Oppositions in synastry create tension. Many feel this problematic.
- You don’t see things eye to eye (Mercury).
- Your values oppose (Venus).
- Your way of going about things (Mars) is very different.
Simply speaking, these things are true. But there are other considerations.
For example, my Mercury in Libra opposes my husband’s Mercury in Aries. It’s a conflict! But my Mercury is conjunct Aries-ruler Mars. Consequently, we both have minds and mouths on fire and this creates a match.
In some cases, interacting with someone whose planet(s) oppose yours, is ideal. Case in point, a man with a large stellium in Cancer summitted his chart for the Blood & Guts Astrology class. He was in trouble and uh oh! I have Capricorn! Word is, I’m cold, calculating, insensitive. But that’s not how this works…
Writing for this man, my feeling was that I was standing directly across from him, we could see each other eye to eye. It’s a great feeling, really, though it’s intense.
Cancer and Capricorn are the parental signs. Did you ever see your parents discuss something, important? They stare at each other and you can feel the tension. There is a bond there and more. Trust maybe? The parents hold each other accountable, They are in their rolls which depend on the other. It’s quite safe.
The other sign pairs would have a similar combined dynamic. If you take the time to think about this and feel it, I think you’ll see what I mean. 180 degrees is what it is. You’re caught; locked on.
Oppositions in synastry are more difficult to deal with, when you’re young. People tend to want to be around their own kind. But as you get older you realize it’s good to have some balance in your life.
You can learn and grow by coming to understand a person who thinks or feels or acts differently than you do. This is true, even if their thoughts and feelings and actions oppose your own by 180 degrees! In a way, they have everything you’re missing. If both parties are reasonably healthy, it’s generally a productive meeting.
Most successful partnerships have at least one strong opposition between the charts. Reading this, I’m sure you see why.
How well do you deal with people who have planets that oppose your own?
Shop compatibility reports to better understand how you relate to the other. The oppositions are often what keeps your relationship, fresh!
Oppositions are good! They create awareness and, as you said, balance. I have the feeling that, with an opposition in Synastry, each other is able to see where the other comes from.
I’d love this but I don’t know my guy’s birth time. HE knows it but won’t tell me. Bullhead much? UGH!
ITA with what you said about there being a difference of how oppositions manifest when you are young compared with when you are older.
I dated a man for a few years recently that was my exact opposite, even by degree in Sun (5 degree Scorpio/ Taurus), Moon (27 degree Capricorn/ Cancer), and Mercury (0 Scorpio/ Taurus). Even our venus placements were squared. When I met him, I had never dated anyone like him: he was a jock, into lifting his car, skiing, comfortable, ‘normal’ life. I have always been ‘alternative’, practicing Chinese Medicine, punk straight edge but with the nerdy librarian look, living life on the edge because my principles are more important than my comfort. I thought since we were older when we met, it wouldn’t matter (ages 36/ 38).
Our dynamism was incredible! Even after 2 years of being together, my heart would leap at the thought or sight of him. Sex was never boring. The more I knew him, the more I didn’t want to spend life without him.
But, I had spent the last 16 years meditating by practicing tai chi, which develops prefrontal cortex. He had spent the three years up until he met me drinking liquor all day ever day, which destroys prefrontal cortex. (He decided to quit when we met and showed up to be in my life 6 months later.)
After our initial 6 months of bonding, sex changed and became difficult. He wouldn’t accept any recommendations from me about how to please me. I even wrote him detailed erotica describing exactly what I like in the bedroom. Nothing fancy or hard to accomplish, just good old fashioned gentle position and slowness. He would insist he knew what good sex was and do what pleased him.
Our dynamism woke up old deep wounds in me of being emotionally neglected and raped as a little girl. I had an opportunity to face those dark places and heal. He did not know how to support me through those times, though, literally left me when things got rough.
Months later, he came back and asked me to marry him, which was my deepest desire. But, the way he went about it, I could sense his resignation, bothered me, so I said no.
