Dear Elsa,
I’m at my rope’s end. I am feeling worse than I did during my Saturn’s Return. EVERYTHING has collapsed around me: relationships, friendships, work (there is none), finances and most of all my faith.
I cannot take it anymore. I’m constantly praying and trying to be open. I hunker down and wait to get around to the next corner, the next bend. But there is never any salvation. I feel utterly forsaken.
Besieged
United States
Dear Besieged,
Well you are not forsaken. I am answering your mail, and people will read it and respond to it. There is a whole humanity out there. There are millions of people who are full of compassion for others, and you’re one of them, or you wouldn’t be feeling this bad in the first place. So just get this much loud and clear: you are not alone.
You are having a Pluto transit though and you are going to have to do something new. By that I mean that your old tried and true ways of coping are failing you. It’s like trying to ward off a forest fire with your little hose. It ain’t gonna work! You’re going to have to burn.
You are going to have to feel this pain and stay with it until it resolves. My friend, Ben has worked with children for 20 years and sees a lot of messed up kids. And he explained once, the kids had no idea how to resolve their bad feelings. The kid is upset and the parent gives the toy. The kid screams and the parent placates.
And this is a great disservice. Because if the parent left the kid to whinge, eventually they would exhaust themselves. They would finish feeling whatever they were feeling and they’d calm down. And this would be a great lesson to them. Turns out they’re not going to die after all!
But if you’ve never had this experience then you don’t know! You don’t know you can and will survive your bad… no your horrible feelings. And once you do know this, you will be a changed person. You will be empowered, so this is my advice:
Put down your hose and submit. Stay with your feelings, wherever they take you, no matter how dark it gets and wait to be delivered. Because you will be delivered. And you will be fine like you’ve never been fine before. Like Obi Wan, you will be “more powerful than you can possibly imagine”.
Post me back and tell me when I’m right, okay? And I’m not being snotty. It’s just that once I lost faith as well. And a friend told me it was okay. She said she still had faith and would hold its spot for me. So now I pay it forward. Come back and tell us… we’ll be here.
Much love and good luck.
When I think of pluto transits, I think of the phoenix bird, rising from the ashes. It needs to be burned to ashes though, that’s pluto. It literally will kill parts of you that need to go. I’m sure it hurts like hell. Don’t fight it, flow with it. Lay down and wait for the worst, don’t be afraid. You will come through just fine, and ready for bigger things.
I have pluto in the 8th natally. I go through total transformations from time to time.
Faith is important beacause you won’t see the light until it’s all done. But it will be all done, when you least expect it. once you give up, and let go of the rope, submit.
If you throuw a ball into a pit, it won’t bounce before it reaches the bottom, this is what’s happening to you. 🙁
This is the only true death that exists, and you’re going through it. Be brave.
Thank you to both the astrologer and the commenter and the poster. Courage. I too fell down so hard it has been hard to pick myself back up. I think it is about keeping faith even when you are exhausted or feel like you made many past mistakes, or, didn’t know how to handle things and were and are “over your head”. Me too. That happened. I was over my head. Out of my depth. To try to hang in there and try to learn from what places aren’t working any more, or where we betrayed ourselves somehow or got betrayed. Like the astrologer said, old ways dont work any more so we have to try new ways, even though it hurts, very, very badly. And thank you for reminding us all that all we are is Humanity and we are all connected, because it is the truth. Pleine de Bisous. Angel
Viviana, that’s lovely.
I can’t think of any better advice than what you’ve gotten, Beseiged. Just know the universe will support you. Much love.
this is how i feel. i am a gemini sun and i don’t remember the rest of my chart but…
i am trying to stop using pot and wine to numb my feelings and it takes a lot of strength.
maybe the suns ruled by mercury (mine too) are more flighty and feel anxious if they cant numb things? i too am trying to handle a lot of anxiety from some past situations. it is like because everyone thought i seemed so confident they did not know i was also very scared. so then things like “hunkering down” and waiting to get around the next corner were exactly what i was doing too … whilst being in unbearable pain but also i was seeming so bright and confident. so confusing. strength and courage are what we need to be true to communicate the parts where we feel in-trouble and sad. i really need my faith to come back too. so i am sending you courage #4 to not numb out so much and feel yourself, et besieged too to hang in there. me too. it does seem pluto always needs to burn everything. its nice if we can let go. its a good feeling because i love fire and i am fire (mars conjunct my ruler mercury), but, also, sometimes the heart hurts so much your chest burns. i guess it is just being aware. courage to us all. i think it is also about support. needing and being brave enough to ask for support. we just have to trust and laisser du temps au temps (give time to time) so that we are strong again. hang in there.
Thank you Elsa and everyone else for your wise advice and encourgement.
Alas, I could not fathom anything being worse than my hideous saturn return. I have tried to go with the flow. But when there is nothing flowing, where does one go?
Carrie: I completely understand. I normally don’t drink, but lately when in the presence of alcohol, I drink till I’m “gone”.
It’s as if it possessed me though I did not seeek it out.
Thank you again. . .peace, courage and love to us all.
Soldiering on,
B
A friend gave me some wonderful advice once: the calmest place during a hurricane is in the eye of the storm.
When there’s nothing flowing, sometimes it helps just to find the eye of the storm.
We’ve got your back, soldier! I send you as much love and good vibes as I can muster.
It’s been almost 13 years I wonder if things are much better, I hope so! I was having a Pluto transit too around that time and had to remake myself.