Last night I was deeply stirred by Back To School Night and right as we were going to sleep I told the soldier what had happened. He’s feels empathy but does not think I should focus on things that are bad. I agree with him and have been successful for the most part in navigating this.
I wrote some time ago how I did not think most would survive what I have been through and I hold to that. Some people just snap but I am not one of them. Some say that is why I was dealt this hand to which I say… whatever. Not because I am rude but because I just don’t know. I have my mind in other places is the thing.
A Pluto transit to the Moon takes you very deep. It’s so dark and while it appears nothing is going on, everything is going on. I am very busy, I can tell you that and it last night I told the soldier what I suppose is obvious.
That is that I am the only one having the experience I am having. My son is clear all this at least for now but anyway I saw one of my daughter’s friends last night and her mother, her brother (who is in my son’s class) and eventually her father as well. None of them spoke to me but I have to tell you, I didn’t speak to them either. And I don’t know what they were thinking but I know what I was thinking.
“Yes I am the mother that something bad happened too and no there is no good news. The last news you had was more than you could fathom and it’s gotten so much worse you are very smart not to talk to me. Just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t worry, I already know you feel bad because it was me and not you. But it’s okay. Really it is because this is just life and I know about life.”
And one more thing…
“Don’t punish my son.”
How strange that they didn’t speak to you. People are so small and crippled. But maybe it was better for you.
The first day of school was always such a big, emotional, exciting, tense day for me. Hope Vidroid did okay.
Well I didn’t talk to them either, way too heavy a conversation for back to school night. I think this is what got conveyed probably in both directions.
Elsa- I am sorry that you are going through this! I don’t know what else to say. Perhaps these folks did not know what to say either. The right thing to do, of course is to say hello, I am sure sorry about…. is there anything that we can do to help.
You have such tremendous empathy for others, like my sister in law, and it really sucks when people do not have empathy for you. Even though you probably do not need or want it, it is still nice if people make an effort.
I hope that things get better for you and your daughter!
Sometimes there just aren’t words. I’m gathering this was the woman who received more info than she could handle and I’m thinking they won’t take it out on Vidroid. I’m praying he’ll have an awesome year and they’ll(the school and all involved) support him by making it safe for him to be him…in ALL his glory.
But couldn’t they at least talk to you? Was it all or nothing?
I mean, it’s not your job to make them more comfortable – you’re going through enough. But maybe there’s a middle ground, like talking about school night. Though I guess it’s like all or nothing.
“That is that I am the only one having the experience I am having”
Interesting…I’ve been upset about my perceived lack of support in the last couple of weeks.
I swing back and forth: not upset someone who is “supposed to be there” is NOT THERE…Then I am, then I’m not. I have a certain friend who I have bent over backwards to help in recent years.
I called her and said very, very clearly, I need you. I need to talk. And she couldn’t, for whatever reason, call me for 3 days. She then told me ‘I have my own dark cloud over my head.’
Now, I say this not out of bitterness (because some very sensitive people don’t actually take on more than they can handle! And that is okay–preferrable even.)
But it strikes me as crrraaazy…I’m a Cap Moon, Sun/Saturn type, I HATE asking for help!
I can feel myself and how alone I am already with Pluto in Capricorn, but it ain’t all bad. I’m taking your advice Elsa and trying to get as yin as humanely possible.
And you know, people are just people :::sighs::::
I’ve been feeling that swing between the perceived lack of support being okay/not okay lately– so I guess I just want you to know that somebody’s thinking of you right now…
I too have the capricorn moon thing and asking for help is like pulling teeth. good for you for asking. even just asking is accomplishing something.
I experience these kinds of school evenings super tense anyway, even when I perceive no crisis in my life. Last year, some parents got wind that I had wanted to move back to the U.S. and I was shunned for not pledging to their allegiance. It was lonely yeah, but it was also real, and very Saturnian. I was the Captain of my Compartment and the ones who dared admit they knew me were from other countries themselves. Bottom line is our kids need us to go to parents night, thats the bigger picture, so we take a HUGE breath, put on the blinders, focus on the necessary and scram.
thank you satori, that’s very kind 🙂
And your right: 2 years ago if I’d asked for help and not “got” it I would have been devastated. Now I just find it odd. But yup, I’m happy for myself… that I can ask without worrying that something is going to die inside me for doing so.
Sometimes, especially with grief, etc., when people DO talk you wish they hadn’t. Better for them to say nothing than say something callous because they don’t know what to say.