There’s a man I respect. He’s a quintessential Saturn in Sagittarius figure. He’s a priest!
Recently he made a remark about me and my “development”. More specifically, the comment was about my needing to develop.
He doesn’t know me very well at all. At first, I thought he’d made a wrong assumption or had me mistaken. I’m in this small town, who knows who I am? My husband is an imposing figure. I might appear to exist in his shadow?
I thought about this blog. I’ve developed it over fifteen years. It’s a accomplishment no one knows about. I wrote a book (Heaven, I Mean Circle K). It’s a pretty serious piece of work, and it’s real. I had to live every story in that book. They’re not exactly normal. So I thought his comment did not apply to me but then a day passed.
A day later, I realized so much has happened during the Uranus Pluto transit…I have been turned upside down and inside out so many times, I am no longer a “developed” person. I felt humbled, briefly. But then I felt exhilarated. It’s a blank slate, isn’t it? I guess it’s the upside of having your clock cleaned.
So I’m going to be (re)developing myself, starting now. Or continuing to develop. Because the fact is, survived Uranus Pluto. It’s time to find out why.
Have you developed as a person?
Damn. I don’t know. Great perspective, Elsa. It’s a good point… in that I feel mostly destroyed as a person post-Uranus-Pluto, teetering on survival-always, and neglecting moving on and being happy, not just “okay”. Raw nerves are what seem to be left. Now that it’s different, can I move on? I forgot how to make conversation and have fun with friends, because I’ve been so involved with work and school. I used to have the freedom to be artsy and weird, but I can’t hold onto that young person I used to be, just goes out with time and not age-appropriate. Reading this post, I realize I need to rebuild that fun & adventure in myself-the adult version.
Sometimes someone points out something about yourself, and… whether or not it’s real, there’s something to learn. Thanks Elsa.
Yeah, my husband thinks I misinterpreted what he said, and I know I misinterpreted what he said. This wasn’t even the conversation that we were having! We were not judging, Elsa. It was just a remark and this is the direction I took it.
I have more to say on this topic tomorrow.
Hahaha, aaand there’s a chance I may have misinterpreted what you wrote too :P! Looking forward anyhow, even if I may not have gotten it down 🙂 Love these posts, ’cause there’s so much life-learning packed into each snippet.
I’m stagnating like a damn tire has blown out. I’m partially beginning to believe nothing positive is going to come out of the next phase of my life.
“Stagnating like a damn tire has blown out”! Oh how I can relate to that and “[believing] nothing positive is going to come out of the next phase of my life.” But don’t fall into despair. I have to believe that something good can happen despite ourselves. And why not? Bad stuff happens despite our best efforts sometimes, so as far as I’m concerned, something good can happen to. This world is an infinitely amazing place, and you’re still in it. 🙂
” I guess it’s the upside of having your clock cleaned.” heh.
I think at times I’ve been a developed person. I feel mostly primitive right now though. I think that’s from being sick & not having a lot of energy.
I thought I was… but lately I’ve been wallowing in past mistakes and reliving them and I wish I could stop. I have to keep telling myself: that’s not who you are now, that’s not who anyone involved is anymore. Stuff I thought I was past just keeps coming back up in my mind so either I’m obsessing or there’s some message I didn’t get. But anyway, yeah, I feel like I’m always developing or trying to.
Could this be part of the Neptune/Midheaven, people-don’t-realize-who-I-am thing? I wouldn’t discount your development thus far. You have helped so many people through your vast experience; starting over in a new place doesn’t wipe your slate clean of existing wisdom or “development.” Give this man time to get to know you, and I’ll bet it will blow his mind. However, if he’s only looking through the scope of his brand of Catholicism, there may be something within that limited mindset that he’s judging alack.
You and I are both Catholics, Elsa, so I know you are going to understand me. There have been times when I have received advice from the priest in the confessional and been rather annoyed and thought, “Ok, you don’t know me”, but when I gave it a couple of days and turned it around in my brain, there was SOMETHING to what was being said. I think God or Mary really does speak through the priest in confession more often than is realized. Love this post.
People can be so misread.
I try to make it my philosophy never to assume.
Elsa, I would say you have reinvented yourself many times; more like the phoenix rising from the ashes, in all kinds of permutations.
I would say I have developed as a person, but that’s between me and the Cosmos.
Interesting question. I think I have changed over the years, for the better. Just recently, things have changed somewhat for the better. I have expected some nasty surprises, but so far, things are going ok.
And I hope that I did not sabotage myself by typing this. Haha.
A few years ago, I developed but then everything stopped. So at present it seems that the development of myself was pointless.
Ditto
The person , the developing potential, the priest, …
… Surviving Uranus pluto,
… I was never Catholic yet a verse where an Angel touched a coal to his lips and he was cleansed;a clean slate of a relationship?
..north node now has moved into Virgo and should have conjunction with the Sun in a year plus a little more from now; a good start to a Nodel Year (correct term?)(or just node year?)
