Hello Elsa,
I’ve been reading some of your posts in reference to Scorpio manipulation. I’m looking for the path to freedom of my mind. My Scorpio man isn’t having sex with me and we normally have sex every day. I know that the truth cannot be questioned. Truth is truth. I’m an Aries sun and Pisces Moon. I need sex. I even asked him if he could relieve my stress and he denied me sex. The only time I’ve denied him sex is after a recent argument. Any other time, if he wants me, I give myself to him every time. When we argue lately, he tells me lets just stop wasting each others time. I don’t know what the hell that means because I’ve been so invested into our relationship. Maybe too much?
Aries Woman / Pisces Moon
Hi, Aries.
I have to say upfront, I can only speculate what’s going on here. I’m only hearing one side of a story and I don’t have the charts!
Scorpio does tend to withhold sex. You can search “withholding” on this blog. However, my husband has his moon in Scorpio. He’s pointed out to me, if a woman is berating a man, acting like a bitch and such, that same woman should not be surprised when he doesn’t want to touch her. It’s worth thinking about.
With that said, this man does seem to be playing games. I say that because of his remark about wasting time. If he feels he is wasting time with you, why is he there? He may be confused but more likely he’s acting to confuse you.
As for your giving him sex when he wants it; you may have different rule books on this. The idea that couples should provide each other with sex on demand come from the bible and is explicitly tied to marriage.
Your bringing this up makes me wonder if you are more invested in the relationship that he is. You’re “married” on some level but he is not. This may also explain his remark in regards to wasting time.
I don’t think you need to give up at this point. You’re clearly very interested in this man and he is there, willing to fight (or hash) this out with you at this time.
To pull the relationship back together, try to better understand the “miss” between you. And try to fix the sex thing on your end. It is unreasonable to just present yourself to a man and expect him to go to work on you… unless you’re in the kind of marriage where that really is the norm.
What do the rest of you think?
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I thought this was a great question for Venus square Pluto. 🙂
I don’t think partners should ever withhold sex from each other, though I can understand being turned off during or after fighting or nagging. I think Scorpio can sometimes react to an exponential degree–he may have felt unbearably rejected that one time you withheld and wants to “show you how it feels.” Remember that Aries gets over things far more quickly than Scorpio, so that feeling of rejection may still be reverberating in him and also fueling him. Keep in mind that he isn’t you, and that’s okay. He might still be hurting from it, not that he’s handling it correctly, but knowing that may give you some compassion for him at this time. Asking about wasting each other’s time may be manipulative and immature, but it could be his inverted way of asking you if you still love him and want to be with him. I’m not saying it’s right, but maybe getting past the words to the deeper meaning behind them will help the two of you get passed this.
Have sex! Even if either party isn’t into it due to hurt feelings. It helps bring and keep couples closer together and reminds them that they’re still in it together–it’s you two against the problem, not you two against each other. It can also provide some clarity that perhaps the problem isn’t as huge or unconquerable as you had previously thought. Any withholding increases the feeling of separation and ups the ante for power games. Try not to make it abut who is right and who is wrong.
Also, be kind to each other and try to distinguish between when it’s a power game and when one of you just needs a little space.
I love how you’re fair towards the man.
Sex should never be a given or an summed right – married or not. If one party or the other doesn’t feel the rest of the relationship
is in a good place and they don’t feel like having sex, then they shouldn’t. Period. To expect this is antiquated and goes against the basic human right of bodily autonomy. Your partner doesn’t owe you sex, and you don’t owe him sex, just because you’re in a relationship. Fix what else is broken between you and the sex will fall back into place.
I completely agree
Ditto.
Hear! Hear!
You can’t force a person to sleep with you. It’s THEIR body. And who would want to sleep with a person when they are repulsed with their behaviour (for whatever reason)?
Where in the bible does it say that about marriage, please?
1Cor 7:3-4 (NRS) The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
There is more. Google?
This is an agreed upon thing / understanding. In this case, the woman has this idea (from somewhere). The man does not?
I remember this from the Pre-Cana class we had to take before we got married. It was an older couple and the wife said she had a broken leg and was on pain meds i think and still fulfilled her wifely duties. My husband thought this was hilarious because they basically said there’s no excuse not to have sex. LOL
I know of a few Scorpios who withhold sex. What’s that about? Is it a power thing? Because everyone equates Scorpio with sex though I feel Aries is right up there.
Maybe this man is having sex elsewhere? Not saying that’s the case but It’s a possibility. I know a few people whos husbands weren’t having sex with them ever and it’s because they were getting it somewhere else.
Fellow Aries here. I dunno. If a man says “wasting time,” and repeatedly, I think to take him at his word is probably the best course of action. He may be too lazy to leave or hates to be the dumper. Leave and then see if he meant it. And then decide for yourself if it’s worth going back.
He may also be trying to pull a mind f**k on you, punishing you for that ONE time you said no (Scorpios have been known to do this), making you question yourself to the point that you seek advice on a website about what could be wrong, which you have, here. Keep your composure and your sense of self, and don’t let him take that away from you. Ever.
For some reason or another, hes not making himself available sexually or emotionally. Im sure the sex or lack therof is a kind of mirror of the deeper themes in a relationship.
He’s probably processing something. My guess would be that trust was broken in some way, at least in his mind. Or his vulnerability wasn’t recognized and appreciated. I think its a good idea to not take someones openness for granted, especially Scorpio. It doesnt mean that he wasnt invested. The fact that hes showing some kind of hurt, indicates this.
But I do think they have a double standard, where they can keep things to themselves but you have to be open and available when they have the need. Maybe just the immature ones…
I wouldnt push him or guilt trip him. If its worth it to you, be patient and see if he opens up. And dont punish him for pulling away. Again, if its worth it to you.
Just some thoughts.
I see that you’re a Libra only based on your username. We are the total opposite of each other. I lack what you’re strong in and vice versa. Im grateful for your response because as I was reading it, it’s exactly how I feel when I try to coach myself through these situations. I know as an Aries I can be very impatient especially with sex. I just didn’t want to believe that he was playing mind games with me.
i remember reading about Elvis Presley and Priscilla Presley and how she couldnt get any sex from him for years. Wierdly i look up Elvis’s chart and he’s Pluto dominant. lol what’s going on here? Going to the story, she had to have affairs or leave him because she was not getting any. before their marriage she begged him to have sex with him but he withheld saying she is too young. she had sex with every singer every night. it was really strange thing to read. but i dont know if this is the same case, as Aries /Pisces moon scorpio man gives her daily sex, except when they are arguing and playing mind games. there isn’t much information about other than him saying to stop wasting eachother’s time. I think the crux is the constant recent arguing. It can be a cock blocker.
This reminded me of this old post – Is Cheating Ever Justified?
Has the querant asked her partner why he does not want to have sex with her? That would be a good place to start, yes? The comment about “wasting time” is a flagrant clue that SOMETHING is bugging him.
Sounds like he is a bit bored plus feels suffocated. Maybe being this little Pisces Moon / Aries sheep is just too needy for the independent Mars co-ruling both parties. It might indicate that he’s more likely to enjoy a challenge. Withholding not just sex but on-tap availability means taking back power. Good luck!