I generally see things like this many years ahead of most. I don’t know why this is but I like to write this stuff out, in part because I don’t want to lose my vision. I feel a person should share their gift!
More and more I am seeing people draw erroneous conclusions. The conclusions aren’t even conclusions really. They’re assumptions mistaken as “truth”. I’m talking about my personal life here, but this has broad application.
What happens is a person or persons observe something and derive its meaning without the slightest investigation. For example, someone told me that a group of people wonder why I do X. They’ve decided the reason I do X is because I am awful and terrible. I just stood there, like, huh?
“Why didn’t they ask me?” I said. “I have a reason for that. Why do they assume the reason must be negative?”
Everyone knows the answer to this. People want to think badly of others. They just do. And because of this, everyone suffers.
The people who have to be around me with my horrible motives they’ve created in their head, suffer.
I suffer because people (silently) ascribe values to me, I don’t hold.
The person who is running between the two parties…well they may be to blame in part. Why not say, “Why don’t you ask her?” You know. Ask a direct question that will get you a direct answer!
I think this is stupid. Why not deal in the truth?
Here’s another (small) example. I am not posting this to make the person who emailed me feel bad. If anything this is a service to them, but this is also a perfect example of what I’m talking about.
There has been a man in the forum recently, posting graphically about his sex life. He’s always stroking himself and stuff. It’s gross.
Last night, someone flagged one of his posts. They noted how they find it amusing (or something like that) that I react quickly to some political bashing but do nothing about this guy. They’re rolling on the floor at my…transparency? My bias? My shittiness?
I saw that and I thought, wait a minute.
#1. I might not have seen the man’s posts. It’s not like this person has reported them, repeatedly.
#2. I am sick. I’ve been candid to say I have a horrible illness. Could I have been laid up the last couple days?
#3. Some trolls are harder to be rid of than others. What if I’m on this but the troll is hard to kill for technical reasons?
You see what I mean. This person wants to see me as unfair, unjust or whatever. They don’t want to give me the benefit of the doubt. The want to think they can see deep into my psyche.
In reality they come up with nothing that remotely resembles the truth.
Now what if that person would have asked, “Hey, Elsa! How come you react quickly to this and not so quickly to this other?” Big difference, huh? The person might have learned something. I might have had the chance to say, “I’m sorry I’m slow. It’s because of this, but I will prevail…”
That’s a completely different scenario!
Now let me expand this so it’s not about me, but about everyone…
We live in a facebook world where what you are exposed to can easily be filtered. Facebook has admitted to experimenting with manipulating a person’s emotion. Think about what they are not admitting to!
This tells me, if a person is intellectually lazy, they are going to be controlled. You’ve got to stretch yourself. You have to open your mind to other possibilities.
This is what Saturn in Sagittarius is all about. Leave your vacuum! Open your mind to the concept, there are endless things you have never considered and will never consider unless you work to expand yourself.
Generosity is big too. If you can get in the habit of giving a person the benefit of the doubt…if you can remember there are AT LEAST two sides to a story, you can avoid many traps. You can also avoid victimizing others, which does have a backlash whether you can see it or not.
What good does it do a person to belittle me – the person who provides the forum they enjoy and have for years? Why not ask if you can help me with the troll?
Are you quick to judge? Do you have a story that you use every bit of info to reinforce? Do you have good guys and bad guys….and you are never the bad guy?
If so, you’re probably closed-minded. And if your mind is not open, then what?
How open minded (Sagittarius) are you really (Saturn)?
Does this work the other way? People not believing the bad stuff and instead wanting to believe a liar?
Absolutely. Great point. Thank you.
The whole idea is you know something you don’t. And if you stepped outside your vacuum, it would be apparent.
I really have run into this repeatedly, recently. People who have gone far to long without cross checking themselves in any way.
Not necessarily because they’re stupid or something like that. It may be that they’re isolated for any number of reasons.
Never underestimate what new blood can do for you. Someone comes in with a fresh perspective.
Wait- people question how you manage your own site and forum like they are deserved an explanation????
WHAT???? Your site, your forum, your corner of the Internet. You are quite polite to even address this!! Wow.
I guess Elsa has to consider what other people want on the site that she pays for. /sarcasm
Eff these people, geez.
They observe something, judge it and then mock me…all in a vacuum with no real information.
Indicted, tried, convicted and sentenced…again, with no actual information.
