Dear Elsa,
I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a Leo for the past 6 months (we have been friends for 3.5 years). We had a fight about 2 weeks ago and he just ended it right then and there. His reason was the distance and he also said that I didn’t make him “weak in the knees” enough to move to be with me. I was so devastated… still am. It literally came out of nowhere and has been so hard on me since we were friends for so long.
After the initial break up, I waited 5 days and still hadn’t heard from him, so I decided to call him to check on him. He broke down in tears and said that he was so happy I had called and that he had wanted to call/email me for some time but didn’t know how. We talked for about an hour and I hinted at us working it out and seeing one another again. He said he needed some time to think about it and we decided to talk the next night. I was so excited that he wanted to talk and was almost certain that he wanted to get back together.
The next night, he called me right after work, but I didn’t answer. I called him later and tried being breezy and sweet only to be interrupted by “we need to talk”. I said okay, and he said, “I can’t do this” I said, “what?” and he then said, “the distance thing.” I don’t believe him because the distance was never a problem before that and he was the one who pushed for the relationship to begin with.
I am so heartbroken right now and haven’t heard from him since. I thought this was the guy for me and that we would someday be married. We had even discussed that before and were really very in love. I am not sure what happened, but I keep thinking he will come back… will he? Is there any chance? Or have I lost my best friend forever? Ugh…I feel awful without him and I think he does too. What should I do?
Virgo Sun, Pisces Moon
United States
Dear Virgo,
I feel very bad for you. I wish I had better news but I don’t think this guy is coming back. I don’t know why he changed his mind about the relationship and I don’t think you are going to get him to give you a straight answer either.
This is not necessarily because he is secretive or wants to withhold something, though this may be the case. He may embarrassed or ashamed of his reason. Perhaps he met someone else he is interested in and does not want to admit it or feels it would hurt you if you found out.
It could be something like this but it could just as easy be that he just isn’t feeling it the way he has in the past and the reasons why that may be are endless, and not necessarily related to you.
He could be falling into a depression, seeing his energy sink for example which would make it harder to maintain a relationship at a distance. He may in a process of evaluating his life and come to discover his path is going to take him in an alternative direction. I could go on and on with the possibilities but it’s pointless. Fact is he’s left you in a terrible mess. You’ve been abandoned with no real explanation and anyone who has ever experienced such a thing can tell you the level of havoc this can wreak, so my effort will be focused on trying to help you limit the damage.
Now that you can think about this, you’re going to have to because you won’t be able stop yourself but ultimately you are not going to be able to resolved it in this way. To resolve this in your heart and mind and soul you will have to transcend him, and the situation at some point and I know that sounds impossible but it is not.
It is impossible as long as you fret over what, why, how, etc. It is impossible as long as you try to rewind things or bring him back but as soon as you start telling yourself, that he is an individual and you are and individual and he can do as he damned well pleases, you will be on the opposite path, one that will lead you to a place where you can live with this.
Final transcendence of the experience sounds something like this: “We were in each other’s lives for a reason and we are apart now for a reason. And though I don’t know what that reason is, I am sure it is a good one.”
And after you say that to yourself, fall back on your faith: that thing inside you that knows things always work out for the best… eventually.
I am so, so, sorry.
Good luck.
Dear Virgo-Sun, Pisces Moon,
I can hear how hurt you are. Your situation is so similar to the way my ex and I broke up. He, too, was a Leo and was my best friend before we got involved. He also slunk off into the sunset with a b.s excuse. I know how agonising it is!
All I can add to the great advice Elsa gave is………you don’t want to be with someone who hasn’t really hooked into the whole ‘relationship with YOU’ thing. By being with him you are depriving yourself of the chance to be with someone who will really cherish you and that’s all we girls want, isn’t it?
Take care of yourself,
Carrie
Also, remember Saturn is transiting Virgo right now and your life is changing.
My BF just did the same to me (he’s a Cancer) – 4.5 years! I’m devastated yet inside I feel surprisingly free. Sad and free. It’s weird.
I think that Leo’s give bs excuses because we genuinely don’t like to hurt people. Not a good enough excuse though, honesty is STILL the best policy. Plus, people aren’t stupid.
I had a long distance friendship/romance for six months before I moved closer and married him. two children and nine years later he told me the same sort of things your Leo said.
I know, really know, how hard this is to process, but I honestly believe that if he’s capable of dropping you like this, better now than after marriage and kids. I’m not saying the heartache is any less, but now you have the opportunity to find someone who will really hang in there with you and create a life (and stay to live it with you)!
As a Leo, with a similar pattern. I’ve understood this tendancy this way:
All us Leos just went through a Saturn hit, for two and some odd years. Leo is a naturally boisterous sign and we don’t take to Saturn popping our balloons well. We can’t really take just one day in a deflated state. During that time, if we are so lucky to find someone like you (VIRGO) who can enjoy the simple things of daily life and virgo’s are known to get along with little and squeeze out the joy from little daily things, along with your compassionate Pisces understanding, which is BALSAM to a deflated Leo’s soul. Well, you HEAL US. YOU HEALED HIM.
