Is It Okay To Express Anger?

I’m comfortable with anger. I’m comfortable with yours and comfortable with mine. I”m comfortable expressing my anger and I’m comfortable if you express yours.

Some people are not comfortable with anger of any kind. They’ll do anything in the world but air a grievance. It’s the seething that actually bothers me.

Mars rules anger and the first house. It is assertive. I was taught to never let my Mars energy back on me. When Mars is deprives of an outlet, it perverts.

With Mars in Libra I truly (9th house) want to be polite! So I have a real struggle. I do get angry and I feel my anger justified. I think it’s acceptable to express my anger in no uncertain terms. This is appalling to some. Due yo that same Libra placement,  I can see their point!

I would rather not see their point. My husband has Aries . He does not see their point and I’m jealous!

How comfortable are you with anger, yours and/or theirs?  Where is your Mars?

65 thoughts on “Is It Okay To Express Anger?”

  1. Avatar

    Thank you! I am totally comfortable with anger. Now, for some reason, I am not comfortable being angry/expressing anger to my friends about things they did or said. I don’t like drama, and I need friends to feel good about things. So if I DO get mad at them, I am good at calming down and emailing them clear-headed grievances. This rarely happens, though. With my spouse and my kids, though, I feel it’s almost my right to express anger if I feel it. I don’t think it’s ok for me to scream at my kids randomly and “make them pay” for my anger — let me be clear on that 🙂 I just mean that if they’re being suepr disobedient or destructive or won’t listen to a damn thing and I use an angry voice using reasonable words, I think that’s more than ok. I’m a person too, dammit lol And I feel like, if I have to pretend I’m not as mad as I am with my HUSBAND, for God’s sake, what the hell am I supposed to do? I am learning to be more respectful with my words, but I cannot lower my voice to a regular tone if I feel fury. I don’t see why this is a big deal.

    As far as other people’s anger, I’m totally down with that. I don’t fault people for getting mad at injustices or abuses, getting mad a bad thing. If a stranger visibly hates me, that makes me very nervous — seriously, what could be so bad that you alienate a person before you get to know them? But if you need to vent, or if my husband is through putting up with some annoying habit of mine, I feel like I can understand where he’s coming from. I recognize that all people suck — including me. So why would I be SHOCKED that he finds SOMEthing I do douchey?? Seriously. No. Other people’s anger, in general, does not bother me. When it crosses to abusing or threatening, I think that’s messed up. My Mars is in my 10th in Leo, Sun in Aries.

  2. More comfortable than I used to be, but I still cringe when I hear others fighting, and would prefer to not be put in that position.

    A whole bunch of door slamming, put my mood down the tubes, after half-an-hour or so.
    i ended up going down there and saying, “JUST SAY IT. What’s pissed you off?”

  3. Sun in Aries, Moon conjunct Venus square Mars in Pisces. I’m pretty good at calming others down, as long as I’m otherwise okay.

    I tend to calm down if I think the other person is actually listening to me. If not, I blow.

  4. What drives me crazy is the concept someone is supposed to stomp on my foot or spit in my eye, fuck my husband, or whatever and I am supposed to nice about this. Why not hit them with a pan? This is my instinct and perhaps if everyone hit people with a pan who acted like this, people would quit acting like this!

    But some say I am part of the problem! How strange! In my world, I am part of the solution! And yes, I could be nice in any or all of those scenarios but WHY?

    Well I know why. Disturbing the peace and such but I prefer the pan method and wish I could just use it and never have to think about it beyond that. It’s simple, it’s effective and therefore, it is elegant (at least from my admittedly coarse perspective).

    1. Oh Elsa, I agree with your approach so much!

      I feel like I always mention it, but I have my mars tightly conjunct my ascendant. Amongst other things, I’m known for being in your face with my anger; but with an asc, mars and sun in Virgo I always strive for that energy and anger to be, ultimately, constructive. I want for us to meet in the middle and work it out, but that’s exactly the thing! I WANT it. NOW. ?

      Unfortunately, that mars is squaring my MC. I have things in my chart that softens my edges so I do have some control of the image I project – but for the past two years especially, I’ve found myself in a lot of negative situations with different types of authority in my life. Frankly, I feel like the ease with which I used to show my anger – confident in my abilities to argue from a place of reason, compromise and solution – has become inappropriate in the new settings I’ve found myself in. I’m starting to see how my anger could be standing in the way of my very strong, professional ambitions. I feel like being me is becoming a problem.

