I am not sure I wrote the post on Traumatic Memories very well but I elaborated in the comments and I hope it helps. In that process, I had another thought that I thought deserved it’s own space.
This all came up just yesterday. Basically I became aware of some stuff that probably happened to my son when he was small. My husband thought he might not remember and I agreed but thought I should not leave something like this to worm around in his subconscious because it could cause him future problems. It’s like leaving a thorn in someone’s foot. Why?
I made the decision to talk to him and in the process I had a lot things occur to me. I should mention that I have gone to therapy myself. I went weekly for 3 years, 20 years ago so I have a good understanding how this stuff work. I got an even better understanding today when I could clearly see how just a little bit of something, left to fester could really mess a person up.* COULD mess them up. I realize that something might not bother a person but why experiment?
Let’s say someone has a piece like this in their psyche. I could see them waking up from nightmares for years with no idea why. Why are they plagued?
And then what if they were to seek help for this? Assuming they had the time, money and inclination, this is. How impossible would it be to recover some piece like this in the sea of “childhood”? It just seemed so daunting.
If there is any way you can spare your kid something like this, of course you would so that made my decision but later I came up with a (pretty horrible) analogy for this… but one you won’t forget it.
When I was young, I had an ectopic pregnancy. I had never been pregnant and with my Capricorn and all, figured I probably couldn’t get pregnant, being hapless and all. Point is, it was a bloody, very painful affair but it never occurred to me I was pregnant so I did not see a doctor.
Eventually, weeks later I wound up in an emergency room because someone told me it sounded like my appendix was going to burst. They gave me a pregnancy test and it was positive… barely. My hCG level was @ 6 which is very, very low.
I’d had this horrible period so they thought I must have had a miscarriage or something but they had to check. They sent me for an ultra-sound and there was nothing anywhere. I was sick and tired and it was two in the morning so I begged to go home and they let me, telling me to come back for a new test in two days. This was because if a pregnancy is normal pregnancy, the hCG in your body doubles every two days so the level rises very quickly. The thought was that in two days whatever was left of the lost pregnancy would have been flushed from my body and I said, okay to that.
I went back to the hospital two days later and the number was now 8 and they were really confused. They ended up sending me to a doctor across town, who did a test (I will spare you the gory details) that confirmed there was an ectopic pregnancy. I left his office and was in surgery not much more than an hour later.
“Have you eaten?”
“Yes.”
I was advised I might choke on my vomit under anesthesia as I was rolled into the operating room and I survived of course, but here is my point:
Just those few cells, left clinging to the side of one of my tubes just about killed me. You can imagine how small they must have been.
Pluto. Little things mean a lot.
Can you relate this to something in your life?
Hmm. I came up with the HIV virus. Little, tiny, inconspicuous virus. Everyone knows the rest.
I wonder what type of thorns there are in my life, that I am unaware of. Actually I’m pretty positive there is at least one major one, but I am unable to see it.. ya know.. I think it somehow relates to my dad. Anywho, I think you are doing you’re son a great service by bringing this thing up, I know sure would appreciate it.
Great example, vahcombusta. 🙂
Oh and as for seeking help and the possibility of digging this up yourself, I think it may be quite impossible in most cases. At least for me, with no one there to corroborate the story, I could not be sure it happened, I just dont have that great of a memory anyway. And some things get glossed over for protection. I just have to be one of those people that are ok with it. Let it go, c’est la vie. Even when I encounter situations where it is fucking with me, I can’t be too hard on myself, can’t dig too much or I’ll never get out of the hole.
I will never forget what my friend said, a Cancer w/ Scorpio moon, been to therapy and on meds for most of her teenage years, now 20. She said,
“I’ll just never know where these issues come from. I just can’t figure it out. I’ve tried.”
Wow, that was a really powerful post, thank you Elsa.
Yes, I can. When you see those little things and you just keep looking over them pretending they are not there they have a tendency to fester and become huge hard to manage problems. For you, had the little thing not been addressed you could of died.
Pluto is transiting my 12th about to conjunct my NN which I’m sure is to prepare and propel me through the Neptune transit about to occur in my 1st (Neptune is slooowly emerging from my 12th now). I’m watching for the little powerful things that need attention and wondering what the light will be at the end of this tunnel.
What a difference it would have made in my life if my family had been willing to pull thorns out and look at them. They were BIG thorns. Instead, I’m left to hunt for them, pull them myself, and figure out how to deal with them and how they’ve affected me.
Your son is very blessed to have you as his mum, Elsa.
Not nearly as huge as other analogies, but –
For most of my childhood, my mother always had a “knot” (cyst, bump, thing) on the top of her foot that came and went. In my late teens/early adulthood, this thing really started bothering her, and she went to the doctor to have it checked out. Some x-rays showed that there was rotting bone in there. In preparation for further testing and procedures, she was to soak her foot in a warm water and antiseptic solution nightly. One night during this soak, this piece of something, about an inch long and half inch in diameter comes out. This turns out to be a piece of wood from a stick that she stepped on when she was *12*, about thirty years prior. That had been what was causing all the trouble. No rotted bone, just a little piece of a stick.
