Delusion, Avoidance & Addiction

neptune fairyNeptune is challenge to work with. Once you delude yourself (and others), it’s really hard to work way out. I have a story to illustrate what I mean.

With Saturn and Pluto in my 12th house, I’ve really withdrawn from the public to a large extent.  I became uncomfortable as part of the fabric of society. I wanted to live on the fringe. Like anyone else, when I withdrew, I left a void.

A void will always be filled with something. In this case, it was filled with rumors and gossips that blossomed in full-blown fairy stories.  Meanwhile, I did a pretty good job of appearing dead and gone.

When people who deceive themselves or others do not believe they’ll ever be checked, they can really run away with a story. When you start to believe your own lies, look out!  In whatever case, I appeared to be in the grave, permanently.  You should have seen the look on the faces when I got back up on my horse and rode into town!

There was a flurry of fluff and cover-up. You know how you’re talking about someone. You don’t think you’re ever going to see them again and then there they are, standing right in front of you.  At that point, you’ve got yourself a mess!  That’s what Virgo would say, anyway.  So there was some waving of arms and what not.  It wasn’t spoken, but it was clear. The hope was that I would not be staying long.  Not long enough to see what been done to me, that’s for sure.  Sorry, but I find this, comical.

Fast forward a couple months and I’m still upright.  And this week I was privileged when someone tried to make me believe a lie about me!  Now, that’s a pretty hard to do.

See, I’m supposed to be a liar, who must now hang her head in shame for her lies have been revealed.  But I am not a liar and have no reason to hang my head in shame!  But if I’m not a liar, then what’s happened here?  The person who has claimed to be my victim discovers that they are the victimizer.  It a classic Neptune tale.

I don’t know that Neptune operates in “stages” but if so, this person(s) is in the stage of “avoidance”.

fog machineIs there enough fog in the world to conceal and distort the lines a person crosses, back when they thought they could get away with it?

I don’t really know. But Saturn is in Capricorn and this is not the best time to be skirtin’ ’round the law, which includes, laws that could be characterized as “ethereal”.

To continue with my story, I had one gal, blurt out that I had received a “miracle”.  Thank God for my poker face; I might have laughed.

“What do you mean, miracle?” I asked.

I know the situation in my life right now.  Is despair a miracle? I wanted to know what she was talking about. I wanted to know which is not the same as guess.  Our conversation was interrupted before she could respond. Poof!

I guess I could have let it go but a few days later, I realized it was eating me. “Undoing me” is more like it.  I was pretty sure I understood the gist of what she was saying but wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to delude myself.  So I contacted her… email.

“Say!  What did you mean when you said I received a miracle?”

She responded with some curlicues which was fine with me.  I know all about fog machines.

I thanked her for her response and that was that for now and probably for always.  But I thought about this person and so many like her. I have been like her! The longer you delude yourself, the harder it is to stop and worse it is when the veil drops. It’s like an addiction.

If you remain addicted to anything, long enough, you merge with it to a point where it becomes nearly impossible to get clear.

If you wonder if any of this applies to you, there an easy check. If you’re constantly dividing people into saint/sinner piles, I’d say you’re mixed up.

And if you find yourself lying, lying, lying and lying, well…

The more you lie, the more you have to lie, just like the more you drink, the more you have to drink.

Do you habitually delude yourself?  
Do you sacrifice innocent people to maintain your delusion?
Do you deflect blame onto the backs of others?

Or are you reasonably sober?

21 thoughts on “Delusion, Avoidance & Addiction”

  1. I’ve been trying to understand a colleague who has Pisces Sun in 12H and Neptune Chart Ruler. He’s a giant fog to me. I struggle to understand whether he’s consciously lying to everyone, to himself or if he’s so far gone on the delusional train that he actually believes the stories he tells himself and others.

    Simply put, I think he’s been drinking the “kool-aid”.