      During the mars retrograde this summer I found I more often swallowed my anger. Swallowed it completely, consciously choosing not to take the bait. Sometimes I just stood up, excused myself and left. It’s so unlike me, I’m not comfortable, but I don’t know how else to handle it! It just seems like the wisest… or maybe I’m doing it all wrong. I don’t know.

      My birthday happened the day before the station direct, so retrograde mars is an important player in this year’s solar return. And yes: lately I find myself worrying about my anger quite often – and no, I suppose I’m not comfortable with it anymore ??‍♀️

    2. I, too have a cardinal sign Mars (in Cancer). A friend noticed that I get irritated when people continually employ ineffective actions… Wrong tool for whatever hoped-for outcome. My Mercury in Aries is Mars ruled.

      For me, my Mars in Cancer means (… among other things) I think upset, and yes anger too, are normal, in families.

      I’m mother to a Libra Mars son – conjunct his DC, & Mercury, & Sun (in Scorpio – hey, if I was to have one only offspring, how could he not have been born with Scorpio Sun). My son, also, is easy with anger. And, he’s a peacemaker. A diplomat in the everyday. A tactician (analyzing emotions in play, and, effective win-win outcomes).

      My Housemate also has a Mercury in aspect to Mars, only, they’re in fixed signs. Which is really really effective for being diplomatic with difficulties – without swearing!

  5. Oh libra. I see your point, but I’ll ignore it. That’s the only way I keep from exploding especially with all the Aries energy lately.

  6. Mars in Libra, 10th house. My anger tends to be expressed in a bitch session with friends. I vent, and then I’m done. If I need to do something about it, then I will.
    But I’m getting a little more comfortable with letting people have it who are just stomping all over me. (Funny, it works.) Fortunately, most of the time I just use the “Scorp look” and people back off. But there’s a couple people in my life that isn’t enough. They get a bomb.
    As for people being angry with me – I cringe when someone isn’t happy with me, let alone angry.
    Just conveying displeasure is enough for me to get it. Libra Sun, Moon and Jupiter too.

  7. I am definitely comfortable expressing MY anger (Mars in Sag on my 6th h. cusp), but if someone else expressed THEIR anger – I’m outta there.

  8. I know what you mean, Elsa. The type of person starts the trouble, and you’re seen as the bad guy for not taking it – I’ve been there, too.

  9. My problem is that I have the feeling that if I REALLY get angry then I might cause a nuclear meltdown of destruction. Actually, I’m fairly certain I would leave nothing but scorched earth, so I really try not to go there, because I don’t think I really want to burn down the house for everything that seems wrong. Moderation doesn’t feel possible, and that’s the core issue. Unfortunately, it does, as you say, build up. Just way too many planets in fire signs with my double Sag and Aries moon . . . .

  10. No, I am not comfortable expressing my anger nor I want your AT all. I don’t get angry, I get into full on rage when you are simply raising your voice. I was taught and learned to use it very negative way. I was bullied as kid and I asked my mom how to stop it and she said FIGHT. I did all the time, so this apply to anything, I wouldn’t understand your point of view because I was focused on my emotions. I only learned this pattern, months ago at most so I want to use it right and knowing when to express it. I rely on a discussion, I want to hear your story and you hear mine. Mars in Scorpio/9th but I should add square to moon Leo.

  11. Avatar
    curious wanderer

    My Mars is tied up. Cap Mars conj. Sun, trine Virgo Moon, opposite Leo Jupiter (which is in the 12th).

    I used to fear my anger and the anger of others, mostly because I saw irrational anger, misdirected anger, and badly used anger. I also came to know my own anger as a very powerful weapon, as I know exactly how to take a person apart, and when angry enough, I will do so. However, that is shameful to Virgo moon (conj. Saturn), so I will do anything not to unleash that weapon.

    So it was. I’m a little more comfortable with my anger, and with others’, though I still get anxious. It’s hard with Cap and Virgo together, as I feel like I must maintain dignity and decorum, even when I’m coming unglued.

  12. I have my south node in libra. I unfortunately also see their point/smoothen things out instead of legitimately expressing my anger.

  13. …which is awkard for me, as my sun conjunct mars, and mars forms so many connections to my other planets. Yet its energy is most probably stifled! 🙁

  14. I have Mars in Sadge conjunct Saturn on the IC, my anger is directed inward and generally I don’t have the energy or resources to take on other people’s for very long without breaking down. My home is full of a lot of anger.

  15. My Taurus rising, Moon in Taurus, Sun in Taurus, and Mars in Taurus nephew absolutely HATES anger!

    If you show anger then he’ll won’t talk to you for days.

    I guess Taurus like their calm.

