Hi Elsa,
My conscience, or something else, is bothering me, and I’m not sure whether I should be listening to it.
I recently cut a guy loose rather abruptly because of something he wrote in one of his emails that sounded creepy to me. He believed God might want him to focus on providing a safe, secure environment for his tenant, an unwed 22-year-old who just found out she’s pregnant. For instance, he might not insist she pay rent.
This guy is a Pisces and was given to talking about the charity he owes to his fellow humans. But from other things he’d mentioned it seems he has a particular interest in being charitable to very young women. (He’s 53.)
I emailed back telling him I was uncomfortable about what he said, and he was either truly obtuse or pretended to be and didn’t get my point. So I wrote back and told him we were over. I’m pretty sure this blind-sided him. We’d been getting along very well until then.
We’d been dating only about 5 weeks, but had been in daily contact, mostly by email. This was the first time I’d dated someone I met online, so maybe I was hyper-vigilant. I don’t have second thoughts about breaking up with the guy.
What I’m wrestling with is whether it was right for me to cut him off so quickly by email? I’ve had foggy perception in my romance all my life. So, now I try not to overlook warning signs. But if I did the right thing, then why do I feel like a kicked a puppy? I guess I’m worried that instead of being more clear-sighted, I’m just being more fearful and intolerant. Do you have any advice?
Thank you,
Nagging Conscience
What a great question! The guy sound inordinately creepy to me. At 53 years old you know exactly what you are doing so I don’t think this guy is obtuse. I also don’t think he was blindsided. I think he was workin’ his game and you with your squares from Neptune were taken in… and then he took a misstep and rightly reacted. Now you second guess yourself because when do you really know anything for sure, anyway?
If you want to go deeper… you probably felt some jealousy (Leo) but with Uranus involved with your Venus and Mars you do not approve of that. Ego, that is! You think on some level you should be able to detach and let your 53 year old boyfriend support anyone he wants so you are chastising yourself for not being COOL. But facts remain.
And the facts as far as I am concerned is any 53 year old man who focused on any 22 year old woman is someone I would cut loose same as you did. Yecch.
Anyone else with an opinion?
Click to see the chart full size
He went on endlessly…
Never mind that I want to control you, you should be ok with it because I’m a kind harmless wise old guy who cares about you. It’s not about sex, not at all. Not unless I can control you with sex…
I’m your benevolent leader guiding your to peace and enlightenment for the minor price of your freedom. You need to let of of your “self” anyhow, right? It’s better off in my hands than that guys!
Who needs freedom anyway? You have needs! And look here I am to (help) fulfill them, just sell your “self” to me and we’ll be on our way!
I have these uncontrollable feelings for you, that I am going to control, so long as you do what I want. I’d never hurt you, just consume you.
Hell no! It’s always the too good to be true ones. “He’s never gonna fulfill your needs.” He was thinking “I am gonna- eventually”. What a bastard. You took the best decision.