I pulled up the Pluto transit sun post and was surprised to see I was writing about my (now) husband in 2003. That’s twenty-one years ago! We were walking into the local gym, yesterday, intending to go to an old people exercise class, when this hit me.
“Do you know, we got in contact, twenty-one years ago?” I asked. “That’s how long it’s been and how fast time…”
“It’s been too long! I’ve known you since you were, seventeen. Now we’re going to, Silver and Fit!” We both snorted.
But how is this for a life transformation?
When I look back, twenty-years, at who I was then… well, I seem shallow for one thing. And ignorant. A happy idiot, in many ways.
Today, it feels as if my shallow areas have been filled in. Because of this, my judgment has become uber-reliable.
When I think about my life today, I’m totally satisfied with it. I’m not satisfied with my country and such, or with what we read in the news or with the state of many things I have to interact with (like medical, etc.) But my personal life? The person I am? I feel content.
Recognizing this has helped me move even further in a positive direction. I want to explain this better, when and if I can get the words together, but check this…
When I was a kid, I had a lot of peace. This was in spite of being severely abused and I’ve figured out why. It’s because I had, Henry, but it’s also because I did not have constant messaging, telling me I was lousy. My mother was almost entirely uninvolved in my upbringing. My father was a horror, but he had limited time to run his games and oddly, he never denigrated me. I mean, he told me I was too smart for my own good, and kicked me in the head all the time to “to take care of it”. Steel-toed boots!
As horrified as you may be to read that, it caused me less damage than I would have incurred if he had told me I was, stupid, worthless, ugly and such. I grew up thinking, I was “enough”, and if I could get my brain out of the house, into the world, I would be fine. This is exactly what happened.
I’ve gotten a lot more insight into this over these last couple years. I think I’m okay, because I’m separate from media. Having grown up without a TV, it’s never been my thing. The internet pulled me in for a good long time but not anymore.
I found myself looking back at my childhood, wistfully. Another hot day in the desert, as I like to say. Think I’ll walk over to, Henry’s, in my bare feet, burned and cracked from the heat, smiling and feeling fine. My true nature?
I didn’t have anyone telling me, I had to buy this. or have this or do this or that, to be worthy. I didn’t have anyone telling me, if I bought the wrong phone, no one would date me. I didn’t have anyone telling me to shave hair, or no one would want me. Lose weight or else. Get the right handbag, Elsa, you loser!
I also didn’t have totally unrealistic people and situations (on every level), paraded in front of me, ’round the clock, until I became overwhelmed.
I mentioned on one of the recent podcasts I recorded, had I read what is said about my zodiac sign when I was a child, I’d have been destroyed. I didn’t have that either.
I did not watch, Succession or Billions, or many similar shows, so I could feel these other people had things I didn’t, or that consumption, never mind over-consumption was the goal.
I was isolated, but the upside of that, was I became myself. I know this makes people spitting mad, because they don’t want me to be myself. They want me to be conforming, possibly because they have to be conforming. Actually, they don’t. They choose it.
We’re really lucky to have astrology. If you can discern which goals or desires or values are actually important to YOU, then you can ditch what’s been inserted. Your chart shows this, but rather than seeing it this way, everyone looks at what’s going to happen to them. That’s programming, you know. You’re programmed to see it that way. I am programmed to see the truth of the character being described by the chart, and to celebrate it.
One more thing. Try to picture this, if you like. When I was a girl, wandering around in the desert, thinking, or lying in my bed, dreaming, you know what I was not doing? I was worried about what was happening in Saudi Arabia or even California or what politicians where doing, or who screwed who, in Hollywood. Why would I? I was happy with little cassete deck, on loan from my, Grandpa, and my crush on, Jim Croce. I literally lacked for nothing.
Now you’re not me and I know that. But I’ll tell you, there’s something to what I am saying. As an example, are you really interested in politics, or has it been cultivated in you? Are you keeping yourself distracted, non-stop lies, because somewhere along the lines, you became a “hungry ghost” to some degree? Constantly looking for “more”?
Here’s an idea. Pluto will transit Saturn and Uranus-ruled Aquarius for twenty years. What if you made it your job to excavate your real individuality? What if you made it your job to live your life a YOU, which actually, is your job from what I can see.
If you’re in to this, pick up your natal chart, or a report on same, and THINK. Not about what is wrong with you, but about WHO you really are.
I’ve gotten in so much trouble here, over the years, for something I said, sometimes it’s even a single word! I try to be sensitive to people but there is a limit to how far I can go and here’s why: there are people in the world who say things. I’m one of them. I’m spice in life, in a way. I think my detractors should be really glad I don’t sing my ideas… see, I’m not a singer. But I’m supposed to talk and think and sometimes what I say is coarse. So what? My mental “balls” is why this blog exists. Further, sometimes a good jolt is exactly what you need.
I’m featuring, Henry, because he was a man who lived as he pleased, detractors (my mother), be damned!
You’re not him or me but you’re someone.
Who Are You?