Be afraid, that’s all I can say. Those who can still think and discern best try to teach others. Do you want someone like this on your jury?
Jupiter (Sadge) rules the courts you know. It’s a rush to judgment. You’re better off to be very slow to judge. You just don’t know when the tables are going to be turned.
Ugh, that’s irritating. My example…I was leaving a crowded concert at an amphitheater the other night and while I was getting out of the parking lot I turned my headlights on, but I didn’t turn my brights on because I didn’t want to shine them in everyone’s faces, I was going to turn them on when I got to the road. Now my headlights aren’t super strong, which is why I usually drive with my brights, but they were on. And as I was slowly maneuvering out, this guy walking by my car shouted “lights, dummy!” It really bugged me because I’m sure he thought he was being helpful, but he was completely misreading the situation and he had to be condescending about it to boot. Maybe he assumed I was drunk or something (I wasn’t), maybe he was drunk himself. Anyway, there are a ton of people like that in the world and it sounds like whoever emailed you was one of them.
Ha! A couple of days ago I was blasted by someone as I tried to change lanes. The vehicle was large and black and it was 5.30 in the evening and it was pitch dark. He bounded off down the freeway and I thought, “I wonder when he will realise he has forgotten to put on his lights.” Impossible to see him!
i like that saying, “if a person is intellectually lazy they are gonna be controlled”
that is so true. like propaganda in the ww2, and people were followers and believed in something that was wrong. Also jim jones cult….all believers, so easily led.
Wow….good old ethics right in everone’s face. There is absolutly
A stroke of genius in everything you say. I am relieved to hear you address these issues. We are endlessly expansive – we have the potenential to live in harmony on this earth together with all our differences. Please continue to point out the indecency of judgement.
I do love your humour…Blessings.
Thank you. And this goes beyond intellectual laziness. People who do this do not want to feel compassion…at least not for certain people, where I am one of these people.
This the craziest thing here…pretty much everyone who knows me knows I have lupus. It is a SERIOUS condition. You would think it would be the first thing a person thought of.
“Oh! Well, Susie is sick. Maybe that has something to do with the problem I’m seeing…”
Can I see what I mean? People are just jacked. You’re either someone that everyone feels sorry for or someone that no one feels sorry for.
Not that I want sympathy, I don’t. Not at all. I’m just trying to make a point.
People will cut one person slack and another no slack at all, ever. In many cases, they have the people flipped. They one they judge harshly should be shown the compassion or given the benefit of the doubt. But to see this, a person has to be willing to be WRONG.
And very few people are willing to be WRONG.
I have some idea why this is, I think. Story for another day.
Some people have a problem asking a direct question. They’re afraid of what you might say, so its easier to make assumptions behind your back.
Just for clarity, I am talking about more than the instance of someone emailing me, which is very common by the way.
I had someone write me a week ago, “Mean-spirited, are we?”
I had no earthly idea what they were talking about.
Not only am I not mean-spirited, I have no clue whatsoever what provoked the remark. Something happened, but I have no idea what it was. I don’t know the person nor do I recall every interacting with them.
I mean, maybe I have. I have been blogging for 16 years, but maybe you see what I mean? The person who sent that thinks it’s real. It’s so crazy. I was down for two days this week, I could not get out of bed. Meanwhile I am being indicted in these courts all over the world. WTF. Reality check, maybe?
This is so, so common now, it bothers me less and less. I am in the habit of telling people straight up – “Look. I know what I did, I know what I said, I know what I did and didn’t do…beyond that, diddle yourself to your heart’s content!”
See, if I do something shitty, I have to go to CONFESSION. That’s right. I have drive to a church, sit in a line, go in and see a priest and confess whatever it is that I did wrong. If you live this way, believe me, you learn to watch you ass. You think I want to be in there week after week after week? I don’t!
I’m not perfect by any stretch. But I am accountable for the wrongs things I do. Common sense would suggest I’d try to avoid being an asshole. Do you think it is fun to go tell a priest, “I’ve been acting like an asshole”?
It’s not fun. I can tell you this first hand, because I’ve had to do it. More than once!
In a word – UGH.
I have worked with the public for a long time. When I see newcomers get angry at a clients rudeness I tell them that you never know what people are going through. It could be the worst day of their lives. I believe that EVERYONE is struggling with something.
But there are malicious people out there who see kindness as a weakness.
