Hi, Elsa.
I remember a video, in which you said that self esteem has to be earned. I went through a depressing period of a Saturn return in my 2nd house. My self esteem is pretty much dead. What are practical, concrete ways someone can do to earn self esteem?
Is there a point of earning it if it will just die again?
Down in the Dumps
Hi, Dumps. Here’s the video you mentioned in your post.
The only way to earn self esteem is to accomplish something. It’s tied to Saturn. A person pays their dues. They prove themselves, to themselves, more than to others.
The only way to accomplish something is to set a goal and persevere towards it. You can compete against others or compete against yourself, it doesn’t matter. But to acquire true self esteem you have to accomplish something through your own effort. Once you have accomplished something, even if it’s small, you can build on that base.
If you’re at the lowest point a human being can be at, then you goal can be to survive!
When you have survived, that’s an accomplishment and off you go towards the next goal.
My point in the video, was that a person can’t be given (real) self esteem, nor can they steal it from someone else. They can be inflated by flattery or because they have money or good looks, but that’s not real self esteem!
With Saturn in your second house, you’re asking the right question. If you decide today, to take this challenge, I guarantee you, you’ll be successful. Here’s a story…
My son has his Sun in Taurus conjunct Saturn. This is equivalent to Saturn in the Taurus-ruled 2nd house. He used to be extremely low-achieving. He was smart enough to start school a year early. But then he slacked, badly, all the way into 8th grade. At that point I told him if he did not perform, I would not allow him to start high school.
“Your grades in high school are going to affect your ability to get into college. Obviously, you’re not mature enough to apply yourself. I’ve been pleading with you for years and I am sick of it. You’re a year ahead, so it’s no big deal if you’re held back a year. I don’t care if the school is willing to advance you to the next grade. I will not allow you to advance and go through school and graduate, stupid. So either you get your grades up, or you start high school next year, over my dead body.”
He knew I meant it so that did it. My son is now a 15 year old junior in high school. He’s college bound with a 4.68 GPA! Do you think he has self esteem? He does.
Do you think he had self esteem when he was bringing home below average grades? D’s? He did not.
This is your invitation to get you ass in gear. You’ve seen the bottom. You obviously don’t like it, so get up and start climbing. If you decide to do this, for real, you will be amazed at the people who show up to help you. And then someday you’ll be passing this advice on.
To address your last remark, specifically, if you do earn your self esteem, it can’t be taken from you. My son knows he can come up from the bottom, right? You can tell him he’s a loser. He knows he is not!
Have you earned your self esteem?
Update 2019 – My son is now a junior in college, earning straight A’s, studying engineering.
Update in 2020 – My son got in his field after his junior year. He worked 34 hours a week, throughout his entire senior year. He’s now graduated and working for the same company. He’s 21 years old and being rapidly promoted. You too, can change your paradigm!
Update in 2023 – My son is a lead engineer in his firm.
This. more than anything else. this.
Born with saturn in 2nd conjunct mars square the rest of the darned chart. So yeah. Work. Build. Work.
Great Post. So True! This stuff, touches me deeply! I was all teary reading it. That’s my Venus/Saturn story, and the same advice I give to my kids. Thanks for being out there Elsa. You are such a light for so many. <3
“Earn it.” Trophies all around won’t do it (as you say on the video) That is succinct! I needed to hear this first thing. Mars conjuncts Saturn in my 8th, and squares my sun so I need the cattle prod sometimes to get the act going.
I think what you’ve taught to your son is wonderful, and you should be proud of him — and yourself.
But tell him to be vigilant too, because in this world today, no matter how hard you work and how much you do for others, self-esteem can be taken from you.
I’m not sure it can be taken from you as much as you can let it slip away by believing the lies of others versus the truth you know about yourself. And that is always something to guard against.
Agreed. 🙂
And people who have it don’t try to take it from others. So if you do achieve, you may want to run with your own kind. They won’t feel the need to attack and denigrate you.
