Man Loves His Girlfriend But May Fancy Men

More Double Fish

Hi Elsa

I’m 19 and always considered myself straight as a ruler… but in the last few months I’ve found myself curious about men. Maybe this means I’m bi-curious and once I get it out of my system I’ll know for sure. It’s just that I can’t do that without risking losing something really special I have with the girl I love. We met only 2 months ago and it’s like Romeo and Juliet love. But I can’t get rid of these feelings, hence being up all night taking quizzes about it. I have no one I can talk to about this and the bisexual tests on the web really tell me nothing and just make me more confused.

To be honest I don’t think I even fancy guys; it’s just that I’ve become quite curious about what it must feel like when making love/sex whatever as a girl and what oral sex is like etc. I am at wit’s end as what to do. I don’t want to tell her this when has she really has no idea about it, and I don’t think anyone else does either. However I’ve found myself calling others gay a lot recently, in a jokey way! lol

I could spice things up in the bedroom in relation to a change of role figures if you get me? But I would be worried she wouldn’t want to go through with it and would not want her talking about it with her friends… but anyone would have to get that off their chest. Also, she would forever be suspicious.

Elsa I know this is something I have to figure out myself, and I think I could by just going to a bi night club/bar or something. But I couldn’t do that knowing I’d be hurting her if she found out about it. I’m only in my first year of university and kind of want to explore this. See I think I might possibly fancy guys if I explored this further, and the prospect seems kind of exciting because I get on with them well. But I am worried about this, not just for her but because I don’t want to do something I regret, and if true I don’t want mates knowing because I’m <a href=””> Jack the lad</a> so to speak. It’s doing my head in and I just wrote a thesis on it! Please help in any way you can. This is affecting my work and my life.

Jack the Lad

Dear Jack,

I have a lot of admiration for you. You care how your girl fares in this and it’s telling to the quality of person you are. Based on this, I am not surprised you get along with men and women and I think you may underestimate “love”.

This may surprise you, but I think your gal pal already knows you’re quirky and she loves you anyway. And I don’t mean, sexually. I mean it in general and as a statement of fact. Because you’re an Aquarius Moon and you exude this wacky experimental type vibe, that is roundly apparent to one and all.

For example, everyone who read your post up there recognizes you as unusual so I find it hard to believe this woman you are so close to is oblivious! And she may not be as experimental as you are when it comes to sex. In fact I doubt she is. But I would also bet she will love you regardless of what happens for the simple fact you seem so lovable!! So here’s my advice:

I think you should experiment, for sure. I don’t see how you’re going to avoid this, frankly. And although your feelings for the girl are noble, standing by her when you would actually prefer to be with a man is not noble.

And I realize this is yet to be determined. I mean, it sounds to me as if you would like to try everything you can, at least once and if you are not leaking this information to her already, I would start to and see how she reacts. Because all the problems you’re having boil down to one thing: fear of the unknown. So your stress will ease with each little bit of information you can get. Which means, broach this subject with the girl. Which means, go to the gay bar. Which means comb your hair a new way if that’s what you want to do, and see what happens!

Now the mother in me does think you should be careful. For example, go to a gay bar in another city. And don’t be surprised to when you run into people you know there when you do. 😉

And just see how you feel. Do you fit in? Or no? Do you want to come back tomorrow or no? You get the idea. You simply have to discover this and as for the loyalty to the girl… if she is a girl, girl like I am, and you want a man, you will be doing her no favors having her act that out for you. So here’s a plan, for your Venus in Capricorn that needs one:

  • Go somewhere gay men gather.
  • See if you’re happy.
  • Let nature take it’s course, which goes something like this:If you find you prefer men or at the very least would like to experiment with them, then you tell your gal pal the truth. To your great shock, I doubt she’ll be that surprised. You’ll have been priming her for weeks and she already knows you’re interesting, right? You’re not plain, so chances are, she’ll tell you that it’s okay. She still loves you because how can she not, you’re “Jack the lad!” And besides. Everyone knows Romeo does not end up with Juliet, does he?She may go on to tell a couple of her friends (provided you allow this)… who will also not be surprised and and after this, life goes on.I think you’re going to be fine.

