People Who Ask Probing Questions vs People Who Pry

probing-mind.jpggoddess wrote regarding Dario ceasing to question me about something I did not want to talk about…

“very impressive that it never came up again. not many are so respectful of that request.”

goddess, I agree and I hate people who pry. I like people who probe but when you’ve not enough sense, sensitivity or decorum to back off when you hit a sensitive spot I have a very low opinion of you. Not that my opinion is of anyone’s concern but I form one anyway.

How do you feel about people who probe and when does “probe” become “pry”?

26 thoughts on “People Who Ask Probing Questions vs People Who Pry”

  1. I guess if probing is just showing polite interest (what does your husband do for a living?), that is okay, of course (if I feel like sharing.)

    I think probing becomes prying when then they go on to ask me what his salary is, or how much I paid for my vacation, and how did we afford that. But I have no problem not divulging information – I simply say, “Sorry, I do no wish to talk about that”.

  2. I think this has to do with the culture too, because our culture determines to a certain extend the boundaries between people. What is probe or even normal kindness in many countries, would be disturbing or a lack of respect in other cultures. It is important to know where people come from to decode the message, which doesn’t mean to agree to it…
    People from the same cultural background share the code, so it’s easier to know when they’re overstepping boundaries.

  3. i don’t mind probing in the least. i’m very frank and appreciate others who are tremendously! i think it feels invansive when someone doesn’t immediately and completely back off once i’ve indicated it’s an area i don’t want to go into. it feels like prying when someone is demanding info instead of requesting, i guess.

  4. Probing can feel like prying if you don’t have a strong saturn or boundaries, or if they sneek in under the wall and you have to escort them out the secret door. Did they hit a nerve? Are you pissed off because they asked or because you let them sneek behind enemy lines and poke you with a sharp stick? The trick is to never let them in unless they’re invited. If they keep violating your boundaries then to use Elsa’s phrase you have to amputate.

  5. Probing can feel like prying if they keep asking. Are you annoyed because you keep answering? Only you can define your boundaries. People may not even know they have crossed a line unless you let them know. On the other hand[planets in libra], some people just have no common sense around other peoples boundaries.

  6. Ugh, I hate it when people are nosy. I need to learn to tell people that something is not their business. Last time it happened, someone I had never met before came over to my apartment and was nosing around looking at everything. Then she asked me a series of unflattering questions which weren’t any of her business anyway, but she seemed to think she was just bing polite or something. She actually suggested to me that I think about community college and suggested that I must not have much of a direction in life. I so would have been more on my guard normally, but someone else dropped by and she came with. I’m a Pisces so I guess a large amount of my energy goes to figuring out how to assert my boundaries.

  7. I know a person with Merc-pluto and they dont stop prying – ever. For some reason they need to know what is going on underneath. Are they insecure or anxious about relationships?

    I also have a friend with an eighth house Sagittarius moon who absolutelty must know. He probes surreptitiously where I feel unsure about our friendship. I see my friends somewhat driven behaviours as a sign of distrust of life. There are fundemental personality issues that developed in the first 3 months of life. They are not paranoid – however need the control in knowing things.


  8. How many times does an astrologer press the Horary chart button to find some answers?

    Will a poll on this question result in true data?

    Maybe that is a good horary question!


  9. I’m sure Mercury-Pluto needs to know and articulate the hidden, Kingsley, that’s the essence of the constellation. The question is if they are able to distill true knowledge from their investigations, or just keep prying around, never understanding anything, much less their own motivations.

  10. I come from a place of being shut out from my own people-so I struggle to know what’s wrong: Am I just not trying to integrate properly? What are “they” thinking? How can I get them to let me in?

    Consequently I think I’ve frequently tipped the scales into seeming nosiness when all I ever wanted to do was see what made them tick so that I could be just that.

  11. I think one can do both Conny. My friend is counsellor so she is always asking questions and getting to the bottom of things. The other times a chat and coffee she is never satisfied unless doing “the fact finding thing”. I think she catches herself and she is aware of her process like all most aware people do. Its just the thing she does – why supress it?


  12. I have my gemini merc square both my virgo pluto and uranus. I am very curious about people but not by what they say so much as observing them. I ask questions but I can usually tell when I am getting personal then I change the subject. I don’t care about people prying I tell them straight out whatever they ask me I don’t care,lol. They probably get shocked by me answers,lol.

    I do like to analyze and pick apart why people do what they do. I feel I should have been a detective. I love those forensic file shows, csi, law and order.