And if you are attacking and denigrating people,and you decide to achieve yourself, you won’t need (or want) to do this anymore.
I like the photo of the kid being productive and helpful! (Virgo sun!)
You’re right, Elsa. Self-esteem is innate. It’s cumulative. It’s an inside job fueled by outside doing.
There are always hungry dogs yapping at the heels of those who are successful and trying to nip their flesh to get a piece of theirs the easy way, without working for it. You just have to be stronger and smarter and faster, and that’s the way it is.
I LOVE Eleanor Roosevelt.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story
I spent two of my college years failing almost every class. Then I decided that I really wanted to go to Germany for a year, but to do so I needed 3.0 GPA! So I worked my ass off and brought my GPA up from 2.1 to 3.0 in a year 8) That worked wonders for my self esteem. I have a Sagittarius Saturn. School and Travel are where I get my ass in gear. And then when I went to Germany I fucking learned German and that did even more for my self esteem because they was crazy hard! I was really proud of myself then! Annnd then I forgot it all and now that self esteem I earned is gone. I’m still proud though of the fact that if I choose to I can totally live in a non-English country and survive and assimilate 8)
Great story. I couldn’t agree more with your suggested strategy: build something!
I have moon/pluto/south node in the 2nd. I think my feelings of self worth have often depended on what others see as valuable traits. Its taken a long time (and a lot of transformation) for me to figure out what -I- see as valuable and building self esteem based on those values. I’ve had self esteem but it doesn’t always feel genuine.
I agree that working towards a goals is a great way to rise up out of the muck. Saturn is in my 2nd house right now and I’m in the middle of a large project that has been helping with the ‘blah’ feelings of this Saturn transit. Its progressing by baby steps but it helps all the same.
I have been thinking a lot about the 2nd house lately since Saturn is supposed to be going into it soon for one of his fun extended stays. It has me freaking out thinking about the financial ramifications of this, and the funny thing is I have not even thought at all about the self esteem part of that transit.
I do know that I have not been able to get a job in my field (graphic design). I used to have severe self esteem issues stemming from this, and still struggle with it. My lack of self worth is/was tied into it because I did not have tangible proof from an outside source that my time or effort was worth a monetary value (i.e. a paycheck). I do know I have talent, but it hurts deeply to always do favors for people and not once get paid (or valued) for my efforts. It also hurts to have someone close to me always get my hopes up by telling me there is an opening where they work that they are sure I could fill, but it never comes into fruition.
So maybe, just maybe, instead of panicking like the little red hen about the sky falling in terms of going bankrupt or whatever, maybe this transit will have me confront my fears (Saturn) about this issue of work/self esteem. Maybe it won’t be the financial nightmare I have been dreading after all.
Best. Advice. Ever!!!
I don’t know. I can’t get myself “on board” with what I want to try to do (basically, be a public figure), I’m just too terrified of the consequences that will inevitably come along with it (i.e. most likely stalking). I’ve been doing EFT, taking a class…and yet fundamentally I freak out at committing to the idea, it’s like asking doom to come upon me. Every day I choose a NO. I’m not happy with it, but I don’t think I’d be happy if I chose yes either. The consequences are a lot worse.
Feh, indecision.
I agree totally. Except sometimes I know my goals are too low. For example it may be a struggle to get myself organized but once I’ve done it…so what? I’ve only achieved the basics and it does feel good, but it doesn’t feel like a real accomplishment. Sometimes Real Accomplishments seem hopelessly out of reach. But you have to start somewhere.
I needed to read this. Thank you. ♡☆♡
Thank you, Elsa. 🙂 Trailed Misti’s comment on this pot o gold post. So so good.
