The Astrology Of “Close But No Cigar”

dressHi Elsa,

Is there an astro explanation for attracting someone or something that is 99% close to what you want or need but not exactly right for you? For example, meeting a man that ticks nearly all the boxes but you know something isn’t quite right or it seems that the universe intervenes and doesn’t allow the union to take place. You only realise this after the fact of course.

If I’ve read and understood your posts correctly, it seems you may have had a similar experience with that house you very nearly bought but didn’t. Why are we teased in this way? What is the point?

Sydney, Australia

What a provocative question. I don’t know that there is a specific astro explanation for “close but no cigar”. I think is a Jupiter deal.  It’s about beliefs, scale and perspective. I’ll try to explain.

First, I don’t think we ever find anything 100% right. Even if we do, it’s temporary.

For example, you have perfect dress… right up until you spill something on it.
Or lose or gain weight.
Or age out of the style or whatever.

The perfect man or woman is going to fart, eventually.  So I would question your perception that this man was 99% close but not exactly right for you. I would look at your personal natal chart for insight into how you see it this way.

As for the universe (or God) presenting you (or me) with something we want and can’t get, how we see this is also personal.  You feel you were cheated in some way with this potential thing that did not materialize. I feel I was spared buying the wrong house.

I believe the universe is conspiring in my best interest. I’m not sure what you believe, but it sounds like something along the lines of the universe being tricky or gamey. The universe will mess with a person. It can’t be trusted or relied on.

You also mention that you see things after the fact. Other people see things coming. You can see how this stuff is personal.

Again, I would look at your natal chart for insight. Focus on Mercury and Jupiter and see what you come up with.

Good luck!

Anyone else want to weigh in?

19 thoughts on “The Astrology Of “Close But No Cigar””

  1. I admit to feeling cheated and defeated. I’m fighting this. Recently accepted that this man I was beginning to feel stuff for was a close but no cigar kind. We met, we danced, it’s finished. Neptune is transiting my seventh house, where I have natal Mercury and progressed moon. Natal Jupiter is in Capricorn. Transiting Jupiter is in my twelfth house, which is empty.

  2. Reading this it also has elements of ‘glass half empty’ vs ‘glass half full’. Again, Jupiter and perspective.

  3. Avatar
    Warped by Wuthering Heights

    I have natal Jupiter (Gemini) in 5th square Mercury and opposing Mars in 12th. Sometimes I’ve dodged the bullet, but mostly I’ve felt teased or defeated, before or after the fact — a man, jobs, houses. Why does the universe even show me something only to deny it? I agree that nothing is ever 100% perfect — if it was, I’d be afraid it would be snatched away later, or prove just another mirage.
    My very curious Mercury seems to always neglect to ask the one vital question, so I end up with the exploding cigar. Also have Arie Sun opposition Libra Neptune, idealization, illusions. Neptune’s been sending me mirages all my life.

  4. I feel like the universe gives me an equal measure of pain and grace. The glass is half full and half empty. I’d feel like I was missing out on something if I didn’t see the gain and loss in life. If I didn’t see the movement and harmony between void and fulfillment.

  5. Avatar
    Warped by Wuthering Heights

    Hmmm… just discovered that my 24 Libra Neptune in 9th is conjunct two Very Fortunate fixed stars, Spica and Arcturus. May have to rethink this whole “Neptune mirages” factor — after all, I have experienced “benefits through travel” and some “success through work,” and my mirages have led me there…

  6. I don’t know how but we live in an imperfect world but go and create the best kind of reality you can with what you’ve got.
    I personally believe in a world similar to the movie “What Dreams May Come.” I swear by it. In the movie, they paint their own world in the afterlife. In one scene they step into the deceased lady’s painting. In other words, they create their own haven with their beliefs and world view. Its not just a belief its really a reality for me because I have received many confirmations. There are many heavens , schools of thought, alter universes and I want my own with the one I love.. hey why not?
    The poster probably wants a utopian world and maybe me too but it seems there isn’t, at least not here. Maybe a move to Whoville (Dr. Seuss world) would do the trick but I wouldn’t mind a little struggle and fun.
    I have been having this longing for a world beyond this one since someone I love has crossed over. But its just a longing nothing bad. We both have Neptune conjunct Neptune in our natal chart close to the 12th house too. Its interesting.

  7. Avatar
    Warped by Wuthering Heights

    I loved that movie, but couldn’t buy the ending — why would they, after being finally reunited, opt to be reincarnated again with all the risks inherent, rather than stay together in heaven?
    Another observation on the “99%/no cigar” — sometimes, when we are deeply in love, the eventual revelations of the “farts” and warts and flaws of the beloved only endear them to us more. I read a line over 20 years ago that stuck, though I’m misquoting, “Our virtues make us likeable, but our darkness makes us lovable.”