I contacted him on our 6 year anniversary of the day we met a couple weeks ago. All I sent was a text with the letter ‘E’, which is our signal for happiness and hello and love. We text chatted a little, but as usual, his responses confound me. He alludes to “things have changed”, which in my mind could be everything- he’s happily married with a child now, he’s discovered himself to be gay, he has quit chewing tobacco and wants me back, etc. But, I know better than to seek a straight answer. It never fails- our dynamic gives me an opportunity to face the unknown and get used to lingering in insecurity.
It took me 2 entire years of self care and focus to get him out of my mind. He still appears in my dreams- dreams that appear in sequence of a life we started together and had a child in, sometimes we are signing college fund papers, sometimes we are making love. I wake up with the rush of longing and frustration that our potential still haunts me, after I have done so much work during the day to rid myself of him.
I have other suitors, kind men that are far easier to get along with. I don’t want to do wrong by them, so I have made a conscious choice to consider his presence in my psyche to be a haunting.
I will love him forever. But, I already love my ex husband, and my first loves forever, too. I know that loving someone and needing a functional relationship for day to day living are both essential.
When my mind/ heart turn toward him again, like a compass, I treat myself like I have a psychic cold, giving myself tons of nourishment and space to refocus on reality. I send him love and wish him well, very rarely but sometimes in an actual message. I will not reach any further out to him until he comes to me.
I want him. I want the dynamism between us forever. But, the gap between us was something I needed him to come meet me in at least half way. He doesn’t see it that way. He wants an easy love that doesn’t take inner personal work. And I can respect his choice. Time will allow me to move on.
hi AMarie, just wondering, what’s the deal with your black moon lilith?
Omg. I loved reading this! Such a beautiful and painful awareness of how love can be a dual-edged sword—breaking our hearts but expanding them just the same. I wish you peace. ?
@AMarie what an experience, you sensed something was wrong and your intuitions were right/spot on not to marry him. (due to his reservations) He’s gay and is happily married with child? This guy has alot of confusion going on. time will heal.
No she said she doesn’t know what he means when he alludes vaguely to complexity. He’s not gay, married dad lol
You are astoundingly grounded. Your self care and self love are so inspiring.
Reg your dreams. I wrote this a few months ago. I think you may relate.
‘I am not even sure I even want my desires to come true. Just having them is such a wonderful gift.’
Enjoy your gift, and gently let it go.
Amarie!
That’s such a reflective response to the topic. I have experienced oppositions in synastry too (I have a Leo Stellium of Merc on MC, Moon, Venus and Saturn) and I agree with what you said: a) they don’t get you b) they can’t nurture you…it’s like taking turns in a conversation that makes no sense at all!!!
With the Uranus Opposition coming up, I’m thinking like you about needs vs desires, what excites you vs what you need for day-to-day functionality; could be because I have P Moon opposite P Sun, approaching N Venus N Saturn at the moment. TR Saturn is quincunxing my Moon and TR Pluto is quincunx IG my Venus, 7th and 12th ruler.
Unlike you, I find oppositions in synastry extremely frustrating. I have experienced connections in synastry and both people just have the exact same issues!
Sorry, typos there. Meant to say Conjunctions, not connections.