  13. My issue is not with any particular question, but rather with who is asking the question and what their intentions are. I am offended by a “How are you doing?” that is less than genuine or seems to be driven by a desire to get some kind of gossip about a situation in my life and not out of a genuine concern for me and my well-being. I am not offended by someone asking me even truly socially inappropriate questions so long as the motivation for doing that is either a genuine need to know the answers for their own health, well-being, or whatever, or a genuine concern for me as a person. I’ll tell you almost anything at all if I believe that you wish to know because you care about me.

  14. Oh, Libra sun, Aquarius rising, and I don’t know enough about astrology to tell you more about my chart that might help to explain or underscore my feelings on these matters. 🙂

  15. If people probe me too much when I’ve made it clear my boundaries are crossed I want to drill them one. Seriously.
    I realize that other people have boundary issues, but I do not. I’m a good natured person and people take advantage of it I guess simply because they think they can?

    I have this with my oldest sister. She visits me and I swear to you she begins OPENING MY CUPBOARDS and digging in my shit as soon as she arrives (she lives overseas so I don’t see her regularly). It’s so shocking…she also pries into our parents’ relationship , which I told her off about. She didn’t speak to me for almost 2 years after I did so.

    Privacy is a prerequisite for dignity.

  16. LOL- I was going to comment on my own Mercury-Pluto and I see Kingsley and Conny have done a good job already. 🙂

    Studying astrology helps me satisfy a lot of the urge to know and understand the hidden. I have seen when I hit a nerve with people, so I just try to catch myself ever since I’ve been aware of it. I have the conjunction in Libra and I do hate to be impolite even though the drive is there.

  17. I have a T-square of Merc (9th) opp Saturn (3rd) with both squaring Pluto in the 12th. I am perceived as intense or so I have been told a few times. I feel most all of the time that idle chatter and talk for the sake of chitchat is a massive waste of time. Especially with online talk or emails I just don’t have the time or boredom threshold to fritter away time with superficial stuff.

    I am very curious about people I care about. I don’t know if I pry, I am sure some people may feel that way. However I am absolutely open to answering questions asked of me, and if it gets uncomfortable or over the line, I will answer .. I am not prepared to discuss that at this time.

    I do wish people would react the same. Why feel that you are being pried into without replying very clearly..please do not proceed farther? It seems to me that people would rather go away mad and blame the questioner rather than define their boundaries. It doesn’t have to be contentious either as most people who care definitely do not want to hurt or anger someone they care about.

    I am not talking about inane questions like salary etc. Probing questions are more to me to understand if the motivation for someone’s attitudes or convictions are apparent consciously, or to actually learn where I am myself in those areas with the interaction.

    I hope this make some half-assed sense to what I am trying to convey LOL

  18. I think “How are you” serves a good function in this society, especially Saturn in Libra. I’m a receptionist right now and “How are you” is the most polite and appropriate greeting that I can muster because I’m not supposed to say Hi and I don’t like saying “Hello.” These pleasantries are a must, a kind of Namaste, or rather “I acknowledge you as a person, and I’m giving you a little bit of respect and am pleasant to you.” It is hard to find a deep conversation with an acquaintance and awkward. They might be interested in things you can’t understand. (One of my coworkers was telling me all about how he caught a very large bass). I’ve tried to have deep conversations with various people, but it’s hard and challenging to find a common ground.

  19. “It seems to me that people would rather go away mad and blame the questioner rather than define their boundaries. It doesn’t have to be contentious either as most people who care definitely do not want to hurt or anger someone they care about.”

    Daem I feel this to be very true. I can see from my last post that I have evolved a bit–I still want to drill people who breach the wall, but I’m even more specific about the language I choose. Now more than ever. And I’m finding the quicker I am to draw the line, the easier and– actually–more pleasant it is.

    I had a situation with a friend recently wanting to know why I was doing something, and not something else. I do badly in situations like that because I immediately get defensive…I try so hard not to, but frequently I fail:)

    I just said “I don’t feel comfortable doing anything else but what I’ve chosen” and LO! it was a good answer! I really have to do this more often, I think. Just chill the hell out, seriously

  20. My comment got eaten, but I pry. It’s gotten a little better, I used to really press people with questions, I was perceived as intense for that reason (Pluto square Ascendant). I think I’m not the only Gemini that does the prying.

    Do you think Scorpio probing is less intrusive because it’s more subtle? I think probing is bad because the person is trying to leave you naked before them and not give you anything themselves.

  21. Ew, I don’t like probing or prying. I usually respond with silence, or ask what made them ask the question. If they really push, I am more than happy to misdirect them.

    Kash – that happens to me too! And it bothers me to the core. I love leaving around shocking things for these people to explore and ‘find’.

  22. i agree with this article. hopefully i dont ask too many questions or pry too much with people, unless it comes naturally between us in a convo. they usually ask and probe first.i have to Always check myself.

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