This morning I am processing the events of yesterday and last night and I realize my daughter could have died. She was an inch away actually but I wasn’t thinking this in the moment. I was thinking I had just better take care of the situation… get her to the hospital as fast as I could.
But today, with the Pluto transit to my Moon nearly exact, I seem to have no choice but to look at this. Basically I have to (re)calculate the odds of her survival. And the thing is I thought I was out of the woods with this.
Pluto transits are long and slow and this the last pass. Earlier passes, I have seen my daughter on the brink but she has done better recently which led me to think perhaps I had seen enough of this and the transit may manifest in a different way.
I am such an optimist, it actually occurred to me there might be a present delivered at this last pass, mine for having coped as well as I have and weathered this but instead we were back at the hospital where I just burst into tears.
Tears, because it was totally unexpected. Even if I should have expect it, I did not. But I thought I would give you a window into Pluto Moon from the eye of the storm.
Obviously there are events (and eruptions, like the tears) but 90% of the transit takes place beneath the surface. It is the most covert transit in astrology I would say. No one knows what is going on but you. It’s all unseen and much of it unspeakable.
So today, my daughter is home, recovering. My son is at school, escaping for the day and I am coming to terms yet again, with the severity of my daughter’s illness and what this might portend. This is pretty heavy, I guess that must be obvious but then the soldier calls… no stranger to any of this.
“P!” he said. “How are you doing? I’m calling you while I walk to the trash to throw these bottles away. I want to tell you I love you but I am over there with some guys and don’t want them to hear me say anything mushy. Okay, P?”
I laughed.
“Yeah, I can’t let men know how mushy I am so I just thought I’d call you on the way to the trash. They don’t know who I’m talking to, see. They think I am talking to another man about man stuff. But really I am calling you to tell you I love you… I love you so much, I’m embarrassed and just don’t want these men knowing anything about it…”
So there you go. It’s very complicated. The emotions, I mean. They are just too deep to speak of.
I hope at the end of it all you look back and this moon-pluto looks as productive and miraculous as mine was. I’m sure it will. almost done now.
I’m so sorry about your daughter. I can’t even imagine.
*sends hugs and sympathy*
Elsa, My heart hurts for you– and my soul knows you will be changed from this– ugly Pluto Moon transit..
As a Cancerian with Pisces Asc. I feel your pain, gal.. when it comes to our kids, we are rent open in ways a non parent will never know..
Bless you bless you.HUG HUG HUG. Neith’s so right–PLEASE do good stuff for yourself, TODAY. And again, tomorrow!
I admire you not only for the obvious things (single mom, sick child, etc, all of which very important) but also for the honesty you use in all your posts. It helps us learn a lot, but it also should tell us that you have your own life, that you need to keep some of the emotions to yourself and that sometimes even you can’t really explain them.
I don’t know if I make any sense, but the important thing is wishing your daughter a swift recovery.
{{{{{Elsa}}}}} Please remember to give yourself a dose of TLC occasionally. Even the toughest of us need to be nurtured to keep on going. Moon/Pluto transits are a stone-bitch, no doubt about it.
I’m sorry Elsa. I’m having a Pluto moon transit as well, and I don’t think I’ll be able to process any of it until it’s over, which won’t be for a bit yet. I think the worst that could happen, did, but I know that’s probably not true. Thanks for sharing this with us. Lots of love to Mosta.
okay, maybe non parents DO KNOW.I know we all have MANY important emotional connections that mean the worls to us.. our animal companions, our parents, our dearest friends, our spouses, lovers,etc.
But your KIDS were/are a PART OF YOUR OWN FLESH.. hang in there babe. And just FORGET ABOUT ALL THAT GRATITUDE stuff in my post today. Maybe you need to rail at the heavens and ask WHY instead of finding crap to be grateful for.. everything in it’s own time..
Elsa, huge hugs from me here in Germany. I´m glad your daughter is still with you, and – being a single mother myself plus having struggled with all kinds of severe plutonic life-and-death- situations with my boys as well – I can so much relate to the shock and the frustration you must feel the day after, realizing that this has not ended with the last Pluto transit, but will probably happen again, and no rewards for having coped so well and borne so much. It´s not fair. But maybe the reward, right now, is that she has survived yet another time. And be good to yourself, touching the shadows like this is hard core, and one has to deal not only with the loved ones in danger, but with one´s own trauma as well. We tend to forget that since others depend on our strenght, but trauma amounts silently, and as you said, the real things happen way below the surface. Again- be good to yourself, too.
But these are just words – with my very very best wishes for you and your kids between the lines.
Elsa, just wanted to send you and your daughter more good wishes to get through this.
You said your daughter is Gemini .. I’ve been noticing kid Geminis have health crises, when they do, during Merc retrograde. It’s what ppl with kids with alot of Gemini or Virgo, Sun or rising, should be on guard against especially with Pluto on the other side or square. Gems and Saggs (haven’t been keeping track of Virgos) ARE dying as a result of the Pluto grind. It can be a dreadful experience.
Dear Elsa,
I had this transit in the late 90s, it was going through hell, but everything will be ok. My best wishes for you and your daughter.
Blessings and love!
Elsa, best wishes for her to get well soon. It’s strengthening to me to see how balanced you are with everything. Astrology has really lifted me out of heaviness, I hope it does the same for you. Take care.
I hope she’s doing well..=( Oh and t-carat…wow you’re right! I have a friend who’s a double gemini, he’s been sick for two days, ever since the retrograde.
Dear Elsa,
I hope that you will eventually get rewarded for your strength and dedication. Good luck and I hope that your daughter grows up to be a happy healthy woman.
Many hugs,
Elena
Elsa, yes… unseen and unspeakable… you are not alone.
my moon is at 28º sag. so couple more hits yet to come… My tears have felt the most intense so far… these broken hearted places, perhaps linked to even older, shared wound(s).
Like Neith says above… “Please remember to give yourself a dose of TLC occasionally” Yes, be gentle to you — nurture & love yourself. Be & feel love/loved… and remember to breathe…
>:D
Wow. Good luck. I hope you and your girl are out of the woods at this point.
“It’s all unseen and much of it unspeakable.”
I would agree with that very much.
oh, dear.
you and your daughter are in my heart. for whatever it may be worth ; )
i just can’t find anything useful, really, to say. words are inadequate.
i read this at work earlier today and i thought to myself “what a mighty weight to carry”. my faith at present is whatever supports the universe sends you, your daughter, and your son, and in whatever manner, i hope today and the following days you & your family are buoyed by them.
warm regards
p.s not sure if this is one way you take care of yourself (good point Neith), but you seem to enjoy writing. so please if it helps, keep on writing here. i’m sure folk will continue reading:)
Can’t begin to imagine how difficult this is for your whole family…know that there are many of us out here sending as much positive energy your way as we can.
I will hope for positive happenings for you and your children.
xoxox
Hi Elsa,
So sorry to hear about your daughter’s health. I hope that you have people around to help you? Please know that my kids and I will pray for your daughter every night.
warm regards,
Carrie
I’m not religious but some say prayer works (and from experience i like to think this is true). If we all send loving healing thoughts who knows what miracles may occur. Praying for your daughter Elsa and hope this was pluto’s last bash. Hang in there girl! Big love x
Ah, Elsa. Please know that even in my absence from your world, my heart and prayers are with you and your children. I’m so sorry to hear she has had a setback. Much love and white light to all of you.