Dear Elsa,
What kind of man brings his affair partner into his house that he shares with his wife, to have sex? And what kind of woman, hoping this man leaves his wife for her, would go into the other woman’s house?
Scorpio
United States
Scorpio, I am involved with a man who has insight into the the psyches of men so I asked him this question on your behalf.
Brace yourself because he said he did not think it surprising, “Any man who would cheat on his wife… if he would do that, why would he not bring her into the house? A man of that character is not going to stop… have some kind morals all the sudden…”
He then asked me what I thought about the woman. I told him I would never do something like that in a million years. I would also have nothing to do with a man who wanted me to do something like that.
“Well there you go,” he said.
So here is our answer to what kind of man would do this: It’s a man of low character and a woman of same.
Anyone else?
Nope, you pretty much took the words out of my mouth. I think both of these people are amazingly uncouth. Personally, I don’t even like having sex in anyone else’s bed — other than mine or my partners, I mean. I still cringe when I hear people talking about making out on their parent’s or friend’s beds as teenagers. *lol*
Yech. Icky. Ugh. Blech.
I really appreciate the shift I’m seeing lately where people of low character are being named as such, rather than excused.
two words.
shit. bags.
They are both self-centered, self-serving and most certainly have no respect for the man’s wife. The marriage would be irreparable for me – no way I could recover from such a disgusting display of disregard.
Perhaps a man and woman who enjoy sneaking. Men often do not look at things the same as women, this man probably doesn’t realize how much more tramatic it would be to his wife if she learned he had tainted their intimate marital bed.
I somewhat feel the opposite of Korellyn in that I feel a person’s marriage and their intimate choices are their own business; not to be exposed for public judgement.
Well, doing the wild thing in the room the wife probably decorated and chose the bed, could very well be an ultimate expression of Anger toward her, i.e “I now ‘mark’ this space as mine at the deepest level, you are now a stanger here.”
(PS. I’m no scorpio, but sure sounds like it!)
I agree he has marked his space and now his wife is a stranger to him, not only in his bed, but their home.
Ahh yes this would be a buddy of my SO’s. His wife tossed him out on his arse as soon as he tried to have his young lover MOVE INTO their house with their two children.
He is, about 4 years later, still with the younger woman. His is also very divorced. The younger woman is rude and obnoxious and hated by all of his friends. However, his guy friends are still friends with him but try not to invite him to any events or occasions that would allow him to bring his new woman. None of them understand why he did what he did as his wife was actually nice, intelligent, and fun to be around. They do actually comment on that everytime they see him. It’s a sense of wonder that he’s with the younger woman because she’s so unpleasant to be around – and I do mean UNPLEASANT with nothing nice to say – ever.
Personally, I try not to invite him to my home- with or without the woman. Not so much because I’m trying to be judgmental but because I’m afraid I might say something really too blunt.
As for the question. I’d take a stab in the dark and say that a man like that wants to be out of his current relationship and is too spineless to say so directly. He will continue in such behavior until he is released from his current relationship and free to see as many other women as he wishes. And then those women, sadly, will get wash, rinse repeat.
I agree that it would take someone of low character to do something like this – I would also suggest that the people who would do this do not respect themselves and therefore cannot respect anyone else either.
Still, I cannot help being fascinated with the show ‘Big Love’ (not the morman stuff, but the stuff about him handling 3 wives, soon to be four, looks like).
I concur 100%. And unfortunately it reminds me of a situation I know of… Only it was the married woman bringing her young boy-toy home to spend the weekend with her while her husband was out of town. I find it incredibly difficult to think much of either of them.
A dead man, that’s who. ha ha ha
lol, Kashmiri.
The whole thing is a fucked thing to do, I agree.
also potentially dangerous for somebody unless the spouse is actually out of the country or something.
Lis, I relate to your comments and to the Leo-Drama run riot! Don’t forget, the crazy women surrounding him don’t give a shit what HE really wants, rather, sounds like they just intend to control him as long as they can … and your right, it won’t be forever. It WILL happen again. He doesn’t really love her, see? in fact, I am surprised he is not a Leo too!
rehabilitated him LOL, snort. yeah right
The only reason a man wouldn’t bring a mistress to his house would be to avoid getting caught… Read into that what you need to.
