How To Partner With A Difficult Person

I had a client who was trying to partner with a challenging woman. Her chart provided insight…

“You can have security with a person like this when you realize that you’ve cracked their code and that not many are likely to be able to. They won’t necessarily care enough to try…”

I learned this from my husband. He believed we were meant to be together and he said he’d do everything in his power to bring it about. He also said, if he couldn’t do it, he didn’t think anyone else would fare any better.

It was not a remark on my being a disaster. I was blogging at the time. He thought my purpose might be to do exactly what I am doing now, rather than to be someone’s wife.

He loved me and he took the time to study me in depth. He determined what I needed to be happy. He also determined that he had these things to offer so he gave them to me.

He does worry about me leaving him because come on. Who else is going to care enough to invest the time to crack my code? I am well known to be trouble.

Do you have a deep understanding of what your lover wants and needs?

22 thoughts on “How To Partner With A Difficult Person”

  1. yes! i try to crack my lover’s code. i don’t enjoy being in relationship if i don’t think i’m helping at a root level.

    i’m also a hard woman to tie down. i just don’t have much leeway to dupe myself or him anymore. i’ve got a life i’m trying to build and it depends on my relationships running smoothly. i’d rather ditch a relationship than spend all my time in crisis mode.

    great post.

  2. I crack their code, feed them, love them, but after I’m in it becomes a problem of knowing I don’t fit naturally – I can morph and care, but it becomes a huge burden because in past cases I knew exactly what was needed but I was not sure I wanted or could sustain it.

    I’ve thought about this as a Saturn in the 7th phenomenon and considered learning my Saturn lessons early, but I felt I had responsibility toward myself to find someone that matched better, that I wouldn’t lose my identity to despite returns. Pisces is confusing me. Am I supposed to lose my identity? I can easily. And if the returns are great, does it compensate for feeling I lack love? I also have venus-saturn elsewhere, so I don’t know if it’s a perpetual internal block.

    When I love someone I feel responsible for keeping the love going, and if they love me, I feel responsible for loving them well. But I may not be happy or completely valued for who I am inside, more what I can bring to the table. Or they may not love me as much over time. At this point I need someone to love me just as much as I am capable of loving them.

  3. Elsa, what you said right there is the basis of a great relationship. He determined what you needed, and knew he had those things to give you.

    He was honest with himself. It’s not like he knew what you wanted, and PRETENDED to be that person in order to get you, then resented being that person in the relationship.

    You are right for each other. I am hoping to find that soon!

  4. far better than i understand how he _thinks_ ;P
    we have positive moon/mars contacts going both ways. it makes up for a lot of other things…

  5. I think if you understand what you need and are about, you don’t have to think about your partner so much.

    I’m a guy that needs a lot of space and freedom to the point that it makes most relationships impossible. I know this going in to any romantic situation, and so as long as I know that, I don’t make any compromises that suck which works decently.

  6. I think I have cracked my fiancee’s code. He says I’m the only one in the entire world who could be with him because he’s extremely difficult (I don’t find him to be). But he also says he’s the only one who could be with me because of how difficult I am. Haha, thanks 🙂

  7. I find it pretty easy to crack the codes of the men I have been involved with – on the other hand, I am the one that has the difficult to crack code. I am often misunderstood and hard to understand – I don’t feel I am – but others do and I do know, because I am not easy to read, that many men don’t want to bother to figure me out. I guess I require a lot of time and work to figure out and some are not up for the challenge (or are too lazy to put in the time – don’t want to bother with those types anyhow!) With Scorpio Rising, there is not much I can do about – mysterious complex engima – that is me. :)I would love to meet someone who can handle the challenge.

  8. I’ve always done my best, and with some success – but usually it’s involved giving the man a huge amount of space and freedom, and often to my own detriment. But I find men don’t always know their own code: they don’t often think so much about things related to our emotional and intimate lives as women do.

    They have not usually been so willing to crack my code; most of them have been very career-driven and have just detached from relationships which get difficult due to clashing needs. I’ll give my ex his due here: he did indeed try; but but was so unaware of his own ‘code’ it was difficult for me to negotiate the relationship – which became impossible when he also set my needs aside.

  9. The Aussie is in the process of cracking my code. It’s working! And yea, he feels he has exactly what I need – I think he’s right. I don’t have an easy code to crack (Venus sq Saturn, Saturn in the 7th, strong Jupiter/9th house/Sag).

  10. It’s not difficult to crack my code, what’s tricky is to ensure I don’t create a new ones! Men tend to think they “got me” only to discover that my code changes and fluctuates. They get lazy and complacent.

    I work hard to understand someones requirements and tend to be stubborn in meeting them often to my detriment. I am learning to create a void they can fill and allowing someone else to meet me halfway, I can be very self sacrificing moon leo Venus virgo conjunct.

  11. what a brilliant guy – lucky elsa (and lucky hubby, too, i am sure) i immediately thought about how the universe made sure you had exactly what you need at your center so that you could continue to give to ‘the world’ according to your gifts and passion.
    its a great confirmation that you are where you should be, doing what you should be, for BOTH of you.

    when i have that combo, i’ll be sure to come back and share 🙂

  12. Sometimes I’ve thought I cracked their code, but I’m not so sure that I wasn’t deluding myself. Venus-Neptune, yanno? 😉 With Venus-Pluto as well, though, I can’t help but try!

  13. I have learned that especially Chiton contacts to the moon is insanely potent. Theres a sensitivity to the others’ emotional patterns so yes – I have been in sync.

    I am a 4xscorpio, but that does not mean that I know everyone. My current BF does not have any emotional Chiron-contacts, that is, if you look past the semi-sextile with his venus to my chiron.
    But his Asc is on my DSC and our charts are opposites – his MC is my IC and my 1st house is his 7th house and so forth. I have never seen anything like it but I know how he feels without a lot of effort. His moon lands on my Mars in Cap. That might be a good way to go about stuff. ?

  14. This eternally curious Gemini needs my lover to be an onion with never ending layers of depth! It holds my interest to investigate even if what I find is taboo or uncomfortable for them! Chart rulers Neptune and Jupiter in the 8th. Moon in Sag.

  15. anonymoushermit

    I don’t mind someone who is a little difficult. But then I will need a break, and then go get some ice cream!

  16. I agree with Marly. And I love reading about everyone elses experiences in this.
    The recent eclipses cracked me wide wide open and woke me up to the feelings I had for someone 15 years my junior, a woman, and a Gemini! At 66 this Capricorn didnt think or even want a relationship, especially with a complex personality. So I have been busy studying evrtything I can about the Gemini personality, what they want, dont want, what motivates them and how to discern their moods and not be so sensitive when she goes “dark” on me and wont respond to texts. She is a challenge, to be sure, a whole new spiritual dimension, teaching me patience and understanding, but she is worth it. Too many bizarre connections to be coincidental. Possible “Twin Flame.” Had to read up on that, too! LOL

  17. My husband needs to work! Actually, he’s not obsessed with making money, but he wants his partner to not notice that he’s never around. I had my own career and outside activities but still married for companionship. Because of the pandemic, I’ve been relying mostly on my pets for company these days. (Sigh.)

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