Pain & Synchronicity

My circumstances, today are unfathomable.  I guess I can ask, Jilly, to come on here and testify. My situation is very nearly unspeakable.

I mentioned that my moon just progressed into Scorpio (Oh Me!).  Clearly, I am around a lot of death right now… and near death. And dying at variable speed.

I think I could write beautiful stories right now, but I opt not to because I don’t want to wreck Christmas.  But it’s more complicated than that. People don’t understand me.

They ask me how I am doing; it’s a direct question. Or the standard, “What did you do for Christmas?”

I’m compelled to answer a question like this, honestly.  Unfortunately, my answer hits people very hard. It repels them.

I am sensitive to this. It’s not because I care that much about being repulsive; I’ve been at that my whole life.  But I do care about burdening people, especially when they don’t need to be burdened. Like a young person for example. I don’t want to offload on someone who is trying to get their momentum going so their life can take off.

But then there are the sensitive people I know; the sophisticated ones who are wise, often beyond their years. I’m able to say more and worry less because they know that pain is part of life and some people carry a lot more than others… it’s just the way it is.

But today, I bummed out my hairdresser… a Scorpio, you can search her on the site. It did not help that I passed an accident with a fatality, maybe two, on the way to the salon.  Sitting in the glass-fronted salon, we all watched at least five emergency vehicles speed by on the highway, headed in the other direction.  Everyone was calling their family members to make sure they were okay.

One of the gals could not reach her kids. She put her client under the dryer and took off to see what was happening. Small town, see?

I thought about the solar eclipse – the sun and moon, besieged?  Heavy and Hardcore.  There were bad accidents in both directions.

Anyway, I told her about the holiday and she was sort of crestfallen, so I took a bit more time to try to get her to understand.  Regardless of what happened in my life over the last week, there were incredible things, beautiful things, that I saw.

For example, I went to mass on Christmas in this little parish in a little town… it’s way out and tiny, like an outpost.  Someone came up from behind me, I was sitting with my husband. “I have Miss Mary,” she said.

“Whaaaat? Mary!  She’s here?!?”  The look on my face must have been something to see. “WHERE? Where is, Mary?”

Mary is the woman I’ve been visiting. She dying of cancer… soon.  (Grace For The Terminally Ill)

“She’s in the back, there,” the gal, said.  I almost knocked her down to get back there… and there was, Mary, in her neat as a pin, stellium in Virgo, white coat.

I won’t say more.

“Um… have you ever heard of the Little Match Girl?” I asked my stylist.


“Okay, well it’s a poem. A story, I mean. And the little girl is cold but she has these matches and she lights them and she can see things in the light…”

I explained how my husband once told me that I was like the Little Match Girl. You can search this blog… it was a long time ago.

So that was that and then I came home and someone had signed up for my newsletter.  This woman sent me a note and guess what she mentioned? My posts about the Little Match Girl.

The pain is not that painful when you can see beautiful things in all directions.

If you don’t know, Mary has lung cancer that has spread to her lymph nodes and all the way to her fingernails and toenails. She takes Aleve for pain.  She also has bad arthritis but she told me yesterday, she’s felt no pain from her arthritis for the last three or four days.

Then I meet people who tell me there is no God and I think, “Whaaaat?”

I wish I could stand next to them and light a match because if they could see what I do, just for a split second… what would that do, I wonder.

27 thoughts on “Pain & Synchronicity”

  1. (((Elsa))) there is almost daily news of cancer here. My Libra friend that I’ve had since childhood, her father has lung cancer.

    1. One of the best friends I have here was life flighted to the hospital a couple weeks ago. Heart problem.

      And the family fights and divorces… over what seems like minutiae these days.

      1. I’m sure that was terrifying. The helicopter flies directly from the big city over where I work and I’m upstairs so I hear it going to our local hospital. I try to always say a prayer.

  2. I’m sorry about the tough times! Life has its ebbs and flows that’s for sure.
    Your perspective makes me happy though. I have been trying to do the same- see the light in every situation.

  3. This Christmas was rough for ST’s parents. They’ve not been doing well since he died. His mom put up a small memory tree for him this year and that’s all she could do. His dad spent the day in pajamas. He works and sleeps, not much else. If anyone out there’s been praying for me, I think it’s helping—I’m just navigating this one day at a time.