Sorry, Scorpio.
Rob, lol, does that mean you are sorry because you are a scorpio? or that you are sorry for all the scorpios? or that you feel sorry for scorpios in general?
lol… Loonsounds… I’m sorry for the Scorpio woman going through this… because if her husband’s doing this it means he isn’t even thinking about the marriage anymore… and is going about informing her of the situation in the dirtiest way possible.
I am a women that is going through this.Husband lives in total denial The mental stress is endless. I will be so glad when its over. The home that we have is nothing more than a trigger.I can only hope it sells soon. very terrible I. have no respect for a women that would do an act like this. or any women that would have a affair with a married man.
well i am the wife of a 3 yr marriage. no kids. i was very independent till i hooked up with him and he is a master manipulator. a narcassistic low life and i just found proof hes been doing his whore in our home. Sneaking her in his room thru the window while im home! Now i know it wasnt his snoring to have his own room. and i wana say.. im in gr8 shape younger have gr8 sense o humour and have an appetite for sex. i recorded and he denys. wow… unreal. Im hurt yet discussted and blame myself for not seeing his b.s i will survive. i wanted him. i dont need him. beware…. they are out there. always trust your gut no matter how unreal it seems
Married men do this because they want to get caught. This is his way to get out of the marriage. He knows the marriage is over way before he brings another women into his home and bed. Is it wrong? Yes! Is there a better way to go about it? Yes! but maybe his wife will not leave no other way so the husband is running out of options to make her leave. So now the affair is thrown in his wife’s face to make her leave. If the wife still does not leave, then the only other option would be for the man one day to leave and never come back and men are known to do that (he could say I am leaving to go get milk or something at the store and never come back). That sad, but reality.
Some say it is not a good idea for the wife to confront the other woman. When a man brings another woman into his home that means he has chosen her to be with.
@bella i agree with this. they really are not happy so they are wanting desperately to get caught so the wife leaves. i’ve heard of all kinds of ways of men wanting to get out cause they just can’t. maybe the woman in question is more domineering so they — the man cannot confront the woman and say he is unhappy because they will fight and go through theraphy which he may not want. I’ve heard of stories that the man just stays miserably cause he getting old anyway.
Or the stories of men marrying for religious culture reasons and then they are really gay and leave their wives for a gay union. Or the other types, a man who changes gender? I saw that in bruce jenner…it may have been there for years but if i were the wife i would still be devastated. those are examples. they are all devastating for a woman.
that tv netflix series “frankie and gracie” touches on this, and the two ladies already in their 70s are devastated.
with the OP’s situation i think it’s a very passive aggressive man, who is unhappy and he is afraid of confrontation.
maybe he love her mistress and he don’t want to get caught by other people.
I just found out that my Husband brought the women he had been cheating on me with to our house, they order food in and did God knows what, he admitted it but of course blamed me for it, said he wasn’t happy and whatever other excuse he came up with,I think he has done this before to, I have felt it. He has continued to cheat on and off for the past few years but always says the same thing I am sorry and every time I get ready to leave him he begs me to stay. But knowing he brought her to our home makes me so sick so I decided to see if this has happened with anyone else, it is shocking that someone who is supposed to love you can do soothing so hurtful and horrible. I do not understand how he could do this, I have asked him to leave and he is refusing to go because the house is in his name! I do not know what to do and just feel sick and in pain
So sorry you’re going through this. I am a submissive (BDSM) of a married man who requested/demanded he sneak me into his house while his wife was there! He wanted me on the couch while I suspect she sleeps. It was totally inappropriate and made me question if he was a sociopath. Don’t want anything to do with him now. Thanks for the vulnerability in your story and so upset you went through this.
I am the other woman!! I have been sleeping with a married man for 1 year in the bed he shares with his wife when she’s not home, of course. It’s totally exhillerating. If he doesn’t care why should I? And ps. Your husbands not getting it good from you or he wouldn’t be getting it better from another woman honey. If you ladies don’t keep it exciting then how can you expect your men to be faithful, I mean seriously?♀️ Good luck…. the mistress and proud of it!!!!