Leo is used to a DAILY and I mean DAILY dose of of ego boosting, warm vibrant playfulness, and will return the same, will, when not deflated by Saturn WARM you until your nice and toasty again, fill you up with petrol, the SUN is the petrol of the universe and all they want is you to LIGHT UP with them. It is a simple sign.
If we hadn’t just gone through the Saturn transit, your Leo would have either “Done something about the situation” , either romantically moved to you or swept you up in a romantic swoon”. Because Leo really wants to live the first stage of a relationship , the romantic stage,(not really good at the other stages like Virgo (nesting), Libra (sharing) or Scorpio (merging).
But, with Saturn there he was “in for Repairs”.
Now that the “repairs” are over and his tank is filling up again. He probably wants to SHINE again, you know, live the first stage, which again I will say is the only stage we are capable of.
But then we have to take into consideration our stupid Leo pride…you have seen him at his worst. And Leo isn’t known for being too smart. So he can’t figure out how can he go to first stage romance (the only thing he knows) with you, when you know everything about him. Romance lives in “not knowing”. In projection of the romantic…
So, he thinks, “all I know is how to be romantic and gallant, I can’t do this with my Virgo girl because she knows everythings about me and can read my mind (pisces). I can’t do my show, my performance, she has already seen the movie and has seen the “behind the scenes”, “making of the movie”. How is this going to work. He thinks, easier (and us Leos are still recovering from Saturn), it’s easier to find a new “audience”.
Now, I don’t have his chart in front to know the whole story. But, if you wanted to try a test.
Being sweet and breezy, wouldn’t really work with a Leo. I don’t know how Virgo can be sweet and breezy. What Leos like about Virgos is the physical stuff, we love your earthy vibe, your touch permeates our bodies in ecstatic pleasure, we are hedonists deep down. Your words will do nothing for him. But showing up at his door with an amazing kiss, like electricity through his body, may reboot the “Leo computer”, just so you know.
I had a boyfriend, I did the same to as yours did to you. He flew in from Amsterdam and was at my door. I did the diva bullshit, I don’t want to be with you crap. He just laid a huge amazing kiss on me, that shut me up. He didn’t “TALK”.
He was enigmatic, but showed me with his touch and body, what I was to him…that definately got me rebooted for another six months..
So, just an idea. It could backfire. But it has worked..
We aren’t such a bad sign, we just need a little boosting from time to time. Remember we are fixed signs, and can stay forever in relationships. We just need “boosting” from time to time when our batteries are out.
forgot to mention. Virgo and Pisces are somewhat passive signs, being feminine and all. If you don’t have anything firey (aries, leo, sag) or cardinal (aries, cancer, libra, capricorn), you won’t be able to pull off a reboot. So, better off without a Leo who needs it from time to time.
Thanks, Koehli, for that behind-the-scenes look at Leos and for being so forthcoming about their foibles! I was married to a Leo sun/moon conjunct, and he was indeed great at the first stage of romance. And when I was well into stage 2, he decided to go back to stage 1 (with others), where he got to shine again and again. You’re right…the sign has a lot of petrol to burn. 🙂
Yeah………::sigh::……but dear Lord i do love ’em.
As a Scorpio, I’m supposed to stay far away from Leo’s but they’re like catnip to me 😉 ::sigh::
As a virgo who has had several experiences with leo’s I have come to realize that most leo’s are very selfish. The fact that they are willing to walk away from somebody they love/care about or who loves and cares about them just because they won’t flatter their ego is inconsiderate and cruel. And the sad part about this is that they know what they are doing and we are allowing them to feel like it is okay to be this way. I don’t see why leos should be tried any different from anybody else when half the time you could be good to them and they would still continue to treat people bad. I don’t know a lot of leos who go around flattering other people’s egos yet they expect it from others. It’s what’s inside of the person that counts not how much does this person boost up my ego. After all relationships are not meant to stay in the first stages.
Sam, what you say describes all fixed signs (Leo, Aqua, Taurus, and Scorpio) to me. I wonder what a relationship between a Virgo and a Virgo is like? Seems they’d be the ones to appreciate each other.
Sam, maybe the Leo’s you’ve encountered have other aspects of their chart that magnify the negatives you interpret to be solely “leo”. Maybe I’m just being biased, but as a Leo myself, and of the Leos that I know, we just want the same affection and appreciation as any average human being. We probably just show it a little more. I also boosts maaaany egos. I love to give compliments, because I feel like people deserve to feel good about themselves. I’ve never met a cruel Leo. But that’s just me.
Yep that is just you. Leo’s do have a tendency to be cruel but if you live in the first stages then it shows no growth.. But I do love my fellow lion with all my heart and he is truly a king.. He can be selfish, and I am a Virgo.. I love different and he sees that and I am very critical and he sees that too but I can’t ask him for what I’m not willing to give!!!! Live and let live.