And just because you’re going through a hard time doesn’t mean I’m going to be walked on. It’s hard to discern sometimes.
I am reading, always satisfied with assortment of thought. I do however fall into missing sound, intonation is the best of ones’ efforts. Wishing the super smart can invent us texting with tone. maybe a list , like the smiley faces?
i was not being malicious, but trying to use humor.
I don’t know who you are or what you’re referring to.
That’s another thing. I’m the one with my face, name and life exposed.
If someone is going to send you a nasty email like that, the least they can do is explain what they’re talking about. I don’t know how you keep your cool, Elsa. It would make me angry because the tone of that statement is so sarcastic. Its scolding.
Why should you have to apologize for anything you say on your own forum?! If someone doesn’t like it they can leave. Maybe they have their own personal issues and have focused on you, but its their problem and not yours.
I totally agree, it’s there problem. I understand this better than I ever have before. That’s why I wrote this. It’s for people who might see themselves. If you do this, as so many do. It’s a habit. And if this is your habit, I can flat out tell you, you’re getting dumber by the day. And I bet you, at least one person reads this and realizes they’ve got to change.
re jim jones cult… fascinating book that touches on that called “influence” by robert cialdini.
the lack of seeing that someone may be dealing with something else is based in binary thinking. either you are with us or against us. two choices.
i try to teach the people i try to lead to aim for 10 or 20 choices before they narrow the field i problem solving. the same stuck i a rut thinking governs assumptions. many other people have a more varied life than your limited assumptions… our culture has become a very black and white.. stark dividing line culture which fosters very narrow thought. instead of thinking that the person could be dealing with a multitude of other things and working to help them we rush to judgment…
please note my comments are a generalized description of the issue and very likely does not apply all the time to all the people but i do believe our culture as a whole has moved in this direction.
Well said. Thanks.
Here’s another thing. When a person tags an offensive post, I get an email, but so does satori. This is so we can hopefully deal with it quickly. If I am not around, she may be.
I bet if people knew they were not addressing me in a vacuum, they’d edit. In other words, dissing me is okay. Satori not so much. Most feel they have to be kinder to her. I’m the one you mean to walk on.
Now you can imagine a person like this does not address me by my name. It’s not, hi Elsa. I don’t rate that. So it’s just the smug mocking, sent to satori as well as me. So what do you think she thinks? She’s not conditioned like I am.
It’s worth asking yourself if the person you’re disrespecting actually deserves it. Because you know what?
Here’s another perspective for you. I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t deserve respect for something. And ill give you an outbound example.
The aurora joker (city where I lived the time of his crime) was accomplished, academically. I have to give him that.
It’s something to consider.
But back closer to the topic, what I see is an epidemic of people biting the hand that feeds them. I see it in my personal, off-line life, but I see it everywhere.
Like dissing the taxpayer who works to pay for your unemployment or whatever. What the bell. Maybe you ought to say, thanks. Shovel their snow or something.
I’m just sure any of us are great enough we should be crapping on people passing by. Especially if they are actively serving us.
I’m pretty sure people on unemployment would rather be a taxpayer. Just saying 🙂 lol Sounds like this person just had no tact. They likely were upset with the offending individual and that came out on you because you’re the only person with an ability to do something about it. I sometimes get upset with folks in customer service who don’t seem to care about my problem. I understand they didn’t create the problem, and it was related to the way their company operates, but it doesn’t make it any less irritating when they don’t give a shit about trying to fix it. I think, whoever this person was, they were upset with the speed for which things weren’t getting done. Ultimately they’re afraid you won’t address it at all. They, of coarse, weren’t very gracious about their choice of words. Even if it wasn’t the case with you, it does happen quite often with other “hands that feed us.” Sometimes, like the Dakota Indians found out when they were promised payment for land from our government, the payment never comes and the delay causes starvation. This is an extreme example, but hey the reaction to this persons post was relatively extreme. The quintessential point is that sometimes people have a legitimate reason to believe the “hand that feeds them” doesn’t give a shit and they might actually starve (or their needs be so insignificant that they are completely forgotten). It’s a misunderstanding on both sides.