Thanks for sharing your story AMarie. Like you, I’ve done tons of prefrontal healing & my “karmic lover” had spent most of his life self inflicting injury to his prefrontal cortex. Our charts were not as opposed as you described, but we had many parallels and contra-parallels – more than I had ever seen on a synastry chart. Also, my moon was sitting on his Rahu, & his Sun was sitting on my Venus. I knew if we stayed together I would forever be his nurturing mother trying to undo his pain & he would forever be vacillating between intense attraction & painful emotional triggers without understanding why. This was a really tough spot to be in but also extremely transformative. The feelings of love were more intense than any feeling I’ve ever experienced. It is tough to describe to others who have not experienced it. The ironies of the relationship are endless & still showing themselves as I heal. He had spent almost his entire life using substances to mask pain, & I spent most of my life trying to unmask pain in order to confront & release it. I was against drinking, drugs, chocolate, coffee, incessant activities that could be construed an addiction. But I was loudly reminded NOT to push back too hard against anything in life – as it may only draw that very thing right to you. Once I broke away from the relationship I started pouring all of my pain energy into a business venture which was a whole new positive learning experience that I’m still involved in. I never thought the saying “love is blind” applied to me. I thought I was above that. But there again believing myself to be above something was a form of push back. Boy did I ever feel the blind side of love & deeply. I’m grateful that I was able to consciously be a part of the creation of balance between two people who could not have been more opposite. My “karmic love” definitely helped me to become more loving and accepting of myself and others. I used to feel guilty for leaving him & not staying to help, but I new deep down that I don’t have to be attached to someone to love them, and in the big picture of things it’s really not about the other person. I’m so grateful for the experience, & I’m so grateful for your story! Meta
(((AMarie)))
I am familiar with the feeling of loving the One, with the only thing holding us apart being his preference to love from afar. Catch 22. But indeed, how can we continue to love when our beloveds refuse to show up? And yet how can we not?
Your ‘haunted’ comment rang a bell and reminds me of Fiona Apple’s song ‘Shadow Boxer’. It’s the one I cried to twenty years ago when he and I first broke up. It still resonates.
Oddly, he is a jock and I was a librarian at the time! No wonder I was weirdly drawn to your story. Thank you. 🙂
((Heather))
Thank you for your kind words in comradore.
LisLioness, I share the same aspects with ST as you share with Big Cap. (the ones mentioned above). Can’t tell you how many times the man annoys me on a daily basis, but my Mars is in the 7th, so butting heads with partners is a given for me anyway, LOL. His Sun and my Moon are 7 degrees apart in Taurus, so we’re a team regardless.
Some oppositions really ARE difficult however. I am not young but I fell in love with someone whose Uranus/pluto is opposite my venus/moon. And to add insult to injury hs an Aquarius! Balance isn’t the issue. It is pure manipulation hell.
Doesn’t the potential benefit depend on the individual natal charts ? I just imagine that some people are built to thrive on the dynamic of oppositions more so than others. I don’t know. I have had some partners with planets opposite mine (and being a pretty sultry Taurus (can I call myself that?), of course I’ve dated my fair share of Scorpios!) I recall two in particular with their moons opposite my venus… and I just remember that being such a drag because it was not going to work out. Perhaps a different flavored opposition would be better, but then again conjunctions might be just right in certain cases. Is there a term for two people having the same planets conjunct? I’ve been seeing a guy with mercury (and his sun) conj. my mercury… I was trying to explain to him that it’s about as common as having the same birthday. He was interested 🙂 My Venus will progress into Gemini in a couple of months, and I’m noticing myself starting to attract twins. People with very much in common, rather than strong polarity. Kindof interested to see where things go from here!
With the conjunctions, you could be as different as night is from day but you get each other from day 1. With the oppositions, you can talk until you are blue in the face and they still don’t get what you are saying.
I have a Leo stellium so anyone opposing it is simply odd and mule-headed to me. Like this person whose Merc opposes my Merc and Moon and whose Sun opposes my entire stellium of Merc, Moon, Venus and Saturn. Maybe an opposition in cardinal signs would have a better chance of appreciating the others POV.
I wonder if this is even more helpful to individuals lacking the opposition in their natal chart.
I like oppositions and squares between the luminaries. For ex I have had Mars-venus conjunctions with men but never felt anything. But the few I have met with our mars-venus square I have felt huge attraction towards. Also Venus oppo venus feels good to me.
But I think squares are more difficult if its involving the outer planets.
My Pisces Moon exactly opposes my BF’s Virgo Moon (he’s a left-brained engineer, of course!). I truly value his ability to bifurcate an emotionally-charged issue; he works only the problem. My Pisces Moon can get too lost in the emotion.
