How Do You Handle the Control Freak in Your Life?

With Saturn (control) opposing Neptune (release) in the sky right now, these two themes pop up everywhere. I just had one of the control freaks in my life email me an itemized list of what they were going to do between now and the first of the year.

Though most everything on the list impacts me directly, I was not asked what I wanted or how I felt about any of it. There was a day I would have fought about this, however things change.

I emailed back, “Okay.”  I decided to allow this other person set all the structure leaving me to just flow around it. It felt good. So much better than trying to fight for an inch of gain when none of it matters anyway.

It reminds me of when those thieves stole all my music. (Unrelenting Pain and Loss… Pluto transit) It may not be such a bad idea to allow people who need control that bad, to just have it.

How do you handle the control freak in your life?

20 thoughts on “How Do You Handle the Control Freak in Your Life?”

  1. Avatar
    Strawberry Fields

    Actually, I can be a total control freak (which I work hard at suppressing) or the very opposite: total laissez-faire. But! I’m at my best when I’m with the right kind of people — then I exist somewhere in the middle. Much healthier.

  2. Avatar
    Strawberry Fields

    I am the control freak in my own life! 😛
    I handle myself very well thank you! 😀

    Seriously… it depends… who they are and what’s at stake and my mood and…

    Even more seriously, I’ve worked hard and am still working hard at keeping my control-freak self out of other people’s way!

  3. I’ve been working on releasing it the past while and with intensive focus the last 24 hours. Saturn is conjunct my moon and near conjunct my venus all opposite jupiter. I’m hoping and praying to expansively let it go…he.he.

  4. It depends on my mood and the person. If it is someone I dont care about at all, then.. well.. its a moot point. I ignore them.

    Since I am bit of a controlling person at times, its nice to kick back and enjoy the ride when someone else wants to take the reins.

  5. Ohhh, it’s a trip that you just posted this. I’m a control freak. So is my ex-boyfriend and my current boyfriend. The ex and I will still go a few rounds before I shrug it off and say, “Whatever.” I just don’t care enough to fight with him anymore. The current and I, on the other hand, skip straight to the ‘whatever’.

  6. Like Kashmiri, my way to deal with them is to let them have their way, at least until recently it was. I agree that this is what attracts them. they are looking for controlable people to feed on 😛
    they’re vampires, trying to suck the life out of you, your god given freedom of choice. i’m sorry i have real issues with being controled. All my planets in house 1 feel sucked out of life.

  7. That’s hysterical because I’d just been thinking about how I’m doing that lately, and why.

    I am in very close proximity with a control freak that I also happen to like: instead of resisting it with everything (Sadge here, with Pisces moon!), and getting pissed pretty regularly, I’ve been letting her have her ‘control’ as much as I can tolerate, only I’m not seeing it as control.

    I’m seeing it as small things I can do that let her feel better.

    She really, really feels better when things happen in her way (ie she is informed of everything) and hell. It’s not that bad to keep her in the loop, when I know it’s just surface ‘control.’

  8. That depends on what they try to control. If they try to control where we go to eat, what movie we watch, etc. I’m fine with that. But I’ve had control freaks try to control everything from who I should date (and this was a friend, not a parent figure) to the gynecologist I went to (and this was a man, for fuck’s sake!). In that case, I draw the line and I usually say, Sure–and then never see them again.

    I must admit that in general I don’t trust control freaks. WHY do they need to control so much? Can’t they just go with the flow? (Spoken as a true Pisces Moon, I know but I really don’t GET IT.)

  9. I like Heather L’s perspective, but I sometimes I have to insert a little fairness into it. I have a friend who is a total control freak, admits it and says she is happy that way, but sometimes I have to remind her that not everyone is built the same way she is and perhaps she should focus on controlling herself and her feelings on how everyone that isn’t her and doesn’t do exactly as she wants instead of spending lots of energy complaining how awful everyone that isn’t her can be.

    Personally, I’m also on the edge of chaos and need a little more control in my life. One of the things I’m working diligently on!

  10. It solely depends on what letting them have that control will cost me, and most of the time, it costs me nothing, so I let them have at it, and try to just flow through it.

    I also have a tendency to be a control freak, but less so now…amazing what therapy can teach you!

  11. I should add that I think my behaviour is somewhat passive aggressive- depending on the person involved. When it comes to family, it has worked in my favour to be passive. I get to look good, right? But this is a very dangerous game of me to play.

    No one truly knows how you feel about anything, and it is one thing to not give two bits about where you go for dinner (which is what I mostly refer to by ‘giving in’) and it is another thing to not speak up when someone, say, flattens your car tire and then decides they can’t pay for it.

    And why give in? To prevent a fight? Because the control freak is a nutcase who scares you? To prevent a feeling of powerlessness by giving away your right to decide something–and sticking to it? Intention is everything.

  12. I have a locomotive chart that ends with Neptune and it has the most aspects in my chart (all major aspects inluding the AC/MC except Uranus and my Sun) so when I deal with control freaks I am “whatever” about it and they pass through me as if I were a fog.

    I’m also the antithesis of control freaks but this only shows in my close relationships with people who know how to push my buttons and don’t relent. My Scorpion Uranus is in a tight square with my 11th House Leo Stellium. I get restless and if someone attempts to control me I can be very spiteful, contrarian and stubborn about it (Taurus Sun) to his/her desires. I think friends and family do it to get a rise out of me when I’m not paying enough attention toward them but it’s a bad way to get my attention and people should just be frank about whatever is bugging them (Virgo AC with 7th House Mercury in Aries leading the chart).

