“Don’t volunteer me,” I said. “I gave my very best and got trounced on. I won’t be giving any more. I won’t go through that again. He/She has no currency with me anymore so don’t even ask, I’m not going to do it…”
If you’re a Pisces or have Venus in Pisces or Neptune in the 7th house or mashed with Venus, you may need to learn to say something like this. Because this is a common story…
You volunteer to help someone. You don’t want anything back. You help them and they’re initially relieved and grateful. But then the problems start.
Typically, the person will tap you for energy, incessantly. Seeing they’re in need, you’ll try to offer it. But eventually they overwhelm you – the minute you need something… like for them to back off for a day, you’re the bad guy. Under the bus you go.
For earth types, it would be like loaning someone one hundred dollars. The next day they want and another hundred – done. Two days later, they want six hundred; you don’t have it so now you’re a bitch.
It’s painful to go through this. I used to try to work with people like this… salvage something from my relationship with them. Maybe I thought I could teach them something. I no longer bother.
The Buddhists call people like this “hungry ghosts”. It’s a great term. Once I know you’ll throw me down for a nickel without a moment’s thought, I won’t be dealing with you anymore. I’ve learned to learn my lesson!
Know anyone like this?
hmm – there are lot of them out there. I have a lot of Neptune in my chart so they like me.
I’ve come to a point where they DON’T like me. It’s great! 🙂
Hope I can get there some day too
I see this in the workplace for me..pisces midheaven. I thought we were friends but seems like I was a stepping stone for them to climb over me and get ahead.
Venus in Pisces in the 1st and everything but the (Aries), Sun aspected by Neptune one way or another. l read you. Does “F**k” you all would make it as my Mantra? Can’t count the times l’ve felt mis-understood or taken for a ride any longer! Thanfully (??!!), natal Capricorn Moon in XII protects me from life by making me able to cut away from it all but, boy it hurts! ?
“He/She has no currency with me anymore so don’t even ask, I’m not going to do it…” I’m gonna use this one!
I’m a Pisces and I can certainly relate. With my Capricorn Rising and my abilities to make a good living even when I was a very young woman, I kind of became the family bank. You know that person. She/He is the one who everyone eventually borrows money from. There isn’t a person in my immediate family who didn’t get some money from me. My younger brother is the only one alive from my immediate family and I even paid his rent when I was 63 and living on Social Security. He never paid me back because he just doesn’t have the money. As usual. So now I’m done lending money. It only took me until I was a senior citizen, LOL, to close the door to the bank. But at least I learned. You’re all on your own folks. The Pisces is done.
Yes – natal Neptune in 7th and Venus is 1 degree away from the descendant in the 6th. Currently slowly cleaning up after a Neptune transit opposite my natal Sun and Moon; dealing with an ex whose Moon is directly opposite my natal Neptune.
Thank you Elsa.
Oh – and the ex has a natal Sun square Neptune. Odd how all of this kind of fits together, though, with the Sun, Moon and Neptune aspects.
OMG. Timely post. I am a Pisces sun and moon with Neptune currently sitting on my DC and I swear that these kinds of ghosts are killing me right now.
I’ve just had a friend who I’ve had around for years but accepted we’re on different spiritual, emotional and physical journeys this lifetime tell me I’m fake, shouldn’t give advice, I’m this and that and the other. All because I said they should take responsibility for their actions and to stop draining me – among other things.
I don’t know what to do but lately I’ve been working at becoming more at one with myself and loving myself and loving my journey! And the more I do this, the more messages I get from friends who don’t want to face their life and actually take responsibility for everything that is happening in it.
I feel like I’d like to go on spiritual retreat. And be in silence for a month! Then maybe when I come out of silence they solve their stuff and leave me out of it.
But as sad as this next bit is going to sound – there is probably some fucking part of me, that same bloody Pisces side that’s hating this, is finding some comfort in being needed but I am really quite close to the end of this kind of comfort.
What a drainer.
I have all this venus, neptune seventh thing, why is this? Are they disappointed when the well runs dry and venus neptune do the selfless so well? Or am I indulging, summoning demons by not wanting to be cast in a bad light? Vanity Fair or are demons really out there? I hate to lose my joy in relationship in the name of discipline. Generosity is such a big part of how I relate…hate to have to give it up.