My mother lives the mental/emotional example of this. She has so many “sticks” buried in her psyche, and it shows, but she won’t even look at them. I’ve seen what it’s done for her, and I don’t want that for myself.
I’ve mentioned illuminating events for my sister in the other post, but here I’ll say there is no one to do that for me (unless some estranged family pops out of the woodwork). I know some things happened to me when I was very young, but there is no one to tell me, and I’ve been left to guess. At this point in my life, it doesn’t feel critical to know, but I won’t fool myself into thinking it’ll always be that way. Even if I do have family step up, they will still be unable to provide the whole story.
Yes you are very right the little things do matter. The problem is being as we are all individuals what will matter to one will be of no significance to another even in the same family. that being said you can’t just sweep things under the carpet because they grow and become something quite ugly when they get to big to be under the carpet any longer.
Nice article Elsa… do you attribute any Pluto placements, hard aspects… including transits over this? what would they be?
thx
Paulo, any Pluto transit is going to dredge things up… or any transit through the 8th or to a planet in the 8th house. 🙂
Thanks Elsa.
Outer planets are my favorite, specially Saturn/Pluto.
Thank you so much for the analogy. It’s powerful, and you’re right. I won’t forget it. 🙂
For me these little things are almost always in the context of a relationship – Pluto in Libra in the 8th house. I rarely remember all of my childhood, but I can remember with striking clarity these tiny blips in time that have affected me greatly – events or conversations.
Conversations with my Father in particular that have been devestating to my emotional well-being. It’s the same for romantic and business relationships. I remember a particularly powerful (negative or positive) experience and it crops up time and time again over the years reminding me of the lesson learned – or not as the case may be.
Very powerful, thank you very much Elsa.
Thanks Elsa, you just validated something for me. Little things can matter immensely – I was recently trying to convince myself otherwise but it’s just not the case.
I also think that, conversely, people with a lot of pluto energy sometimes only need the little things in terms of input/recognition/encouragement from others. This is probably why we sometimes/often don’t get it, even though it is all that we really need to have the energy to pick ourselves up again for the nth time and is what really matters to us – I guess people just don’t realise. Just a thought.
Vid is extremely lucky to have this input and more than deserves it.
Elsa, this is the story of my life and it was what I was trying to explain on the other blog topic. My life HAS been an exploration of the thorn. I don’t know what caused specifically, have no recollection of it but is has caused me no end of grief, countless hours of therapy and relentless dream analysis. My mother could have helped, I’m sure if she had a clue when she was alive but she isn’t around anymore. So it is the “great unknowable” for me. The riddle of my life.
Thanks for bringing this topic up. There are those of us who have suffered greatly by having a mother that was clued out to the impact of events on their own child.
Pluto. Little things mean a lot.
This statement does speak volumes, and can make the difference in so many ways.
wow…wow.
I had that happen to me, only it ruptured and almost killed me. I was 21.
This sort of thing happened to me when I was a kid.
I’ve always been a bit wary of deep water. Not exactly afraid, and I of course know how to swim, but I don’t prefer to swim in deeper waters. I really thought nothing about it, but one day I mentioned my aversion to my mom. She proceeded to tell me about how I almost drowned when she and my dad had taken me and my infant sister swimming when I was a toddler.
She had looked away from me for a second to deal with my baby sister and when she looked back I was floating face down in the water. She said she ran over and picked me up out of the water and whacked my back. I sputtered out all the water and was fine. She said I got right back into the water like nothing had happened so she thought I was fine and pretty much forgot about it as I got older.
yikes. i have a (somewhat ungrounded) fear of ectopic pregnancy. it’s because i’ve had issues with my reproductive organs in the past.
as for the psychology analogy, i agree little things mean a lot, as in a seemingly little thing, like a psychic nick, can take on a much greater subconscious meaning if it’s repressed or not addressed properly. i like to think in terms of psychic immunity – if you’re already very vulnerable, the littlest psychic wound can grow and fester and infect your whole psyche.
i also use the term ’emotional dredging’ when i need to be alone and just ponder whatever’s getting me down, and really feel whatever pain i need to feel. this is different from doing a detached analysis, which is like talk therapy and definitely useful for really painful experiences. but once you feel strong enough to handle your own issues, i think it’s good to dredge on a regular basis, to stay grounded and centered.
((elsa)) + everyone
Chromosomes are pretty small & in the nucleus of each cell.
http://badglue.blogspot.com/2009/11/matrix-is-system-neo.html
The COL5A1 gene on chromosome 9 is probably messed up in my case.
Which is kind of funny because in numerology all my #s are 9s and I have 3 planets in the 9th house, incl. Pluto.
Thank you for sharing that, Elsa.