  4. Yesterday and today were a bummer. It’s quite bad. We’re heading into some lean times, but this time I believe there’s opportunity somewhere. People’s ability to innovate will help.

  5. Being a sensitive person, I understand what you mean Elsa. Instead of the new year, I am thinking of my sister who sadly and tragically died two years ago in January 16, having lost her battle with a serious illness. On top of her illness, she was broken hearted that her two sons refused to have any contact with her and my family for over twenty years – she was not invited to her sons wedding nor did she ever see her grand children. My sister is in piece now – her sons, thank fully, came to her funeral but as they helped to lower her coffin in ground as per our tradition – I wonder if they had any regrets?

  6. (((Elsa)))

    Spent time with ill people over Christmas too. Sadness in it, yet beauty too.

    Seems to be many people getting sick and dying at the moment. Wonder has it something to do with Pluto and Saturn in Capricorn.

  7. I enjoy your writing , It is educational
    Controversial,sets me to contemplate topics ,thoughts,beyond.
    There’s so much tragedy,cruelty
    Injustice;nice you evoke a moral barometer,I hear your pain
    I think it’s a blessing when someone
    Lets theirs fly loose scatter ,be exposed
    I find this invite to all to be honest
    With oneself about their world
    Does it or doesn’t it work?
    First writer,woman motivator human
    Victim of current events
    To the road, may you keep on trucking,gives us that astrological
    Reporting and personal take.

  8. You say you are not going to write beautiful stories. And yet you just did. ❤️

    I am sorry for the pain and thankful for the light.

  9. I’m sorry for your unfathomable circumstances, Elsa. I’m glad you have a god of light to help you through.

    And I thank you for lighting match es for those who need sparks of Light.

  10. Miss Mary is a spark of light in these darker times. My pastor’s Christmas sermon preached about the Star guiding the three wisemen. He also challenged us to honor our “internal star and unique gifts” and to be someone’s “star.” Miss Mary comes to mind.

  11. I am sorry Elsa. I have a dear scorpio friend who has a moon in pisces. She is such a beautiful person . The trials she has gone through is incomprehensible. She lost her twin to suicide in her 20s also another brother to cancer in her 20s. Her son has aspergers and is transitioning from a man to a woman, 2 months ago her mother passed away and yesterday her Oldest brother suddenly passed away. This dear friend has fought depression and mental illness for years left from a dysfunctional childhood. She has made such awesome strides in her recovery, NOW this !! How much is one person supposed to endure in one life time?

    1. “How much is one person supposed to endure in one life time?”

      I’d have to answer, an awful lot! But if you happen to be someone like this, hopefully you figure it out and move along somehow.

      I saw, Mary, today. She missed a call on her cell phone.. she dials back. But before she could, the land line rang. “They’re afraid they’re going to find a corpse,” she explained. So if she doesn’t pick up, they call the phone she never uses, that she can’t get to either! 🙂

  12. I completely understand where you are coming from because I also have a packed eighth house. I am currently going through my very own dark night of the soul. My saturn return is happening and I am a Capricorn/Saturn rising! If I say anymore, I am afraid that it will turn into a really long never-ending scary book.

  13. Little Match Girl is one of my favorite stories – and I get not wanting to burden people- I do a lot of smile and nod responses because people keep wanting my life to get better and it just isn’t going to in a traditional sense and I have grown weary of explaining it or trying to make people feel better.

  14. My grandmother’s name is Mary and she passed away from cancer. My best friend died from cancer too. My grandmother lost her battle with cancer in 2017 and my best friend died from cancer in 2010. I lost my grandfather this year. I have had over ten near death experiences myself. It changed me. I don’t like seeing anyone in pain because I am a psychic. I can feel other people’s pain. The funny thing is all of the people I have lost are some of the strongest most resilient people I know!! It never gets easier after losing someone close either! I know exactly where you are coming from because transit Pluto is conjunct my natal Saturn in my first house right now! ? Bless your heart. Sending lots of love and mutual support! I hope thats enough because I do not have anything else to give considering I literally got robbed last month. Pray for me and I will pray for you. Keep fighting the good fight and remember no one makes it out of this alive.

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