Falling From Grace

fall from graceI have a lifelong habit of falling from grace.  I don’t think this can be avoided with a chart like mine, with Neptune on the Midheaven among other things.

I am always nervous when people elevate me in some way because as hard as I try to do well in my life, I am guaranteed to disappoint everyone over time.  I am just not going to be able to live up to a standard in someone’s imagination.

I am a plain person here, struggling and trying and I am nothing more than that and nothing less. You can tell me that I let you down. I will  feel bad about it. I will apologize but I wonder if I was ever as good as you thought I was in the first place.

Who can relate?

41 thoughts on “Falling From Grace”

  1. “I am a plain person here, struggling and trying and I am nothing more than that and nothing less. You can tell me that I let you down. I will feel bad about it, I will apologize but as I told the woman who wrote me today, I wonder if I was ever as good as you thought I was in the first place.”

    ((Elsa)) Yep, right here sister

    1. Growing up I often heard that “shit on a pedestal is still shit.” And “when you’re on top, there’s only one way to go.” These we’re there to tell you to put on the breaks and not let your light shine because others will persecute you if you get out of the lane they think you should be in. It’s a load of crap. Let them have their judgments and move on.

  2. On FB/twitter last year, Sarah Strohmeyer joked something like “the higher the hair, the closer to God. Just sayin'” Made me laugh out loud. 🙂

    I’m always surprised if I find that someone has elevated me- I don’t think it happens that often.
    I as going to go into a rant, but I won’t.

  3. Well, I believe in Santa 😉 but I don’t think there’s ANYbody who doesn’t at some point fail to live up to someone’s inflated expectations. & I think most everybody’s had their own inflated expectations dashed a time or two. Peoples is just peoples.

  4. So many of your blog entries surprise me with how much I can relate! My neptune is also on my midheaven ( also opposite my sun)….so I go through phases where people herald me and put me on this tier..

    I’m graceful but I’m also human and love to throw things around and follow my animal instincts. You are quite an admirable woman Elsa, so being honest with who you are is a breath of fresh air. And, makes you that much more relatable 🙂

  5. I admire your frankness.
    Maybe the fact that we so often fall from grace has more to do with an unconscious projection of images which we can then not maintian indefinitely than with anything else.
    But it is true that people have a way of “pinning projections” on us, too, and it is difficult to live life according to others expectations. I have Nwotune at the end of my tenth house very close to eleventh and in Scorpio, sauqre my Aquarius stellium – all me life I tried to please others and only with maturity I am becoming stronger to try and follow MY OWN TRUTH irrespectively whether others like it or not. But have been paying a hard price for it and “fell” from grace with certain members of familly who I think loved my image (in their heads) better than they loved and understood me!!! Lol.

    Maria Carmo

  6. I so love this post Elsa. We are all human beings and humility is an under rated virtue. I’m trying to learn what are my expectations and what are other people’s expectations. I’ve tried to live up to other’s and my own expectations very hard in my life (and fallen from grace too!) and am learning to have a sense of humor and compassion towards myself. Funny how then you develop the same humor and compassion towards others. Thanks for this post!!

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    I realize you’re human, Elsa. I don’t expect that you would be a big enough influence in my life to “Let me down.” Since I only know you from your blog and my one reading with you, how can I have such a high expectation of you? I mean, really.

    It’s not to say that I don’t think well of you. I do. Rather, I see you as a human, a lot like the rest of us, who happens to have some gifts that other people are fascinated with. I respect you and the hard work you’ve done over the years and your gifts and talents. It doesn’t mean that I make you responsible for my life and the choices I make. I don’t understand why you get the level of projection you get, but there it is. Projection…

  8. I fall all the time and I never get used to it. I keep thinking this time will be different for some reason. What I can’t seem to understand is it’s not me, it’s them; I have my own projections in this regard. *smiles*

  9. I think I can relate. I make great impressions but I am who I am – you cannot always categorize me or box me in, according to how YOU perceive me to be. And, unfortunately, I cannot be what I am to everybody who sees me as what I am.

    Elsa do you think pisces MC would give one an almost similar thing like your situation, where Neptune is on the MC?

  10. This one has really got me thinking. I have Saturn in my 2nd house, and neptune and sun in the 1st in libra. I have trouble valuing myself and at the same time sometimes have crazy high expectations of myself. Expectations seem tied up with value to me usually. I want to believe in intrinsic value regardless of performance, but find I am always judging myself and others. Trying to let go of that and emphasize humor and compassion instead…!

  11. People are always looking for a saviour, especially if they are too lazy, stupid or honest to do their own work for themselves. That is hardly your fault!

    They are bound to be disappointed: you can put someone on the right road, and maybe give them some help (a crutch, a map) – but they must make their own pilgrimage. No-one can do it for them

  12. Midheaven in Pisces… and Neptune on the descendant. Don’t understand it when people like me, don’t understand when they don’t. I am best when I am the underdog and nothing is expected of me. If people start out loving me, they almost always end up being disappointed.

  13. yeah Elsa l’m a big fan of BIG HAIR too! It’s good to keep in mind someone is just the way they are, not to play yourself by expecting them to be someone else and get disappointed over and over again. l guess what you get in the beginning with a person at the core is what and how they will always be.
    No dreamy stuff like he/she might become this or that if l….blabla!
    it’s a good reminder to TRY to let people be that person they really are in other words to accept them!

  14. I relate! Neptune on the Midheaven as well! As someone said earlier – projection. I have been on the receiving end of a lot of projection as well.I see it as a lesson to setting boundaries. What is mine – what is theirs.

