Awhile back I made that video about people who marry or date me when they don’t even like me (Video below). Do you know how long it took me to figure this out? It took about 20 years.
I know this because I’m working on editing the next piece of The Sycophant and at one point I state that I am confused at being invited all kinds of places by all kinds of people who don’t like me. I am 23 years old in the story but now I’m old and last night the soldier wanted to talk about getting married and also our previous marriages. “So what exactly happened?” he asked regarding my 2nd husband.
“Well I don’t know. We got married. He said he wanted to marry me, we were going to have kids. He told me I was the love of his life. He did all kinds of things and when he took me to meet his parents, well he’d not taken a woman home to meet them in 15 years! You know. Since high school, he’d not brought a woman home. I was her as far as I knew or could tell. That’s sure as hell what he told me.”
“Yeah, so?’
“So I married him. And he was never happy with me, not a day. Not one day was he happy.”
“Why not?’
“Well he just didn’t like me as far as I could tell. It was pretty baffling. Baffled everyone. I think he was baffled himself for the most part. Why don’t I like her? It’s strange thing. He didn’t like me and besides that he just wasn’t cut out to be married, that’s for sure.”
“No?”
“Hell no. He wanted to be a guru on a mountain I guess. He was all elevated. He was a high mind. I’m telling you people thought he was a big deal. They damned near worshiped him and he worshiped me at least for awhile. He thought I was the bees knees. That’s what he said. That’s what he told everyone but actually when you get right down to it, I don’t think he even liked me, never mind loved me. He married my hologram there is no doubt about it and he was very unhappily married but not for long. I got him out of it pretty damned quick, he should be grateful.”
He smiled.
“Yeah, I didn’t hang around for long. I told you he broke my wedding ring on the second night. Yep, 2 days after we were married my ring was smashed and boy was he sorry about that. He made a big deal of it, he had that thing repaired. Oh, it was a scene. He’s all sorry and stuff and right after that, Valentine’s Day came and he didn’t get me anything. Not a thing and it was particularly gruesome because I showered him with gifts. It was really something. I mean, he didn’t even get me a card and I had all these presents for him. I has all these presents for him, they were spilling off the table and he didn’t get me anything at all.” I smirked. “It was embarrassing. Embarrassing for both of us, I’d say. It was something to see, I’ll tell you that. He just had all this stuff to open… man I had really fixed him up.”
He stared.
“Yeah, and he said he was unhappy and I said what do you want to do? I mean we had been married just a few weeks. Want to get divorced? I asked him if he wanted to divorce and I guess he took a look at our wedding pictures and said no. He said we looked like two happy people and we should try to give it a go. But then he went back in the other direction the next night and it was just bad. There is little you can do if someone doesn’t like you. He was complaining about my toenails for chrissakes. They scraped his leg when we were sleeping one night and he had to sleep in a different bed because of it.” I filled in some more details. “And then one night he said he was going to get me a bumper sticker, “Men Are Assholes And I Married Their King.”
He laughed.
“And that’s when I said, you know what? I’m not going to be married to an asshole, asshole! I left him the next day. I divorced him just immediately to everyone’s shock since we had just gotten married but hey. There was no way to stay married. Married to an asshole? I’m not going to have a husband who is an asshole, but you see what I am saying. The guy just plain didn’t like me and I have no idea why he married me. My best guess is he was trying to piss off his father. He succeeded in that. I guess I was a pawn in their psychodrama, I don’t know what to say except for it happened.”
Suntan pantyhose? EW! No one should wear that! Ew again!
What do I do when someone tells me what to be? Well Uranus opposed Sun says ‘See ya freakin’ later!’
(Once when I was 24 I left a date without a word to the guy because he ordered me a vodka/cranberry juice without me asking…then demanded to know why I ordered a beer without ::letting him know:::
I think I’m virtually uncontrollable, LOL).
Sounds like a man I know who, after some years, told me he “didn’t like the sound of my name on his lips.”
Huh?
Oh, and my pinky fingers were crooked!
hahaha….
oh brother.
Elsa, I like the idea that you made it easy for him to leave… just give him the option, you know? I was wondering why so often in this culture people actually encourage women to FIGHT for their man, even when the man so clearly advertises his dislike/unavailability for said woman. I see this all the time and it baffles me.
maureen, yeah, I left and never looked back. Don’t know, don’t care, just where’s the door! 🙂
This a great story actually with lots of subtlety and drama. A very sophisticated story with a lot to teach however I have about 50 stories with the same qualities so what the hell?
My whole life is a great story with great characters and I wouldn’t want to change a stick of it.
Aw jeez, reading that story made my heart hurt Elsa. That must have hurt something miserable 🙁 All that show and tell, and then nothing. If that was me, I would have been profoundly hurt. I can only imagine. Geez. I’m glad you’ve got back the one that truly belongs with you 🙂 You deserve an upstanding guy and he sounds like one.
What in your chart do you think this manifested? From what I remember you don’t have Venus-Saturn, but Venus-Neptune and you mentioned the hologram. But this just sounds like rejection to me. Then again I read it as a Venus-Saturn person would. That and the fact it took so long for you and Soldier to get together again. Why would this happen to you, with your Venus in sunny Leo? It doesn’t fit
Yeah, it fits. The astrology is hard core and it’s not rejection when you don’t feel rejected and I did not feel rejected even if I was rejected. Was I rejected? Believe me I didn’t notice, I had other fish to fry.