    Good luck.


11 thoughts on “Man Loves His Girlfriend But May Fancy Men”

  1. My man went through a phase like this (before I met him). He found out he was fine kissing men, though anything that went further was not for him. But he would not have known if he hadn’t tried with a ‘live man’! He actually found out he liked women, and woman women too. Like me: I do not have an androgynous bone in my body! I am all girl. As for your girlfriend: better to come out of the closet, not as this or that, but as ‘open to experiment’. My bf wore women’s perfume at some point (a classy one too)! I am glad that he does not do that now. I would leave him probably if he would – I don’t like metrosexual/ homosexual men, in my bed that is. But through experimenting he found out what he was and was not. And I admire him for his willingness to find out.

    (As for the astrology – we both have a venus uranus conjunction going for us)

  2. Dear Jack the Lad,

    I was in a similar situation at your age, and I thought I would add to what Elsa had to say using my personal experience as a point of reference. I too was unsure about my sexuality and spent plenty of time filling out online tests and reading about bisexuality/homosexuality in hopes of finding a definitive answer to my own sexuality. Unfortunately, you’re not going to find your answer on the Internet, and I agree that you should experiment with a guy. But there’s no rush! I would NOT advise going to a gay club and picking up a guy just to see if you’re bisexual. First of all, I have now been out of the closet for about six years, and I still do not find gay clubs appealing or representative of gay people on the whole. I think you might actually be put off by it if you’re not the type of person who enjoys clubs in general. I would advise you to just continue living your life as richly as possible and try to be open-minded and meet new people. You are bound to meet some gay people along the way, and maybe one of them will really appeal to you, and the attraction will be mutual, and THEN you can experiment. If it feels right, you’ll have your answer. Hooking up with a random guy you don’t know or care for might only make you feel more conflicted. In the meantime, if you truly care for your girlfriend, just be honest with her about the feelings you’ve been having. If she cares for you, she’ll support you no matter what. I had a girlfriend, and I told her about my doubts regarding my sexuality before I acted on those desires, and while she was initially a bit surprised and upset (naturally), she was also supportive, and now we talk about the guys I date without any hard feelings or awkwardness. So try not to worry about this too terribly much. Live your life and stay true to who you are as a person. Don’t make any knee-jerk decisions, and (as unbearably cheesy as this sounds) listen to what your heart is telling you. Good luck!

  3. umh, I don’t know if this is a mistake or a test or what, but no 19 years old sagittarius can have venus in capricorn square uranus. That’s just impossible. Wasn’t Uranus itself in capricorn 19 years ago (or at most, in sagittarius)? Funny I am a sagittarius with Venus square Uranus and four planets in the sign just like Jack the Lad here… unfortunately I am way more than 19 years old…

  4. Oh brother!! I searched for the birth data to see how I’d messed this up and it’s a total malpractice!


    I wrote this, looking at the wrong chart. Editing now…

  5. hey elsa, it could happen to anyone… I am kind of sorry for having pointed it out ’cause you’re definitively the best astrologer storyteller out there — and the most personal. I love all your posts, I really do 🙂

  6. nonhocapito – I am really glad you did because come on! I am calling him a Sadge when he’s a Pisces! I think he’d have noticed the error and he’s confused as it is! Crap!

    As it turns out, he’s sleeping right now, so by the time he wakes up and reads this, no harm, no foul. So really, you saved the day, both his and mine and on your compliment, thanks Stranger! 😉

  7. Avatar
    Strawberry Fields

    This reminds me I have to write to the good folks at Their software is fucked up. The data that appears on their graphic charts does not always match up with the same data as presented in the aspectarian tables in the PDF file.

    I wonder if any other readers here have also noticed that.

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