lonely girl paintingMy neighbor’s dog died this week. He had her for 18 years.  This is the same man who has seen so many of his friends and family die over the last year. His sister-in-law is terminally ill. His brother-in-law died about 18 months ago. His wife is taking off for a week – they have a timeshare.

He doesn’t go with her on the vacation. This is because she goes with her sister and they like to shop. He doesn’t like to shop.

“What you going to do while she’s gone?” I asked.
“Be lonely, I ‘spect.”

So honest and plainspoken.  He’s been with his wife since they were ten years old or so.

A lot of my clients are feeling lonely these days.  Usually, Saturn is in or nearing the 4th house. In other cases it’s a Saturn transit to the moon.  A Saturn transit to Venus can also bring up this kind of ache or lack.

These feelings have a purpose. You get to feeling so bad, you realize you’ve got to fix the situation. The dark period leads you to the dawn.

I came across this notion: the reason you don’t socialize is because you’re traumatized. I think it’s true.

Do you feel lonely? Have you ever felt lonely? Have you tried to remedy your situation? What’s the astrology?

17 thoughts on “Loneliness”

  1. I am nothing but lonely. I know there are people who love me and care about me but I feel and have always felt separate from others in a very fundamental and real way. I have a very difficult chart with Saturn in the 4th, opposing Chiron/midheaven conjunction, squaring The Sun, Venus, my Virgo rising and Mercury.

    The loneliness is easy enough to handle, every day I think I can’t possible take one more minute but then I do because I guess you’re not given any more than you can handle. I don’t know how to fix it or if I even really want to. Every stumbling attempt I have made in the past has ended catastrophically.

    I want to teach myself how to stop wanting what I want because I feel mocked by God. At the point complete stifling and obliteration of the deep need to be seen and loved seems like mere survival.

    1. Hi Charlotte. I am so sorry to hear how you have been feeling for so long. I can relate quite a bit too. I feel like I miss what was but what was is gone and new people don’t really fill the gap. So being an introvert and loner by nature, I am doing okay but do feel lonely sometimes. I send you feelings of compassion for your situation. And hope for a dawning to bring you light and peace and at least contentment.

  2. Avatar
    ‪Anat Omer‬‏

    In last year’s SR I had Uranus square Venus (3rd and 6th houses) and a year long transit to my natal chart. One day, a lone dog appeared on my doorsteps. I began to take care of him. He became my best friend.
    This year I have Saturn opposite Venus transit (7th and 1st houses) and Saturn square Venus in SR. I can already feel the loneliness that it brings this year… (my sun is in Virgo). I take solace from our long lovely walks every day.

  3. We are social beings at our core and that has to win in the end for good health. Loneliness should not be tolerated although alone time is necessary for the soul too. I just arrange activities to push myself out there because thinking too much about oneself and dwelling on problems is just too much of a burden. Help others who need it and do charitable activities. It’s rewarding!

  4. I have a Capricorn Moon in the 12th house, Capricorn rising, Saturn in the first house, lots of 8th house/Scorpio placements … I am objectively very much alone and have been lonely my entire life. (I have a dog and five cats I love very much, and I’m a writer.)

  5. Avatar
    Lesley J Phillips

    I couldn’t agree more, James. But it isn’t easy to push ourselves “out there.” Currently, Saturn is exactly squaring my 8H Venus (and will move on and make a second hit to Sun and Mercury). Being an 8H Sun, I’m a loner. I used to say I’m alone but never lonely and that’s true for the most part. But Saturn has come along (again) and changed the energy. Thinking about the unfamiliar loneliness I’m feeling is showing me how to move outside myself and get involved with others who share my interests, and together help others who are in need.