Uranus conjunct my ascendant! I’ve been reading your blog for years. Love it!
me too!
i absolutely love your independence ^^ it’s very uranus. Freedom to choose, and never lose your individuality 🙂
love this post about Henry and about his positive influence. And love the positivity even about your parents. You have such a deep love, even through the darkness. You always shine. ^^
I love this: https://elsaelsa.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/run-my-mouth.jpg
I found this blog a few years ago when I was looking up the different house systems. Elsa prefers the equal house system. I do too for my reasons which are connected to our move from our midwestern home to California at my solar return (age 29)! At my second solar return I changed careers big time!
So I credit my Uranus in H 1, for my rebellious streak that over time has benefited me (validation). I’m a maverick who’s been in trouble from time to time because I’m a bit ahead of the curve.
Right now Pluto is opposite my natal moon, and will shortly oppose my south node, Venus and Mars! I am so thankful to Elsa and this blog for teaching me how to use oppositions! I’m getting better at it every day.
Please do tell how best to use opposition!
Dear Elsa,
Is it possible someone may have millions of dollars from Crypto they forgot?
Ok maybe I’m a Dreamer
as for now I’m poorer than a Church house mouse.
LV U ,
It’s possible, but turning it into cash might be a problem.
Thanks for the jolt – I’ll give it some thought.
I have a lot of trouble coming to grips with time. I’ve been in a relationship with a man for 34 years and when I try to feel how long that has been I sometimes fall back upon putting in it terms of one of many cats we’ve adopted who now has passed. Did that event occur while Baby was still alive? OrI think that happened after we adopted Mukti or you got sick right around the time Norton was diagnosed with his heart problem.
And then sometimes walking down the street I will have flashbacks of an time that existed 40 years ago when I was Hyderbad, India. Or the smells of the garbage outside will remind me of time spent in Oaxaca. It’s as if time has become very fluid all of sudden.
I feel I can’t call myself middle-aged any more. It’s more like the beginning of real old age has begun. It’s a good time for me because I think I made the right choices. I feel certainly happier and more content today than I did in my 20s,30s, 40s and that is something I never could have predicted back then.
Really beautiful post. I love these remembrances. Childhood has pain and challenge for everyone. We don’t often acknowledge this in our culture. What makes Elsa’s stories great (to me) is the way they show that the spirit can remain unbroken. Reading about Elsa and Henry transports me to my own past in the deepest way. I can feel my own inner child, how I still embody her.
I had a wonderful grandfather (and grandmother) too who lived a street over and what a blessing they were in my life. I miss them more and more as time passes.
Elsa’s retrospection, along with comments from others, give me hope for transcendence as I age.
Thank you, thank you.
I love this post too, Ade. I’ve long felt a kinship with Elsa’s grandpa and Elsa’s spunk! They’ve been my linchpins so often over the years.
What I really (not fake) love in this post is Elsa’s serving up the advice to really sit with my chart and see my real life my real star workings in the design of me. Been doing this more and more as my understanding of astrology is verified by living it.
Digging deep confirms my Scorpio Sun Mercury Chiron mix that squares a dramatic 8th House Leo tattoo of Saturn Mars and Pluto in the 7th (Ink is pretty permanent-Saturn and the picture makes a statement Mars)that pulsates. I’ve had to learn not to fear that challenge (that keeps coming up) but live it out loud and roar!
Run toward the roar in fact.
My North Node-South Node axis (Taurus-Scorpio) makes a powerful opposition and opportunity to see the extremes in me and live the one way versus the other. Far better than any soap opera, the script I live with is entertaining and evolutionary!
At 76 I’m running or moving gingerly on aged joints toward the roar! Haa, looks there the roar is coming from me.
We’re heading for major social changes. My parents came from poor households. They dreamt about becoming consumers, buy a house, dental care, cars, televisions and washing machines. They had grown up in rural towns, sourrounded by trees and animal, which they didnt appreciate. They had extensive clan families very close. However, they dreamt of a flat y the city, two children and a lifelong pay. We spent my youth years before the tv set. There wasnt any music at home. My father was silent, agressive and unemotional, almost an orphan. He became a cop. My mother was hysterical and manipulative. He constantly took me to department stores and doctors for no reason. I soon developped a need to run away, looking for freedom. Then, multiple partners, multiple badly paid jobs, multiple experiences but anything solid. Now, my daughter prefers cats to humans. She wants to be a cat. She is a cat. My girlfriend daughter is an overweight gamer freak who dates a trans boy to girl called Ludo who defines himself as a lesbian woman. They havent even heard about Jesuschrist.
i love this writing Epsa. it exudes what ive always felt with you.. you always have given me a vibe of such ‘knowingness’ in your spirit of who you were.. or a knowingness of some bigger journey so you shrug it off & keep on moving..
it makes me wonder again, what in your jchart of your journey do you put that down to?
or like mine is it not directly obvious to you 😕
I love this! Uranus in the first here. Learning about astrology and understanding my natal chart completely transformed my outlook on life and who I am. I believe it saved me. So many of these lessons came from Elsa!
Who I am? After all these years I still don’t know. A scattered chart, pulling me every way. Wish I knew.
Wonderful post Elsa. Thank you tremendously for sharing the information.
Uranus conjunct my ascendant, I’m nothing if not independent and creative and don’t follow tradition. I’m glad to see the posts of others ,who follow to the beat of their own drummer.
California, USA resident all my life. In senior years now. Animal lover, nature lover, lover of home and being on my own.