Too many Trines and Sextiles with little or no squares or oppositions, makes for easy relating first off, but very dead boring long term relationship that won’t last unless you are a plain Jane or a simple Bill…. lol
Cheers – Shane
ALL relationships need to come with an expiration date!
my husband has Leo, i have aquarius; only one, he has a stellium, and they’re important.we both have the 4th/10th house opposition, 9th/3rd. also virgo/pisces, we also have the scorpio/taurus.
i remember reading that Hugh Jackman is a Libra with Gemini moon, and his long term Sagittarius wife has Libra moon. And Ronald Reagan Aqua sun/Taurus moon was married long term happily to the end with Cancer sun/Leo moon wife Nancy, i saw alot of oppositions and trines in their chart. I think the trines help too.
Some of my worst enemies I’ve had “harmonious” conjunctions, trines, and sextiles with whereas some of my best friends I have nothing but straight up zero degree squares and oppositions with. My sun is in the 11th and my descendant is in Aqua so my chart demands the people in my social circles who are quite different from me. How dull it would be otherwise?!
I know this post is old, but I’ve found this page when looking for some clarity on my current situation. I am in the beginning stages of an incredibly intense relationship and so crazy obsessed, love-at-first-sighting this woman I just met. Her and I have oppositions in nearly every personal point, with a couple harmonious trines.
Me:
Aries Man, Virgo Rising, Moon Cancer, Merc Pisces, Venus Aries, Mars Sag
Her:
Libra Woman, Cap Rising (not 100%), Moon Pisces, Merc Virgo, Venus Libra, Mars Gem
I know she was instantly drawn to me and asked to be introduced to me. I was floored when I met her. Just something clicked in my brain and I asked her out. She ran, but came back a month later. It’s been cat and mouse for months, but we just had a major breakthrough and I think she realizes she can’t let go. This is insane. I’m obsessed; she won’t admit it but I know she is too (I have proof, lol).
We’re both wounded and have been single for 7 years. Yeah, both of us 7 years… what the heck? Is this destiny? Is this Uranus leaving Aries? Physically, Spiritually, Personality-wise, she exceeds every hope and dream I’ve had for a woman.. redefining my ideal. And yet, it’s like very Romeo and Juliet. Her background is totally opposite and I never thought I’d be after someone like her. It’s like she’s daughter of my enemy and I swore I’d never like Capulet, but I’m totally, immediately, uncontrollably in love with her.
I don’t even know what else to say, other than that it feels right. And I hope it works out, because I’m investing everything I have and this is going to completely flip my life upside down. What do you guys think?
We need an update!
We’re now married and have a 10 month old son 🙂
Hooray!! Love to hear this! I bet it has been a very interesting couple of years.
Completely agree.
I’m a heavy Cap/Scorpio guy.
Couldn’t stand Cancers when younger.
Super attracted to Taurus chic’s, but they annoyed me too.
Now,my best friends are Cancers. I don’t mind being vulnerable now.
No growth living with those of similar ilk.
I find it works if there is some other similarity like same house placement or aspects that lends it a similar ‘flavor’. My SO has Aries Mercury and I have Libra Mercury but I also have Mars in Virgo (Mercury) and both our Mercury’s are in the 12th house. I actually love having his input on things because he sees things I miss and he’s decisive which I’m not and that helps me a lot.
Someone I knew had Sun and Venus in Pisces opposite my Sun and Venus in Virgo. Their planets in 10th, mine in the 11th. We had very different tastes in almost everything. Ultimately, we were just too different and getting a long was too hard, so we went our seperate ways.
I enjoy my opposite sun sign Leo. We definitely do complement each other and tend to admire the traits in the other we don’t possess. When I am not feeling as confident as I should, I focus on the sign Leo to draw this from : ). It’s probably not a coincidence that I love lions, tigers, cats..all felines too.