  16. Taurus Mars is placid until poked too many times. Then you’re f*cked. I’m totally fine with other people’s anger; it’s honest and clean. You can talk things out with anger positively expressed. It usually short-circuits my own simmering anger. Passive aggressive BS is usually what brings out my rage. Once that happens, there’s no room for discussion.

  17. Conoco, I guess it’s my Aries Stellium making me okay with other people’s anger. I could see how someone with a Taurus Stellium would protect their placidness at all costs.

  18. hells yeah i let it out. i have mars square pluto with pluto favorably aspected to the moon, mercury, neptune, and jupiter. as long as i make sure not to go overboard i usually find my anger productive.

    i’m ok with other people’s anger. i prefer to clear the air whenever possible. (moon-mercury-jupiter-neptune wants to talk about it to make it all better). seriously, i’m very willing to get over almost anything if it’s honest.

  19. My rx mars is conjunct moon. WHEN i do get mad, it is VIVID for me, and everyone else. So i have to NOT get mad….what to do? TRY. TRY. TRY to detach. (It’s conjunct in aquarius)

    More like harboring resentment. I don’t detach very well, but ofcourse people think i do. Such a struggle.

  20. My Mars is in Aries. I surprisingly don’t get mad. Ever. Sometimes I hate this lack of passion, sometimes I appreciate it. When shitty things happen I get more perplexed or analytical than reactive. Not that I don’t care, I’m just more interested in understanding WHY than reacting without knowing. It’s frustrating sometimes. Sometimes I wish I’de just, hit someone in the head with a pan.

  21. I’m pretty comfortable with others’ anger. For ex., I had a longtime client got over-excited in business meetings and yelled way too much (even tho he was a very nice guy), and a lot of people would have been intimidated or not able to handle that in a business situation, while I was able to take it in stride.

    I’m aware of my own anger but in control of how I express it. I grew up in a “sweep it under the rug” type of family, and admire those who can express it easily. Lately, I’ve become even more aware of how suppressing anger can lead to much more damaging consequences, so I say, “Let it all out!”

    [Mars in Sag in 12th, squaring Pluto conjunct Sun in Virgo.]

  22. Avatar

    I am as venus conjunct it… and am not at the same time…
    ive got Taurus Mars on the 9th house, it squares my Leo Saturn (controls) on the 12th (hidden)… it also sextile my Cancer Mercury on the 11th (use on behalf of oppressed groups?)… semi sextil gemini Jupiter on the 10th (other than big, idk what else it is)

  23. “Why not hit them with a pan?”

    Yeah, man. Ha ha ha. 4th House Mars opposed Pluto.

    I’m fine with being angry and fine with other people being angry, too. I was never so ill/sick as when I was suppressing my anger. I was bulimic from 13-19 because I was tricked into thinking I had no right to have an opinion about my own life. My anger turned in on itself and I became ill.

    I don’t mind if people get angry with me. I’d rather that than they disappear on me. I feel that people have an inherent right to have opinions about their life and what’s happening to them. I feel people have an inherent right to DEFEND THEMSELVES too.

    I wish I could convey just how little it means to me, if someone doesn’t like it if I defend myself. It’s utterly meaningless to me.

  24. Boy do I have anger issues….12th hse Taurus Mars (conj ASC/Venus/Chiron). Mine, yours, everyone’s:-(

    I’m still trying to work my anger out of the deep abyss (along with my inability to confront & stand up for myself). Other’s anger scares me, I want to go the other direction if I encounter it. I usually avoid making others angry if at all possible and if someone makes me angry I burry it. Unless they poke me enough times. Then they’re f*ck$d;-)

  25. 8th house Libra Mars conjunct Uranus. I’m good with my temper. I’m little, so I don’t do hand to hand combat unless I have to. In that situation, I’d rather go ahead and get the beating over with so I can start plotting how I’m going to take you out because evidently I didn’t have my gun when you punched me in the face or there was not a ball bat nearby. And I’m more mature than I used to be so I have learned to keep hurtful words out of my anger so I’m good expressing verbally. Most of the time, I can handle my anger fairly well.

    Other’s long as they aren’t being a bully or completely destroying something then I’m good.

    You should let it fly. I mean you are Italian? How can you not? Why should you not?

    Sometimes I get pissed off and wonder why the hell it is that everyone seems so much happier if I’m just freakin Pollyanna all the worries..I get pissed too dammit!

  26. l am comfortable with it, if l keep it in it will explode sooner or later plus it’s not good for your health…let it out get rid of it and move on if you can.

