Fantasizing Control Freaks Who Marry You, Then Complain!

Have you ever dated someone who doesn’t really like you? I made these two similar but different videos a few years ago. I’m not surprised I felt compelled to rant about this more than once. They’re super short but informative.  If you have Venus in aspect to Neptune or Saturn, chances are excellent you’ll relate to the problems I’ve experienced more times that I care to count!

This one is about people who hate you but date you anyway…

This one is about control freaks, who get pissed off when you go off the script they’ve prepared for you in their imagination.  Arrrgh!

This happens on this blog too. People hang around here to love/hate me. I don’t get it. I truly don’t!

Have you ever found yourself partner to someone who really doesn’t like you, the least little bit?

33 thoughts on “Fantasizing Control Freaks Who Marry You, Then Complain!”

  1. Oh yessss…I can so relate to both.
    In my case, everyone wants me to be the mistress, even or especially when married to me. Not the wife or mother.
    That literally has been my entire problem.

  2. I have Venus trine Saturn, square ASC and semi-square Uranus, Mars and Sun. It seems when I decide to be in a relationship, it will take a lot to make me give up even though I see it’s not working the way I want it to. I seriously hope I get to the point where I no longer tolerate too much.

  3. The second case, control freaks! Arrrrrgh! This person’s Saturn conjuncted my North Node. And thinking back about an article you wrote about Saturn in synastry – mentor or oppressor, definitely oppressor, restriction.

    I have Venus in Sagittarius 8th/9th house inconjunct Saturn in Taurus 1st house natally.

  4. Recently I had a man tell me men NEED women to present an illusion because men are by nature so pragmatic. It’s important for women to provide this. My first thought was how much will you pay? I guess this may be why I “disappoint” so many. Believe it or not, in this day and age, this felt like a revelation.

    1. Have you heard of the “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” stereotype? It’s a character pattern in movies. It’s the soft, quirky girl who inspires the cold, logical male to see the beauty and mystery in life.

      I’ve encountered this, dated a few “thinking” engineer types who seemed to expect me to bring my artistic tendencies and love of beauty (my Venus in Pisces) but didn’t see much beyond that. I often thought that these guys just have underdeveloped feminine sides. Like, you’re looking for someone to “complete” you, but maybe try taking an art class or write a poem and then you’ll feel complete!

  5. Avatar

    Especially if they’re sufficiently ego driven to put the work into satisfyng you even though it’s solely for their self-aggrandizement and has little or nothing to do with you You can still experience temporary pleasure as a result. Pathologically practical Venus in Capricorn at work again lol.

  6. Yep. Leaving a 10 year marriage now because he couldn’t handle my success. Plus he really didn’t want to do ANYTHING with me. I didn’t get married to be alone. So Long and on to better days.

  7. Avatar
    10,000 daydreams

    Good for you Camille!

    Elsa, this is why you’re my favorite astrologer. You just talk about things in a unique way, opening up entirely new realms of emotional possibility. I’m just getting out a relationship with a man who *said* he liked me. But actually didn’t.

    When we got together he claimed he loved my exuberance. Then a few months later, he’s yelling at me, saying I’m too dramatic, and ‘over the top’! Whose ‘top’, buddy?! I’m a Leo! I have a million planets in fire! I get excited going to buy milk at the corner store lol!

    sigh. On to the next one 😉

  8. Venus square Saturn here. Early on in my life men were attracted to me for my exuberance and lack of guile. Then they would start expecting me to behave in an entirely opposite way. I realised this, so as I matured I used to give guys I met (who wanted a relationship with me) a kind of verbal pre-nup! At the risk of having them tell me to get lost, I would very clearly give them a run down of the kind of person I was and a list of things I wouldn’t do/would do in a relationship. It seems to work. So far I’ve never again had a man expect me to be who I’m not…

  9. My last relationship was with a person who belittled my intelligence and my hard-earned basic success, and resented my school vacation time (I work as a teacher). She also encouraged me to stop taking care of my appearance and scorned my pride in getting some muscles after a summer spent exercising in a school courtyard. In the end she ended our 8-year-long relationship and left me for someone 12 years younger (she and I are the same age). So now I’m rebuilding myself, slowly. So yeah, maybe she didn’t really like me :-p Neptune in the 7th, stellium in libra, all weak I guess, but I did fight her all the way goddamit.