Actually I take back part of what I said .. Leo males have been perfectly gallant towards me, but we haven’t romantically connected. The other fixed signs have been like you described Sam, thinking they’re properly master of the universe. I would suggest they develop a spine, bones, and heart first before they attempt such a feat.
In response to t-carat and Shell like any other relationship a virgo and a Virgo relationship would depend on the individuals that are involved maybe even between two virgo’s there would be a lack of appreciation. It really all depends on what’s important to both parties… Please, try not to misunderstand me Shell I am aware that not all Leos possess these traits that I spoke about earlier. After all aside from our sun sign we are individually unique in our own way. Therefore, anyone of us could possess these traits, but, for those Leos who do possess these traits I just think that it is inconsiderate and cruel to end a relationship with someone just because they don’t demonstrate their affections the way leos do. Furthermore, I don’t believe that Leos show their emotions anymore than others do. I just feel that we all express our emotions in different ways. where as some are expressive about it some are quiet about it. Where as some are proud about it some are humble where their emotions are concerned. Therefore, one should not be penalized for not wanting to boost up someone else’s ego just to show that person that they love or care about them. After all love should not be boastful love should be kind.
I am a Virgo and have several Leo friends. Leos are very caring and will show the same love u give to them. I personally haven’t met any selfish leo men. Yes, the do love the attention and compliments. I agree with the reboot…they just need reassurance from time to time.
I dated a Leo man for many many years. Every time we got together, we had an amazingly fun time. I always felt like it was all about me, he only had eyes for me, the chemistry was magical. But once that date was over, I WOULD NOT HEAR FROM HIM FOR MONTHS!!!! I truly cared for this person, so when he would come around again and call, I’d drop everything I was doing to see him and spend some time with him. But once that date was over…
I felt like we were strangers. I feel like Leo’s have a hard time letting go completely, that’s why they keep coming back. But me as a Virgo, getting pretty fed up!
I am a leo n my gf is a virgo… We get on immensely well… I hav never been so in love wth any girl n usually i love dating water signs but i just find virgos perfect for me… I use to take my gfs for granted… Simply bcoz like wat others hav mentioned, leos tend to trample those who let them take advantage… But wth this virgo, i hav changed myself simply bcoz she makes me want to b a better me…i simply do not notice any other girls wen i am wth her… N there is no one i rather b…
… Only sad part is we cant b together… Distance is a problem… We both hav our life elsewhere…. An ocean apart…neither one of us dare to give up our roots bcoz it is like a security blanket…i can only tell her that i will wait for her if she chooses to come one day…Wen she is ready to give up her life for one together
My Leo is very caring and affectionate, he has his selfish ways, but when you show them unconditional love n support, they will cherish you as long as you cherish them, because they dont want to loose that, they know that it doesnt come very often in life, be patient, leos like to test your love
I was in relationship with a leoman up to last month.We were in a distant relationship for 3 months.The forth month,we had our breakup.He said it’s because of his mother.He said his mother was nothing really interested in this relationship.Since he is from medical field and I from commerce field,his mother says I will not be a match to him.Moreover he is also saying that he wishes for a more beautiful women.After our breakup also,everyday we will message each other just like friends.He will say his opinion on every matter of mine,I will also do the same.Now he is saying that he will live alone.Its better to live alone like Vivekananda and he is also thinking of saintly life.He is a great follower of Swami Vivekananda.Now I think I am developing hatred towards him,but I love him also.I really do want him in my life .But,today we had a fight and I said I will not come to talk to you hereafter and ended the conversation,but now I am dying to talk to him.I am really confused.Whether he will come and talk to me again? Whether he will love me as a girlfriend again? Whether he will forget me?? Please help me with your advice.
If you post your question and your chart in the forum, more people will see it and someone will help! https://elsaelsa.com/forum/
This is deffo late to the party. But it seems like the only person getting left out of this is you.
I, for one, don’t care what his motives were, or what he used to justify to himself what he did to you. Not one iota.
You are the only person you’re going to bed with every night and getting up with every morning. You can’t be held accountable for being left by someone with the stability of an artificial element. It’s not your fault, and you don’t have the responsibility to fix something you didn’t break. What it is is your time to put yourself first. Mr. Not-Right is not irreplaceable, but YOU ARE, to yourself. Time to treat yourself better than you seemingly have. The only place for a doormat in your life is outside of your front door. It shouldn’t be you.
First, of all, i’m sorry this happened to you in the past. I hope things are better after many years. fiery men are strange bunch (in a good way) lol My husband has a stellium in fire, and they need to be inspired. It’s a constant thing to keep it going xD
i remember reading about Leo sun/Scorpio moon Ben Affleck, and his relationship with his ex, Aries sun/Gemini moon.(she has a 5 stellium in gemini actually) whoa! And he looked so much happier with the Leo sun/Scorpio moon singer/actress. As if his fire was lit up and he was alive again. The astrology with compatibility really is strong with the latter and you can see it in his aliveness. Others may see it as selfish but … you have to follow your heart and your fire and not die of depression.