I’m in the same boat girl I agree with you 100% if the wife doesn’t want to get busy he will find some one else!!But we did it in their bed and I do and want to know what he’s thinking it’s just I’m going to give it some time!! But wives sleep with your man!! Or he will stray!!
My husband stated ..”we had sex just one time…” then proceeded to make up a story that it was in her house with a step by step detailed account of the sex that he guiltily couldn’t finish. For 14 days this fabrication continued until he told me that it was in our family home the day after his first child was born. The lies are unforgivable and the bitch in my home is unforgivable. What do I do after 20 years? He has continually lied to my face for the past 15 years. Do I leave him and at what cost to our children?
Great job. Marilyn. I am the mistress too.
My husband brought his lover into our house wherever I was out of town for work, taking care of my mom, or out of state visiting our daughters. He was disabled and I supported us. For your information we had a great sex life and men often lie to their lovers that they are not getting great sex from their lives. They are lying cheats and women who sleep with married men usually have low self esteem and certainly low morals. When I finally “caught” my husband he felt guilty and sorry. So he committed suicide shooting himself in the heart YESTERDAY. You are messing with people’s lives don’t be so selfish.
Wow this is so sad my husband bought his mistress to our home too.This happened he said and he is disabled. I really can’t take this marriage anymore.I can’t live with someone who does this.Its been 4 months since I found out he was gone because we separated but now back here.Rhis house has to many memories.cant take it or him.Very sorry for your loss.
Well Marilyn you just have not met up with the right wife. I wish you and my husband would try that mess, the coroner would be coming to collect 2 bodies.
Haha! Welcome, Angela.
? right on!
Bella, darling you are sooo wrong! Men don’t cheat and bring their mistress home to the marital bed to get caught, they do it because it’s exciting, the sex is awesome and she gives it to him better than his wife does so do your research before commenting. I speak from experience, I’m a mistress and proud of it. I satisfy my man when his wife can’t!!
really. put yourself in the wifes shoes. im thinking your not married for a reason. so you go above and below to give that married man what you say is better sex than wife gives. and in return you get??? What?? a title that has no respect. You go girl, and i just bet your not his only “mistress”. So that being said.. she has you beat!
When I found out my husband had been bringing a woman to our home when I was gone, he took a gun and shot himself in the heart. He felt ashamed and was afraid I was going to leave him. By the way it was just YESTERDAY he did this.
Well your also a pig too.
Sorry. Not you Debra. All the mistresses are PIGS!
get away and heal. it wont change. you deserve so much betr. been there and on my way out. gonna be a new year. make them changes for you. He is a sick person that dont care, lies and will cheat. let it go. its hard but it will get betr. it cant get n e worse. Good luck. be strong!
Was a total rush
Don’t know how this works. I typed in married man has mistress move into his family home. Yep. That is exactly what happened to me. My father had this 17 year old girl move into our home in 1973. My mom agreed to it. He said it would only last one year. Well after 10 years of this nonsense she left. Thank God! Well, mom met a man that was divorced and married him. They have been married 32 years. He was and is a great stepdad to my sister and I. He had 3 children. His wife had left him for another man. So at 52 still struggling to make sense of it all. Going to counselor that is helping. The strangest thing is I want my dad’s approval. Oh I forgot. My dad married that woman. She never left our home. But was it really a home? The lies I was told were never questioned. I thought dad knew everything about life.
aw it seemed to work out with your mothers 2nd husband happily.
Hi, I have been having sex in my lovers bed of 1 year, a bed he shares with his wife every night, I figured if he doesn’t care then why should I care. I mean it’s his wife not mine. And doing it in the marital bed is soo exciting. I don’t care what anyone thinks of this either. Moral of the story. Take care of your men ladies or someone else will!!
so nice of you to do their dirty work. alot of married men are over weight no teeth and with your attitude.. you probably look like one of them. i like to hold my head high. respect and dignity. theres always gonna be those few like you out there wondering the streets. double wrap it please, for the next low life that wants another womens man.