    It doesn’t help he has a fixed mind (mercury) that is stressed by a paranoid Jupiter in Scorpio, so reasoning with him is incredibly challenging. Reminds me of the saying “if you argue with a fool, how many fools are there” (hint: 2, the fool and the person who argues with the fool).

    1. Lol I love that last saying. Could so apply to me many times over ?
      Some people only know they exist if they are in conflict with something or someone – it’s how they know their shape. Let him argue in his own paper bag, he might rip it off in time. ?

  2. I have Lost so much I don’t know what -growth opportunities , real changes , good relationships…while my Taurus stellium – SN, the Moon, Jupiter , Venus, MercuryPallas, Vesta was squared by Neptune for years, with my Sun and IC at the end at 5 Gemini. Damn!
    Illusions , being enchanted by ideas, spirituality, charismatic leaders, disillusioned , disappointed, missing something I am even unaware. Maybe I have lost my best years. The worse kind of ignorance from buddhist point of view is the ignorance of ignorance… Mega neptunic vibe-isn’t it?
    Now I am a recluse, angrily depressed with transiting Saturn and Pluto in my 12th H.
    Luckily I have a family.
    Many Hugs to you, Elsa!

  3. There is a beautiful song called ” The Captain of Her Heart” on YouTube by a Swiss band called Double. Absolutely beautiful song.

    ” It was way past midnight,
    when she still could not fall asleep.

    This night the dream was leaving, the one she’d try
    so hard to keep.

    Too long too hard too far apart,
    She could not wait another day for
    The Captain of Her Heart.”

    I was reminded of it.

  4. Years ago I stopped lying to myself. Hard to remember all those lies after awhile. (No shame here.)

    When in HS, we were homeless. All 9 of us. Before that and then, was abuse.
    Lies were normalized. Lots of thievery too, between family and outside of it. Don’t forget the drugs.

    Years ago I stopped the cycle. My 1st Saturn return helped, as did a combo of other things.

    It FEELS REALLY GOOD. Not going back.
    I meet many where it’s obvious the disillusion they swim in. I’m not a wanted character around.
    You can play your part, but I’m playing mine, which may not match for YOU.
    It’s initially hard to deal with when it’s those you love, but we all learn in our own ways. Sorrow fades and compassion arises.

    No preaching either, just comraderie, food, some jokes.

    And, I cannot make your issues my own.

    1. Well said. 🙂

      I find the lying widespread, and commonplace. I have to pretend I don’t know a person is lying to talk to them. Pretend it’s normal, and frankly, it makes me crazy. I really have to find, and stick with people who deal from the top of the deck.

      All this coded bullshit is like an infection or a virus that can affect your mind.

      1. Thank you.

        I agree. Having to pretend or participate in even just a sliver of the disillusion is nauseating.

        Seems many are just not paying any REAL attention to themselves or others. It’s truly disgusting. I was once disgusted with myself, but no more.

        Real change is a long, arduous journey which many refuse.

  5. Well I lied to myself about my marriage ,kept saying I’ll be OK doesn’t matter ;it all mattered
    I am doing good, I may have a certain way about me that may never change but I am never going to have that way of life again, never
    Will I say it doesn’t matter because
    It does.

  6. I spent 5 months seething in anger (Mars in 12th house) before finally confronting my boss about two issues that has been really bugging me about her behavior.

    I told her how I felt about it, laid it all out and told her I felt angry, unsafe, insecure and demotivated because of it. I told her I could understand her feelings regarding the issue, and recognized we had lost some trust due to the issues being up for discussion.

    She reacted – also – by going opposite and say “Now I don’t know if I can say anything to you at all anymore” – but that wasn’t the case for crying out loud. Why would she play the victim like that? Because of her own pathalogy I guess. I think it was weak.
    She didn’t express much – if at all – empathy regarding my feelings concerning the case. Just tried to justify her actions.
    She started arguing that she had done this and that for me, and I felt how grateful I should be for that. She also said I should look at myself and my own actions.
    It’s very projecting in my eyes, to say things like that when a coworker adress these things in a very concerned way.

