Dear Elsa,
My relationship with my Piscean man started off with friendship. I was sexually assaulted a year into our friendship by someone else. He remained by my side, and nursed me back from the brink of emotional collapse.
Unbeknownst to me, it somehow involved into something more. We become involved in an intimate relationship, that has now produced a pregnancy. He never wanted to have children with anyone. As a result, our friendship/relationship has been severed.
I don’t understand how he could be there through such a tragedy, but cannot be there for this child. He told me that he does not want to talk, or see me anymore. It is now been a month, and I have not heard anything from him.
Adrift
Dear Adrift,
I don’t understand that either. And he may not understand it himself. And I am very sorry you have been abandoned like this. It’s got to be incredibly painful… and embarrassing. Because you are a Capricorn, concerned with public image and I know how this is.
For some reason when a woman is left pregnant, she is blamed. There must be something wrong with her, people think. Otherwise that man would never have left. And this is bullshit, of course. Men leave because they can. The baby is in your stomach, not theirs! So if they want to leave, they can. But I want you to know there are people who see through this, and now what?
Well there is nothing you can do about his lack of desire to be emotionally involved. So at this point you would do best to accept that, and try to detach and make this a practical matter. Because it does not matter if he wanted to have a child or not. The fact his, he has a child and the child is inside your body. And whether he likes it or not, he is as responsible for that baby as you are. And though he may be turning his back and denying his responsibility, this won’t do him much good if you decide to sue him for child support.
And this is the question you need to ask yourself. Do you want to chase this guy for child support? And no one can answer this but you.
See, I don’t know your situation. If your resources are limited, then there is no question what you will need to do. Get on the phone with social services and have them assist you. Do it now, so you have things in place for when the baby comes.
On the other hand, if you are flush, then you have choices. And I want to mention this. Because some would say that you have to go after the father on principle. They argue that your baby is entitled to support – but the fact is, if you can support your child yourself, there is another option and it’s called “Cut your losses”. What your baby needs most is a happy mother who takes care of herself, so you want to make decisions that support that. And leave this guy to do whatever he’s going to do about the fact he has a baby in this world. And I am not sure just how pregnant you are, but this is my advice:
Take care of your body and your baby. Go easy on yourself. You can’t do anything about anything (as far as child support is concerned) until your baby is born. And if you are going to be a single parent with a newborn, believe me you are going to need all the rest you can get now.
Outside of that, try to remember it is you in the catbird seat. It is you who can go after him for support (or not) and it is you with the precious thing in your body.
It is also you who is mature enough to take responsibility for your child, so keep your chin up and start making plans to be an excellent parent to your child – which is Capricorn’s forte. And for the record, I am fully confident you will succeed at this, regardless of what this guy does or does not do.
Congratulations and much love and good luck.
Good advice as always from Elsa.
To put what I am going to say into some kind of context, I have no children and no maternal feelings and tend to see things the way men do more often.
How do YOU feel about this pregnancy? You don’t say anything which tells me if you are happy about it or not. If you are, I apologise, as I only have a short letter to go on.
What you don’t want to do is to have a child hoping it will cement a relationship. I’ve seen women do that – they were happy to have the baby when they thought the guy would be theirs and then go off the kid when the relationship broke up. The child needs to be wanted by his mother AT A MINIMUM no matter what her lovelife’s like. If he gets the love of a good father as well, even better. (I am not saying any of this applies to you, I am just kicking around ideas and thoughts. A short letter can’t give us all the info).
It could be he’s in shock and will come round.
But if you are having this baby with or without him, you will have many many plans to work out before it’s born. You won’t have too much time to waste worrying about how his mind works.
Maybe he enjoyed playing saviour when you went through the assault but that’s a whole different thing to being committed to being a father for the next 18 years.
Men don’t have the advantage of pregnancy hormones to make them feel warm and fuzzy. It’s still just an “idea” – not tangible to him. Men generally don’t melt and coo over babies as most women will but can feel that way about their own. I hope I am making sense.
