My Friend Is A Mean, Horrible Bitch

Dear Elsa,

I have a very big problem with my best girlfriend of over a decade. To be blunt, the problem is her meanness. She is a person who, on a regular basis, says extremely nasty and hurtful things to me and the rest of our mutual friends.

I don’t mean to make her sound so atrocious, but I can’t seem to help it. My husband and most of my friends do not like her at all, since she has something nasty to say about everyone and everything. Now I know it may be hard to believe, but I still love her. we have A LOT of history, and she hasn’t <em>always</em> been a bad friend.

I am afraid of many things if I decide to cut her out of my life. I’m afraid of losing a part of my teenage years that I hold very special, I’m afraid of losing her rare moments of understanding, I’m afraid of losing my best friend. Unfortunately, the fact is, in many ways, I have already lost her. I can’t tell her my secrets; she blabs. I can’t share my triumphs; she accuses me of conceit. I can’t share my difficulties; she’s rarely supportive.

I’m a Cancer – a water and moon baby – and if you haven’t already guessed, I’m a very sensitive, compassionate, “love, light, and fairy dust” kind of girl. I consider my friends to be my family. Cutting her from my life would be sad, painful and difficult – and I don’t usually just give up on those that I love.

I’m torn. What should I do?

Torn

Dear Torn,

I believe that you believe your story and I’d believe it too, if you didn’t have a big fat Moon Pluto conjunction in the eighth house! Since you do, I think this situation has a much deeper root. See, you’re a Cancer and I will buy the Moon baby bit and the associations with “family”. I will also buy the “fairy dust” part considering you’re a Pisces rising.  What I won’t buy is the idea you have no shadow! This horrible bitch (and it certainly sounds like she is one) is in your life for a reason. A reason besides your sweetness, I mean. So what might that be?

I think she’s there to carry your shadow, for starters.  As long as you keep this severely disturbed woman in your life, just look how normal you are in comparison? Look how loving you are! How clean! What do you think would happen if you cut her out?

I think you’d go find yourself a “replacement bitch” just as fast as you possibly could. Because otherwise look out! You’d be forced to face the mean bitch inside of you. The negative emotion inside of you. Your own chaos…

Ask yourself what you have in common with this gal. I think you may be alarmed at the answer to that question. And it is in this direction that healing lies. Good luck.

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