What You Value (And Contribute) In A Relationship? Props To Scorpio

There is a great debate around the soldier’s bitching me out because he does not do very many (household) chores. I was writing yet another response when I decided it warranted it’s own post because some people don’t read the comments. So to elaborate..

The soldier says he hates chores. He also hates to go to work but he does both without fail once he knows what is expected. And while he does like to lie around, he is extraordinarily good to my son… he is changing his life, enhancing it beyond all measure (and mine too) so these things have to be weighed.

For example, it is pretty much worth it to me to do all the work so he is free to have a conversation with my son and this reflects my value system which assigned high worth to ethereal things over the material or practical. I think this is a mistake a lot of people make, especially with Scorpio and to a lessor extent the other water signs…

When Scorpio shares their energy the other person is empowered and when you get a good specimen, which the soldier is… well this is why people crave his energy. This is why they call him 20 + years after the fact. It’s because they were enriched by him and they want further exposure.

It is very common to undervalue this type contribution in the moment but as Taj Mahal points out, “You don’t miss your water till your well run dry,” and I think about this a lot:

Do I want the soldier to vacuum the living room or talk to my son about how a real man always treats a women with respect? Hmm. So far I have opted to vacuum the floor myself about 99% of the time.

What do you (most) value in relationship? What do you offer?

25 thoughts on “What You Value (And Contribute) In A Relationship? Props To Scorpio”

  1. Well, to be fair, it doesn’t have to be either/or. He and your son could talk while they are dusting, for example. Vaccuuming wouldn’t work because it’s too noisy. I’m glad your son is benefiting from his presence.

  2. But I don’t see much of a problem in the previous post anyway. If he’s just saying he needs explicit instructions, and will do what he’s asked to do, then to me that seems like a GREAT thing!

  3. What I most value is communication, affection, and to beloved. I don’t care about a lot of things people seem to find important–like being showered with gifts, for example.
    I also really value lightheartedness (my Jupiter is in Gemini)–the world is already tough enough as it is–let’s just dance and talk about stupid crap, sometimes, ‘k?

    As for what I offer, I’m a love machine. And very, very loyal!

  4. You ask great questions. Being Scorpio for more than 60 years (at least in this lifetime) I have finally come to the place where I value the energy of ‘quality’ people get from being around me. Two husbands and a disabling/isolation illness later, I see that measuring up to others’ contribution is a waste of my Scorpian mana. Go figure, after 14 yrs of divorce from Husband X he finally tells me in a letter that he misses my grace and humor all the time…(Arian sun) Where were those sentiments when I asked “What DO you love about me?” Scorpians need to know they are loved for being exactly who they are and strange as it might be to other signs we don’t see the plus factors in our complicated vortex of being. Oddball and deep sea diver Scorpio with Cap rising that’s me.

  5. The soldier’s stand on this makes perfect sense to me. I really hate housework too but operate better if I have specific expectations laid out for me.

    For my partner to say “these are the things I need to be happy with your contribution” means that the rules are unlikely to change based on whim. I grew up with a somewhat volatile Pisces mother and a Cancer dad who communicated with us mainly through my mom. The rules were ALWAYS changing and while that means I learned to read minds and emotions it is a relief not to HAVE to read my partner all the time and try to anticipate expectation.

    My Gemini sun and Scorpio moon love this conversation. Let’s talk about what we have to offer. πŸ™‚

    I have been on the other side most of my life but at the moment I am offering the practical support of providing the majority of income for the household while my partner makes sure the kids are looked after and the laundry is done. He also speaks with a lovely Irish accent and plays guitar and makes my heart melt sometimes.

  6. I offer stunning good looks, mind-blowing sexual intensity, and –tee hee– rapier wit!

    (“Many a truth is spoken in jest”..wink,wink).

    I value sexual depth and stamina, a varied sense of humor, good spelling and vocabulary. And he must know something about wine and good food. And smell good. And look nice dressed up. Must be kind to me and not hurt my feelings. And he must accept that my heart is big enough that many get a place in it, while remaining loyal to me and me only. It might help if he doesn’t mind the whole “double standard” thing. πŸ™‚

    And I was thinking the other day that to be my boyfriend, he really better act like a husband. None of this holding back baloney. Because if I am giving him all the benefits of a wife, he better be mighty aware of this and act accordingly. Especially if there is an ex-wife in the background siphoning off his resources, material, emotional or otherwise.

    One must always know on which side one’s bread is buttered, don’t you agree?

    ::flounces off to continue PMS-ing::

  7. I have always been with anal compulsive, Type A, neat freaks and that really freaked me out. I like the vibe in a house when the mom is president and the boyfriend lifts heavy equipment and is into compliancy and has his own domain with an edge.

  8. Ideally I like my bread buttered on both sides.

    I’m extremely accommodating. I want to please. unfortunately, people tend to think this comes from a place of weakness, rather than power, and exploit it or take it for granted. then I disappear taking my energy with me. and they miss how good I made them look. they miss how good I made them feel about themselves. they miss how good I was to them and only them. and I’m long, long gone.