  10. My previous RS was like the first video. But on my part actually. He had venus neptune going on conjoined with Mars… I resented him because of his large network and his hobbies and his great ability to attract other people. I should have learned from him but I moved away from what made ME happy (a career) to be with HIM. Still, out on the other side, I HAVE learned something. But he was never REALLY my type. Prolly a rebound. Go figure, Anette…

    Bedore that I was in a long relationship where I was controlled (2nd video). I have a thinking… when you’re not “done” with the prev. relationship and need healing – if you enter into another too early, will these machanisms be reversed in the new rekationship?? Is that’s what happens in a rebound relationship in a nutshell??

    Any input Elsa? (And thanks for the vids btw!)

    1. Hi, Anette. I don’t think things are that orderly. It is common for people to flip back and forth, but it’s just as common they play the same role, over and over and over. 🙂

      1. Thanks Elsa, I’ve been wondering… how I wanted him to change after being on the recieving line of this myself.

        I’m not proud of myself, and my controlling behavior was not too overt – but when he wouldn’t react to my “suggestions” I became resentful. Come to think of it I think we might have been doing it both of us to the other. He wanted me to be a geek the same way he were, so yeah, I felt that I had to be someone else for him to be turned on. So he witheld sex.

        Gawd, so toxic. His moon on my Chiron-opposite-Sun/Venus/Jupiter stellium in Scorpio. Ouch!
        And my Chiron on his Chiron in 12H. Blergh. Too heavy.

  11. I don’t think I’ve ever been on either end of this, but I LOVE Elsa’s video, wanted her to wear suntan pantyhose! Good grief! There was a guy I had a huge crush on in grad school. He was younger. He wore gym shorts, teeshirt and either black tennis shoes or those non-thong slide on flip flop things…all the time. Daily. To see him in long pants, button down shirt, was a rarity. I hated how he dressed but adored him as a person. While we never officially dated, we went to dinner and a movie here and there. He wore his “uniform” and I never said a word about it. Not saying I’m perfect or anything, I think I just understood early on that trying to change people, who don’t want to change themselves, ain’t gonna fly. I’m never going to wear high heels and tight clingy dresses. Love who I am, or don’t. Great videos, Elsa!

  12. It’s darkly amusing to me that my ex’s Venus in Aquarius is tightly conjunct mine because he criticized me constantly. Hated when I wore blue lipstick. Hated my bulge of a stomach. My hair was all wrong. My breasts were too small. I talked too loudly and said the wrong things. I was too promiscuous the two years we were apart. I know exactly why he wanted to marry me. I cut off all contact because I don’t need any aiding and abetting in self-loathing. I got my phd in that bullshit.

  13. Great videos! Very on point. Women who enter into relationships, seeing their men as a project, ill never understand. They do it knowingly too! Im not here to fix you. Only you can do that anyways

  14. I briefly hung out with a guy that didn’t like me. I don’t think he liked himself though. At one point I just drifted away but he tried to hang on. I didn’t understand that at all.

  15. anonymoushermit

    I’ve been told I’m too detached. Yes, I’m a Pisces, but I have a boatload of air! He was right, but I realized we weren’t for each other. Ouch.

  16. Sounds like my marriage. I have Venus in Capricorn. Men who have liked me as I am are Aries, Leo and Aquarius. Strange as they are entirely different than me but I have liked them too! My ex is a Virgo, Pisces Moon and Venus in Scorpio, Saturn in Aquarius. He wanted to change me, if not disliked me from the start, but I chased him and idealized him and once we were married he tried to change me. I still do idealize him, thinking it will fix it for us to get back together-You can’t idealize someone and truly love them, who they are because you don’t really SEE them. And because your not who they want, they can’t love you for who you are.
    @Elsa: kudos for standing up for yourself in that restaurant!…lol “I’m Italian, I don’t want to pipe down!”

  17. Hi I am a scorpio rising. Venus and Mars sextile in neptune pisces and I tend to attract a lot of fiery tipes that want to be with me but they hate me. And all of them find it hard to love on the present/material world.
    Is that a unconscious Mars?

  18. Hi I am a scorpio rising. Venus and Mars sextile in neptune pisces and I tend to attract a lot of fiery tipes that want to be with me but they hate me. And all of them find it hard to live on the present/material world.
    Is that a unconscious Mars?

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