  13. I don’t have control freaks in my life. I’m uncontrollable :-). Unless you physically control me or use extreme means – I could be controled in situations like prison if I ever got there, but not in normal circumstances. I’m not spiteful about it and I don’t fight either, I don’t even get angry, I just calmly do what I want. My focus is not on the control issue, my focus is on my will and my judgment. If you try telling me what to do or manipulate me I treat it like a suggestion or a request – if I like your suggestion or I’m willing to give you what you ask for I’ll do it, and if I don’t I won’t do it.

    Uranus conjuncts my MC. I had an issue with control and authority since I was a child so I developed this inner strength – I just know I’m free. Last time my mother grounded me was when I was about 9. By then I realized that if she doesn’t physically lock me up somewhere (which she didn’t) then grounding means nothing. If she just says I’m grounded, then she said so, so what? Her words don’t prevent me from going out. So I just opened the door and went out. She never grounded me again.

    When I was about 13 I thought about this whole parental authority thing quite thoroughly. I thought my parents don’t have a right to authority over me. I was meture for my age and saw myself as an equal. So I thought ‘what can they do to me?’. I was too old to spank, and I thought that if my mother would come to think of it anyway I’d spank her right back – by this age she wasn’t much stronger than me physically. Grounding means nothing – it’s only words. My parents could get angry at me and yell at me – so they’ll get angry and yell, so what? But what if they’ll stop talking to me? I thought this would actually have some advantages :-). And finally I thought they could hurt me materially, prevent me from material things that I liked. So I decided to be less depended on material things and material pleasures.

    Since I started thinking and dealing with these issues since childhood, I developed a strong and confident inner sense of freedom and I’m calm about it, my freedom is a wall – if you bang your head against the wall all you’ll get is a headache which is your problem, not mine. I don’t get intimidated by control freaks because there’s nothing they can do to control me. A control freak who wants to be my friend soon realizes they can’t control me – if they can live with that we stay friends, if they can’t then they’re out of my life. So I don’t have control freaks in my life. Even if they are control freaks they don’t behave like that with me.

  14. I’m someone who is all about letting others live their lives however they like but I’m the one who is going to make the choices for me. When I feel like I’m being pushed into something, generally I dig in my heels and react. Right now I have a coworker who pushes those buttons but I’m in a situation where I can’t afford to push back at the moment, so I’m trying to do what I have to do and deal with it as positive a way I can.

  15. I smack her in the head with a frying pan.

    No, not really.

    My sister is the control freak. After years of rebelling and arguing with her, I now just let her do whatever she wants and I ignore it. She makes her lists, issues her orders and when she recognizes that I’m not doing what she wants me to do I just remind her she is not in control of my life, I am. I just don’t allow her to piss me off anymore.

  16. “When I was about 13 I thought about this whole parental authority thing quite thoroughly. I thought my parents don’t have a right to authority over me. I was meture for my age and saw myself as an equal. So I thought ‘what can they do to me?’. I was too old to spank, and I thought that if my mother would come to think of it anyway I’d spank her right back – by this age she wasn’t much stronger than me physically. Grounding means nothing – it’s only words. My parents could get angry at me and yell at me – so they’ll get angry and yell, so what?”

    Debby my siblings and myself tried this approach and all it got us was unsightly bruises and broken spirits…

    now in adulthood, i used to be so attractive to control freaks and being a seasoned one myself it wasn’t until i figured out what it was i was trying to regulate that i was able to loosen the reins on myself and others. as a result of this i feel freer and tend to look unappealing to those that want to move my right and my left at their bidding.

    you see when i discovered that it was my immense fear of life’s everyday comings and goings that kept me on edge, it allowed me to stand back and see how i tried to control that daily hustle and bustle energy around me only to lose each and everytime. with that piece of knowledge i then was able to see somewhat impersonal what other people might be experiencing when they attempt to control.

    in most cases i feel compassion for control freaks (myself included) since i know that what they (i am) are attempting to do is impossible to do, but we still do it anyways maybe thinking the next time it will be better ~the fear will disappear. yet it doesn’t seem to work that way as i believe the only fear we can do anything about is our own.

    lately with people outside of my family i tend to be more assertive; that is i seem to hold on to my own more by asking questions as to the purpose/motive of the “order/request” or ask for more clarity or say yes or no. i find that many control freaks don’t like this and soon get bored with queries and eventually label you as “difficult”. with family if i sense the request is coming from a place in the person that is not to harm (emotional or physical or spiritual) me, then i do it. however, there are one or two family members where this is not the case and so i think first, make a choice, and then tell them yes or no.

  17. My sister is very controlling with a bad temper. Her kids 11 and 13 are brain washed by her controlling ways. If things do not go her way she threatens her kids NOT ONLY THAT she yells and uses profanity with them me. I went to her home and she and I were in a disagreement about something I never yell or belittle I was calm as can be her response to my statement was your a F#!@%^@-n Beea!!!@$^ yelling at the top of her lungs and infront of her daughter age 11. I was so embarrassed and hurt I did not engage in her sick ways I just stayed calm. What do I say to my neice? My husband has told me “he is done” meaning he does not want to be a part of my sisters life and unfortunatley this now will include my neice and nephew who both adore there Uncle but are influenced by there mom and are not respectfull towards us at times. My sister undermines us and we both are sick of her chaotic life. Most of the time when being with my sister is like walking on eggshells… or waiting for the volcano to blow… I just keep thinking of the kids but my husband has had it~ we are even thinking of moving out of the state.

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