Recently, I spoke with someone who feels some combination of guilt, regret and sorrow about where their life has taken them, or where they have taken their life. I felt bad for her, because I don’t think she’s done anything to feel guilty over.
I notice how some people are inclined to think they should have-or could have done more. Others are inclined to think they should have to do very little, if they should have to do anything at all.
I wanted to say that I did not think the woman had done anything wrong but I wasn’t being asked for my opinion and I’m not the judge of it anyway . So I absorbed her grief to the extent I could and I took this as a lesson. Saturn, right?
I think you’re better off to tax yourself when you’re young. You’re better off to push yourself to do things even if they’re hard for you.
Hopefully you can avoid getting older and having to live with these powerful feelings of melancholy, you can do nothing to alleviate.
Are you satisfied with your own performance thus far? Or do you waste opportunities, thinking a day like this will never come?
Are you satisfied with your own performance thus far? Or do you waste opportunities, thinking a day like this will never come?
When you come from where I came from you have no other choice but push forward. My sisters and I had to do what we could to escape a bad situation. And, we never wanted to be in the same situation (our childhood) so I think we were all overachievers. Even occasional failure didn’t stop us. We just kept pushing. I regret some things but most of it is in regard to relationships. I always pushed myself hard. Maybe too hard. I still work like a nut. I doubt I ever retire.
I did feel like that when I was in my 20’s for a while …when my kids were little. But I made the choice to stay home with them and raise them myself. When they were both in school all day, I jumped right back into the game and have never looked back. If I hadn’t gone back to school this last time and pursued a passion I would probably feel like this right now.
Yes, Saturn is very strong in my chart: positive and not so positive connections. I think maybe its something about being in your 50’s…i mean, this is really it. You have maybe 20 more good years, and if you live to your 80’s you’re probably going to hit some kind of health problems for the next to last 10 years. Your physicality changes, you slow dow, you’re not as strong as you previously were. For women, its really tough: your face falls no matter how in shape you are or healthy. Mentally, you change as well. I suppose there’s positives in aging, but i have yet to see it. Ok, so Mr. Right didn’t show, and neither did the kids or the white picket fence. You hope you’ve got enough money to get through the years when you’re retired, but its dicey these days, and then friends and family start dying and you realize you’re the one to bury them. The realization hits, there’s only so many good years left, no matter how hard you pushed or worked. we all know where this life ends up, but…time really does move faster, the older you get, and you do get the feeling, “where did it all go?” I think that’s where taking it minute by minute, with gratitude, meditation and developing a sense of some greater power moving through our lives, can help.
I pretty much did everything I wanted to do. I ran hard and fast. My dilemma sometimes is what now? Actually that’s kind of a lie. It’s just different now. I’m more into building now. It’s a whole different tack for me. It seems laborious. Earlier in life I ran on the pure joy of discovery. And yeah, it would be my advice to young people, too, get out their and do it now, take those risks. But that’s my jaded opinion. And the world is alot more uptight now. So I do understand if they have a dilemma about that. Boogey mans everywhere. It’s a war zone.
I’d have a lot more difficult time with my present circumstances if I hadn’t been really ambitious when I was younger and accomplished a lot. Really the only thing I regret is that I should have jumped out of an airplane when I had the chance. 🙂 Mars Uranus I guess.
It’s so sad- its like damned if you do, damned if you don’t…
I think we have peace when were old when we have had real love. Unconditional love… And family…
But I have Saturn/ Pluto (in 3rd, ruling 4th) opposite Venus. Venus Trine Neptune.
For me, success is a lot to do with love. I think ill be content when I have this + my Uranus/ Jupiter in the 4th… I want to feel alive and dynamic, jovial, warm… within my family and at home… With a great unconditional love.
I think I could die happy then.
Now at 67 I’m at the top of my form. Pluto trining my sun has been superb. I was born with Pluto squaring my sun and have faced a lot of adversity from early on. I’ve pushed myself hard to succeed and create a beautiful life. Now I’m cruising. I’ve done all my work, am clear and grateful and enjoying the moments of each day. My friends and relationships are honest and loving.I’m an artist and have created a life where I can paint every day. I love myself and enjoy my solitude. My long-term soulmate lives close-by and we are happy alone and together. It’s a beautiful life! Studying astrology has given me a great deal of understanding of myself and others. I do other spiritual/energy work as well on a daily basis. I am completely happy with my life and look back on all its challenges and pain and love that, too, because it’s brought me here now.So thanks for asking, Elsa.
this is absolutely beautiful, thanks for posting!