I think perspective and proof (your son’s GPA number in this case) is huge… I think part of my MO is not to recognize or even to reject my achievements and skills. Decrease it into a little grain of sand. It might not be a mountain but it is still a boulder and should be counted for what it’s worth, even if others diminish and throw it away like trash (6th house Scorpio -eh, what can I do, except to keep plugging, and servicing those “mean” people away, diplomacy….). So, self esteem should be established by now, but I have hidden my own proof of worth from myself. I may be “behind” others in some sense but I am ahead of my old self, in another. Improving at my own pace. Yes, I learn slowly but I can learn and I have motivation to learn it right. No one else is going to tell me that except myself…. And no one else can take away what I’ve learned.
If no one wants to teach me, I’ll teach myself.
I loved this! Thanks, Elsa!
You are the voice of Reality!
I have Saturn in Virgo opposed the Sun/Pisces and I have used many ploys to not know this truth:
– I don’t care; it doesn’t matter
– I’m not a materialistic person
– I just want to ‘be’
– I don’t need to prove anything to anyone
However! There is absolutely NOTHING that compares to the joy and fulfillment of accomplishing something HARD and knowing you were able to overcome that sniveling whining wimpy insulting inner voice that tries to tell you you are no good, you can’t do it, why would you even try, you failure? Shutting up that lying voice is the best feeling EVER!
I loved this, Elsa!! Good on your son!!
I can relate to this so hard since I natally have Saturn in the 2nd. (In Virgo, no less. ??♀️) When I had my Saturn return many years ago, I actually loved it because it forced me to really get my act together and that action picked up my self-esteem. I definitely haven’t been the same since.
Now with Saturn having transited my 5th for the last 2 years (and set for awhile longer) that has taken a HUGE toll on my self-esteem. It’s torn down all my need for outward approval (especially being a Leo/Jupiter rising) and shown me I’m not all that, lol. Definitely humbling but I’ve gained more authentic connections and a transformed sense of self-esteem because of it. Because I’m still worthy of love despite that. All the falsehoods are stripped away. Just thought I’d throw that in there because each Saturn transit brings new development on top of the older ones.
Thank you, this has perfect timing for me
Good job being a mature Saturn figure in his life!
Yes!!! When you’ve earned something of intangible value yourself, no one can take it away! If something passes, it’s time for a new goal.
I did this again in my life when I was in my late 40’s. I had to prove something to myself again as life had knocked me to the ground. So, I went back to school as an older person and learned a different trade. And, then went with it. All through Saturn in Libra and Saturn in Scorpio I worked harder than I ever had in my life. And, you are right. People did show up. I proved to myself before my second Saturn return that I could take absolutely nothing and turn it into something. A lesson I needed again in my life….one more time. Even at this age I know that there is nothing I cant do if I put my mind to it.
I am going back to school again in April 2018 as a 59 year old woman to do it all over again. Unless the universe kills me….I am back up, and trying to once again do something else that will take me to the end of my life. I am so excited.
My youngest son asked ‘Why on earth are you doing this when you will be eligible to collect social security in a couple of years’??? My answer was….seriously? I am not dead yet. I don’t want to collect a check. I want to work for as long as my body and soul will allow me to give what I have to offer. This is keep me viable, vibrant and alive. No thanks to sitting down to die just yet. I have MORE UP MY SLEEVE….and I thank my Mars in Gemini for keeping me twirling around….. 🙂
@soup,
that’s a total 180 degrees from the dark time you were having two years ago!
Wow, college? Sounds exciting.
This**********
“Your grades in high school are going to affect your ability to get into college. Obviously, you’re not mature enough to apply yourself. I’ve been pleading with you for years and I am sick of it. You’re a year ahead, so it’s no big deal if you’re held back a year. I don’t care if the school is willing to advance you to the next grade. I will not allow you to advance and go through school and graduate, stupid. So either you get your grades up, or you start high school next year, over my dead body.”
*********************************************************
My oldest son did the same thing. But, he didn’t believe me. He started a year early also. Tested beyond ready. But also slacked. He didn’t believe me when I said it. And I held him back a year. Today, he is earning 6 figures. He is a single father raising a daughter alone and out earning all of his peers who were honor roll students. Sometimes our kids need a wake up call. I love that you did that with your son. I feel like we have almost lived parallel lives.