US/Canada
with a Neptune asc I have been in situations like this but luckily I’ve learnt to draw in my availability/energy (2nd house moon feels emotional energy is too precious to waste) but I know someone with a Pisces moon who’s in a lifelong relationship that works like that (with his mentally ill mother) . . it’s an almost-impossible-to-break natal cord that seems to have been inverted, with the mother now feeding on the child . . sad story
Mars in Pisces 12th house. A shoulder for every sad story out there. And, w/ work (health care) getting sucked into it professionally (even worse). I back off now–people have to deal w/ their own stuff. We all do. Cut the cord. They’re healthier and so are you. One exception is pets or animals. I don’t seem to have good boundaries w/ their sob stories. 🙂
Mercury in Pisces, 4th house. I don’t have good pet/animal boundaries, either. That’s how I wound up with three indoor cats (didn’t want to split up the litter!) and five porch kitties. Every time a new one showed up on my porch (4th house, right, home..) I’d refuse to feed them for a couple weeks, they didn’t leave, I caved.
Cancer sun/Libra moon.
I’ve gotten much better at recogonizing these hungry ghost types pretty early in the last few years….and thank God for that! Whew!
These people are energy vampires and will suck you dry if you let them. They fall under the “nothing is too much trouble for YOU” type. These people are highly adept at recognizing those qualities in us that truly want to help others. It’s our job/lesson to not get sucked in by them. Altho I’m so much better at it, the lessons still come my way, but I’m able to disengage more quickly & easily. And know this: these type of people WILL find someone else to do this with.
Cripes. Meant to say Cancer sun/Libra
rising (not Libra moon).
Astrology has helped me learn what my tendencies lean towards…and how to take care of myself.
Also, pain is a great motivator! As in: don’t need this crap…again.
My husband has piceses venus and has been taken advantage of a lot. I am the one whom has gotten the reputation as a bitch because I am the one who puts the kabosh on his generousity. I’m all for helping those whom help themselves but no free loaders. He has attracted more than his fair share of needy unappreciative folks.
Neptune-Venus here. Yeap. We’re a magnet for energy vampires and hungry ghosts. I’ve learned to protect myself by not associating with those types but I’ve got a client who is beginning to lean in that direction so I’ve got to put the smack down next week when I see them again.
Neptune/Jupiter in Scorp in 7th. Plus, a Virgo Sun in the 6th. I used to be helpful and kind but after a series of really being taken advantage of in relationships, I’ve pulled up all anchors and am a stingy bitch. Seriously, that’s how I feel sometimes, because I have just given up all kinds of generosities, except towards animals. I need to get involved in some kind of organized charity because the urge to help never goes away, it has just gone awry in the past.
Neptune/Jupiter/North Node T-Square (and Neptune s part of Yod to Sun as well) hee-hee. When I was younger I constantly ran into people who would just glom onto me — seemed like they had me under a spell. I had to teach myself how to manuever, how to hand things back to people. Put up little walls. One time hitchhiking I’d given my shirt to a guy within five minutes. He gave me a pendant in exchange. We hitched together for a few hours — into a weird zone for me — I wanted to be done so I gave the pendant back. He got mad, tried to bully me, but I’d learned how to say, “nah. I’ll take my losses.” Another time this guy sits down, tells me he is a magician. He’s writing weird symbols on a paper bag as if doodling. I am looking for a woman and wonder if she’s in a nearby record store. He looks right up and says, “why don’t we go to the record store.” So, I know I don’t want to do that with him and come up with suggesting that we share some of the food I have. We do that and it’s time for me to catch my bus, and as I go he says, “good move with the food, kid”.
Yep. Pisces mars, sun Neptune and Pisces descendant. I run into compassion fatigue and realize I have to cut things off and recharge. It is now mandatory. Also, Neptune energy deals with disappointment and sacrifice that could go both ways. I realize that when I need time to recharge or be myself I am going to disappoint someone. I’ve become ok with that. At that point I have to transcend.
But eventually they overwhelm you – the minute you need something… like for them to back off for a day, you’re the bad guy. Under the bus you go.
I wouldn’t call those people ‘ghosts’, I would call them dickish.
max
[‘But I rather like helping people… to a point. Neptune/Sun – I’m dissolving anyways.’]
Yes, yes, yes, and this one was deadly. I keep away from all like this now but my 12 house moon and my aquarius Venus square scorpio Neptune does fall in the trap often, but I love charitable work, but watch yourself. The bloodsuckers are hard to wean off, I suffered a lot before I got this right. The picture you posted with the post title says I all! Thanks for your great posts Elsa ?