I hate to think we’re at a point of no return with this but I think we are def. near a tipping point. Guess that’s Saturn in Sadge…
I have two points first of people talking bad of others based on perception. People mirror what they feel inside. They don’t want to know the truth they want a reason to say bad things about someone else so they can feel better about themselves in comparison. The second instance is the idea that someone else needs to make things better for them. Blame the site administrator instead of standing up for yourself. Both issues relate to giving away power. Elsa you could see this as a compliment. Because both types all give their power to you. I learned this through having people frequently giving me their power in similar fashion. I have Sag rising so I don’t sugar coat when I tell people it is not my responsibility to make them feel good about themselves or make things okay for them. I choose to love and accept myself as I am and take 100% responsibility for my own happiness which really tends to piss off people whom are unwilling to do the same for themselves.
This is actually a great point. No one told the guy, hey! We don’t want to hear about your dick. It’s their community too! Really.
And this was the first actual complaint by the way. Though anyone can flag at any time, no one did.
So in reality…well by the time I got the notice, the thread that was flagged was already removed. satori must have done it, because when I clicked over, it was gone. That, or the person was looking at a page that was cached?
In whatever case, it was quickly dealt with once a complaint was made. The community does help set the priorities. I mean, I didn’t want to hear about the guy’s dick, but maybe other do..or did. But definitely, if you come around her with graphic sex, you will eventually be blocked. If not I have my astrology site, tagged as porn and BAM! There goes my business.
In whatever case, this was meant to be about people who draw conclusions in vacuums and again, this is one example of MANY I have witnessed, especially recently. I just thought it illustrated my point well.
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Thanks. 🙂
Hi Elsa,
It’s the same people crying for safe zones and PC censorship that have no problem stepping all up in other people’s boundaries and projecting their own shadow.
Lisa
I don’t know, because I don’t anyone like that. They’ve all disappeared from my life and you can see how much I miss them, lol. 🙂
4 different men who I know only in a public way portray themselves as staunch evangelical Christians. All 4 men have propositioned me in a sexual manner that I did not invite and I had to decline.
My father was an atheist, and a gifted scientist. He was also a really horrible, neglectful drunken father who I never knew very well. He beat my mother to a pulp when I was a child and abandoned us to run off and marry a younger woman. My dad’s wife idolized my dad, and after he died she would always call me and insist he was a wonderful person. Even after a neighbor had accused him of being a peeping tom. I believe the neighbors accusation 100%.
I have Scorpio Neptune in the 4th house, square my Leo Sun and my 8th house Aquarius Saturn. Saturn opposes Sun. I will ALWAYS be someone people find unlikable and I am extremely unpopular. I will always be somebody’s black sheep and I don’t even try to change anyone’s mind anymore.
For the past 3-4 months I’ve experienced a variation on this same theme, over and over and over. The people and circumstances varied, but in each case I found myself saying, “I am pretty sure that …. such and such…” (whatever it was at that moment.) When it all began, my next sentence would be something like, “I’m 99.9% sure,” about whatever it was. Apparently, though. the universe has also been trying to teach me this same lesson about avoiding jumping to conclusions – even when I’m pretty frickin sure I’m right. ESPECIALLY when I think I’m right. It turns out that that remaining one tenth of one percent is, by definitiln, a real and practical possibility, and one that has repeatedly demonstrated it’s viability by proving me wrong over and over lately. It happened enough times that now I catch myself when I think I’m certain about something. Now, thinking I’m right automatically reminds me that if something is one way it could just as easily be the other way. I think I finally realize I know absolutely nothing for sure. It has provided me the opportunity to pause, allowing me to think twice about judging people or events. “If I think I’m right, I could just as easily be wrong,” has given me a type of humbled freedom somehow. I am grateful for the opportunity to expand my perception. It sure beats smug know-it-all-ness. Or it doesn’t. Lol.
Hmm, wow! Not sure what to think now haha… I think it’s true intellectual laziness leads to being controlled… Well, I’m sorta limited in my scope of examples, o Elsa & community but eh… I’ll try my best: It’s like the the Milgram experiments, where they tested people’s obedience to a (perceived) authority figure, with being asked to inflict (fake) electrical shocks to others (actors) (yeahh kind of unethical experimenting btw). Those who did not want to obey included women who recently participated in civil disobedience for gender equality, I think, and those predisposed personality-wise to resisting authority.
I also would forgive those folks for being intellectually lazy, since not everyone has the money, space-time, general efficiency of life force to think… This world we live in…. everyone is scared and everyone is fighting for survival on some level, economic or reputation-wise or something else, whether the “scarcity” is perceived or real. Feeling scared. Blaming others to stop feeling vulnerable, to believe that they can control all, and that control is of utmost importance, instead of love and kindness.
