Dating: Peter Pan Syndrome vs Real Depth

peter-pan“He may be like that,” I said to a friend. “He probably is, all the men you date are Peter Pan types,” I said. “You know it and I know it.”


“Yeah but what we don’t know is if you like it this way. Some guy who is not quite grown up suits you in many ways. I know because you have outlined them for me many times. So it sort of works and in other ways it doesn’t but I don’t think you can say you are done with this type man… Sagittarius energy basically because there is just too much about it you enjoy.”

“I do.”

“But I’ll tell you something else,” I said as it hit me out of the blue sky. “If you get this guy figured out, he’s history. I have seen you do this. If you can exhaust him… if he’s got nothing left to probe and his whole psychology is revealed, well at that point you are done like dinner. You leave because there is just nothing left to interest. He is this and this and this and that’s all. That is the scope of the guy – it’s as far as he can go.”

“Yeah that does happen.”

“Yep. You’ve got a Scorpio Mars, that’s what it is. No more meat, means no more meat and you lose interest so that’s the real problem with these guys. You are the one who exhausts the thing not the other way around which just goes to show why it’s worthwhile to dig in our own psychology. It’s because if you’ve got no depth people are simply not going to stick around. Why would they, there is no more growth? This really makes a good argument for getting down to it,” I said. “For getting your personality up and out and excavated. I don’t know how you’re supposed to hold someone’s attention otherwise, on more than a superficial level.

Pluto is in Capricorn and real depth is in vogue .

How well do you know yourself?

13 thoughts on “Dating: Peter Pan Syndrome vs Real Depth”

  1. Perhaps that would be an attraction too….to not grow and to stay the same. I would imagine that would be a safe invitation for a partner not wishing to grow individualy and in relationships. I wonder what Peter Pan really wants from his “Wendy”; what is she being invited (attracted)to do if he remains in the Peter Pan complex for her?


  2. Yep. You’ve got a Scorpio Mars, that’s what it is. No more meat, means no more meat and you lose interest so that’s the real problem with these guys. You are the one who exhausts the thing not the other way around which just goes to show why it’s worthwhile to dig in our own psychology.>>>>

    Wow – I guess when you are up for a lesson, the universe just keeps hitting you over the head with it. In my case — this is the second time I’ve heard this in like 2 hours.

    I thought that I had been dumped — turns out, as I now see, I was the one who walked away – even though he was the one who called the game on account of rain.


  3. This is going to sound weird, and I don’t even know how to describe it, really, but when you have a “thing” for a certain “type” — why is it always . . . well, why does it always seem so unhealthy? I mean, this person has a thing for “Peter Pan types” so she needs to get out of that, but why? What if that’s what she likes? I’m not defending her, necessarily, it’s just that I can relate. I have a thing for eccentric, independent, extremely bright, quirky, swarthy men. I’m trying HARD to get away from them (because, for some reason, the outcome is never good for me) and trying to move closer to nice, sweet, happy(!) men. . . and sometimes, I just plain forget why I’m doing this, except I know that I want a long-term partner, so . . . oh brother. I give up.

  4. Elsa, you described almost exactly the internal conversation I had with myself today. The guy I left three months ago is a Sag (his predecessors were always either Gemini or Sag) and that’s exactly what happened every single time. And I figured out today that no matter how I’ve been framing it, I’m the one who uses ’em up and discards them when there’s nothing left to explore. It’s an humbling history and an MO I’m none too proud of. But you know what? I’m going to use that Scorpio Mars to transcend it and turn it around. Let’s see what kind of man I attract from here on out.

    But the Sag ex e-mailed me today and wants to take me to lunch on my birthday, Wednesday. I’m not sure why he’s doing this, but I look forward to apologizing for the games I’ve played, the control issues I had with him, and for the projections that played such a huge part in the year and a half we were together. Or should I just let sleeping dogs lie?

  5. well enough and not at all, sometimes.
    i just keep excavating and it gets stranger and more subtle.

    well, i mean, finding the patterns the farther i dig gets trickier.

  6. You’re probably right. And so am I (it IS spring, you know) so I can’t play shocked maiden when he makes his move. Dammit. 😉

  7. I know myself very, very, well. My problem has been accepting that other people aren’t bad people because they are not as self-aware.
    My SO has really helped me on this. He told me once ‘Not everyone is able to dissect themselves like you or examine their emotions like you.’
    I really like examining my emotions and *why* I do things especially. The more uncomfortable, the more I want to work it out (maybe this is Moon square Pluto?)

    Something I am not as adept at but am getting better with time, is looking at my relationship between my body and my emotions. Where I store pain on my body, my body’s memory (yoga is great for this).

  8. I’m not sure if that’s Moon square Pluto, Kashmiri, but it’s definitely a factor in Moon trine Pluto. If I have a reaction that I don’t understand I have to dig and prod and dissect until I see it clearly. It drives me nuts that others are so unaware of their motives sometimes! *lol*

    I think I know myself very well but I’m still learning something almost everyday.

  9. WOW I loved this thread. I just broke up (well 3 months ago) with a Peter Pan Type. I am a sag with 5 planets in sag..he was a Libra but very much a Peter Pan. I adore men like this because they are the only ones who can keep up with my adventures…however, saddly it ends because there is no REAL’s all superficial…sex, radio music, surfing trips, talks about fashion and current trends or people…very small talk coupled with spontaneous fun and excitment…and lots of sex …in lots of different places.

    As a Sag I wonder If I’ll ever grow out of this too…most of my girl friends are married and settled with older and more mature (boring to me) men…::sigh:: oh well.

  10. Elsa, this is too true!

    A Pisces girl I asked out once said to me, “I want someone who’s more mature.”

    Reading this and looking back at that situation just makes me laugh my ass off!

  11. REAL Depth is in vogue with Pluto in Capricorn. Hmmm… well, I’m a digger and I like turning things over and over. Scorp Sun-Mer Whether I know myself and stick to it, is another question … Neptune has generated a lot of illusion for the same period … since 2008 and will stick around until early 2010 for me. So, my relationship with Mates is one of the major things that gets my attention.

    My husband is Cancer with Gemini Moon … we go to very deep places and I test all the time. Life changes and changes … gotta wonder if what’s going on is creating believing that NEVERNEVERLAND is a veryverygood place … so we keep going there?

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