This WAS me. Now I am not like this. Dunno which major transit is contributing, but now feel absolutely NOTHING, when these sorta incidents happen. I want to help, but, please, on my terms. Lets all be kind. Lets respect EACH OTHER!
I have Neptune in 12th, dunno if that applies.
I am praying, this change stays with me permanently! (Please god, universe, whoever you are!)
Well I have been on both ends of this dynamic. I’ve been the drainee and I’ve been the drainer. I was the drainer earlier in my life, but I later became the drainee by multiple people. I realized at that point, I never wanted to be a drainer again. Lots of Neptune and Pisces here
Pppphhhffff….Pices on my 7th house and Venus conjunction Neptune in house 2.
And then also Mercurius in house 12. Now I am almost 62 years old and I think/hope that I have learned enough!
BUT: it brings also positive things: I can see a lot of beauty in nature forinstance, more than most other people!
Many. It’s very common. I’ve come to regard it as ‘their schtick.’ I only do what I decide to do to help out. Enjoying the service has to be enough. I am no longer getting all that involved in other people’s lives. It can suck me dry. It even happens in conversation with people. Constant need is taxing.
I’m not into codependency even though I am a libra. I’ll help you try to find the answer within yourself but I will not solve problems for you. I’ve attracted two of these types in the past and I engaged with their insanity. I was sick and weak myself at that point. I realize now that I got a payoff from it. That aspect of the dynamic cannot be denied. It takes two to tango.
I have Venus/Moon in the 12th in aspect to Neptune.
This has become something I’ve been doing for the first time in my life. Is there a planetary reason for it?
I’ve really been enjoying and embracing the word “no” in regards to relationships of every kind.
And I’ve also become more comfortable with people exiting my life because of it… I used to be a huge push over, it takes daily work.
It has changed the dynamics of my romantic life especially. I’ve made decisions here that will turn many guys away and that’s fine. I’m becoming a strong woman and I like it. Neptune, you keep learning now!
This —> For earth types, it would be like loaning someone one hundred dollars. The next day they want and another hundred – done. Two days later, they want six hundred; you don’t have it so now you’re a bitch. <— lol, is my life. Virgo Sun & stellium, Sag Moon, Neptune facts too. Yup. Uber manipulative mother. I have had the pleasure of giving my ultra-need family members literally hundreds of thousands of dollars, by working hard & often going without. Yet, increasing anger and disdain if you cannot supply more and more and more.
They don't understand why I can't make a 12 hour drive inside a 48 hour window after a 60 hr work week, over and over, to do some unimportant favors, or things that they can do themselves. (I was doing this drive twice a month until I just couldn't anymore, staggering exhaustion, and while there cleaning and writing check, I would be mocked). To others, the sweet so nice act.
SO I finally cut it off after years of this — when I heard my mother was telling people I never helped them. Boundaries now in place, they can growl all they like.
Maybe this should be filed under "Sag MOON/manipulative mom"??? 🙂
Sickening, just to read this, never mind, live it.
It’s funny, I guess I don’t get it, thus whole Pisces thing. I gave never known a Pisces who gave much. In fact there is one in my life now, he has a pisces stellium, sun, moon,ASC,Mercury,Venus,Mars. Couldn’t get more Pisces. I find him to be the biggest con, the most irritating full of himself obnoxious bore. As my Pisces sister would”enough about me..what do you think of me?”. I have always found that sign to have porous boundaries in their relations, manipulators, more takers than givers. So when I hear of a Pisces been taken advantage of I get confused. They have a plug into emotions and my experience they often use to their own advantage so I don’t get the selfless part aside from good swimmers in emotional waters like a slippery fish.
they seem drawn to me. or maybe they coming back to anyone who gives them an inch.
on the other hand, there are some people who just need to be told that they’re asking too much, and then they’re fine. i mean, kids will do this kind of thing, if they aren’t taught any better, and it can take a little while to teach them. so i guess some people don’t want to take on responsibility for themselves, if they can avoid it?
Yep. I know the tune… There are many versions of the kind… Hungry ghosts is just the perfect term. I also call them permanently drawning wrecking people. Energy suckers is another good one. I think sooner or later one comes to face the reality of the human nature, it deep need for protection and affection, its predatory, cheating, lying face, its delusion and confusion. Then, you start doing drugs… Just kidding.
That was funny!