Wow! You really are missing some morals. Hope the same thing happens to you. Your a loser. If he lies to his wife he will lie to you too. Your both scumbags!
I think its just an immaturity thing. Exhilerating? Ok. If you feel that your life is not your own, I guess rebelling in that way could be exciting. If youve never felt powerful in your life, then doing something like this could seem like power.
But nothing like the power and excitement of taking ownership of yourself and knowing that you are a free being, and therefore responsible for your own life. Being your own authority, thats exhilerating.
This sneaking stuff- childs play and booooooring as f word.
How about him contributing some spice, why is it always the woman. It goes both ways. My husband was a total bore in the bedroom and anything new just was not received well.
Ok all u gloating mistresses on this page buckle up butter cups I’m gonna give a strong dose of reality….first off any person Man/Women who has affairs are Narsistic and I’m not referring to the little ego boost kind I’m referring the extreme narsisit and if the bring the other person into the marital home…they enter into a whole new mental narcissist with sex addictions porn addictions they are typically pathological liars and extreme manipulators…u mistresses apprently think your special to him because he brings you in wifes home….NOPE NADA couldn’t be farther from the truthin fact here’s what he thinks about you….he views you no differently than the prostitute he could pay for to come have sex with him to him your cheap/free so yo speak he doesn’t have to fork out for a room or the price of the call girl…a couple of key strokes and BAM there u r at the front door it probably takes longer to get a pizza to the door.ur flexible(whenever he can be free ur readily available)cause let’s be honest buttercups u pretty much sit around waiting for his call/text to be at his beckon call for him to dibby out some time for u which brings me to how expendable u r to him he gets u over does ur all’s thing and cam basically get u right on out the door cause the wife will be home soon….he is LAZY is doesn’t want to really put forth no effort no special alliances etc.and you allow it by coming to him..now these extreme narsist have a certain type and almost always is attached to someone. they want the maaried ones… for a few reasons top 2 pregnancy well it isn’t thiers lol and most will go along cause they are married/w kids…2 when he is done with you it makes for a pretty easy exit most aren’t going to divorce and drag their kids thru alot of pain and I promise you the will end it with u but keep u in a file for later….remeber this u replaced someone who did the exact thing you are doing and he will get bored with u as well…ur not the first ur not gonna be the last and your probably the only one at this very moment…they like to have as much “supply as possible”as unsaid before they have a type ur married/boyfriend or simply don’t have your own place because if it was a option he would go there instead now remember this he uses you to live out what alot of times is pervted/derogatory sexual fantasies in his Narsistic mind that he quite frankly wouldn’t want his wife to perform(not saying it’s all horrible things but alot of things he might be embarrassed about like I said they are typically sex addicted porn addicts mosto ften with history of drug/alcohol use that are the most gifted pathological lying manipulators that you will ever encounter in your entire lives..thecday will come that you will learn this!!!now none of you would probably admit this but he has had sex with you/oral as well and faked his orgasm…guess what when u left he watched pork and took matters in his own hands lol!!! Now that’s talk a bit about the wife that u so easily ridiculed and you think he is with you cause your do much better in bed than she is…NOPE/NADA sorry buttercup most the time isn’t the case…remeber this….if a man wants to leave his wife he WILL LEAVE HIS WIFE and there is nothing you,her,the kids,the grandkids,his best friend of 30 years could say or do to stop him if he wants to leave He Will Leave!!!never forget that… Also always know that has extreme narsist they will use you for supple as long as you allow them to…and when he discards you for his next supply that he has started to pursue(and I promise u he will)don’t worry if ur still desperate and insecure and needy(other reasons why he is with you) dont worry they always cone back around to see if you will let them use you again(some do some don’t)now as a wife of a severe Narc..my husband is am extremely good looking man and to know him you think he walks on water as his wife I’m the only one and I mean ONLY one who knows he is a Narc they keep this hidden at all cost I’m very attractive(not trying to be egotist just giving the wife’s side that you believe urself to be so much better the she) men hit on me with or without my husband around and he has always been very aware.and is a small touch into his Narc but Narcs form from one or two childhood developments and occasionally both and they come in various shapes sizes and colors lol…but