Don’t Want To Know Me? Your Loss.

missing_person_michael_shannonThe movie, The Missing Person was greatly interesting to me. The main character was a loner-type man. He was a heavy drinker; bumbling. Hard to say whether he was clever, lucky, both or neither. Venus in Scorpio trine Neptune. Film noir.

At one point in the story he tries to get a woman to talk to him. He was not necessarily desperate.  He seemed to want a point of human contact in his drunkenness but she rebuked him and he hung up the phone and muttered to himself, “Your loss.”

I couldn’t tell what that was. A defense? A delusion? But I thought at the time, it’s not a phrase you hear a lot anymore. People seem to have to chase others down, try to get them to do things. Quiet confidence and acceptance of rejection is quite rare.

What got me about this about this movie is at the end, and I mean, the end-end, the very last line, I realized that it quite probably was *her loss* and what a shock that was.

Everyone has “real love” on their mind.  They want quality in their relationships. If this describes how you feel, the first and most important thing you can do is become a person who offers quality in relationship.

If you are this or if you become this, then the next time you’re rejected you can also mutter, “Their loss”, and have it be real.

Are you as good a partner as the partner you want for yourself?

32 thoughts on “Don’t Want To Know Me? Your Loss.”

  1. Yes and every man I have dated has come back to apologize to me for the way they treated me. Regret the loss of me…as a friend and partner.
    That is little comfort as I sit at night with so much love to offer…

  2. Bullseye! What a great explanation of what is going on in my own life right now. I knew it had to be something in the sky…

    As for the answer: I try to be. Sometimes I try too damned hard, other times I just throw up my hands in defeat.

  3. Great piece, Elsa.

    I think because I’m a 7th house sun it somehow feels imperative to strive to “be all that I can be” for/to the other person in a partnership. The “your loss” phrase can really come in handy at times when I need to remember some have difficulty/barriers in receiving what I have to give.

  4. Yes, I am. Virgo stellium with mostin the 11th house – I’m all about service to others:-). Its never appreciated or valued by my partners when they have me, but like Jenn, when they don’t have me. I had an ex-date, ex-husband and ex-boyfriend all offer to write me testimonials for an internet dating site :-).

  5. It’s good to remind us that you have to earn saying, “Your loss.” I think in Pluto in Sagittarius, people got their self esteem boosted without really having to earn it. Like my friends would tell me automatically, “His loss he didn’t like you.” Really?

  6. I definitely try and I do think I am, but my being a “good partner” is really up to their judgement isn’t it?

    That being said, it’s definitely “his loss” anyway if he [ whoever he is ] doesn’t like me. 🙂

  7. I hope so…I strive to be. But I do make mistakes. but like Jenn they all apologize for the way they treated me. I don’t know why I put up with it in the first place…but I did. Now I am learning what I will and won’t put up with. That is so true though, people don’t take rejection with dignity much anymore…I know with one person I didn’t. It has been a horror show emotionally for me. The hardest I have ever have had to deal with…his loss? I hope he sees it that way someday. But he may never.

  8. Hmmmm, I’m working on it. I think I’m a good person with goals and a hard worker. However, Saturn in Libra has been no joke since I am a Libra. Everyone who had been in my life earlier this year is gone. now it seems like people come and go out of my life faster than ever. I’m being very still, meditating and trying to figure out if there is a positive or negative energy about me. I don’t think I’m being negative. It just feels like a lot of people are coming into my life and wanting control right away. As soon as I assert myself, they are gone… I guess Saturn in Libra will give me a clue later on as to what’s really going on…. whether it’s my loss or theirs … dunno yet

  9. Made a big long comment, but it rambled and I deleted it. Short version:

    1. I don’t think anyone will cop to not reciprocating in a relationship.

    2. I’m included in that, since I also think I give what I want to receive. 😉

  10. Yes: I put in at least as much as I want to get out – often much more. And I usually want a great deal, in some respects. Sadly with determinedly single older men it doesn’t work – they are takers!

  11. I have no Idea., I think I would be better in a relationship now that I was 11 years ago. But who knows if I will live long enough to find out. Between trying internet dating and going to the gym at night instead of in the day which is my preference,because men may be there with my luck (jupiter trine saturn prolly like jupiter in Capricorn …lol) I will get killed before I find out. But hey, at least I would have died trying 😉

  12. I agree with Blessed Place – have several middle aged guy friends and they are indeed “takers”. When their relationships end (to their bewilderment) they have the nerve to say “Their loss” and don’t even realize they haven’t been giving anything to the other – just waiting to serviced *smirk*.

    I’ve been a good partner – giving, caring, and trying to be understanding…unfortunately I expected the same in return and didn’t get it since my partner is a Virgo who sees the “wrong” or “it should be done like this” attitude way too much. Erodes my faith in myself, so I’m not as forthcoming/giving/understanding as when we were first married. Gosh, that sounds backwards…you’re supposed to get better with age

  13. Blessedplace and Ariessun I think we are of the same generation. I was born in 1964 and so many of the men that I’ve met and been involved with have had mothers who revolved their lives around their husbands and children. And now their perspective is for another women to do the same.

