This is not because I think I am superior because I surely don’t. I just want to create a reference point for women who might have use for one. Just in case your mother didn’t tell ya, see?
I require a lot of energy. I don’t deny it, I don’t hide it and any man who gets anywhere near me sees and feels and knows this. Matter of fact, there has never been a man in my life who was not afraid he did not have enough energy for me and this would be a real concern.
This is not because I ever threatened a man (though I have warned a few not to bore me). It’s just very clear if you want me for your girlfriend, you better have some energy and you better know how to focus it.
I return the favor of course so the fact here is a man who is with me is busy. He’s got demands on him and it takes everything he has and if he’s going to run around… if he is going to spread his energy around, he is simply not going to have enough to sustain a relationship with me.
You’ve got to keep your eye on the ball, that’s just all there is to it and I am SURE that every single man who has ever spent more than a week with me in my life would tell you this is true.
So while other people don’t mind their men out leaking their energy all over the place and I completely understand that… I do and this other scenario exists. I am telling you it does. The circuit is closed.
So women who think they can get any man, well maybe they can. But if they can get mine, I wouldn’t want him anyway. I’d consider him a commoner for one thing and who wants one of those?
There are many types of intensity. Those of us who want to mine the gold produced by alchemical process keep the lids on our relationships and if you try to penetrate you’ll find yourself thrown to the wolves.
We just won’t entertain distraction because it’s not entertaining to us. It’s not our “currency”, see? We want the gold and the gold only so when you approach us to try to interfere, not only do you not have anything we want, you threaten our access to the thing we do want and people like me will turn you away every time without question.
Again, this is no remark on people who have other currencies. I could care less what another person’s currency is. I am just telling you that this is mine and I am not alone.
Astrologically, I think we’re talkin’ about Pluto types here. The soldier puts it very succinctly, “I am interested in depth rather than breadth.”
There are lots of ways to be and this is one of them.
Alright, this is my very basic astrology knowledge lol.
I’ve got Scorpio descendant, and also, pluto trines both my sun and moon. I take this to mean intensity, both inside and out?
I am pretty intense, and quite a handful (in both good and bad ways lol) for whoever I am with. I don’t think anyone I’ve ever been with has matched my level ofintensity, so definitely, they don’t have the energy to go spread it around 😀
Like you said, I want the “gold” and anything else, to be honest, pisses me off. Depth is definitely what I am searching for.
I would completely lose interest in any man who has me and would choose to flirt. Temporary ego boost vs. something real? I don’t need someone so superficial. Pluto in the 1st and Scorp stellium.
Thanks for pointing out the Pluto thing– maybe it explains (with 7H Saturn) why I can only believe someone is serious if he wants to marry me. I’ve often felt anti-feminist in the past for this proclivity, but I think now I’m old enough that I no longer care. I’ve had other women “advise” me to be more coy and reel ’em in, i.e., that I shouldn’t be “demanding”..but I’ll read him the Riot Act if necessary and he can shape up or ship out. I’m a great girlfriend/wife, and he better be aware of it. I see all his good points and he gets credit for them all. I give everything I have, so why shouldn’t I receive the same? (Libra Venus)
(I’ve had a very satisfying revolution in my realtionship thanks to Elsa’s consult, btw, and all my fair demands have been met. I encourage you all to try it!)
A consultation, I mean, not random, unfocused revolution! 😉
Oh I’ve never heard it put this way before-yes, energy is precious, and the other person has to match it.Besides the emotional energy I put into things, I just would get bored with someone for whom attention is a big part of his identity. I mean, if I get bored with friends who are boys boys boys all the time, why would I want a boyfriend like that? As much as I can envy flirts, being friends with them has usually proven to be BOrring.I mean, there are so many subjects/things to be interested in, so much to life that you can use to define who you are, and things that can last beyond a certain age also. And on that note, who is aging better—Paris Hilton or Meryl Streep? Hmm…
Oh I should have used a guy example to avoid the judgment track but I can’t think of any-George Clooney is still hot. Dammit.
This is really juicy…I seriously admire that Mars/Mercury. I know you’ve mentioned before different things about your writing since Saturn in Virgo, but I’m digging this stuff. It’s like an arrow *ping* to a light switch in my brain.