  27. @Elsa — If someone is rightly deserving of a skillet to the face, give it. It DOES seem the only effective way to check the bullshit, when dealing with a shithead. There seems no other way to reach them. Sad.

    This is why I’m uncomfortable with anger, because 1) I go out of my way to not make others angry, and 2) When someone pisses me off, it’s only compounded by the fact that they made me sink to their level ( skillet to the face or similar ), and that upsets me even more. I’d like to be above that. Otherwise, how can I claim to be an evolved being ?
    I grew up around angry morons [my parents] who were physically abusive and behaved as though there were no reprisals for their behaviour. They were reckless and ugly and destructive. I’ve made it my life’s mission to deal with situations in a civilised manner; but I’ll be the first to admit that it’s hard to meet a fuq-wit with one’s own civility. You are both standing in two different places.

  28. Mars in Taurus in the 12th opposite Pluto and square Mercury & Saturn, Venus in the 3rd, and Moon in the 8th. I’m not entirely sure how I am with my anger at the moment because I definitely do view it differently than I did before, but I haven’t had a chance to actually get angry (not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing), I haven’t even really been sitting on any anger. Before I’d hold back and back and back, let things stew, and then the final straw would come and I’d fly off the handle, slamming doors left and right and screaming and crying. It always scared everyone because I’m normally very calm and relaxed (Taurus Ascending sextile Venus). I also have a bad habit of cutting straight to the truth when I’m angry- and that truth isn’t necessarily what anyone wants to hear, and it sure as hell isn’t delivered in a way they like. So then everyone gets angry, I’m not budging, they aren’t budging, and I dont stop until I get my way or we finally see eye-to-eye. At least that’s how it’s been with my parents, and they’re the only people I’ve really gotten angry with. I kinda gave up on arguing with them on anything, so maybe we’ll never know how I’m doing now. 

     As for when other people are angry? I HATE it. Absolutely hate it. It makes me so uncomfortable and antsy and stressed out. If it’s directed at me, then okay, let’s duke it out and get it over with. Depending on how much I think I’m right or wrong or how much I want to avoid arguing, I’ll either roll over and let the other person be right, or I’ll charge right back at them. But when it’s not directed at me, and the environment is all tense and stressed? Not very good for Venus in the 3rd, and uncomfortable for Mars in the 12th and Moon in the 8th because all the emotion they’re feeling ends up on my psyche whether I want it there or not.

  29. Mars in Scorpio 5th house (Part of Sun-Mars-Mercury scorpio stellium) opposite Jupiter Taurus Rx

    You would think that I wouldn’t have a problem with anger,but I do…my anger and other people’s anger(especially other people’s anger or even just disapproval scares me)…though I’m getting better at expressing that part of me in healthy ways all the time.
    Also, I tend to be afraid of getting angry as well because I can be totally irrational and I tend to make sudden decisions based on that anger.

  30. I’m not comfortable with it. I am afraid of other people’s rage being taken out on me, big time. It scares the shit out of me and makes me think of large abusive males looking for a female target to go after.

    As for my own anger, it really has nowhere to go, and expressing it to who I am angry with has never made anything better, so… well, that’s why I’ve pondered taking up martial arts, and like to kickbox when I get to do it. In real life I can’t hit anyone with a pan, I’d go to jail, you know? If I express anger, it ends up in a giant drama fight that never ends (Mars in Leo). I am always sorry when I have expressed it. I get punished.

  31. I have anger, but I don’t know the boundaries that constitute a “personal attack,” for instance, I can get angry when someone says something that scares me. (Like when my friend says something and I think “WHERE DO YOU GET OFF BEING SO MOTHERFUCKING CRAZY?!!”)

    I have seen people bitten on this blog for expressing anger or rage. Probably for a reason. Because of what they said. So I’m not clear about how to do it appropriately. And I don’t want to get bitten. Plus, sometimes for me, even blunt phrasing feels like a bite.

    I have Mars in Capricorn in the 12th so, there is unlimited rage if continues being bottled up, and a lot of it is not for a fair reason, but I don’t know what boundaries are implicit in “it’s okay to express your anger.” Like, don’t yell slurs, don’t hit the wall, keep it between this and that decibels, don’t insult people who didn’t actually do anything to you, etc.

    What is an appropriate way to express your anger?

  32. My Mars is in Leo in the 9th house. It is also conjunct my Moon.

    I am comfortable with anger and can handle someone being frustrated with me if I see it as something that can be negotiated, rather than someone being overly judgemental and intolerant of differences. I encourage people to express what makes them angry because I don’t like seething and resentment, in myself or in others. I think I’m doing everyone a favor when I air out my feelings. I try to do it gently and respectfully.