I just listened to your video, and it is brilliant. If you have earned something of (intangible) value, no one can take it away. I lost a position but not my reputation or the people who love me. Time to conjure up a new goal.
This is timely… I recently got a huge promotion (beyond the one I’d been working towards for years). Saturn is currently traveling through my 2nd house! I have Saturn conjunct sun natally, so ‘hard work’ is my middle name.
My son is also sun conjunct Saturn and has moon in second house. This is reminding me when he graduated from preschool and I told him that I was proud of him. He said, as a five year old, “I’m proud of myself!” I’ll never forget that.
Yo soup I too 59 ,reentering college
This spring ” finish what you started” helping me, so excited to find another, marking a new groove
Am doing online courses now to start the study process
Last 2 years, been taking classes
Hoping to exchange some life experiences for credits
Just need degree complete before I can tackle that which currently is of great interest!kudos!
Ps soon2 B59
This post is everything!! Thank you for sharing this. I have Saturn in the first house and always thought Saturn in first house dealt w self esteem. How is it different from the 2nd house?
Hi Marlene. The 2nd house / Taurus rules self esteem, which is akin to what you VALUE.
Very interesting connection betwen Saturn and 2nd house, didn’t know about this. “rules self esteem, which is akin to what you VALUE” is a very logical explanation.
Saturn has finished it’s transit through my 2nd house. I was expecting something to do with material things, wanting to down-size “everything” and having a very difficult time trying, I barely scratched the surface.
All this time self-esteem very low, now I understand, precisely because I wasn’t acheiving what I’d set out to do! “This explains that.”
So, now gotta do something about it.
Man, having Jupiter in Ssdge in 2nd doesn’t help for de-cumulating. But the cusp is Scorpio, so I guess ruler Pluto is going to manifest, somehow. I don’t know what to expect, if indeed there might be a connection. (Pluto currently in my 3rd, aspecting nothing)
Great post at any rate, great Elsa input!
I completely agree that a sense of accomplish can raise our self esteem. I experience this myself with having had a chronic illness. Just making my bed some days makes me feel like at least I did one thing.
However- I also believe true self esteem comes from a deeper place… called Self Love. You can accomplish a LOT from a place of ego – to prove your worth – yet feel empty inside.
My son has Lymme disease. He (40 yrs) has always been good at just about everything. His confidence in himself has been severely shaken by being ill and not able to do stuff. He often calls me in tears. This is someone who is highly intelligent and capable. And a Capricorn!
I tell him – ‘who you are is not based on what you do. You are inherently valuable just by being you. Its your unique spiritual essence that no one can take from you.’
Not saying we don’t need to find ways to fulfill our need for feeling accomplished – setting even small goals and fulfilling them really does build confidence. My son is finding things to do to contribute in small ways (he volunteers at his sons school when he is well enough).
I just don’t think – for me – it is the exact same thing as self esteem (IMHO)
We are human ‘beings’ – not human ‘doings.’
p.s. not to diminish from your very excellent video Elsa. You always speak to the truth. Perhaps its just semantics. I think you are saying we need an intrinsic(from within) sense of self – rather than extrinsic (from outside of us).
Perhaps that intrinsic value develops in different ways for different people.
I think the distinction lies in whos goals you are trying to achieve. If theyre someone elses, its going to fall flat. Interal drive is something else. I do think being of use and having a purpose are at the core of happiness and spiritual wholeness. So, achieve goals because its fun to overcome challenges. It makes life have meaning.
I agree.
And being in an image- and achievement-oriented society makes it difficult to “just be”, as is.
There is probably a balance to be found between being and doing.
Parallel to that (and not connected to the rest), I believe that the way we are raised/considered/treated as children has a lot to do with self-esteem. Supposedly anyone can overcome childhood influences, but I think it’s not quite as easy as it sounds.