    I contrast that with all the young men I know and what a difference! These men had moms expected to them pull their weight around the house. Who dreams and ambitions of their own. And I see what wonderful partners they are to the young women in their life.

  14. i want to see this movie!

    i’m pretty good. i’m an over-achiever when it comes to relationship stuff, though, so you’d have to ask my partner.

  15. always offered without any attachments to them but never thought it’s “THERE LOSS”……u just gave me some thing to live with…..
    thanks a lot

  16. Yes, I am. That’s why I have the guy who made me miserable last Christmas, still making contact with me at times, because he’s miserable. He won’t say that he regrets what he did, though – not that it will change anything, he can’t undo it… but the damage has been done. If I wasn’t still affected, then I would be able to talk to him, but I can’t.

    Up until a couple of years ago, I took rejection a lot more gracefully. I don’t know what has changed, but now I get pissed. Maybe it’s my age, along with everything else going on. I did ask him why it seems as though I’m usually appreciated by men, once they’ve pushed me too far. I haven’t held my tongue in other instances – I’m not a doormat.

  17. Excellent food for thought. Your posts are really resonating with me lately. I’ve been giving much thought lately to this sort of thing. I look at my exes and say this one did this wrong, this one fell short in this area. It would serve me well to look harder at myself and improve my Debbie Downer attitude. And maybe be more careful with my heart, stop passing it around like a bowl of candy. Venus in Aquarius in the sixth trines Saturn and Uranus. I’ve always been a good sport in relationships. A real buddy. But my first house moon in Virgo needs much more.

  18. Avatar

    Am I enough of an adult to accept and love a partner? I don’t know. I’m not married and not in a committed relationship at the moment (yet), so there’s just no proof of that in existence right now.

    But do I believe it? Yes. I don’t know why but yes, I believe it is quite possible now.

    You have to risk rejection gracefully, in order to love gracefully.

    Another thing I repeat is “just wasn’t a good fit”. I don’t need perfect, but I want someone right for me, and to know I’m right for him too. Doesn’t mean that anyone is a bad person.

    Same goes for employment… Just wasn’t a good fit. Rejection is not a reflection of who you are as a person, but so many, including me make it out to be so. And it’s hard to swallow. So much worth is misplaced onto the judgment of others. Self-worth is intrinsic, existing beyond what people think. You may be doing everything the best you can, and still never gain the acceptance of others. So we forget that we can judge our own self-worth too. Even if no one recognizes it, it doesn’t mean your value doesn’t exist. That part is hard for a young Capricorn-type to accept sometimes.

  19. I would never say ‘your loss’. I would say ‘smart guy.’ : D. He never stops demanding more and I just can’t provide it. He is just so darn deserving of more more more for some reason. Suuuf-fo-cation. Suffocation. Suffocation. Suf-o-ca-tion. Hope I spelled that right!

  20. Avatar
    Tricia(Rae Rae)

    Thanx your words are needed. After 37 years of marriage I feel used when he left, his loss. I see myself still growing into a woman I am interested to see ;not why ,not when but how it will develop from here. I am still a mystery , but if it’s ego hurting I will give them(whoever, I feel exposed to) something to talk about. As for me Iam wondering, with whispers to come and boat loads of kisses to get to the shore, and you know the drills it is still in the clouds the fog the amazing nite sky to dress and undress with each day coming.

  21. My friend Scott – after telling him about how cruelly I had been rejected – said to me one thing (he’s a Scorpio by the way): “His loss”.

    That …affected me. It stayed with me.

    Fact is, no one gives loves anymore. Most are out only for themselves. They’ll take it, sure. But give it? For real? Rarely.

    And he was right. I have and want to give SO MUCH love. I want* to be devoted. I want* people to know that I am now and will always be there for them. Flaws and all.

    His loss.

    It was his loss. It is* his loss.

    He came back. And because I want to be that* kind of a person. I let him. People are flawed and I accept that of them.

    It was “his loss”. And it’s about to be again.

    Two of the most succinct words I’ve ever heard uttered.

  22. Friday night, this guy I know chased me down, asked me to hang out repeatedly that night, and when I said I was ready and dressed to go, let’s go do something . . . I heard nothing until 2 hours later. When he did text me, it was a stupid excuse and I straight up said “your loss” which that is exactly what it was. He was really appalled at that answer, but I did not apologize. After everything I have been through the last 2 years I’m done chasing down people and begging for attention. They will either make plans with me and follow through, or its their loss. I’m not going to sit around and dwell about being stood up. I have decided I’m a person who can back up my words with my actions, and if other people can’t follow suit they will get left behind. Helps to cull the people not worthy of being in my life LOL.

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