  15. I cant relate to you I found myself identify a lot with my public image (mc) and take the shape of what other people think of me It hard for me to be true

  16. I have loose conjunction of MC and Neptune opposite Sun on IC, and I kept thinking today how I can’t “satisfy the masses” and people who I realise me or elevate me at some point. I am massively falling out of grace, especially at work despite doing good things and proceeding with duties. Oh and people including my family don’t see me through this veil. Aqua Asc is not helpful at all ( weird eccentric, crazy scientist, alien)

  17. This is my opinion in general- What others people think about you it’s not up to you. If they think ill or if they think great. It’s up to them. And that will reveal their fears, complexes, similarities, qualities, oddities, quirks in relation to what they ‘take’ from your impression, character or reputation. In other words people are affected by eachother. Pluto’s on my mc . I am aware of the *up & *down. Cycles and losees from grace and elevations in grace are just like our earthly seasons. They can and will certainly repeat themselves.

    1. Me too – re Pluto in MC. Mine is together with Jupiter – and I also have Neptune squared my Sun and Venus in Gemini widely opposite Moon in Sag(very friendly and open)

      Everyone thinks I’m their best friend Absolute strangers say hello to me all the time as if I’ve said hello to them first. I do genuinely like people and am interested in their story – but without Pluto there and I’m Scorpio rising, I’m generally way too deep and intense once people get to know me. So it’s a bit of whiplash with people ~ they love me one day – gone tomorrow!

      1. Aye, neptune in the mix. People would assume just anything- usually whatever ‘is convenient’ for them. It’s a tad confusing. I have a gemini sun and neptune in 1st house to go with the pluto & the scorp mc so the struggle is real. At least they think you’re their friend, mine think I am their personal diary, which I can do but I need some space and boundaries before going nuts.

  18. I can relate on some level. The thing is, I don’t feel I necessarily disappoint because I’m not sure a lot of people ever come around and see me for who I really am. I am especially misunderstood at work. It’s like people see one part of me and make a caricature of who I am based off that making it impossible for them to see real 3D human that I am. I also have had a history of making big contributions at work which my bosses took credit and got promoted. This has happened more than once, and i realize it’s because people have taken advantage of my passion to help and contribute. The most terrifying example of this was when my husband’s mother died and he blamed me for all his unresolved issues he had with her (I was a stand in for his mom). When he recovered from this craziness, he acknowledged this and apologized. Uranus was squaring his moon when she passed, and soon after transiting Neptune in his fourth was opposite his Venus/Mars conjunct in his natal chart, and Neptune crossed my 1st at that time and squared my MC. He literally had to get away from me, move out, to realize his error. The metaphoric mirrors all over me where that strong at that time. With Neptune in the 10th, you are like a public vessel for people to use you for their own unconscious issues. .

    The astrology for me: I have a Pisces rising, so my ruling planet is Neptune. I have Neptune in Sag at 28 degrees in my 10th house. My Pisces risings squares my stellium in Sag on my Midheaven that includes my Sun, Jupiter, and the South node,

    Crazy thing is I’m not bitter or upset about all this. I know in my heart who I am, and I have no qualms telling people when it matters to me. My words (Mercury in Cap in the 10th square Mars in Libra 7th) have helped me. I like recognition (all those planets on my MC) but good karma matters more to me. And even though I mess up sometimes, I try really hard at getting it right with people.

    Here is the crazy

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    People project onto others because they can’t be honest with themselves about the things they are doing or dealing with, due to shame or guilt. At the end of the day, just be true to yourself. That’s all that really matters 🙂

  20. High 5, no gimme 10, recently I seem to have disappointed and all the time I thought I was doing great , can’t hide me ?the real me ?I have to let my ego Go! I still approve of who I am it’s just pains me that others have criticized me in the work I do and I know I am not like anyone else I don’t yell I don’t threaten I don’t harass intimidate or scare , I care for children
    And they’re not mine and I never want someone to feel afraid I’d rather suck up the consequences have to sweep the floor every 10 minutes ,I try to encourage excite the maybes the what ifs and they
    Why not?

  21. I can relate. I disappoint others, I know this. It’s my Neptune on my IC which squares my Mercury conjunct asc. I remember my teachers complaining about how spaced out I was. But I also have a tendency to project the fantasy of my inner world onto others, and therefore I disappoint MYSELF! BUT! I’ve learned the “feeling”, you know? How it “feels” when I’m deceiving myself, and tend to nip it in the bud with Saturn’s energy. I really do love my Saturn. It saves me. It’s my realistic redeemer: me.

  22. You aren’t falling from grace, you get pulled into the undertow by those who are intimidated by you. It’s not you it’s someone else’s fantasy (Neptune) for their drama and entertainment. You are amazing you just get jacked with a lot-
    God Bless

  23. Pluto in Leo generation, they fear what you can create and you can’t see your greatness, royalty with Neptune. With all humility, I wouldn’t have made it, nor would some of my gen X contemporaries without you- thank you, and your soldier for your service.

    1. Wow! Thank you. This is an extraordinary comment in this day and age. I really appreciate it. I was just talking to a friend about my ambitions; what I feel is my calling, going forward. I hope I can do what I imagine.

      I think you’re right, I often don’t know. I am too busy tending to all the bruises and black eyes, broken bones that mark my life, real and otherwise. But I do know this: I have made astrology accessible to A LOT of people; not without studying it, hard core, for many years.

      So now I’ve expanded, massively, behind the scenes (Pluto transit 12th). I’m pretty sure I’m supposed make other things accessible to people in the same way.

      I think this ability is a gift and my vocation or my calling is to connect people with something useful to them, in an expedient way. But I can’t do this without all this work on the front end. This work is ongoing but I’m getting very close and it’s exciting.

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