    1. Good observation Wuthering about the not so perfect things making us endearing to the other… Actually I used to think the same reason until it hit me in real life in hypothetical. I feel that if one died without a family and one wants to switch gender / body etc then one can switch from being a lesbian to a man to fulfill his soul’s needs with his twin flame and then a family could be started. That would be a reason to come back. But I see what you mean in the movie they had a beautiful life already and had two kids!

  8. Hi Everyone,

    Sydney here. It’s not a case of seeking perfection or the glass being half empty. It’s more like coming across the Ginger Bread House in Hansel and Gretel. All appears perfect except it’s not upon closer inspection. And it’s not just that the person farts or whatever, it’s more serious – they’re an addict, compulsive liar, fill in the blank. Wouldn’t this be a Neptune thing? I have Neptune conjunct Venus in the first (Sagg).

    1. Hi Sydney, Thats what your letter looked to me, but Im quite acquainted with this Neptune-type energy (I have it in square 9h to merc/venus 12h and trine sun 1h/sextile pluto 7h). I just guess your letter wasnt explicit, so I guess Elsa took a broader look at it. So you have that conj in sagg, which is ruled by jupiter. How does jupiter fare in your chart regarding that aspect? As for the man id check his mercury and jupiter as elsa said, especially in synastry. If you took the bait I bet there be some criss-cross in there… I know ive had them…

  9. I think in general I’ve learned to question the wisdom of seeking someone who “ticks all of the boxes”. That seems too reductive.

  10. At first, because the verbiage was a percentage thing, I thought it to be a Saturnine thing due to manifestations. Then, as I read more, it was “clear” that it was all about the Neptune.

    1. Thanks Chad. I probably should have mentioned the person in question has his Neptune exact conjunct my Mars in Scorpio. However, this is not the first time I have encountered this sort of thing which I think may be a function of my Neptune conjunct Venus?

      1. Could be self-delusion, if you so want (venus) to believe (sagg) in such Mcdreamy (neptune). No one will show you their vices and whatnot right off the bat. This aspect being in your 1H, definitely self-awareness is required. I have made for myself a list of personal red flags, for self-delusion proof, like do they just respond some hours of the day/some specific days of the week? have i interacted enough with his friends/family casually just so i could observe in the background how he really behaves or is regarded? etc etc., you get the idea. just dont build walls too high around your heart 🙂 wish you luck

  11. I don’t know whether I’m missing the point, but as I see it: if you do everything you possibly can, honestly and with the best intentions, without cheating in any way, and you still miss out: the universe says ‘no’, well then OK, so be it. There is a reason for this I tell myself (or I persuade myself… lie to myself even – it makes no difference). The point is not to bear a grudge against the universe, against life.
    My Jupiter is in the 10th house in Gemini, and trines both Saturn and Neptune in Libra. My Mercury is rather problematic – third house and non-aspected in Scorpio – a loud mouth grudge-bearer, but after I’ve let the steam out, I cool down and I am able to be realistic.

  12. I share your perspective, Elsa, that the universe is conspiring in my best interest. I tend to think of this as an ultimate reality for everyone, but I could be wrong. My nickname for the universe is The Great Perfection. Maybe it’s my chart that helps me experience it with Jupiter in Pisces, Mercury/Venus/Sun in the 8th, Sun in the 9th.

  13. This post sounds like a mixture of jupiter but also neptune and virgo? I have nothing to give but again a personal example. I can get dressed up to the nines and last minute something is gonna happen. A hair of strand looks out of place, a small tear on the stocking maybe, someone is gonna splash a glass of hopefully water and I’ll be near it, it will dry later. And in the RARE event of nothing of the sort happening, I would get a headache. Seriously,if there is no outside small imperfection, I’ll pay with a headache. I am comforted with a minor imperfection because that means no headache. I have a sun square jupiter in virgo, neptune in 1st house and north node in 12th. Still have no idea why this feels like it correlates with the ask in any sense but intuitively it sounds like it does.

  14. I have Sun conjunct Jupiter in Cancer. I believe in the divine will of the universe. Sure, I have raged against the unfairness of not-quite-cigar events. But when the emotions have calmed and I am years-distanced from the actually happenings, I can, like Elsa, see that I was protected.

    I also believe that all events serve to further us in our evolution. Sometimes they are good, sometimes bad, but they work all the same.

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