Hopefully, more and more folks (online and otherwise) can take a look at themselves and ask if they are doing it every day. (I don’t always haha, but I hope I’m trying hard enough.) Admitting to themselves, while forgiving themselves and others when they find something went wrong. Like in workplaces, many people feel like they need to toss each other out like trash, and point out how weak everyone else is. As if there were clear winners and losers. (No wonder fantasy and movies about volunteering as tribute are) It’s been ugly out there…
Haha, I guess this post helps remind me never to trust any one or any one thing’s perspective fully, but also never to *mistrust anyone or anything fully. Everyone’s human… I’m trying to take away from each post something that I can apply to my daily thinking and life. I guess here you’re asking me to stop before I consider someone 100% evil or 100% good. Slow it down… Consider. Be considerate…
Also, on what level am I simply damaging myself for being trigger-happy & unforgiving? For holding onto perceived control and anger? Isn’t there some level of truth that the more I live there, the less I will be able to connect with everyone around me on a human level…? How happy can I be then? GAH thoughtsssss. Good stuff to think about Elsa. Thank you everyone
sometimes giving someone the benefit of the doubt isn’t enough. i suppose you have to get to know them.
Biting the hand that feeds…well last week i bit that hand and have learned to regret. Mitigating circs: i hadn’t been paid by a big bank the money owed from work done 6 months earlier. The middleman was giving lame excuses. Righteously triggered, I went behind his back – very politely – and asked the bank direct to sort it out. It got back to him. He flipped, because my actions jeopardised his much bigger-than-my-late-money operation. Consequence: i had my ear chewed off, and now won’t be paid at all: the invoice a sacrifice to appease the big God. Amazing the trick these banks have to make themselves the victim… This is not the same story as the one who habitually lashes out on email. Email & text are definitely turning out to be as much a curse as a blessing as far as relationships go. But personally, i HAVE to learn to wait. Just wait. And wait. Because at the end of the day my own impatience has cost me the money i was trying to gather. My trying to take some control here has lost me ALL control. 6 months is a long time, but better to wait than not to get the money at all. Better to trust a little when someone is saying they’re doing their best. Hope this might help someone. Becoming more conscious is a SLOW business! The ego does not vote for being sacrificed, least of all in the arena of business. Thanks for your beautiful work here. Matt x
“What happens is a person or persons observe something and derive its meaning without the slightest investigation.”
This is my mother, to the T. It a one of the core issues for the reason why my family life is tumultuous. She jumps to conclusions without doing even a little bit of enquiry, and it irritates the help out of my and my sister’s Virgo planets. Even just asking one of us for help or clarification, and a lot of stress caused by this behavior could have been avoided. I’m frequently drained emotionally when it comes to her, because then comes her habit of attacking your character when you point out her errors.
It’s part of how people have become so quick to take offense. It’s so unpleasant, I’ve realized it’s not worth dealing trying to deal, if it can be avoided.
It’s taken me a long time to accept the way things are now, but I’ve finally managed. More and more, I’m content to live like my grandfather. He went out to the country and stayed there. I go to town when I need something, don’t bother anyone while I’m there and come home. If someone is interested in me, I’m easy to reach. But if they want to play games, insult me, blame me, bother me, project on me – ugh. Boring.
It’s just uninteresting, ya know? I’d much rather hunt and dig up wildflowers plant them in my yard.
There are a lot of people out there, to interact with them, you may as well get into a pit with dogs. Like life isn’t hard enough! Like there is not enough pain as it is!
In choosing to keep out of the war zone, engaging with nature in a deep relationship, would you say you are consciously engaging in what Alice O. Howell calls ‘sacrificing the ego’? She says this is the symbolic meaning of the Age of Pisces. I just watched two videos of her talking to Ray Grasse, she’s absolutely wonderful, the wise, feisty Grandmother archetypal energy to a tee: https://youtu.be/gXx1IENBnuc?list=PLGxJCbvh09xSyGLTB3-eO2WCL-I1fJaR-
It’s a matter of survival at this point. And maturity. There’s just no sense trying to get along with people who don’t want to get along with me…or who don’t like me or don’t like anyone or who don’t like themselves or whatever it is. There comes a time when common sense tells you to step out of the ring.