“So I’m going to be (re)developing myself, starting now. Or continuing to develop. Because the fact is, survived Uranus Pluto. It’s time to find out why.”
– Thank you for this . wondering and doing exactly the same. Which I think is what we learned in your enlighting saturn-in-sag-workshop.
I am right behind ya 🙂
…and I am from a diffrent religion- which means you can always learn from everyone.
more saturn in sag I guess 🙂
I am developed! I took a sideways move and probably a few steps back on that Uranus-Pluto square, too. One of the exciting things about starting all over again, as I am here, is that I get to choose what serves and what doesn’t. I get to choose what I develop and what I let go.
Saturn and Neptune are having a field day on my chart right now. I’m quite literally manifesting my dreams out of fog and faith and it’s pretty fantastic. <3
I am liking the power of visualization energy. If I can visualize it, I can make it happen. It’s there out in front of me. It may not happen instantaneously but it’s on the docket.
It’s a never ending process. It’s not for everybody. Pluto sig, you know. Stagnation not allowed. I can go easy, take it in stride, or die denying it. It came to alright alright already I surrender. Enough already. But it’s not for everybody. That’s probably the best lesson from astrologers and bloggers and people in general. Not everybody is the same. It’s not everyone’s journey, mission. The priest reminded me of the coworker control freak who kept saying ‘we have to work as a team’. The coworker was no team player. Funny how that works. And yeah, with the priest it might have just been an off the cuff response, thought in passing. He is supposed to have all the answers. It’s his job.
Ooh, I like that statement. “It’s time to find out why” you survived Uranus/Pluto. I’ve developed, I think, bc of all of the losses I took. But I know I have more developing to do, there’s no question!
There was a definite point, like: *OVERNIGHT*, in early September when I FELT and KNEW I had crossed into a whole new phase of my life. I felt it and knew at my core.
For the first few weeks, I had doubts and fears that this new (better) ‘place’ was gonna hold. Well here we are, almost two months later, and IT’S HOLDING. And now I know it will continue to hold. The chasm has been crossed. SUCCESSFULLY.
I can now look, focus and concentrate FORWARD.
And so it is that I have embarked in earnest on a total revamp, total NEW PHASE OF DEVELOPMENT of my self, my life — yes.
Yes, I have developed. In much the way that film in the beautiful old Argus cameras is dunked into a solution of icky and toxic! solutions … I am developing. The summer was an especially potent time to come through deeply felt emotions, physical sensations and separation. No longer possible to go back and better for it. But. In the process of becoming… the water and the self? Murky.
Is the film black and white or all shades of every color. We’ll see. My solar return shows up just as the Pleiades does in November … I’ll be one of those sisters checking for colors!
Tabula rasa is Latin. I had it tattooed on my palm several years ago. I was told that it would fade in a year. It’s still as dark as the day I had it done. It’s a philosophy that definitely relates to this. Look it up!
I don’t think I’m to the point of reinventing myself yet. I see spots where development is needed and I have started developing in some areas but I’m still dealing with an adult child that is being rather disruptive. Trying to help her out by giving her a place to live till she can change her career and get back on her feet. Problem is she is dragging her feet at this point or so it seems to me, and she is somewhat verbally abusive at least to me. I understand she is not where she really wants to be so we get into it much of the time. At this point I just want her to move out and if she doesn’t contact me ever again I will at one point be sad about that but not right now.
I feel like a tyre spinning in wet mud – going nowhere very very fast
Staying at the same damn place with a lot of lost energy.
I also have times when I feel very grateful for the lessons I’ve learned that I didn’t know I was learning and the place I’ve pushed myself to.
But my voice is currently lost and I don’t know how to make sense of anything – put 2 and 2 together or tell a coherent tale
It’s like disparate music notes hanging in the air – or a Jenga block fallen over and strewn around
Now I need to rebuild with better intentions (not necessarily a stronger base) streamline cut the crap, write a flowing script an adaptive text
But yes I feel like a wiped out slate too
Saturn will cross my descendant @ 22deg Sag in my 6th house. I am a Gemini Sun, Mercury, Mars with Pluto/Uranus conjunction at 15deg in 4th house Virgo and Saturn Pisces @28 almost 29 degrees in 11th ??? always wondered what happens when Saturn crosses descendant ? Thank you Elsa for all your dedication ?(Insert gold star on your forehead )
Love this post. I’ve also been having a dramatic opening on my perspective about the depth of growth that is possible. (Religious conversions will do that.) I’ve worked this angle hard for 20 years, and here is another deepening…like a full mile drop into deeper. Beautiful.
I get this now. It is the sensation of plateau-ing. Neptune opposing sun. It takes me awhile. Reminds me of the mother who hands the pisces kid a potted plan and tells her ‘take this plant out and add some more dirt to the pot.’ The kid returns with a pot of dirt and the mother asks where’s the plant? The kid answers you told me to take it out. The mother finds this hysterical because she meant take the plant ‘outside’ and put some more dirt in the pot. The kid is just puzzled.