Scorpio Man Does Not Want To Be A 30 Year Old Virgin

Dear Elsa,

I am a young Scorpio struggling to overcome a painful and embarrassing problem. I am afraid of women. Granted, this problem has a great deal to do with my parents, my childhood, and upbringing. But I have the same urges as the typical Scorpio. I feel lust and desire just like anyone else does. Coupled with this is a desire to be on the dominant side, which is part of what scares me.

I am very afraid of being in an intimate situation with a woman because it would mean sacrificing what control I exert over myself. It would mean putting myself in a position where I would be vulnerable, and could be hurt. And I grow frustrated when I feel myself becoming aroused or excited by a woman, because it feels like I am failing myself and being weak. Is there something in my astrological make-up that helps explain this, or whats more, that can help me put an end to it? I am in my mid twenties, and I don’t want to still be a virgin past 30.

Young Scorpio
United States


Dear Scorpio,

Yeah, you sound just like your chart. But here’s the thing. It’s just energy. You are just this ball of intense energy and at the moment this is what you do and how you live with yourself. But it only a way in a sea of alternatives so whatever you do, don’t give up hope. Because changing your life and the way you express yourself is completely within your capabilities if you opt to choose a new direction. But right now, you are not choosing a new direction.

For example when you feel an urge, rather than act on it in any way, you squelch and berate yourself over it – and as long as you continue to act in this manner it’s pretty clear that nothing will change. Which means that what happens is entirely up to you and it’s very important you register this fact. No one is going to do anything about this but you. No once CAN do anything about this buy you and this is important on two levels.

First, you see that you are in control of what happens to you and secondly you that your problem (if you opt to define it that way) is your responsibility. These are concepts compatible with your chart. So say the next time you have an urge your decide you are going to do something and that something can be anything (that is legal). For example… and this may piss you off, but I never talk down to Scorpio, so here is comes straight – what occurs to me is you find yourself a surrogate. And I may take some heat for this but I’ll tell you what.

I am trying to do as you ask. I am trying to help you put an end to this and when you’ve gone this long it seems a little stupid to me to say, “just ask the nice girl out”. You are clearly blocked.

And when I say “surrogate” I don’t necessarily mean for pay though I am not against that. What I mean is that you find a sex partner who knows what is going on with you and what you want and need so you can approach this with a degree of detachment which is another thing organic to you. You have an Aquarius Moon and you WANT a degree of detachment so I will just say this in plain language:

1. Your chart is very FIXED, meaning you don’t jump tracks all that easy. However, if you do jump tracks you will then be on a new one and if I were you I would opt to get on a track that has sex included because this other is not healthy.

2. You can move tracks, you only need make it your will and there are people out there who would be very interested in mixing it up with someone like you.

3. As for a method, be creative. Just as a man wants a crack at a virgin, there are scads of women who would be enormously intrigued with the opportunity to initiate you and most of them would also be happy to allow you to dominate.

Last, the embarrassment?

Well I’d let go of that completely. You have nothing to be embarrassed of because you have done nothing wrong.

Good luck.

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6 thoughts on “Scorpio Man Does Not Want To Be A 30 Year Old Virgin”

  1. Young Scorpio,Please Google ‘Eric Francis Vesta’ and read an article tailor made for you.I just read the same after checking out Dharmorusti’s link to his site.Couldn’t be more timely.

  2. Intimacy is frightening. So is vulnerability. A friend of mine likened it to giving someone a loaded gun pointed at your heart and saying ‘please don’t shoot me’. Of course that is frightening. Those who you let into your heart have a power over you, and if they choose to abuse it it can hurt very much indeed.

    HOWEVER, it is important to remember that in nice relationships that power is shared and if your love is reciprocated you will have as much power to hurt someone as they will to hurt you. In effect, both of you will be issued with loaded guns and if you play your cards right the whole thing won’t end up as a bloodbath.

    Intimacy reciprocated is WONDERFUL. It will take you to glorious, magnificent places and you learn the freedom of opening yourself up to someone who gently holds your heart and letting go of the grief you’ve been carrying. Similarly you will learn what it feels like to be trusted with someone else’s heart.

    Intimacy doesn’t need to mean long-term relationships btw. I’ve had extremely intimate connections that lasted only a few days and it’s led me to believe that good sex feels good and that bad sex is a monumental waste of my time (and by bad sex I mean having sex when my heart/head weren’t in the right place and/or chemistry was lacking rather than particuliarities of technique).

    I have a strong Scorpionic and Uranian theme to my chart, which sounds like a somewhat similar vibe that you’ve got going on in yours and I can certainly empathise with a lot of what you’re saying. I remember being deathly afraid of intimacy, of vulnerability, of allowing someone tha tmuch insight into me. It literally felt unbearable to be naked with another, physically and emotionally and god forbid get rejected. I was equally torn between yearning for a deep connection and being terrified by it.

    In the end I chose as my first lover someone who was on the way out (a near stranger, leaving the country in a few days) so I figured that that way at least there would be damage control. I was lucky. The guy was wonderful and I think the falling in love suprised us both. (We still said goodbye after two days btw, and I never saw him again which was just as well, since at that time I was too fucked up to handle long-term love).

    But what I learned since was that loving is a sincere expression of who I am, and that expressing love was more important than being hurt by it. (And I have been horrifically hurt by people I’ve loved which taught me two things a)that I could survive and get on with things and b)how to make better choices).

    Being emotionally damaged doesn’t preclude happy relationships (although it does suggest doing some therapy). My husband and I both drag around our share of griefs and have been known to do each other’s heads in, but we tread gently and we fight fair and we are careful with each other’s hearts. So things are fine.

    Similarly, experiencing conflicting urges between wanting to be close to someone and wanting to be independent doesn’t preclude happy relating either. It just means choosing a partner who is fine with that dynamic.

    If you fear rejection, don’t sell yourself short. You have many wonderful things to offer. And if the person whom you have set your sights on doesn’t see it well then blink, let go, and find another. Because if you are open to the possibility of love, love comes (even if it sometimes starts out by hiding itself in friendship).

    I wish you all the best in your future.

  3. I’m taking notes, Nia.
    And to the Scorpio OP: what’s scarier than rejection? Regrets. So go for it and good luck.

  4. Avatar

    Dear Young Scorpio, Nia is a wise, Wise, WISE woman, as is Elsa. They have told you true. The keys of the kingdom are in your hands. Get out there and unlock your chastity belt baby and have a blast! Good loving is not to be missed. As my wise old auntie used to say, “A hard man is sooo GOOOOOOOOOOOD to find!”

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