Last night I asked the soldier if he’d ever known of someone who could not say, “I love you.” I explained that occasionally I got a question from someone with this problem and I had known a good number of people who struggled with this and eventually suffered.
“You know. They’re with someone for years even and the guy or the gal won’t say, I love you. They just can’t bring themselves too,” I said.
He said he never heard of anything like it in his life… but then consider his life. Because I do think this is common, er… isn’t it?
When it comes to saying, “I love you”, what is your style? Are you forthcoming about your feelings or more cautious? How does this compare to Venus in your chart?
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VERY forthcoming…I probably say “I love you” too fast, even. But then, my Venus in Taurus is conj w/my Mars in Gemini, so….yeah 🙂
…Venus in Aries…
I used to, when I was much younger, say ‘I love you’ so easily, but that was in part due to my giant need to have someone say it back to me and mean it. Damn self-esteem issues. 😛
Now, I take care with whom I say it. Aside from the friendly, platonic sharing among friends, it took me a long time to say it to my fiance (and him me, for that matter), and I think that’s because I no longer wanted anyone to feel obligated to reply in kind and I waited until I was about 95% sure that they, too, loved me. (And he does. :-))
Easy peasy. Venus in Virgo in the 8th or 9th, depending on house system.
On the other hand … realizing I need to say it in the first place? I blame my clueless Gemini moon.
I say it. And I couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t. Because, how could they not know? If they don’t know, then they must not love enough. At least that is how I would feel about it if it happened to me. And in situations where there is a breakup and the other person wants me back after six months, well too bad. They should have known how great I was and acted accordingly when it counted.
Venus in Taurus trine the moon.
Ridiculously easy. Aries Venus in 5th. I’ll even say it when I don’t actually feel it, just to be in the moment. Love the dramz.
Incredibly easy. Venus conjunct Mercury in Leo. I am flamboyantly communicative with my affection. 😛
easy with family. nowadays. when it’s true. (ever since, both with my grandpa and his mother, that i somehow knew the last time i was seeing them and made sure it was the last thing i said to them… i try to say it all the time.)
with romantic whatsits… it’s extremely difficult. i think i’ve done so once, and not in person, and after the relationship was over, as an affirmation of what we felt for each other rather than any expectation of what the future might bring.
so, yeah, it’s really difficult for me in that context. i think i actively avoid it. maybe because to me it seems like a massive expression of a sort of permanent bond and those sort of things are pretty heavy.
venus in aries. in the eighth. in aspect to pluto, saturn, and neptune. (eris too if you want to get picky)
I’m never the first to say it in a new love relationship, but once I do it flows pretty freely. I tell my guy and my kids I love them all the time, but not anyone else, really…
8th house Venus in Aries
My ex-fiance of two years never said it. Why he’s my ex.
Then I met someone and we had a three-week affair and I left (we lived in different countries) and we said it. (And meant it – and still do, though we’re just friends now.)
I can say it easily, but I haven’t been with many who have. Hmm…
does it count if i said it in bed? venus in capricorn here, hahaha…
i had an ex who had a problem with saying, “i love you.” he felt love is an action, not words, which drove me nuts because i need both the verbal confirmation as well as the actio. he had venus in cancer. go figure – i’d have thought venus in cancer would be quick to say it, or at least the words would come easily to their lips.
Oh, and the ex who never said he loved me (even though he did love me) . . . it was a power thing. Like saying it was giving up power?
Anyway, those were the height of my commitment-phobe days.
Very difficult for me to say “I love you”…Venus in Scorpio in the 12th house.
i’ve said it before and it felt weird coming out of my mouth (but it was because i didn’t mean it). i say it to my family and friends because it’s not intense- just matter-of-fact. i’ve never said it to anyone i was actually in love with because i’ve never been lucky enough to be romantically close to anyone to that degree.
i even imagine myself saying it to someone and try to predict how to make my face look sincere while saying it. i’ve seen it said in movies so much that i automatically project some kind of dramatic body or facial gesture to the expression.
Venus in Virgo in the 11th.
I Loooove to say “I love you”, “I love ya’ll”, “I love this”, “I love that”, “I love it”, “I love to…”, etc.
It’s ridiculous.
But I really AM that enthusiastic about everything and mostly everyone.