The problem is, no one teaches common sense anymore. And if you act with common sense, it infuriates a good number of people.
Example, bite my hand how many times? And then be pissed off when I no longer extend it?
That’s been the biggest challenge for me. To leave the people pissed off. To accept that some things just can’t be fixed. People have their story – it’s their story – their truth, and that’s all there is to it.
If their story is that I suck, then their story is that I suck. But life is so short…especially at this stage, it doesn’t seem to make any difference at all. We all die and your epitaph can be all about who and how you hated?
Whatever. It’s not interesting to me.
I actually want to live in peace. I am often accused of causing people disease / of upsetting their peace. I haven’t gone anywhere, uninvited for many years because of this. Recently, I’ve quit inviting anyone who’s never happy with me or anything I do. I just don’t see the point.
I mean, I realize people need a bad guy; I’ve known this for 20 years. But I don’t think I have to be her, at this stage. I’ve done my time. I’ve more than pulled my shift as the scapegoat.
The threat is that I will wind up alone. Well, no shit. I *will* wind up alone, same as my grandfather, who was as fine a person as you could ever meet in this world, anywhere.
This does not seem bad to me. So much better than constantly being kicked in the teeth. It’s a relief, really. The idea of spending time and energy on people I like, who like me, provided they exist.
well i hope they do exist for you, you deserve plenty of kindness and appreciation.
Elsa,
I feel like you’ve got the tail of the tiger with this one. If I take this to a bigger level, of how groups assign motive to why other groups do what they do…or countries assigning nasty motives to other countries…what we do on an individual level is what feeds the groups & the countries.
Let me backtrack. If I can be better about asking others what their motivation is, instead of assigning a negative reason (& who knows why we do this, I suspect it’s easier, lazier even, to constantly think something bad— rather then talk to others & LISTEN to the responses we get!)
Then…. I will perhaps get into the habit of questioning larger ideologies in the same way, and open the door for conversations with someone I might not have before.
And then, it might trickle up & out to others, who could start doing the same thing… & might this lead to a more peaceful world???
My very clever, moral and well meaning friend (an Aries) has become extremely anti religion of any kind. This is due to living in a patriarchal immigrant community and it sits badly with her. She sees faith schools as damaging and dangerous. I finally messaged her about her posts, wherein I got a lecture about all the hateful things done in the name of religion. She is young, her friends are not from faith backgrounds. Ironically she has become in my view radicalised. I told her I found her posts hurtful and that they attacked my own upbringing. She was upset and wanted me to u friend her. I wouldn’t! Taking extreme sides is scary and unecessary.
Aside from all of above I think the Internet has become the modern day virtual “kick the cat” thing.
Having a bad day, pissed off? Go on the Internet and find someone (usually poor unsuspecting soul) to take your bad temper or shitty mood out on.
Like road rage
Information Superhighway Rage
I find more often than not it’s really not about the subject they’re bitching about they just want an argument or to yank someones chain. Or to dump their festering mood on someone.
I feel sorry for such unaware pathetic people. They are just such a mess of repressed anger and judgemental smugness that sits atop self loathing they can’t help but erupt.
There’s a guy who will come and just post “bullshit” on things I write…just that, no explanation, no reasons why (because there is none of value)
Instead of blocking him I just clearly call it out for what it is so he is made a fool of. Obviously if it got worse I’d get rid,
I believe automatically thinking the worst about another person is a way some deal with anxiety and fear of the unknown. Slapping a label/judgement on someone identifies him/her as a “known” quantity, even if the assessment is completely wrong, It’s also a handy outlet for jealousy which usually doesn’t respond favorably to having the facts anyway.
It’s somewhat relieving to watch another “human” have a thought process of sorts..if you’d like to relate this to astrology..i’ve been looking a little at “evolutionary astrology” with Chiron plus Nodes ..for origin and triggers of repeating patterns (especially at the moment) I totally empathize ..listen to the song “You got me wrong” by alice in chains and smirk…keep thinking
…please…you’re a breath of fresh air!
sometimes not enough, sometimes too much.
I’ve had the opposite experience. Being content in thinking someone is great, assuming everything they do is honest and kind, and finding out they have been deceiving me. It only took one time to scar me for life. And when it happened again (cause I never learn lol), I was more understanding, and saw the personal responsibility too. So assumptions can work both ways, either way, they suck! How do we stop them!?