I’m absolutely satisfied with my performance so far. I did it on purpose. I knew when I was in my teens, twenties, and thirties that I would eventually get tired and want to slow down, so I better fire on all cylinders while I still felt invincible. I turned forty this month and I was so right – I’m getting tired. There’s still so much to experience in life, but I’m no longer interested in running hard, playing hard, achieving hard. I’m interested in stillness. I want to create something meaningful. I want to listen to my heart in the quiet hours of the morning. I want to watch my son grow. I want to go for long walks in the woods. Had I not pushed myself to capacity when I was younger, I know for sure I’d feel a sense of loss for time gone by at this point. I don’t feel that way at all and I’m proud of myself for having considered this well in advance. I’m ready for it.
I am more at peace with who I am at 66, and know I will probably question myself till I take the last breath. Saturn is prevalent in my chart too, squaring my Scorpio Sun as Redhead’s but Pluto conjuncts my Saturn so the journey has been deep and different for me. What I love about my life today, is knowing I have worked hard as a young woman and suspected old age would be an adventure no matter what. The Moon was in Capricorn when I was born, and it’s Uranus and Jupiter that surprise me, and all who know me. Guilt, regret and sorrow visit me, the 8th House is a house on fire natally. I am learning to weave in and out of that fire with myth, magic and storytelling to make what Satori once wrote: “Reality is what it is, but perception is king. However you frame reality creates your experience and the mind and senses are key.”
Are you satisfied with your own performance thus far? Or do you waste opportunities, thinking a day like this will never come?
No, not satisfied at all and I’m 35. I’m already aware of the sand running through the hourglass and have been since I was 27 or so. I have never felt that I’ve performed at the level I’m supposed to. While I want prestige, I have never really seen a clear path to achieve it nor had the ambition to work that hard on things I consider unimportant. I’ve always been more interested in peace, solitude, and working on my inner life than on outward trappings and that’s gone well… but I’m a peon, always have been a peon, and probably will die a peon and that disappoints me. My divorce just about killed me on the personal satisfaction front because it was the one part of my life I felt happy with; I like being partnered. *smiles* It’s hard but ultimately very rewarding.
I dunno. :/ I feel useless and superfluous. I really could drop dead tonight and it wouldn’t make a shit to anyone and it’s been that way for much, much too long. That’s the basis for all the suicidal urges I have. *nods*
I should say this as well:
I have a Libra stellium and if I have a romantic relationship — even a bad one as long as I’m excited about my partner — every thing else in my life seems rosy.
That’s kinda dumb, I think, but it’s true. 😉
SaDiablo – I hope you are doing better.
I’m in the exact same boat as you. I’m 32 and recently divorced. I spent all my 20s with the love of my life and helped build our life together. Then we got a divorce and my life crumbled. I have no focus or motivation and feel I got the short end of the stick.
Relationships are crucial to my being. Capricorn sun in 7th. Libra 4th house. Venus 8th. I need partnership and intimacy. Right now, I have none and feel like a zombie. My ego, pride, and security is wrapped up in partnership and I don’t even know myself anymore.
For now, I will keep going and pushing myself. I’ll worker harder everyday on anything that is in front of me and maybe with the effort (saturn), I’ll be rewarded with peace later on.
Elsa what if you try and seize the moment but it fails? For instance today I waited on a co worker to come to her shift so I can ask her out, I never saw her! Now I have to wait till our schedules mesh .. There’s many of us there 🙁 That just pissed me off. Last night I blew an hour and a half on the bus from work ! I got off work right when the bus came so I waited for 40 min for the one to only get home another 30 min later!!! My life sucks. I always look for opportunities or I almost get it and it fails. Another big one is when I was accepted for a program in composition for the first of its kind but nope Elsa, I had no money and no way of paying for logistics, fin aid was exhausted. Not to mention my anxiety attack for taking surgical tech program on a 11 day commitment going on 2 months! My life sucks!! How can I make of myself if the powers that be keep subjugating me to shit 🙁 So I decided to follow my bliss: music at all costs! It calms me down (moon in pisces) I’ve got rhythm/talent (sun merc venus pof and chiron in gemini 5th house), tech know how (uranus 10th/1th house) .. So its time!!! My friend knowledgeable in vedic astrology said it would take me till my thirties or some time to acquire my skills but I would be a pro at it 🙂 Starts soon. I’m not gonna let anyone get in the way including myself! Thanks for reminding me about that too.