I don’t know if I could be with someone who held back in that department.
oh, 5th house mercury/venus conjunct in libra
I don’t have problems saying “I love you,” although I don’t rush to in a relationship. When I was dating my husband, he said it first, actually in a car on the way to Wendy’s for lunch…lol. I wasn’t quite ready, and fortunately, he wasn’t looking for me to respond in kind. He just wanted to tell me. I appreciated the Hell out of that, too. It wasn’t about reciprocation. It was about him wanting to give that to me.
I have Venus in the 3rd, in Scropio. When I say it, I really mean it. And my husband also tells me he loves me all the time, so we can be kinda disgusting at times that way. Har! He’s got Venus in Cancer in the 9th house (conjunct a 7th house Jupiter).
I say it all the time. I say it to friends, family, and new loves, even when I’m fairly sure i’m just infatuated. Why? Why the hell not? Everyone likes to feel loved. I realize it wigs some people out, but who cares. I figure it’s better to express too much affection than to hold everything in until after someone dies and then wonder why I never ‘got to tell them I love them’.
Taurus mercury, sun Taurus, venus in Aries, Mars in libra.
Venus in Taurus square Saturn- I will say it, once in a while, but the other person BETTER SAY IT FIRST.
Becca – I think whatever you do is fine because it will be Becca-esque. 😉 🙂
hard time. WANT to say it– can’t say it. in a reasonably recent relationship the guy teased me about being like Patrick Swayze in Ghost cos I said, “ditto.”
I have said it, but I’d never said it first, you know, be the first one to say it… until the last time I said it. I didn’t mean to say it; I’d just been holding it back so hard it burst out. and I immediately followed it with “I’m sorry.” ::slaps head:: I think it was good for me to say it (as in, good for ME). and for me to have said it first– pretty earthshaking.
8th house aries venus square 5th house capricorn moon.
Ha ha . . . Satori. That’s totally something I would do – bursting at the seams, say it, then apologize. 🙂
doublecappy — do you know any of your ex’s natal positions? Just curious.
I’m somewhere in the middle — I don’t have a problem saying it in relationships, but I like to save it because otherwise it seems to lose some of its savor & power.
But with my friends I say it all the time.
I don’t, Shaina. Just that he was a Virgo. But, he was so afraid of it, that if he said it, it was like he’d be giving in or something. Equally, love, to him, had *that much* power – it was never a pedestrian thing, like, “Hey, I just love you.” It was enormous, frightening, and to say it would mean giving up like half his limbs. Yikes.
I say I love you when I mean it. I say it to my kids as well as those that are friends and lovers. I don’t ever want anyone I love to wonder, in the even of my death, if I loved them. So I not only say I love them but then show it in ways that THEY can understand.
My ex never said he loved me in all the 8 years we were together but I never doubted he didn’t…till he didn’t come home.
I think you must attract a lot of loving, open people to your blog, naturally.
It’s not so much I say it easily, as I am very sure when I feel it. I think some (a lot?) of people hesitate to say it because they’re waiting to feel sure it’s really true. I have Venus in Virgo in 4th and I have a very big 4th house sense about it. When I love somebody, I feel like I was just born that way.
Mercury and Venus in Libra, Mars in Genmini.
Like Lilly, I am very forthcoming. Like Shell, Love is my favourite word. Like Lexie, I say it all the time.
Caveat… I find it challenging to say things that I do not mean.
Upside…When I say I love you, I do mean it.
Love from spinner
Venus in Taurus conjunct Mars, pretty darned close to my Mercury in Taurus too… I say I love you all the damned time, and for plenty of reasons.
I think people are afraid that I don’t mean it, but I do mean it. The problem is that a part of it springs from a need to love people, and a need to express it… so what I’m saying may not have much to do with you. I can understand people objecting to that. But it’s no less real to me.
I can’t be the first to say it. I have too much Leo to even RISK rejection, my ego couldn’t handle it at all if the person didn’t say they loved me back.. Whew I couldn’t even IMAGINE. But when I know someone loves me I am all about expressing the love I have for them. Except with my family… We don’t openly love each other like that.. Hmm, that is kind of wack!
I wouldn’t say it is easy for me to say, but when I feel love I think it should be said. I don’t say it looking for it to be said back. It truly is in the giving itself. That gives me happiness.