I found myself head-bumping with a Taurus not too long ago, it hurt my feelings, and it happened in the Taurus’ home. It got me thinking about my own behaviour and maybe i haven’t been behaving in a way that’s bringing me self-esteem. That sucks. I’m very Saturnal.
What about when you have gone through 9 years of two illnesses before the age of 25, done all the work to sort through all your issues and deal with all the crap you’ve been through growing up, gotten the support you need to do the emotional development you never had a chance to do growing up. And then the support you had let’s you down and you’ve just been through massive internal change and you’ve just finished college, another big change, and not one person around you checks in with you or responds to your request for help (not something made often) or even takes the time to give you a hug or recognition of how great you’ve done. And while you know that noone else can make you feel good about yourself and that sometimes people let you down but there’s always someone who’ll help unless you’re supposed to do it yourself, but for once you can’t rally yourself up by yourself as you’re just tired from all the change, where’s the example of the help showing up there? And I did genuinely do all that for myself, my therapist said I’d moved through more in 2 years than most do in twenty and I genuinely wanted to do the work and keep moving forward, I’m sorry but I’m genuinely still struggling with the fact that the one time I faltered from tiredness and really needed something from someone else, a hug, reassurance, because at the end of the day I’m human, I got no help. (I was honest with my friends about what was going on with me, even though I had a therapist to do the tough stuff with and didn’t over burden my friends with what I was going through) Believe me when I say that I genuinely did the work. I have a lot of scorpio and saturn in my chart, if that has anything to do with it. If anyone has any insight it would be welcome because I just don’t understand it.
It sounds like you are going through the dark night of the soul. Would you mind leaving your birth data for all to see if Elsa is ok with it? So we can see deeper into the issues ? I’d love to look at with you. I myself went through dark night of the soul and still going through it. Perhaps you have a great missions to fulfill once your time is ripened….nothing in life, not even suffering goes unnoticed by the bigger picture….hope you stay strong because you are!
Hi,
It sucks when other dont respond to us the way our ego would have hoped for. I have a couple meditations that have helped me when I needed to forgive and release, to stop being angry. At the end I understood that not everybody is like me, that not everybody vibrates the same, or High, and if noone helped you it just means they were remnants of your former life/frequency that no longer resonate with you. It hurts. But you are better off some place else with people that can truly apreciate you, and that are compassionate enough to respond to you. Obviously this people were not.
I really commiserate with you Cuisle. My own experience is that most people can’t handle it when someone is unwell. I found healers (reiki, massage) were a great source of empathy, compassion etc plus the healing they offerered.
Illness throws us back in ourself – that’s why I posted my query about self-esteem being based on what we do. If that’s the case, then when we can’t do – we’re in big trouble.
For me it was a spiritual journey – to find an inner faith- an inner strength – and to do that I had to call on spiritual forces to support me through my own dark night of the soul.
I hope you’re ok now
Hi everyone!
Reading this article I just got this astro-question: saturn is going to enter my 2nd house, does it mean I will be facig some of this challenges? Working to earn self-steem? Thruth is: I overcame a lot with saturn transiting my 12th, dissolution and dark night of the soul happened, and with saturn in my 1st I got to work on my limits and personality integrating a lot of discipline and overcoming fears. Now the thing about achieving is: I am on a couse to pass very important competitive exams to work in governement and it is a very capricorn-like carreer path that I must combine with other “paying” work.. I would very much apreciate any comments about the 2nd house saturn transit. Thank you!!?
Last time Saturn passed through my 2nd house, I was invited to join my church youth group on a missions trip to Mexico. Mom took one look at the price and said, “Nope. Too expensive.” That was the end of that, or so I thought. Then a few weeks later, I decided I HAD to go. Mom said I would have to come up with the money myself. Well, our group worked hard washing cars, selling baked goods and writing letters requesting sponsorships from church members, family and friends. We managed to raise enough for all of us to go.
