I was momentarily struck dumb when a client asked my opinion on how to know when to marry. The question jarred me as it hit me from several angles all at once.
I wasn’t sure if she wanted me to determine the timing from the charts or if it if was more of a philosophical question. I also wondered why I’d never been asked this before, why a person would ask this question, if I might have asked this question myself at some point and most of all – what is the answer to this question?
If I sound a bit crazy; well we were in new moon in Gemini, Mercury in Gemini land, so of course the mind sees many angles.
I apologized for being mind-blown for a moment; then came up with my answer. I told her I did not think a person should marry until and unless they were very sure, they did not want to live without the person in front of them. You should feel deeply and in fact, know, that the person is truly intended for you. Your souls go together and if you don’t marry the person, you’re taking the wrong path.
Further, it doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect, or if you can see it will be challenging or if you know there will be problems in the future, as there are always problems in the future. You want to know that you are stepping on to the path meant for you; and you’re serious about it as is your partner.
Do I want to live without this person?
If the answer is no, it’s a done deal. Get on the bus and take the trip laid out for you. If you do this, how can you go wrong? It’s notable, no one teaches people this. In fact, we’re taught anything but this.
I personally missed my boat when I failed to marry my husband when we were teenagers. This was in part due to someone telling me I was cute and should look for someone with a stable career, like a dentist. Yes, someone said that to me and unfortunately I was listening. I absorbed this when it really makes not sense at all.
What dentist? The hologram dentist I would cross paths with in my imaginary future?
You’re a unique person as is your partner. You want to contact your own depth to discern your life direction. because the person who told me the man I loved would be a bad choice for me, did not have to suffer the consequences of my straying off the path intended for me.
How would you answer this question?
Very well stated.
If I had been this client I would be asking for you to weigh in with your astrologer POV, because I have heard there are better dates than others as far as planning events such as a wedding. And if there is ever a wedding in my future, you can be sure I will be asking you for a session!
I married my first boyfriend, yes the one I met when I was 17. although we married five years later, several people told me I should not marry my first boyfriend. We have been married for 43 and he’s still the person I can’t imagine being without. He’s a Leo, I’m an Aquarius, so in this case opposites attracted and it’s worked out pretty good!
Wow, that’s awesome! May I ask if you have any planets in the 9th house or 11th house in synastry?
Yes multiple planets in 9th house in both charts.
Ahh, that’s good. For some reason the 9th house synastry seems common in couples that are long standing. Even for me, when I meet people with 9th house synastry it’s a growing bond. It’s crazy and it seems like you don’t get tired or bored of eachother. Thank you for responding. 🙂
As with many things, you do it when you’re no longer scared of the thing and you feel ready. When deciding to get married, two heads must feel ready at the same time. I guess this is the part that gets tricky for some people.
I was warned by everybody not to marry my husband-to-be – he is from a different country than me, but not only did I not listen but I got married in his country and even moved there to live, I’m still living there now with him and we have two sons. (Venus in Uranus in ninth house) There have been [and are] plenty of problems but lots of growth, learning and love too. Yes, he’s my best friend. That was in 1994 when Saturn was last in Pisces. I say go with YOUR heart first and foremost and hopefully you have common ground as well as differences. Wishing you lots of luck and love.
I do think there’s something about timing. No one ever asked me to marry them until my husband did. That’s why all the other relationships ended, even though some of them were what I considered to be serious. Ultimately, they were all just practice relationships although I didn’t realize it at the time. I wasn’t ready until I was in my 30s to even get my one and only serious offer.. It’s not hard to say yes, after all. If those others resent me for breaking it off .. They should have made me an offer.
Why marry in the first place? What role does social convention play in your decision? What does the social institution of marriage mean to you? How will marrying encourage you to be a better person? To serve the world?
. . . from the heart-mind of someone with a Venus-Aqua aspect, Aqua ruling the 7th !!
I have 3 planets in Aquarius: Sun, Jupiter, Venus.
My partner has 3 in Aquarius: Sun, Moon, Mercury.
We never married. Just living together for the past 34 years. It works for us. I say we are married without the papers. Maybe we both needed to feel the essence of freedom but really liked the committed relationship, too.
People should find their own forms.
I can contribute to this. I have Venus in aqua conjunct the DC but still in the 6th squaring my moon in the 9th. I am young but have always felt certain I have no need to marry unless for a clerical type need (taxes, insurance, etc) this is often found off putting by peers. I can understand the desire to be married and how that plays for most people. My parents were never married but showed me a strong loving relationship. My dad passed away unexpectedly when I was 17 and the outcome was loads of legal stuff that put my mom through the ringer bc they didn’t have that piece of paper. That further validated my thoughts of it being useless except to support a broken system. Years later my mom got cancer and needed better insurance so she married the man she had loved in the years after my dads passing. Yet another demonstration of love in true form but the paper only being a legality. I always find this to be an interesting topic no matter where you stand on the subject. I hold deep respect for however anyone chooses to act with this bc it’s such a personal decision often backed by underpinnings which are hard to fully explain.
Elsa, there’s another, perhaps more merciful, way of looking at your missed chance in the past: you not marrying your sweetheart the first time round was part of your life story, part of your growth.
My husband and I got married when we were ready (on all levels). We both come from broken homes, broken trust situations, and we spent the first 26.5 years living together in glorious ‘sin’ until we felt ready. No regrets and we have now added 10 years of marriage on top of that :-).
I know I can see it that way but in my case, it’s more true and useful to see it as it was and is, because we continue to pay to this day.
Not that this shoe fits all!
When you don’t want to pass the person you love forward and on to someone else in life.
It really is that simple. At least it is for me.
It still is now, 4 years later after meeting my significant person. We can fight but I know I won’t find any other like him.
Everyone said we would end in the gutter or at each other’s throat, we’re too young, we don’t know what we’re doing bla bla.. I was 16 when we met, he was 19. I moved out of my parents house at 17 (but stayed in school and in town) and we had a little cheap flat together (his parents lived in another country at the time, he was on his own) We knew there was no guarantee for anything but together we felt like an army, not just two people who might fail.
When a religious family member offered to buy us a washing machine and give us a car in return for marriage, we married. Still knowing that it’s not about the paperwork but up to us, day by day.
And we succeeded to love, raise kids, found and grow a business together, travel and emigrate to the other end of the world for 12 wonderful years until his (too early) death from cancer. 33years.
So, what do the other people know about our potential? Nothing…
Me Sagittarius Sun, (Libra AC) and him Aries Sun, Gemini AC …his Sun and Moon in my 9th, his Sagittarius Mars in between my Sun and Saturn in the 3rd. we had no clue of Astrology/Synastry but figured out how to let each other grow and keep the spark alive.
Ah yes, I’m born with a Venus in AQ Uranus in Leo opposition. And his Taurus Venus in my 8th opposed my Scorpio Moon, oppositions are great for stability once you forget about wanting the other person to change and just love them as they are…
Of course not his sun and moon in my 9th but his AC and Moon…
Excellent, Su!
So many of us have suffered for bad advice the advice-giver thought was good. It gives me pause when I think about advising my children in the future. I really hope I don’t mess up!!
I think your answer to the question is fantastic.
My answer would be based on my experience as follows: I knew when I should get married because he was the only one I could picture actually marrying for life without reservation. The previous boyfriend I had I considered marrying, but thought “if it doesn’t work I can always just get divorced.” Obviously that is not a good thought, so I broke up with him soon after that.