  9. and by “own domain” you mean goes home after heavy lifting and sex, right? oh wait, maybe that was me. πŸ˜‰

  10. When you speak of wanting to be in someone’s energy, that charismatic/spiritual energy, I am thinking about Enlightend spiritual leaders who have a following of people who only want to be in their energy. It is not even their job to do any kind of chores or cooking or cleaning, it is just a fact that all this will be done for them by their various people who love them. It is well accepted. Does anyone know an Enlightened leader? I am looking around.

  11. LOL @ Pixie Dust – that was so funny!

    I’ll tell you, with all my Virgo, I can do a bang up job cleanin my house. But my Scorpio Sun just friggin hates it!

    I can offer just about everything – I’m very talented (she says modestly), but what do I want?
    I want someone to think I’m AMAZING (because I am of course), and I want to be loved. Also, they need to be able to work on stuff. Everybody has “issues”, but as long as they can be flexible…

  12. Lupa, you just handed me a familial epiphany — thank you! *air kisses*

    What do I offer?
    Rock-solid support, unconditional love, intellectual stimulation, heated arguments, a willingness to explore, and fabulous meals (when I can be bothered with it πŸ˜‰ ).

    What do I value?
    Not so easy to answer. . . I value emotional stability, and I need need need plenty of attention, assurance, and support because I didn’t have any of these things for so long. I can’t breathe without depth, that’s a must. And backbone — backbone is something I regard quite highly, otherwise s/he’ll get steamrolled (unintentionally for the most part). Silliness, a love of randomness, and a sense of adventure will buoy me up, if I can’t have those to balance things out I’ll eventually wither.

  13. Its like that here too to an extent. Hubby works full time, Im the SAHM. He does have a few things he does around the house regularly for me (and will do anything if I ask him to) but I try to have the work done so he can just spend time with me & the girls. The way I figure it, his time here with us at the house is limited.. mine isnt. Why would I want him to waste a couple of hours doing housework that I can do myself when hes not here?

  14. “Well, to be fair, it doesn’t have to be either/or. He and your son could talk while they are dusting, for example…”

    llama – No he couldn’t. You are describing a multi-tasking woman like me. He is a Taurus for godsakes. One thing at a time. πŸ™‚

  15. LOL at Taurus and multitasking. Men talk when fishing…ie sitting or golfing …ie sitting in a golf cart. There are very few men I know that can talk on the phone, fold laundry and cook dinner at the same time, yet I do that almost every day after work. It’s a girl thing.

    Sometimes sitting and listening and exchanging ideas and energy are way more important. I grew up in an incredibly clean house, but my parents had (still have) no idea who I am. They have very few relationships and that is sad to me.

    1. @Heather & llama lol!! @the multitasking. I also lolΓ©d at that with men who are fixed dominant. I saw that my virgo brother in law with libra moon and libra venus can multi-task like a woman it’s so weird to see him running around like crazy and be so happy serving others. (the virgo in him and the libra in him for pleasing others, has a similar feel, but it is merged in him) but he’s not feminine at all. same with libra brother in law with pisces moon, virgo venus, cancer mars. just saying that some men do not do multi tasking. my husband is fixed and he can not do multi task at all, will fluster and get upset. lol I love to serve my family and run around & take care of them.

  16. Hey Sa, I’m free! LOL

    But seriously, sounds like a good list to me.

    What I see is that it’s important to decide for yourself, rather than going with society’s expected norm. Which is good for me, with Mars, Pluto and Uranus in the 7th!

  17. Ha ha with the multitasking. I do that so much I don’t even think about it I suppose. I am trying to slow down and do more “one thing at a time” though.

    I offer a witty sense of humor, and the ability to love my partner through the deep rough spots. I also offer, on a practical level, a lot of executive ability (like the finances, etc).

    I require a good heart, no game-playing, and a sense of personal responsiblity. I don’t think I would partner well with a flaky person, for example. Fine as a friend but not to share big responsibilities with.

  18. Ha ha! Sartori said (so well):

    “Ideally I like my bread buttered on both sides.

    I’m extremely accommodating. I want to please. unfortunately, people tend to think this comes from a place of weakness, rather than power, and exploit it or take it for granted. then I disappear taking my energy with me. and they miss how good I made them look. they miss how good I made them feel about themselves. they miss how good I was to them and only them. and I’m long, long gone.”

    That’s me! That’s me!

  19. “I also offer, on a practical level, a lot of executive ability (like the finances, etc).” haha…it’s funny you mentioned this llama, most people take this sort of thing for granted, but I say it counts as love too πŸ˜‰

    I offer a practical and ethereal love. The ability to stand by their side and support their dreams unconditionally, have faith in them no matter what, will love them warts and all. And I don’t mind doing the finances, taking care of everyday things and making decisions either.

    I value love that is sincere, lasting and deep. The kind that sees no obstacle as too large to overcome to be with me. One with vision, that sees my potential and supports me. Gentleness, patience and kindness always appreciated πŸ™‚

  20. i want to be valued, accepted and loved. and touched, a lot. i needed a man who was as smart as me- no small feat, she says not so humbly- and i need honesty and integrity. loyalty is good. somebody who holds me up when i need it.

    i offer the same. and i’m more than happy to serve in many ways, including cooking and cleaning and running errands. as long as it’s acknowledged and appreciated, i get joy from it.

    i need laughter and play and understanding. and i’m very, very lucky to have it.

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