I am currently dating a man who is a very interesting puzzle to me yet I feel so connected to. I don’t know his birthtime but I suspect he’s a Cap. Rising. Just looking at planets and aspects, our charts are almost a perfect mirror of each other with different signs (he has a strong mutable signature with some cardinal, fixed for me accented with cardinal and a Pisces moon). My cap. Mercury opposes his in Cancer and I do sometimes get frustrated by his preference to side step and not give a direct answer but then my Pisces moon kicks in with intuition and I catch his drift. We both have sun conjunct venus in Gemini (him) and Aquarius (me) with a squaring earthy mars (Virgo and Taurus respectively). Similar but different.
Opposite Planets and Signs often indicate strong, magnetic attraction–like the north pole and south pole of a magnet trying to come together.
It’s always been interesting to me that there are 6 major colors of light in visual light spectrum, and there are 12 major Signs, but of 6 opposite pairs.
It’s almost like there are really 6 Signs that are polarized into two halves of a same coin, but with different sides.
Then there is color theory, auras, and color vibration/wavelengths that seem to relate to this. Mars is a very red energy, whereas Venus is more of a cyan, which is it’s opposite. Pluto is like a deep aubergine (a very reddish purple).
Mercury is very yellow and tan, whereas Jupiter is very royal purple, and Neptune is like a lavender purple-violet.
What happens when you blend two complimentary colors–you get a neutral gray or a white light depending on whether talking pigment or light.
The union of opposites is a very powerful thing. Part of what happens as we become more and more mature spiritually by attuning more and more to pure Love and our Source, we start to become more and more blended, integrated, and merged between the inner Feminine and Masculine. Very old Souls often can relate equally well to women or men whatever their gender, and tend to be more androgynous.
Polarity though, is only really an attribute of this odd, stuck dimension. In the more expanded/faster vibratory dimensions, the more things are connected and unified in nature/perception/beingness.
On a more personal level, there are a lot of strong oppositions and conjunctions between my spouse’s chart and mine. Her Sun, Venus, and S. Node are opposed my Rising but her Sun and South Node are conjunct my Venus.
Her Mercury Mars conjunction in early Pisces is opposed my N. Node, and my Mars Jupiter conjunction in Virgo.
Her Aries Moon is opposed my Libra Moon, and the latter is conjunct her Libra Jupiter Saturn conjunction.
Her late Capricorn Rising is conjunct my Sun. We are truly like two different halves of the same whole. We’re both very different from each other in some ways, and yet very similar on some core levels. Our ideals and deeper character is what is most similar, but our personalities definitely have some major differences.
She’s tipped to the extrovert and I to the introvert sides of the spectrum. At her core, she is actually a bit polarized to the Yang/Masculine, and I to the Yin/Feminine (I’ve had dreams about her having a male member).
Oppositions…it’s a good thing you can see the other, even if sometimes you’re squinting your eyes to do so.
What about oppositions in a composite? How do those shake out?
They definitely express themselves.
Our entire chart is almost all oppositions and double whammies. Vertex/ascendant/moon double whammies. Sun opposite moon double whammies. Sun in 7th double whammies. Jupiter opposite Jupiter. Saturn square Venus double whammies (does this make it a write off?) I ran away (I don’t know why) and he appears to have moved on. But I cant stop thinking about him. Even though I expect (without looking at the oppositions in chart) that our different backgrounds etc would cause problems. I have had an astrologer look at our charts but they didn’t look at the oppositions and double whammies. Just the vertex/venus non-double-whammy. You guys seem to know a bit about this, is it possible to get your take on this? Should I knock on the door again or run a mile?
Oh jeez Elsa! I just posted about the crazy synastry between me and my husband on the thread for your “Venus/ Pluto contacts” post, but here is an article about oppositions that speaks to my comments even more appropriately…copy and paste! Lol!
I’d say it depends on the planets involved. Pluto opposite Mars or Saturn can be really difficult unless the parties involved have a lot of self-awareness. Same with Mars opposite Saturn.
I haven’t found Moon opposite Jupiter problematic or Venus opposite Venus or Moon opposite Venus.