I admit that sometimes other people’s “currency” baffles me. That blog about the flirts in bars, it’s hard to relate to because I am with a man who’d be like: “Oh god, you’ve just reminded me of one of the reasons I don’t like to go to the bar.”
I have Venus opposed Pluto.
Brilliant post Elsa. I think you get what you agree to put up with (consciously or subconsciously). It is something I am consciously working on due to a pluto transit. Love the comment about depth rather than breadth. I have a very small circle of friends rather than a huge bunch of acquaintances but I would die for them. Sun conjunct pluto, pluto square moon and scorpio rising.
At this stage of my life I have discovered how to make all of my conflicting needs work. My partner and I have a very intense and focused relationship that is also open sexually. I’ve never seen any other couple who has exactly what we have so even if I could convey it I doubt anyone would believe me. Being sexually open while very committed emotionally actually increases our intimacy as a couple while at the same time honoring those we invite in. There are very clear, well discussed boundaries about how we do things and that helps keep us both feeling safe.
Gemini sun, Mercury,Jupiter and North node in the 7th contrasted with Scorpio moon and ascendant. I have a compelling need for intensity as well as variety and expansiveness in partnership.
Factor in Virgo Mars, Pluto and Uranus in the 10th and you may understand that I feel a need to serve in this capacity particularly if you see the virgin/whore aspects of Virgo.
“So women who think they can get any man, well maybe they can. But if they can get mine, I wouldn’t want him anyway.”
I agree completely.
Women who think they can get any man, well, they get the lightweights (if 35+)/BOYS (if 35-) So – good riddance!;D (Sometimes I can’t resist generalizing;)
Do you “talk with your hands” Elsa? (Mars/Merc)
I’ve only done the “look what he did to me” once and that’s all it took haha. I think I was 18-19 yrs old.
Jilly, yeah. I flirt with them too… to a degree that is HONED.
The soldier had Venus in Gemini… hands matter. All the girl singers he likes do things with their hands…
LMH – yeah, I don’t even think I’d be hurt if a man cheated on me. I realize most probably don’t believe me but it’s true. I’d just shrug. I have a 7th house Uranus after all. I have Venus sq Neptune… I can transcend on all of a day. Matter of fact, I couldn’t *NOT transcend if I wanted to.
It’s not happened to me but if it did I would think it was a big joke.
“My boyfriend slipped on a banana peel, his dick fell into another woman. What a dipshit… he’s on his own now.”
it would be like Murphy’s law to me… Capricornish. But I seriously don’t run with these types. With one notable exception, all the men I have ever spent significant time with have had very few lovers. They just don’t spread their dick around… it’s just not something they do.
Lupa your relationship with John sounds great. I wish someone would link to that video he made for you again, it makes me so happy to see people in love.
I wanted to add, too, that if anyone in my relationship goes to the bar, it’s me. I used to go all the time after work when I lived in england, it’s what people do over there.
I flirt with people that I know well. But my “flirting” is in fact an extension of my endearment towards them. I’m cautious to a fault about what kind of vibe I put out there with the opposite sex. I would never flirt with a stranger at the bar because when I’m out socially in a setting where there are a lot of men I don’t know, I’m on guard. I’m safety aware. Plus I don’t see enough of my girlfriends so when I go out with them I just want to yammer away with them and not get tired out by a stranger.
My boyfriend just cannot handle all (what he feels) is intensity at the bar, which I think is the result of growing up with an alcoholic, he hates the environment, but I worked in bars, so I see it differently.
I don’t flirt by nature, but I don’t mind those who do. To me it’s just a neutral thing, amusement, entertainment, there are no feelings attached. But if it starts to require time, effort, feelings, and takes up space in their mind/heart, it’s turned into something else. I want that stuff for myself, but I won’t demand or ask…they should figure it out on their own. I’m low maintenance on the surface, but they quickly realize they have to put in lots of effort to get anything back. I find most people, once they’ve made such an investment, are loathe to sabotage it because it would be too much trouble.
Thanks Satori 🙂
haha Elsa you dropped the mike at the end of this one. Pluto types yes. The thing about it is more important than knowing you are this way is knowing that if your very scorp (I am) you need this for any and all long term relationships!