However, my experience has been it is the fastest way for me to lose the man I expressed it to.
Venus in Aries 8th house.
Brittany, do you have some Scorpio, too??
Venus in Gemini in the 9th house, conjunct MC – very difficult words to say, almost impossible. I would have to really mean it, but I’m not sure if I know what love is…
venus in aquarius (8th) square pluto in scorpio (5th).
i’m still very inexperienced in this area (love, relationships), but i don’t think i could ever be the first person to say it.. it’s not something i would say lightly — it’s even weird to write it out, let alone say it. as someone previously posted above, it is like giving up some kind of power & i think i’d be setting myself up for pain anyway.
(then again, i think i am addicted to pain…)
i feel fear & paranoia when i think about telling someone i love them; i’ve fantasized about it & my nerves go crazy — but i think it’s harder for me to even admit to myself that i ‘love’ someone…
eh, i’ve had someone profess their love to me before (a few times) but in a way i didn’t know to take it seriously or not — i just think sometimes people can be so fickle with their emotions that it repulses me to retreat into my shell (a cancer rising, i am).
O_O
oh yeah, my venus also conjuncts both my sun & mercury (both in aquarius, too!)
i guess the whole detachedness comes into play here, but that doesn’t mean i don’t feel anything — i’m constantly overwhelmed with feeling that i automatically shut down my emotions – did that make any sense?
O_O
Dukkha, I don’t know if you are a male or female, but you definitely sound a lot like my ex – the Virgo – he was a very emotional and sensitive person (even more than I am, I think) and so he put so much into that “I love you” like it meant he had to cut off his arm and hand it to me.
For me, saying I love you meant, “I appreciate you. I honor you. I willingly give myself to you. I like you how you are.” It felt good to let someone know that, to make them happy (I think he liked hearing it.)
That man had a wounded heart from long ago, and I don’t think that until he healed it, he’d be able to love himself, let alone anyone else.
My theory is that you have to know how to love yourself first – then saying I love you to someone else is possible . . . and meaningful.
I like to say it and love when a relationship gets to that point, and beyond (Venus in 8th in Aries. Trine Mars and Moon. Conjunct Chiron… Taurus Sun.)
I do always wait for the guy to say it because authenticity (and, um, intensity..) matter to me more than anything, and I think for a guy to get to the point of feeling it, then wanting to express it, and finally risking expressing it — all on his own — are important milestones on the way to something healthy and strong. And for me to feel it is that.
Then again, I am usually with Scorpio/Leo types who are bursting with those three words. Maybe it’s because of the 8th house or the Chiron connection, anything that isn’t utterly intense just doesn’t register on my radar.
And while I do say it, and like to, I much prefer to show it.
doublecappy, i agree with your theory — it sounds lovely 🙂
i’m kind of in an odd spot though (just a very complicated & bizarre situation) because i do want to say it to someone (for the first time in my life) but this person (also a virgo) is much like your ex (very wounded, needs healing).
but i feel all i can do is give some space (we live in separate cities), have patience (see each other once every two months) & be a supportive friend/lover — which is like my way of showing ‘love’, perhaps.
overall, i have very unusual & cryptic ways to show i appreciate someone, though it might be due to all that aquarius stellium in 8th house energy.
ps: i’m genderless, heh.
O_O
Libra Venus (11th) conjunct Libra Sun/Uranus, trine AQ Mars (3rd), Gemini Saturn (7th) & square Cap. Moon (2nd). I say it only after very careful consideration as I feel those words are very important. I do always try to err on the side of saying it though as one never knows when a life may cease. I’ve not dated much (always seem to do the longterm relationship thing – am currently engaged) but after reading some of these posts (in particular, nycgirl’s) perhaps I should no longer say it before the man (as if that’s a concern anymore :)) The only time I said it first (in 4 relationships) was with a Taurus man who wigged out and later dumped me. He wanted me back with a vengence once he saw how badly Sag. guy wanted me. Sag. guy said he really respected me for not saying it back to him until I could really mean it. He really respects my values – he’s got Cap. Venus.
I tell my friends and family a lot, because I mean it and I don’t want to miss a chance for them to know. Venus/Mars conj in Cancer 2nd