“Elsa, I’m not sure who’s right and who’s wrong in your scenario (yep, I’m Libra rising) but I read your story in between chores… Like so many good men and grand partners…your soldier sounds infuriatingly perfect and perfectly infuriating.. lol.”
maureen on Mars bitching out Venus.
maureen – yeah, he’s a dick and I like that in a man.
I sure as hell don’t want a man that won’t fight me!
Even worse is one who tells me what I want to hear and then does whatever he wants. (passive aggressive!)
Then there are the mama’s boys and the men (gym-type) who like their body better than yours.
That right there is my list of UNDESIRABLES when it comes to men. What is yours?
I can’t deal with a man who can’t laugh at himself.
All of the above (yours). We have the same Mars. Thanks for making my comment easier – Libra gets lazy 😉
You pretty much hit it on the head for me, Elsa.
I can be loud, I like to debate (argue), and I think I am pretty assertive and those are the same things I want in a man. Someone who can match up to me ;).
I don’t like mama’s boys, men who whine and complain instead of take action. Men who can’t take a little teasing!
Oh and I am Aquarius w Mars in Pisces.
If he has bad manners, lacks integrity, is crude, insensitive or stupid, it’s a deal breaker for me. And I like cleanliness too 😉
The passive agressive thing you are talking about it totally infuriating. I call it the wimp-wanker syndrome.
Haha….I always call my husband passive agressive. It’s true, he tells me what I want to hear and does what he wants. Since day one I learned see right through to the fine print, so it doesn’t phase me much. Plus, I have that Venus sq. Neptune thing that convinces me that everything is peachy. So it’s no problem that he tells me what I want to hear. 🙂
I couldn’t be w/ someone who couldn’t laugh at himself and have a good time. He has to be social, my Venus is in the 11th
Fighting gets really tiring; ah frikit I’d rather be a mammas boy or even a pacifist in relationships. When it comes to being myself in relationships its not about pleasing my partner however understanding her needs. I remember one partner requesting that I talk really dirty during sex. I did give it a go but I eneded up laughing during the act.
oh well
Kingsley
Loud and aggressive. I have Mars in Aries and am totally selfish; I want to be the yeller. The only yeller. Hey, you can call me what you like, just don’t call me a liar.
Every man I have ever dated has been quiet and gentle. And no, I neeeeever tried to provoke them, who me? :::feigns innocence, pathetically:::
Oh yeah and I’m not into men who lose interest in having sex with me after 3 months. Soooooo over that!!!
I would add PLAYERS to the list of undesirables. Oh and also drama queens (kings?). Yuck.
do want: man who thinks I’m totally special.
do not want: man who wants to totally tie me down or just as bad man who projects on me thinking I want to tie him down.
leo rising.
Don’t want a man who’s not interested in talking with me. Since I get bored easily, the feller better have the ability to be silly, or appreciate my silliness. I used to think I didn’t like to fight. Now I’m not so sure. Nothing worse than a man who loves to bark at you, and can’t handle it when you bark back. Must appreciate the fact that I am not him, and he is not me.
Kingsley, that made me laugh (the talking dirty part). I once dated a man who totally wanted me to dominate him in the bedroom (verbally and every other which way) ALL the time. I gave it a try…but yeech. It just wasn’t me!
ah, I like maureen’s answer. having read it I’d like to amend mine: must appreciate the fact that I am capable of eating him alive… and yet I do not.
The real main problem with my 16 year marriage is what you are talking about Maureen. He wouldn’t talk to me other than just the very mundane details. It was just too lonely. Then I hear stories that some guys even ask you a question like “what makes you tick.” My ex really didn’t want to be asked what was on his mind, even. I still love him though.
“and yet I do not..” 🙂 satori!
I hate arrogant know-it-alls who know nothing. I have no problem deferring to experts and admitting my ignorance in many, many areas. And especially when I know someone who really is an expert, and the guy argues with that information–oh boy, that is just intolerable.
Also can’t stand cheapskates, or being ungenerous with giving of himself. I dislike pettiness.