he has always seen me as the pretty one I’ve always viewed him as the better looking one I however was never insecure about it he however is I’m not jealous of anyone he is with but alot of times the ones who hold themselves in such high regard as I ladies in the post have I literally have had to save them from my husband they was about to leave thier husband’s destroy their children they offer to buy him new vehicles condos whatever and I have to get thru to them he is not going to leave me for u see he isnt gonna tell them he literally lies to the last second telling them what he knows they need to hear from him (for the only reason of trying to keep that supply as long as possible)I know you ainnt believing acwird I’m saying to u so I’m gonba reoeat one more time educate yourself on Narsisisim and educate yourself good sodas to be prepared for what’s coming this is a real mental issue but they have no idea how to treat it now as far ask sex my husband and I have never had sex issues we have always been very sexually active I enjoy sex just as much as him I will try anything once we have to suitcases in r closets have had for years one contains a huge selection of outfits he/I have purchased boots,heals stockings,garters u name it we got it the other suitcase holds r abundant selection of toys,games,videos etc.etc.so we r very sexually active and quite frankly I doubt any of u have anything on me what u best do is get to figure out what type of narc ur letting use u understand that he is with u for his own needs and his own needs only(not saying he ignores u sexually lol) but ur needs are of little concern to him and he will lie to u past the last hour!!!if he was on a talk show for DNA and he was the father he would say….”no somethings not right that test is defaulted I’m not joking one bit)so don’t hold yourself in such high regard and don’t assume you know anything about his wife I assure you I know nothing but what he tells u and guess what….yeah he lied it’s what they do lol I know this was a short book I hope all u read this it helps one way or the other in which ever role u are in in such a situation,I typically do get upset when I see the mistresses put down a wife that they know nothing about and think throat they are so highly regarded in most cases just isn’t true and I dont mind telling about yourself.again let me say this does not pertain to every Man/Women who have affairs or the mistresses who give it away for the most part tho ur are dealing with a severe Narc and u just aren’t near as important to him as you think your nor r u so much better sexually than his wife or anything else hell half the time he is with u he is probably thinking of is wife…remeber this if u was as highly regarded by him as I like to think u would my number 2 3 4 5 who knows and he wouldn’t keep you hidden!!!! People can/will say anything it’s what they do that will always show u the truth….men can have and it’s almost always that to them sex….women have sex for feelings….if u think u mean so much to him your feelings are gonna be extremly hurt at some point
yaaay… Rite ON RITE ON. I would love to shake your hand buy u a drink or lunch. You just made my day! thank you. For saying it the way it really is. Sounds like u deal with it(him). Not me. He is too toxic. i refuse to deal with hang with and by all means be married to a person who lies. i dont wish for anyone to deal with them types of behaviors. if you are get out. too far out there for me. no common sense or reality. i cant wrap my head around it. im out. then ther will be his next victim and thats all you will ever be to them. anything els and everything els IS A LIE!!
This happened to me (my then husband brought his affair partner back to our house to have sex in our bed while I was away for two nights attending a funeral) and my take on it is this :
Here you have two people who have entitlement issues, a total lack of boundaries, no integrity, morals, empathy or respect for themselves or anyone else.
I have no idea if astrology can give any pointers to these character (or rather, lack of character), traits?
I, in this situation, filed for divorce and moved on.
hese people don’t change and deserve each other.
My husband has done this for over two years, It was with his masseuse. I am in the house at the time. He took videos , photos of their sexual activity. That’s how I found out, found photos and videos.
I also now know, he was going to arrange for another gal to come stay with us ..as it turns out, a previous masseuse and sex partner. And gas her own porn site. Geeze Louise, I would have been entertaining a porn star and sex worker .
In addition, I also found photos on our boat of him with other women, what I am shocked at, is how willing these different women were to allow the photos and videos. The sex workers don’t care..it’s all about money..but the other gals..wow
Obviously , the women are exhibitionists, but, I wouldn’t trust this guy with my photo.
The other problem.. I realize he’s messed up… but, he was so calm while this was going on,. Over two years .I could not have done this once, let alone the amount of times he has done this.