Maybe he needs time to come to terms with seeing himself as a father. Maybe he’s frightened he won’t be good enough. He sounds like he has a very definite sensitive streak (as shown from his support earlier) so he may surprise you in the end after all.
This is of course all speculation. The only definite thing you know is that there is a baby on the way and you don’t think his father will be in the picture. That is the only thing you have to deal with in the here and now.
Best wishes to you and your baby. If the baby has least one parent who loves and cherishes him, he’ll be fine.
x
Great advice, Elsa. I only wish you’d touched on the fact that Adrift lost her valuable support network after being assaulted. The support network she has told us brought her back from the brink of emotional collapse.
Here’s some love and good vibes coming your way.
I did it alone for a few years before I met someone else and got married… YOU CAN DO IT!
I never sought support. money always comes with strings. I didn’t want any strings.
and hey, Congratulations on your pregnancy! it’s going to change your life in so many wonderful ways.
I agree completely. Welcome to single motherhood! It’s not a glamorous job, but someone’s gotta do it, and the rewards are enormous… Sue the bastard for child support if you want and/or need it, but don’t bother trying to force him to be a daddy. It can’t be done. However, there are a number of awesome guys out there who will be able to pick up his slack, should you decide that’s what you want.
I’m sorry he’s an ass, hon… But better that he flake out now than when the child is old enough to remember that, once upon a time, s/he had a dad. I’ve got a friend whose father left when he was 3 years old, and he’s never quite gotten over it.
*hugs*
Elsa, aside from being a professional astrologer I am also a Women’s Health Care Nurse Practitioner.I have to say, your advice to this mom to be is so absolutely stellar and right on and caring and practical and cut- the- bullshit, I want to send many many grins your way! From an astrological point of view I,too, believe this Capricorn gal has what it takes to be a super parent and this life event will change her for the better. The cut- your -losses advice is about what i would say too– she has options, you hit them all on the head and I know with this kind of support this gal will be a fine Mom!!!!! Blessings to all of you!!
hello adrift! i dont know if u read my reply or not, but i had to say that iam a pisces in a relationship with a cappy. If your pisces lover left you alone, let him go………..YES!! i know u might be thinking that this is stupid,but believe me this is the only solution to ur problem. Its going to be tough for you but this is the right thing 2 do for a pisces. I suggest you to remain calm and forget him because he dint love you and dont ever cry for those who dont deserve your tears, who deserve ur tears dont let you cry!
I feel u. My bf just broke up w me yesterday and i’m almost 5 months pregnant. Just all because of an argument on the phone. This month is my appt. to find out what the sex of the baby is and he acted like he was excited to find out. Although he is much younger than me, he had me beleiving he cared and would be here. Right now i’m in shock, never thought he’d leave me at this time. Now all i can do is try to deal w/ it the best i can. I don’t think i will hear from again. Im very sad.
I know what you all are going through. I have a seven year old son now. Seven years ago my ex left my child and I. It was so hard to go through and some times I often think of him and how he is doing? I never ever went after child support, I thought at the time he did not want to have any thing to do with my child and it still holds true. The pain would just kill my son, his Father not wanting to be a part of his life.
Their is some advice I can give you! And that is, Think of you child the baby you are going to be giving birth to. It is a life , it did not ask to brought into this world. If the situation is bad for now and the man will not work with you, how is he going to to treat the baby. It is not your body either, It is your baby body for nine months. All I am saying is think of your baby. Ever thing you do now will hurt your child in the future trust me. All they want is love.
In my suggestion, capricorn and pisces have no loves. The pisces have the love towards capricorn but not capricorn. It would consider to be a good marriage but no love in the two sign. Just to let all pisces women know!! If your a pisces women if you want the man of your dream it’s a Virgo. Virgo men will make you as the one and only in the world.