I want the same things I give: honesty, integrity, kindness and love.
xoxo
liars
Pygmalions and entitlement freaks.
I’m not broken, I don’t need fixing, and I don’t need to live up to what you (generic man here) think a woman should be. If you want me, great! If you want me so that you can “make me better” and change me into someone completely different to suit what you think I should be…you’re better off finding someone else. I’m stubborn. I like me. And I don’t feel like being chipped away at by someone who can’t accept me for me. (Now I want to say…it’s all about me! Only really, it isn’t! LOL)
Entitlement freaks…the world (including all people in it, including me) doesn’t owe you for being alive. Each of us has the opportunity to have a full life, but it takes effort. Sitting around complaining that life isn’t fair isn’t going to give you a better life. Getting up and doing something about it might.
Gads, no more post-midnight typing for me. All my issues are getting pissy. 🙂
Well, I have accepted at this late-ish stage in life that there is a certain quantity of bullshit that one has to accept when allowing a male into ones life. Period. They’re simply laden with bullshit.
The other things he brings (really good sex, help around the house, positive male role model for the kid, etc.) have to outweigh and make up for the aforesaid bullshit. I have yet to meet a man who could possibly make his presence worth putting up with all of the rest of it for me. But maybe you hit the jackpot! I hope you did.
If you can somehow, some way, get this man to clean the community toilet(s) and kill the roaches, then more power to you. Otherwise, Jesus, why the hell bother?? You sound like you’re more than capable of doing all of this yourself.
Of course the ‘don’t’ list is long but is it too much to ask for someone who isn’t intimated by me? That’s my biggest problem and it’s a bitch.
I don’t know how old you are, togi, but I had to wait until my twenties to find men who weren’t intimidated by me. I knew I had found my soulmate when he was not intimidated by me nor I of him, but we intimidated everyone else both seperately and as a couple. 🙂
and by liars i include people who lie to themselves.
reality distortion (eg saturn neptune) is okay, as long a you have your feet on the ground. so you can always figure which way is down 🙂
reality’s distorted anyway.
and people who are too stuck in their 7th house- have a projection of what a woman is and what love is and bugger the actuality of who i am and what the relationship is.
Oh wait, I thought of another one:
WHINERS.
Oh, hell no. Moon in Aries. No whining please.
Lol Satori! It’s great when a guy can appreciate that, and rare too. I like the reverse too.
Kashmiri – same here. I love men who are quiet and gentle, but with an unmistakable presence and strength. It translates to me as someone who is self-possessed and has self-control, discipline. He may not fight much, but it’s not because he can’t. He has the capacity, but chooses not to use it unless it’s really necessary. I find that kind of self-control very attractive!
I dislike “heroes.” The ones who are going to “save” you — the knight in shining armor, for instance. I lived with one of them. It was suffocating. He didn’t have any confidence in anything I did, and anything I did was bound to fail, because I needed rescuing.
insecure, clingy men drive me up the wall. we all have our moments, sure, and that is human, but when it’s a way of life, forget it! on the flip side, i’ve had men who acted like they were doing me a favor by hanging out with me. ugh. notice the past tense there.
i also have no patience for dishonesty and meanness for the sake of meanness. control freaks also are a big turnoff. respect me, i respect you, we’ll get along fine. 🙂
I can’t resist reviving this one. I’m revising a novel…Fuckerbutt Happy Time..that details my abysmal dating experiences in San Antonio. I ain’t got no love for ambivalent motherfuckers. Ambivalence is the worst. I’m also damn tired of men who have halitosis and various other issues but love to point out my flaws, like I don’t have them catalogued already. I will not abide laziness. I want a man I can go on hikes and road trips with. He better be into live music and he better know how to dance/kiss/fuck/share. Mutual exchange of energy. That about covers it.
Adult “manbabies” without ambition, direction, intelligence, a real job or a place of their own. Lazy, effeminate, insensitive or overly sensitive guys who expect the lady to do everything.
I expect a man to be a man. To express old-fashioned chivalry, traditional values, virtue, ambition, confidence, and raw masculinity.
(Venus, Juno, Moon, & Mars in 10th square to Saturn)