Scanning For Guilt, Failure, Fault, All Day, Every Day

burning witchMost would agree, it’s harder to get along with people these days. I don’t think there’s a single reason why. It seems inordinately complex and layered. I don’t like this so I’ve been trying to figure it out (for myself).

I realize the hate is engineered, but I am calling this my problem, because it is my problem. For most of my life, I had the expectation that every relationship I entered into, be it two minute chat or something more significant, would be positive, enjoyable, life affirming and such. I don’t feel this way anymore and I’d like to remedy this.

My reason is because feeling good and happy and open and friendly is enjoyable, but it’s also because this way of living is what’s natural for me. I’m a game individual.  “Are you up for this, Elsa?”  Hell yeah!

Left to my own devices, this is my default. This only changes when some force (person or perhaps back pain) takes me out?  It’s like being tackled. You were fine and then, bam!

In the course of this effort, I realized something I hadn’t thought of before.  People are crazed to indict someone.  That’s the word I want, too. That’s how it came to me.  This behavior is modeled on TV.

I’m not talking about politics or the news or anything of that nature. It’s in the scripts, as opposed to seeing good and kind and forgiving behavior being modeled. I swear, people circle ’round, all day, every day, waiting to catch *whoever* in the act of being bad, doing wrong, speaking wrong, farting or whatever. They just can’t wait to discover the other person is a POS, affirming their own ego in the process… which is just stupid if you think about it. If you run around terrorizing people in this way, might you be the POS?

I feel this is worth thinking about and keep in mind, when you’re focused on the wrongs of others, your own wrongs tend to flourish.  There’s some justice in that.

Many years ago, I was running with an iffy dude.

“I don’t know, Elsa,” my sister said. “If you want to wear a whistle around your neck and blow it every time this guy screws up…”

I didn’t like that picture.  Dumped the guy later that day.

Are you vigilant regarding the errors of other, while ignoring your own?

28 thoughts on “Scanning For Guilt, Failure, Fault, All Day, Every Day”

      1. I’d like to think that I don’t. Whenever I catch myself overfocusing on or overcriticizing someone else (which i know is futile), I know I need to shift focus to myself, which I do.
        Took a few repetitions to begin learning this…

        1. Like if I were to do what you described in the post, to me that would would be glaring blaring OMG OK YOU NEED TO STOP NOW.
          It definitely comes up in cases of double standards or unfairness for example…
          I’ve read about it being referred to as an outer critic in psych. Not sure if this is what you meant.

              1. yes! That’s how I meant it – funny! Because my pointing at you – same thing!

                But i just was amused since yours was the first comment. 🙂

  1. Critics usually start out by saying “May I ask you something?” and I say “Sure you can.” Then I get hit with all their projections. Happens daily. If the only way to feel good about yourself is downing others then I feel sorry for you. It’s a great way to avoid self analysis.

    1. That was me up until a year ago.
      “May I ask you something?” I said to my partner, when the lights went out and we lay down to sleep.

      And then I started spewing all my critical sh*t to him.

      Needless to say, this didn’t end end.
      The weird thing is.. it took almost 4 years to realise how passive aggressive the “question” was – at least the intent of it…
      I have Virgo in my 8th house by the way. But that is only in the whole signs system, not Placidus.
      I realised too, that this other system added depth to my natal chart as I knew it. It revealed some unconscious patterns of behaviour that I hadn’t thought of before.

      So, I consciously decided to stop doing this to my partner from January last year. Haven’t done it since either. The “nighttime fights” disappeared in a very significant way after that.

  2. There is a quote, something along the lines of: when someone does something wrong, don’t forget about the hundred things they did right.

    Trouble is, what if the thing they did wrong cancel out the hundred things they did right?

  3. Will spring come?Yes will winter break
    Slow it down? Yes Will today fly by like
    Yesterday? No quicker Are we all changing
    Yes ! There was this preacher who turned to music in Texas, my Dad brought up Baptist
    Turned Catholic for my Momma, but had a song and dance in him always would quote
    The preacher;”just make sure you got
    A pocket full of Hell Yeah”!! I seem to see this quality in older folks, do today ,we will all get thru this.Tonight the stars will offer

  4. Manipulating projected self hatred is key to how psychopaths gain purchase upon us. Engineers of our self judgement and hate.
    Owning our self hatred without turning it outward onto someone else – it ends and morphs into something else entirely different.

  5. I read a post just yesterday by the Holistic Psychologist and she points out that humans aren’t meant to intake the amount of information that we do on a daily basis. We are now connected to the entire world through our phones and media of any kind focuses on the horrible things in life – death, sickness, war, genocide, injustice. Her point is that we are in a state of a collective mental health crisis because of this, because all we consume every day is real-life horror from all over the world.

    I bring this up because I’d take this hypothesis a little further and say that when all we consume is the bad in the world, we train our brains to see it all around us all the time and in everyone we meet. In addition to that, I think that a lot of people are so overwhelmed by how much horror there is in the world and how little they feel they can do about it personally, that they start trying to resolve that inner conflict by projecting it outward on the people around them. An individual can’t resolve the housing or pay crisis in our country so instead, to give themselves SOME feeling of justice in life, they focus on the neighbor who lets their dog shit in their yard. The subconscious will always find ways to give the person what they truly want.

