Dan writes on The 80/20 Rule.
“Halting the progression or the escalation of a situation that has volatile potential from developing may work well. But, I would think that an evaluation of what mechanism(s) starts the process to begin with is truly the way to overcome. Easier said than done, but something to think about.”
Dan, something great to think about, thank you! I am not sure if you were specifically referring to the “fight” dynamic between the soldier and I but if you are, this “may” be a case where there is no mechanism that starts the thing. I am not sure but I think it’s possible some things that just occur in nature akin to a volcano that erupts or lighting that strikes when and were it damn pleases.
Now between us this certainly seems to be the case. Years ago the soldier equated our interaction to handling very hot and highly charged wires, each of us on one end. Generally we are adept but every once in awhile, one of them touches the ground and literally all hell breaks lose.
Those dominoes start to fall and they just fall in a chain one after another after another and both of us have felt powerless to stop this…. up until this last fight. This last fight I hit a new wrinkle and while I still feel it impossible to stop an eruption, I think it is very possible (maybe even easy) to pluck a domino from the chain and if I am the one who manages to do it, I win, right?
::laff::
Applying the natural logarithm, I am thinking I should be able to pluck that domino 80% of the time and if I can, it will have dramatic impact on our lives.
This is Virgo and Pisces working together again, of course. These signs make a hell of a team!
Just think of it as plucking the first domino.
In any case, I am sure you will work it out and that is of the most importance, not the means.
Elsa, I would never presume, but I’m wondering if love is your overall motivation here.. you know, the benevolent force that’s driving the science (80-20 logarithm.)
Dan, thanks. I have really been thinking about this and in fact just wound up (yet another) book I wrote to the soldier’s son. He is a good person to discuss this stuff with as he is smart as hell, knows his dad and loves him.
In whatever case, I described this (fighting) to him like rogue lightning that comes out of nowhere so I don’t know where the first domino is. Not saying there isn’t one, I just don’t know where to look but I can react quickly.
Er.. I have that Mars Mercury and this has a lot to do with it, I think. For example I have sexual thought and impulse all the time and where the hell does it come from? I don’t know. It’s not like I have sit around and dream something up. It’s not as though I have to fantasize or have some kind of visual. The wind doesn’t even have to blow, I just have these rogue thought so maybe this makes sense to you? Who knows.
I will keep thinking though – thanks for the goose. 😉
maureen, I am not sure I understand. Love does drive me but when it comes to my desire to disrupt this fight scenario, I can tell you unequiviocally
that it is not primary.
The primary drive is one of survival and I know this like I know my name.
Yeah.. survival. Gives me plenty to ponder as I tackle my own stuff.. interesting, I have moon’s south node in pisces …. north node in Virgo.. and I tend to get dreamy and romantic about motivation…(let me hide in a cave and figure this out!).
I’ve been trying to apply this for a year-ish now. I’m not sure how successful I am because when I try to be rational and non-explosive when my man and I fight, he tends to be more stubborn and nit-picky. So then I explode about him not supporting the changes he asked me to make so we could streamline the fighting process. *eyeroll*
I vote with Dan — he should just pick up his fuckin’ socks and put ’em in the hamper so we don’t have the fight to begin with. 😀