  6. My 4th house cusp is ruled by Saturn. I felt utterly alone during childhood. Been in hospital when i was 4 , i remember me waiting by the door for someone to visit me. I had to heal from third degree burns so I’ve lived there for months. Pluto conjuncted my moon at the time. The years after were lonely too. From foster home to foster home. I never felt wanted. And during the foster homes time Neptune and Uranus were transiting my 4th . I was glad when they moved on from my 4th. After foster care Pluto squared my Saturn brother died in car accident. And now i still have Pluto there (4th) Started therapy last year, removed myself from toxic family. And I’m not out the woods yet. It will go on for a few more years and then Pluto will oppose my sun. These days I’m grateful that I’m healthy and in a good relationship. But the loneliness still resides deep in me. Waiting to be released and healed.

  7. Saturn is currently squaring my moon, and the loneliness is hitting me hard. This time of year is usually very difficult and lonely for me, and this year is particularly painful. I do reach out and try to connect but even when people try to help, I just don’t feel it. It’s not like there isn’t anyone around, it’s more that I’m being blocked from feeling the presence of others.

    I am forcing myself to do the online dating apps. Speaking of trauma, online dating is a traumatizing experience to an extent. ? But I guess we work with what we have.

  8. I’ve experienced different types of loneliness. For me, there is a manifest loneliness, which is when you don’t have anybody to commune with or any live thing, like a pet, around you, you are isolated socially and may or may not feel lonely as a result. Then there is psychic loneliness, which is of the mind-body realm and exists when you don’t have enough inner contact with your true self. It feels just like loneliness but is because your true self inside is lonely from being neglected or sacrificed – you could also say, soul loneliness. If you have soul loneliness you also get manifest loneliness happening because your external world provides a mirror to your internal one. I managed to resolve my psychic loneliness which was pretty bad, by doing inner work for many years and allowing my true self more of a voice (constant work in progress). I still experience manifest loneliness from time to time due to circumstances but as it is not so connected to my psychic loneliness it’s never as unbearable. I think the Aquarius transits (Saturn, Jupiter) are increasing our connection collectively to our human trauma experiences, especially regarding what has happened to our soul life, so that there is definitely an increase of feelings of psychic loneliness around. For anyone suffering, I encourage taking on the inner work path because you can free yourself step by step and make your life better.

  9. Sophiab, your perspective is not one I’ve heard before – I’m intrigued. I relate very much to the experience of psychic loneliness at times, once I figured out what it was after emerging from behind the smoke screen dropped by Neptune’s as it lingered over my Ascendant for five years. My company Turing that time were spirit guides and guardians who’d returned After a long hiatus (so I thought) to help me with the inner work I was ready to undertake. Inner work that now can also continue to unfold in the social environment – as long as I use discernment in my choices. Thank you, Sophiab, you made me think…

    1. Hi Lesley, glad it was helpful! Connecting with spirit and understanding that there is a continual and supportive presence around us has been an important part of healing my psychic loneliness. I also have had a lot of help in this from Neptune transiting my Moon, 6th house, and descendant – Pisces. My astro chart is very rational and practical, but also mystical, but I never had a space for it. I have to work against doubt and really listen to the spirit life. It seems to be about bringing these aspects together in balance, so that you respect the material life of Earth but also the spiritual energy that infuses everything.

  10. “I came across this notion: the reason you don’t socialize is because you’re traumatized. I think it’s true.”

    I suspect this is the case for the people I’ve lost during the pandemic. The people who just disappear, don’t respond, etc. However, there’s nothing I can do about it–they’re going to ignore me and the relationship will probably die. Sigh. I can’t de-traumatize them or help them. I just have to give up hope.

    1. I think you’re right but I hope you don’t give up hope. It’s almost like we need to go door to door and make sure people are okay and/or see if we can help.
      It’s ironic but you can often best help yourself by helping others.

      1. Yeah, but if they don’t open the door when you knock….

        I don’t know. Some people I feel more comfortable checking on than others (i.e. if they actually respond), but the ones that repeatedly ignore me, sure sounds like they want to be left alone for good.

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