your question scared me so much Elsa..means I must deal with it for my best,so thanks
I keep circling around such a point, but the closure of a 14 year life cycle(saturn) is approximating,so I’d rather force myself into this.
for the facts:I’m 44, single from 2007(unwillingly-apparently),no children(I’d love to have one, cancer moon and black moon),had one important relationship(even if based of other needs than love) and a devastating affair which brought me to the verge of suicide and made meds-dependent just to stand up.on my 1st saturn return I’d had a breakdown, as soon as I left home for my first job, where I nearly lost myself. I’m the only financially independent member of my family,both on mother’s and farther’s side, got a tiny house I cherish,curious how I tend to avoid the work subject..to my astonishment, I passed a public selection for 3 people to be picked all over my country.I also passed with the second highest score the examination to be a judge.Never meant to be any of both.
studied law(loathing it) to follow my girl friends, hoping I would get a job to help my family.never felt a child inside, no recollection of lightness and carelesness from those years and my memory holds together like a glue very early images.clearly remember being 4 and despising kids who burst into tears.I arrived at university age with the sight of a black wall ahead, no clue about what I could expect from life.tecnichally speaking, a good shrink would have diagnosed depression in a child who asks herself”why did my parents have me?”. emotionally isolated.Experienced the touch of someone stroking me with affection for the first time at 33 and was shocked by it.learnt to cry around the same time.
found the courage to take piano lessons at 42, having played piano by ear since a kid.have a morbid relationship with music and get easily overwhelmed by it,but also grasp it intuitively,sometimes(as my piano teacher says),preventing myself from understanding it technique(no earth,sorry). at the same time, singing lesson and sang live many times, to understand what it means to me..my voice is the first thing to collapse under minor stresses, my ex devastating affair(pianist and sailor) would enter the classroom in the school music and I would choke.
water in 9/10 of my dreams (water grand trine, prominent neptune), diagnosed bipolar last year by a renown psychiatrist, been on meds,now slowly getting free of them,finding a balance inside.
I’ve no interest in money for itself or many typical female things such as clothes, bags, in spite of my powerful libra, i’m literally dependent on beauty and harmony, but without frills.I’ve started grounding myself quite recently, after a deep work in therapy, with saturn in 1st.
I can say I’m satisfied with hindsight, if I take a look at my heavy chart and accept that I’ll always have to deal with 6th house sun conj chiron conj n.node.it’s aries (venus saturn as well),so I suppose I’m here to learn how to be an individual and I’m definitevely learning.My watery-fiery,troubled mind is serving me well, under a new discipline(saturn).Elsa gave me a valueless insight on this.
I’m also unsatisfied as well, because at my age I’d rather have accomplished more in personal area, and my emotional unbalance still scares me.sex is a very troubled issue,something lacking deeply in my life,not as gym but as deepest intimacy and expressions of myself.
my progr. asc is turning to sag after more than 40 years spent in scorpio(as if I wasn’t plutonian already!), jupiter in cancer is very supportive to me now, I’m taking the reins of my life with baby steps because the possibility for dangerous acting outs is always here(car crashes and such, that’s where suppressed infant rage has found its channel).
life has brought me here so far, I’d better say my energy did it,for mysterious ways.
still nailing down the actual purpose of my life,overcoming the sense of void and being lost which has haunted (and isolated) me for long.
I ferociously want to feel satisfied,even If I felt this way many times in the past, all wrapped up in a neptunian pink bubble.hope it counts as an answer…!
hugs
I pushed myself during my Saturn Return, and I’m so glad that I did. I gained wisdom I probably would not have gained otherwise. I’m still young enough to push myself hard, and I like doing it. I figure I’ve got another decade before I will start wanting to slow down, so I’m making the most of this time now.