What Does It Mean Whens Someone Says They’re Not Ready To Marry?

wedding ringsWhat does it mean when someone tells you they’re not ready to get married?

Some think when someone says this to you, they’ll never marry you.

Others think it means just what the words say; the person is not ready to get married because there are things they want to do ahead of being married.

If the latter is the case, you can follow the line of a thought like a flow chart. Will the person be ready to marry once they do x, y and z?. For example, they may want to pay off their bills.  But they may also never be ready to marry.

Still others think the statement means, “I am a little desperate so want to keep you on the line but I’m hoping someone better comes along…”

When someone tells you they are not ready to marry, what do you think it means? If you have told someone this before, what did you mean?

62 thoughts on “What Does It Mean Whens Someone Says They’re Not Ready To Marry?”

  1. This question plays a big role in my life right now! Is there something in the stars? I’ve been dating a man on and off since May and I’ve also been divorced for about two years. I definitely want commitment but marriage was never an overriding focus or a goal but if it happened, welcomed. I could tell my boyfriend, who also just got out of a long term relationship, was struggling with commitment. I think, from actions and things said, he had the idea in his head to move in together and marry me but when faced with the reality he shut down. I let go and gave him his space even though it was hard because I wanted to communicate and I have a very deep and budding love for him. He came back a month or so later and told me he couldn’t do it, wasn’t cut out for marriage. I accepted this but asked him why. He said it was a fear of loosing what he had won. I asked him what would happen if he lost what he won and he said he sincerely didn’t know. I didn’t ask anymore and let him be. He kept coming around and on New Years Eve he asked me to marry him. He’s 40 and doesn’t have kids and has never been married, he’s an Aquarius. I said yes. I feel stable enough in myself and content with myself that if he couldn’t manage it and changed his mind I’d be ok, but I’m also really interested in moving forward with him! In his case, I think he finally arrived at a point in his life where he wants marriage (because he himself expressed it) but he has a lot of fear and a full life of being single, he’s got things to move through and I can sense this. In this relationship, I have been given this divine gift of patience, he brings it out in me. I like what he brings out in me. I’m also satisfied in my own life and know if it’s not him when the time is right life will bring another, if that’s what is meant to be.

  2. I don’t think of it as a decision a person needs to “come to”. I think the other person, and your relationship, brings out a very simple and uncomplicated desire to merge your lives.

    If it’s not easy, it’s because there are significant obstacles; if there are obstacles, it’s a warning. If the best you can say is that a relationship helps you to “grow” – most damningly if you think of it as your personal growth- that’s a no. If it isn’t a way to enjoy life *together*, it will not be a good marriage.

    Not ready? Walk while you can. “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” Take that to the bank.

  3. There are some who are permanently non-committed. I can understand this, it’s a big step away from independence. I’ve got lots of Aries and venus in aquarius, so the ‘me’ stuff and distance matters. Marriage for some is one step too many. But Elsa said something the other day about those ‘rules’ or was it conditioning, the unconsious bottom-line rules. My parents divorced and this sent me into a tailspin of self-destruction (a journey into hell)they shared vows and then broke them!!!The pain and sorrow to all of the family hurt deeply and caused unrepairable damage and I swore that I would never, ever do this to my children. I’m married nearly 25 years, 2 sons there is no ‘keeping me on the line’ in my book.

  4. What I meant was I only knew him a week and my car was packed to drive across the country to the Midwest and go to graduate school in less than a month. Then, I wanted to travel. it meant “you are scaring me and not leaving me any option for a future”.

  5. If a man said it to me I would bolt….wait, I wouldn’t even give someone time to say a thing like that to me. I would know if it was headed no where.

    But, I said it to my now husband. He took it the same way then issued up an ultimatum. I said, I stand by what I said. He left. I didn’t date while he was gone but he did. It did hurt me but not enough to change my mind. He came back in the fall and asked again. Then said…whatever, I will wait. It was when he put no pressure on me and said he would wait that I was finally ready hahahaha… we’ve been together ever since. 22 years in April…30 if you count from the day it all started.

    When I said I wasn’t ready I really wasn’t. I had just gone through 8 years in the 7th layer of hell with a Sag. That was enough to put me off marriage for life. I really meant I wasn’t ready to get married. He had nothing to do with it.

    Still…if a guy said it to me… he would get out the words I’m not…and before he finished the rest of the sentence his shit would be in the yard.

  6. eh, i was 21 and had watched a friend’s early marriage crash and burn, and saw how differently the world treated her when she was a Mrs and decided i wanted none of that.
    so he ran off, knocked up someone else, and went on a semi-permanent engagement with her. we still love each other.
    12 years later i married someone else. (who i also love.)
    i probably woulda’ considered it with the first guy if he’d given me the time to work through some things, though. and hadn’t freaked the heck right out and lashed out at me like that.

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