    I think people like these like to tell themselves they are right. And because she’s my boss, she thinks it’s her right to have acted from the values of the company (when i reality it has only made me feel less emotionally safe with her). But acting this bad, and not adressing it afterwards, not speaking of it but just act as if has not happened and then go on with your day when in reality you KNOW, deep down, it’s not right… I think that’s kinda like fooling yourself, and delusions like these run deep in a lot of managers.

    These people usually feel entitled to act this way.
    And female bosses who has to be a bitch at the same time as they are the sweet little lady while relating to their coworkers… Yuck!

  7. Do you habitually delude yourself?
    Do you sacrifice innocent people to maintain your delusion?
    Do you deflect blame onto the backs of others?

    Yes, I have done all 3 of those things. I deluded myself for over a decade, maybe two, trying to be something I wasn’t. I had to figure out the root cause before I could stop, but I’ll also never forget realizing I was doing it in the first place. It was a shock to the system, as in, wait, it’s ME?? Me?! I felt embarrassed, I remember. And annoyed. I mean, what a waste of time. 🙁

    1. Can I ask what the root was?

      I am having my Sun square Neptune transit and holding on to something and worrying it’s something I’m not. My solar return has a grand cross and a 9th house Virgo moon. So worrying, you know. What is the antidote to delusion? Is it faith?

        1. Ok. Thank you. I have to say, though, I really don’t know if what I’m doing is right. I’m not sure if I’m blurring my intuition and ignoring it (I saw some comic that was like “Be yourself.” and the other dude says “NO NO NO NO NO”.. in effect, my problem) or just full of doubt. I was told to stop being so scared and just try shit. But Neptune is famous for helping us lose time. I just can’t tell if I’ve lost all my time and failed (Mars Pluto transit will end in Dec.)

      1. I’m not 100% sure, but I believe it is because I was raised not to be myself, but to be what my dad never achieved for himself. He only liked me when I did what he thought I should do, or when I would BE who he thought I should be, and he criticized me heavily if I rebelled to be myself. (We’re talking even over choices in music, let alone bigger issues.) I valued his feedback and approval so much that I tried to be what he wanted, instead of accepting myself. I couldn’t even accept my chart, with it’s Cancer placements – I wanted more fire! So I playacted for a while. I’m still getting to know myself 😉

        The antidote to delusion perhaps is acceptance of reality. But you have to figure out what it is to begin with, and really see it. Get some earth signs in your life and ask them to tell you what they see. My Virgo husband has such a way of cutting through to the heart of a situation, I’m remiss when I don’t listen. (Which he likes to point out, haha) But seriously, Virgos especially are people who you’d benefit hearing from.

  8. The hard part is not the delusion, but the waking up. And, how do you straighten out the messes you’re left with? At least you’re in an honest zone and can operate from that. That integrity means a lot to your spirit.

    I’ve always believed the truth is better than a lie, no matter how hard it is to take.

  9. Funny for this Pisces Asc (and Jupiter/Neptune in the 8th). I am constantly being entrusted with others’ secrets to keep without my asking! Some of it’s business but mostly personal. It gets to be too much having to keep a straight face with their friends/associates. When they pass away or move on, it comes as a relief! God help me.

  10. Proverbs 24:15-16 and 24:28-29…
    I had this post still open this morning and later today just came across Proverbs 22 and just kept on reading…
    Stay true, Elsa. You KNOW comeuppance is for real. Neptune is a tool. They’ll get drunk on it only to wake up one day with their liver falling apart. Blessings

  11. Ohhhhh man,
    My husband has Cancer Sun/Venus/Mercury in 12th and a Pisces moon in the 8th. All subject to multiple squares from outer planets. He will go up, over, around, to the left, to the right, rather than give a straight answer to a question. He lies about the most insignificant things, I’m not sure he even knows he’s lying anymore ?

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