  33. “I try to do it gently and respectfully.”

    edit to add – though I’ve been known to have a screaming match when push comes to shove, with my lover or with a total stranger!

  34. Cozy with it, use it wisely. Aries IC. Been yelled at, sometimes beaten, for a long time and, yea, I talk and fight back. You could say I’ve learned a lot.

  35. Avatar

    I am not fully comfortable with anger, but I am learning. I have a 9th Mars too but in Capricorn. Here’s the thing I also have 12th house in Aries… submerged. I’ve learned to appreciate anger that is actually expressed to my face, not unclear hints about how much I suck. The more I can react to it in a professional way, the more I can improve of course but no one deserves full character destruction. If you go about talking shit behind my back, I can’t improve. Much help you’re doing. Please… Although it hurts like hell, I prefer someone telling it to my face how I didn’t get that right, but also how to get better. Don’t insult me. Don’t compare me to some angel of an employee, like a favorite child. It’s unnecessary. Give me something concrete, specific habits to change. And don’t you dare say “you’re not cut out for this” and determine my career path when you don’t even *like* me and have sat back just doling out judgment without getting in there with me… or when you don’t even believe in what I can do.

    There needs to be a purpose to anger. Note: I think purposeful anger is different from blame. Blame is a way to make yourself feel better and not be responsible for any bit in the process. Purposeful anger is a visceral reaction to disappointment, a failure of expectations that leads to the right action for your vision. The hope is the vision can be more generous and open than a narrow vision for just yourself.

  36. Avatar

    Mars in Pisces, have an extremely difficult time expressing my anger in an appropriate way. I stay silent and then explode over something arbitrary three weeks later and look like the bad guy. Still haven’t broken that old childhood conditioning where healthy self-defense was far more dangerous than being passive and accepting crappy behavior.

  37. I have Libra rising and sunny Sadge Sun. I am not comfortable expressing my anger, But I have Mars in Scorpio square Uranus in Leo. So when I am angry, it’s crazy explosive. Maybe that’s why I hate to express it. I never learned to express it in a positive way.

  38. I’m comfortable with my anger and others too. It must be a Mars in Taurus thing. If the rage is allowed to play out it subsides and I’m just mad anymore. My glow comes back so to speak.

  39. Natal Mars in Gemini 4H. My family was taught to sweep/bury (Cancer 4H) those angry (Mars) words (Gemini) under the carpet. A good family appearance meant everything to my mother. Always walking on eggshells to keep the peace; I don’t anymore.

  40. I wish I could. I have no backbone whatsoever. Im a fish. My mars is in Capricorn and in the 7th house. I do get upset with my husband but Im not very good at showing it. It really does take a lot to get me angry also. Im VERY layed back and t’s really hard to arouse much passion in me at all. It can be done, but like I say, it takes A lot.

  41. Double sag.I used to show my anger a lot. Not any more.Mars 10 cap, cj sun/moon midpoint. I give in and then sulk and get depressed.Transiting Saturn is close by or it may be the neptunian transit. I don’t know. I’m not as assertive as I used to be

  42. Earthy mars in Taurus is slow to anger and will “get busy being practical” to problem solve (virgo moon too) rather than get emotional. But do not try to manipulate or push around mars in Taurus who will not budge. Mars is square Venus so I typically feel that others do not allow my anger and they expect me to always “compromise” (give them their way) and play Venus to their Mars. Mercury opposite Pluto can see manipulation a mile away and disrespects that strategy.

  43. I’m more comfortable with my anger every day!!! I never used to be and I would repress it and that helped no one. There are moments when anger is truthful and necessary. Even Jesus got angry, he knocked over tables and waved a whip around at people when his father was disrespected by people who opened a market in the church.

  44. Not comfortable at all!
    Mars in Libra in 12th. I try to repress it, not show it etc. then blow up at wrong time, for wrong reasons and out of proportion. Sometimes, I’m surprisingly NOT angered in situations where I’d normally be triggered – don’t have an explanation for that.
    Although I agree that it’s good to express anger in an intelligent way, for good reasons (although that could be subjective), I’m not capable of this.
    I always feel like an a**hole when I do blow up, I feel that it’s stupid and not “elegant” (Libra!).
    Other peoples’ anger usually triggers mine, real fast! I think my repressed anger is never far below the surface & is ready to ignite.

  45. Not comfortable with it. Libra asc, and Mars in Pisces. I have had to learn however, if you dont take up for yourself no one will. But, I am not comfortable around it, either way.

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