You’ll have money during Saturn in the 2nd house, but YOU WILL EARN EVERY BIT OF IT.
Well, Saturn is about to enter my 2nd house next month. I’ll admit it makes me nervous. I’m stuck in a financial conundrum and don’t know which way to go at the moment. Do I pay off my pile of debt first, and then go back to school for a higher-paying career? Or do I study for a better-paying job that will, in turn, clean up the debt faster (more income to throw at it)? Kind of hard to clean up 15K worth of debt on a 20K income.
Hi fellas and ladies I have a sun saturn conjunction in 2nd house Sagittarius and I have artrithis since I’m 14 years old,, I used to have straight A but after they diagnosticated me it all went down hill I was really confused about ho I was until now that I’m 31. I went back to school and I Want to start my own busyness cause I can’t stand taking orders from others. But as a boss I’m very good, I know I will treat my employees like they re worth gold.
I knew transit through my 2nd house in Saturn this year will somehow affect my work. It did. As COVID-19 came around March in our country, very fast I become aware that I might lose my job, as I was on a service contract, and I have been waiting and working very hard to earn the contract of employment for the last 2 and half years, I haven’t had a proper holiday in years. And I knew they would cut off us who still work on the service contract and they wanted to do it, trying to save money anywhere they could. They really had a plan to let me go, but then I called my boss and said: “Okay, don’t pay me, I will volunteer, I will work for free, but I want to stay in our organization and I don’t care for money or position, the only thing I want is to stay and work. I’m in the middle of the project and I don’t want to leave it even for a day”. She was stunned over the phone, she didn’t know what to say, but I said that ‘yes’ is the only answer she could give me. And she did. In the end, I didn’t have to work for free, the government found money for us and it wasn’t necessary, and finally, I signed a contract I was working for just a day before my bday. The thing is, I literally crushed my Ego and set myself free from any expectations, and since then, yes things are much better, but I still feel light, free, like some kind of burden is let go. I got little savings and I thought myself, okay, if they won’t pay you, you will manage for some time with what you have, you will cut all the things you want and like, but you will work, that’s more important. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve made, the hardest things I had to say, but in the end, I felt good
I am so glad it turned out for you!! I too, went through a work situation where they were going to remove me from a temporary work schedule because of pay and I volunteered the hours and less pay in order to stay. I had to let go of the fear of the money outcome. It worked out and I was happier across the board. Natal Saturn 2H as well.
“I had to let go of the fear of the money outcome”. Exactly that, you sum this perfectly. I’m very happy for you too! But it appears I’ve read wrong, I thought this topic was about Saturn transit in 2nd house, silly me. My Natal Saturn is in the 12th house, but I try to value any Saturn transit, the learning never stops if you allow it.
Lol. Such a saturnian reaction to poor Dumps. It is true. But life sucks. Build and work and step by step.
I have Saturn in the 2nd House. My first self-esteem project happened when I ended up abandoned in Berlin as an English speaking American (1980’s). I could have just gone home but I stayed, got two jobs, room and board, learned some German and survived on my own for six months. When I did end up coming home I had self-esteem for not falling apart, giving up hope and returning home Pre maturely.
The second self-esteem project came at age 60- I was moved from a menial service job into IT as a clerk. I was given tedious (yet important) tasks upon tasks with no IT knowledge. I aced it and again felt I had built up my self esteem.
The third is now – I got evicted (due to a house sale) and had to quit work, moved 400 miles away and had to adjust big time.
I know no matter what happens to me I can and will survive!
Yes, Saturn is now at the tail-end of my 2nd house. Since it’s been in Aquarius, it’s squared my natal MC, Uranus, Mars and Venus in Scorpio. Life has really ground me down and blow after blow knocked the wind from me. It took some time, but I did dust myself down and I told myself to get up, get up and take the blows, until you can stay standing. It worked, and I am proud that I held firm. I did sway, many times, but I’m still here, and richer for the experiences.