Ana, lets face it, I am not normal.As I said this is a much larger story… it’s MUCH larger. You are looking at the tip of an iceberg or grabbing a piece of elephant in a darkened room. It’s just not what you think it is… or if it is what you think it is, you’ve got a hair of the whole dog.
This time in my life as poetic… nothing less. I wouldn’t change a thing.
I just wanna know how does someone smash a wedding ring? There’s an omen if i’ve ever heard one.
You tell ’em, Elsa! I was married to a man who didn’t like me. We lived together for a year and during that time, I was me. I wanted sex all the time, I didn’t cook, I wasn’t particularly tidy, I got a dog and a cat, I read a lot. Then we got married, he didn’t want to have sex with me and he insisted that because we were married, I should WANT to cook for him. I asked him what in our past experience together suggested to him that I would EVER cook? Especially when I’m not getting laid?!?
I wasted a lot of my life there, trying very hard to become someone he could like. The harder I tried, the more fault he found with me. He acted shocked when I told him I was leaving. I thought he’d be thrilled!
This hologram idea is really interesting to me. It’s helping me understand a previous relationship in my life – after sticking around too long trying to make it work, I finally got free and poured enough water on that flame to extinguish it. And now I see that hologram was the word I’ve been looking for to describe what he was seeing in me. Thanks for sharing these stories, Elsa. They really do help out! 🙂
Rainie, I can completely relate to your second paragraph. When I left my guy, he tried to get me to stick around because he was so shocked, like ‘how could SHE leave? I’m in charge here!’
Well, hologram can be exchanged with projection too, right?
(he he)
Yeah, the guy who pointed out how my name didn’t sit right on the lips and how I had crooked pinkies SOBBED when I left. He threw himself over the back of his pick up truck (this was a pick up truck, carburetor on the kitchen table kinda guy) and SOBBED.
And I just stood there and stared. I couldn’t believe it.
Oh, I left him!
Speaking of omens, my first husband’s wedding ring split where it was sized during our honeymoon. I definitely had a big “uh-oh” moment. I was right too. And funny, out first Valentine’s Day as marrieds, I got him presents and pastries and balloons and since we didn’t have a lot of money, a heart shaped pizza. He got me nothing. And he complained that the pastries were fattening and I should be dieting.
We are still friends though. We were young, it served a lot of purposes and I learned a lot from him. It was still worth it.
Virgo per chance?
Meaning my ex? Not sure if it’s directed towards me–he was a big old oblivious Leo, ever the absent-minded professor, ever smiling at the masses as he entertained them. But he also wanted to parade me around, so he watched my diet and DROVE me(car) to aerobics class. Not out of Virgo health concerns!
Yes, Pixie, it was you. I am surprised…not surprised that I’m wrong, but surprised that the right answer was Leo. Usually Leos have a big ol strong romantic streak to them and would never miss a Valentines day. And they sure wouldn’t want you to, either.
Well, perhaps he felt outdone by my 2H Libra Venus and tasteful and thoughtful tokens of affection. Hurt his “pride” you know? lol
dolce, exactly! He never saw it coming!
Pixie, I had a similar experience on my first anniversary…I rented a hotel room with a heart shaped tub, brought fruit and wine and lingere`. Left him a note to call me, so I could give him directions to my secret location. He was irked that I wouldn’t tell him where I was and was irritated that I’d spent the money on the room. I fell asleep on the red velvet covered bed while he watched porn on TV. Happy Anniversary. LOL
I have a friend who married a guy that she hated to her own confusion and his heartbreak. She’s in therapy trying to figure out why she did such a thing.
Rainie– oh dear. So sad it’s funny! Yup.
The extreme societal pressures on women in America to be married before they reach a certain age can be very damaging and can cause all kinds of unfortunate outcomes. The ‘old maid’ stigma is still alive and well, and is passed down mostly through the family, but also through others in the surrioundings.
“Why aren’t you married yet?” was probably more of a problem for those of us who didn’t have Aquarian parents, but it is definitely a problem for many people.
Yes, Loonsounds. It’s not exactly a progressive mindset.
An old lady once told me that given the option, it’s much better to be alone than to wish you were! It sure sounded like she was talking from experience. Can’t imagine pairing myself with someone I didn’t like a lot – I would rather be alone.
I have Sun-Saturn trine Neptune and I always described it as “the performing monkey.” I can’t be who I want to be, do what I want to do, or express what I’m feeling. Nope, I gotta live by your rules. *eyeroll*
I have friends who continually, after more than a decade, seem surprised that I am who I actually am instead of who they think I should be. I just shrug — it’s not my job to police their impressions. I couldn’t care less what other people think about me and will smile while telling ’em so.
And it’s all expressed in my chart.
That’s a very interesting story!
I dated a Pisces once who said I was just too wild for her. Yup, I’m a centaur and want freedom. What’s twisted is that at the end of the day I thought she was just too tamed for me. 🙂
My Neptune falls in my 1.house,I am the great fantasy as well:P … and my Chiron falls in my 7. house.. So I understand:) this is a fun topic, have loads of stories …anyhow, what i learned is: just try to be yourself… they will always come and go;)