    1. When I saw in the news the story about that decapitated baby,last week, I just knew that we are definitely hearing and seeing WAY TOO MANY THINgS WE DON’T NEED TO BE SEEING.Now, I can’t help that baby or that family, or the world, very much,so, much better use of time to plant a garden, sing some songs, make some art, do good work when I can, a few astrology clients here and there, a volunteer gig once a week..make good food for my family, do a good deed for a friend/neighbor when I can… Until we pull back ON PURPOSE we will suffer from this onslaught of “world” that is not ours to fix. More than ever, I believe in LOCAL efforts, and sometimes that means HYPER LOCAL as i n “MY OWN BACKYARD, THANK YOU!” When we all focus on our own mental spiritual and emotional health that will ripple out in a way as to help the world at large.

  6. This one seems to me slightly like that analogy of the land with absolute liars and absolute truth tellers. The people that are being crappy towards others are unlikely to own up to it – since if they did not feel morally justified in doing so in the first place they wouldn’t be doing it. The people that aren’t obviously cannot own up to it. So the stalemate is no one admitting to it.

    It’s not the same thing but I did used to be too full on because I got anger from a physical medical situation that I was not sharp enough to notice was either there, or was from that cause. Now that I am thinking more clearly and calming down. Sometimes, where it is more appropriate I have simply changed behaviour and been attentive to the other. In other cases, I have written an apology to at least one person, saying I should’nt’ve been bringing up politics all the time, and conversed with others in a way that it is relevant.

    It is early days but I have not generally had much response from people. At the moment people seem very happy with leaving the relationship in its broken state. None have apologised for their part in anything.

    I often have to catch myself with thinking too positively of people when, as an example, if the relationship previously ended with them flaking on me repeatedly when I tried to arrange something, I am then on the back foot that I definitely would not try and arrange anything with them. They have expressed a preference. But they could simply text me if they wanted to and ask to meet up or respond to a message. So the onus is not really on me and it is important for me to remember this in the future, as well as, like this post talks about, giving others a hard time, it is also a possibility to be too easy on others and thus give yourself too much of a hard time and try to do everything. Sometimes after a person has treated me badly, repeatedly, (I am almost letigious, noting down clearly the issues when separating from someone usually over the period of about a year), I have to remind them of this when I withdraw from them, quite possibly permanently, and they suddenly get pleady.

    This is the only way to handle passive aggression if you tend to be someone that directly confronts conflict.

    Where it links in is the whole ‘apology’ thing in general is me trying to grow up a little and relate more like an adult. The medical condition has retarded this process to an extent. But I don’t feel that others have this same sort of philosophy about life.

  7. I feel this way too, and I don’t like seeing it in myself. I actually, legitimately try to do better every day, but people just aren’t receptive. In addition to the daily stressors we all currently experience, do not underestimate the impact of mobile technology and social media. The impact of “AI’ will be another death stroke in this regard. We are quite literally forgetting how to be human, brains have been and are being rewired, and we are paying the price (and as an aside – this is decidedly NOT the promise or vision of Aquarian energy. Aquarian energy is not a mindless sheep) This is not good for anyone. I will keep trying; even if it falls on deaf ears or a checked out consciousness, we have to realize that we are all human, and that status does not cancel out survival. If we got along again, we might even thrive together.

  8. We are living in unsettling times for sure. I’m handling it by becoming more withdrawn from the world than my usual introverted state. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing but it helps me to remain calm.

  9. oh ive been pondering this a while now – it’s been really hard to relate to people and I keep flicking the switch and thinking its me, am I so introverted that I just want to be left alone? feeling very withdrawn from everyone right now – feeling unbalanced!

  10. Avatar

    Nope. Too busy picking myself to pieces. Virgo moon. Always critical of me.

    All the grace for everyone else.

  11. Cristou chin up pause gives us deep breaths, good things take time you are not alone on this planet .When the butterfly lands on your shoulder it will be so gentle, be kind to yourself, You are perfect, others are also, time patience produce magic and miracles.butterflies are probably flying up from Mexico now

    1. Thanks for the butterfly message Raerae. It’s penny bun day today, we will make them & float our buns😘✌️

      P.S. Book On the Wings of Wonder a beautiful story of butterfly power!🦋

  12. I actually spend all day at work and home trying to be on guard on not making anyone I come into contact with day’s harder. The main challenge I have is with a coworker I work with all day.

    “ people circle ’round, all day, every day, waiting to catch *whoever* in the act of being bad, doing wrong, speaking wrong, farting or whatever. They just can’t wait to discover the other person is a POS, affirming their own ego in the process”

    She’s been doing this (engineered hate) process for years and is about to retire. She had a myriad of health issues so that also comes into play how she treats people. She’ll say, “Oh I’m sorry I yelled or shouted earlier”. But she also uses social media ALOT.

    I don’t have social media anymore and I notice a huge difference between people who actively monitor how much social media they use, if they don’t use it at all, and between people who use/scroll social media so constantly, it’s literally interrupts with their daily life needs, eating, sleeping, bathroom…

  13. What about when you contact someone you haven’t seen in many years and you word your reply carefully so that they’ll ask questions? This person wanted to know where I live and “how has life treated you?” Sent 2 replies…crickets.
    I trust people at face value only and will never divulge personal info that could be used as gossip fodder. Hey, I did my bit…

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