To update the transit, I’ve pretty much made all my commitments and drawn all my lines. I am also off sugar. The transit has been difficult at times, but not harrowing and most interesting at the moment is what’s emerging via conversations with my ex from 28 years ago, when Saturn was last in Leo.
See, he is reading my book, which is about my life. And he is finding out a lot things about me he never knew. And he’s a hothead, okay? And I don’t think he would mind me saying so. He is a passionate man and obviously…well, he has all the qualities you might imagine it would take to survive 16 years as a Special Forces solider with none of them spent behind a desk.
And when I met him he was 19. And he’s a machismo sort on top of all this, so just think about that. Do you want to wave a red flag in front of this guy? Maybe not. But now we’re older. And there are so many things I would like him know. Things I would not / could not tell him when we were kids. And boy did I want to.
I used to lie in bed with him and whisper my secrets to his back while he slept! And I would hope he was only pretending to sleep and hearing every word. I was simultaneously praying he was out cold!
But that was then. We are more mature now and I think I can safely transfer some of this information to him. And I sure as hell want to. I have so many cards to deal him. He has no idea. And the cards are very fine. In fact, they are sublime.
I explained this to him:
“It’s going to take me awhile to tell you this stuff. To explain. But if you don’t go crazy, I think I will get it done. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it took me two years. Maybe more.”
And he didn’t say anything but I know he knows what I mean. I do not wish him to put anyone’s head on a stick! So if he starts getting too itchy, I will have to back off and wait for cooling to occur. And this is all amusing as hell. Well, to me I mean. You may just be appalled.
But it’s amusing because honestly things just don’t change. We’re both volatile and we both know it. The way we interacted (almost) 30 years ago is exactly the way we interact now. It’s like we both know each other capable of burning down a city. So we’d flirt with this but always, always be standing by with the fire hose, you know? Control that burn, see. Or else!
And it’s very comforting when someone can do this for you. Load your furnace and let you burn. Let you be you, but be standing by with a bucket of water and a cool towel to wipe your brow! And I can equate this to music, actually. With Venus square Neptune, I would.
It’s like we’re both very fine instruments. And we want to be played, but with skill. Do this…don’t mess up the finely tuned thing and it will reward beyond your wildest imagination.
So he’s the instrument and this is my mission. And he would equate it to a minefield, no doubt. But I have Capricorn. So to me, it’s a hill I want to climb. Without a misstep that sends me plunging down!! And can I do it? Of course!
Because I was born to climb, but also because I believe that it is our destinies is to have this exchange at this time and one thing about me is this: I always, always, always show up for my life.
So what about you other hotheads out there? Have you ever had someone accept your fiery nature and understand innately how to work with it? Tell us.
Just recently I had a man acknowledge the fiery part of myself that I had been refusing to see for a very long time now (because I’ve got lots of other stuff going on too, but there is some fire there). And moreover, he -loves- that part of me. This has been a very powerful realization for me, and one that I’m nowhere near finished with yet. And I have no idea where this is going.
I’ve had people accept it superficially but when it came down to it, they definitely did not understand it. No one has yet. And I may get carried away sometimes(lots of fire, little earth), I usually have a good reason that most no one gets.
I don’t think I am fiery at all. I don’t even get mad hot. I get mad cold.
They… Well…. more like she (my former president of this org) and the other she (my roommate) would just block me out and do this passive-aggressive thing, when I felt stressed over something I thought was important to me. Usually people other than my mom would never understand. They just do passive aggression or they try to dominate (yay, Saturn transit!) and tell me what to do, maybe because they feel threatened… *sigh* So, I guess this is learning how to hold back and hold up without feeling angry/defensive. This is my end of the deal. (Moon conjunct Mars, 9th house) Yay! I’m learning astrology! =P
And, reading about your Capricorn climbings =) I think I can make it there too. (Mars and Moon in Capricorn)
I wouldn’t say I’m a hot-head, since I’m quite self-composed, but underneath it’s all temperament. In relationships it has been a disaster, because the men just weren’t game, until lately, though not sure how that will develop. In friendships though, I am amazed at how I am accepted, for my adventurous and emotional, some would say reckless side too.
No, no one has ever really been ok with my passionate nature. I think that might be changing now though.
No one, but lately I dont believe that something is wrong with me. I use to really feel that way. What a relief.
my sister calls me a live wire, my mother says i’m difficult and that if i didn’t “tone it down” i’d never find a man…
my man calls me spirited and appreciates me as i am. 🙂
Nobody knows how to handle it with me.
Oh yes! My current relationship is with another Aries, and he gets it. We manage each other very well, and wind up with a very peaceful co-existence. 🙂
I have a lot of fire(grand trine/asc/venus/mars and I also have alot of water(pisces sun/moon but I think I like the fire part of myself better which is odd because other fire people make me feel so ill at ease sometimes. I think its good as long as you can somehow temper it and try to always remember to be considerate. But fire is really fun to play with when its used in the right way. When I was a teenager I used to blow up a lot but I dont do that much anymore for some reason. I usually use it in a playful or a creative way now instesd of a mean way. It comes out in my relationships a lot (Venus/Mars in Aries) (flirting /teasing/ wrestling) and I think men like it. I think men may even like it when women explode sometimes because my boyfriend(Cap) laughs at me when I get mad and tells me I look sexy. Once in a while yelling is good it adds intensity and definetly isnt boring. I love my fire it makes me feel happy and excited to live.